My friend, f**kes up my day constantly!!!!

[DatingDirection]

I'm thankful to be friends with this person, but she always makes me rush and drop everything at the drop of a hat. for example, she said she was stopping by to say hi, and what I really wanted to do was chill out, and have dinner, slowly, and watch tv. instead, I rushed to have dinner, in the event she will stop by, and then, after 20 min, I don't hear from her, and I said, im not in a good mood, I want to be alone, today is not good. then she replys, oh im not coming by, im going out with my husband. the night before, she told me to be ready at 9pm, I was ready, downstairs waiting for her, and then she calls me up, where are you, I said, im ready to go, waiting dstairs. she said, oh ok ill be down soon. and then 930, comes along, and she comes down, and we go out. this is all while she told me to be ready for 9pm, giving me 20 min to get ready to go out. honestly, im not going to answer her calls all the time, and if she wants to come by, im going to say, that im just on my way out the door. she really irritates me lately.

[Gloria25]

Boy, you are having a bad week girlfriend!!!

 

Look, I feel ya...I've had so-called friends who only call you when they are single and/or on the "outs" with their SO.

 

Depends on what you want. I mean, there was a time I'd just "take what I can get" from them and "classify" them as fair-weather friends. I don't put too much effort into the RL, but if they call me up and I don't have anything better to do, why not spend time with them?

 

But, then again, I'm older and expect them to respect my time too. I'm not their Plan B, C, or D you know.

 

So, I feel ya, just don't put too much energy into fair-weather freinds.

 

Hang in there!!!

[DatingDirection]

Boy, you are having a bad week girlfriend!!!

 

Look, I feel ya...I've had so-called friends who only call you when they are single and/or on the "outs" with their SO.

 

Depends on what you want. I mean, there was a time I'd just "take what I can get" from them and "classify" them as fair-weather friends. I don't put too much effort into the RL, but if they call me up and I don't have anything better to do, why not spend time with them?

 

But, then again, I'm older and expect them to respect my time too. I'm not their Plan B, C, or D you know.

 

So, I feel ya, just don't put too much energy into fair-weather freinds.

 

Hang in there!!!

 

 

Thanks Gloria! Yeah, i am having a bad day, and it's my day off for pete sake. lol. I know she is a good friend, but she just doesn't respect my time, and i need to have boundaries. i also like making plans in advance, b/c the older we get, the more things we have to worry about, can't just do things on the fly anymore, and she can never make plans in advanced. uurrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, i just want to scream. time to go throw some ice cubes in the bath tub, or some eggs, lately ice cubes have been cheaper. im running out of eggs, and patience.

[Country_Girl]

Thanks Gloria! Yeah, i am having a bad day, and it's my day off for pete sake. lol. I know she is a good friend, but she just doesn't respect my time, and i need to have boundaries. i also like making plans in advance, b/c the older we get, the more things we have to worry about, can't just do things on the fly anymore, and she can never make plans in advanced. uurrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, i just want to scream. time to go throw some ice cubes in the bath tub, or some eggs, lately ice cubes have been cheaper. im running out of eggs, and patience.

 

I used to be the same way "take what you can get". I can relate to both of you posters.

 

But then I started thinking of that "old advice" and common phrase "you teach people how to treat you". These people get away with their flimsy behavior because they know they can, because it worked before.

 

What I did to be rid of behaviors like this, was "retrain" people. If they called or texted to make plans last minute, I was unavailable - I already had plans. Even if I didn't have plans! Even if u was just curled up on the couch watching a movie in my pj's, I said I was busy.

 

Soon, these people caught on and realized they needed to make plans in advance. At least 2 days prior.

 

Don't be some backup option or entertainment for someone. Make them work for it. Be unavailable until they set plans in advance, trust me, if they are truly interested in your company, they will learn quickly and respect that you have a life too. This approach worked well for me.

 

Good luck OP.

[preraph]

I have a friend who would do that type of thing. She's living out of town and used to call and say she's coming in. I'd make her give me a time. I'd cook dinner or whatever -- and then she showed up at midnight so drunk she passed out. Grrrrr. I really didn't even get to visit with her. Just clean up after her.

 

Then she invited me down, not an invitation but a plea. She said "I need you." She is going through a hard time in her life with a really sick husband, so even though it was a financial hardship on me to cancel my work and arrange a pet sitter and all that, I did all that and then she cancelled at the last minute. I was really pissed.

 

She sometimes asks me to meet her where her Dad lives, which is halfway between her town and mine, but it's still 2 hours away. Plus I can't stand being around her dad because he stuck his tongue down my throat at her wedding out of the blue. I won't agree to that up front because of her undependability. I'm not going to go to some truck stop in the middle of nowhere and sit for 2 hours to see if she shows up. So I've been telling her "Well, just call me when you get there and if I don't have a rush job or something, we'll see." Then I never hear from her.

 

When we lived together when we were young, it went okay because I just took my own car everywhere and she took hers and either showed up or she didn't. I just refused to try to plan anything with her. But now we're long distance, I just don't think we're ever going to see each other unless there's a death at this point. And that's because I'm assuming she'd show up at a funeral.

[Tayla]

okay, so in a way you figured out what your tolerance level is. Share this with her next time. Being upfront can be a more straight forward way of setting new standards and expectations.

 

Then if she falters and keeps pushing the issue thru her actions, you can remind her.