Issues with modern dating

[LookAtThisPOst]

You know...I'm starting to see a lot of these (mostly men) of an older age (late 20's and upward) having an issue of lacking relationship or dating experience with women.

 

This seems to be becoming quite more common these days.

 

Also, I've seen posts...surprisingly, by men who are in college that couldn't get "laid with a fistful of pardons", when college is THE time in one's life to be "hookin' up" or at least get a girlfriend.

 

It's making me wonder what's causing this trend?

 

This kind reminds me for applying for a credit card....you have to have credit to GET credit...or...with finding a job, You have to have experience to GET the experience, but it seems women these days, esp, the younger generation...are making it difficult for men when it comes to dating. THis isn't a gender bashing thing, but just stating the obvious.

[NJ123]

You know...I'm starting to see a lot of these (mostly men) of an older age (late 20's and upward) having an issue of lacking relationship or dating experience with women.

 

This seems to be becoming quite more common these days.

 

Also, I've seen posts...surprisingly, by men who are in college that couldn't get "laid with a fistful of pardons", when college is THE time in one's life to be "hookin' up" or at least get a girlfriend.

 

It's making me wonder what's causing this trend?

 

This kind reminds me for applying for a credit card....you have to have credit to GET credit...or...with finding a job, You have to have experience to GET the experience, but it seems women these days, esp, the younger generation...are making it difficult for men when it comes to dating. THis isn't a gender bashing thing, but just stating the obvious.

 

It's because of social media or at least that plays a big part of it. When women get constant attention from so many guys through instagram, twitter & whatever else, they want some perfect guy to come along which rarely ever happens. It's only as they get older do they finally lower their standards. Obviously not all younger generation women are social media attention seekers, but a big percentage are. That's at least one theory anyway.

[insert_name]

You know...I'm starting to see a lot of these (mostly men) of an older age (late 20's and upward) having an issue of lacking relationship or dating experience with women.

 

This seems to be becoming quite more common these days.

 

Also, I've seen posts...surprisingly, by men who are in college that couldn't get "laid with a fistful of pardons", when college is THE time in one's life to be "hookin' up" or at least get a girlfriend.

 

It's making me wonder what's causing this trend?

 

This kind reminds me for applying for a credit card....you have to have credit to GET credit...or...with finding a job, You have to have experience to GET the experience, but it seems women these days, esp, the younger generation...are making it difficult for men when it comes to dating. THis isn't a gender bashing thing, but just stating the obvious.

 

Yes, this is a 'thing' and it seems to be on the increase- look at marriage rates in America. The number of single people in the UK has reached an all time high also according to data recently published from the 2011 census, which may lead to demographic problems further down the line.

 

The really really really hyper condensed reason for this is basically Briffault's law in full effect.

 

Years and years ago Briffault's law did not apply so much, as relations between the sexes were based on mutual strengths that both genders provided so sex was not as much of a bargaining tool as men could counter it with a good job and high status in the community. Womens admittance to the workforce has given them full ownership of sexual relations. Just having a good job and being a stand up guy doesnt cut it anymore as women have indeoendence so we are seeing guys who are reasonably successful in every day life getting nowhere romantically because they havent learned social cues so they can compete with the charming player who earns less than him. Yesrs ago we were more restricted to our local area for our potential partners so the awkward guy would still have a shot with local girls. Mobile and internet technology has changed all that and people are now in ready contact with people all over and this has seen the old model of local relationships become redundant. Throw in the ease of access to positive reinforcement of the ego available via social media/OLD also.

 

This all means that we live in a time where women generally have the advantage when it comes to relations between the sexes. They have total freedom of choice in who they pursue and it seems to me as a result that the distribution of 'sex' (by that I also mean rekationships, not just literally sex) is on a much more reduced scale than years before. Women are having more sex, but its with a more select group of guys. It seems its harder in current times for average guys to succeed with equivalent women so you will find a lot of guys missing out where women decide to either be single or prefer to be one of many mistresses of a powerful man than settle for one who would treat her like a princess in her own right.

 

There are various fairly new social factors in play that I feel support this, I have already pointed to the rise of single numbers earlier, we also have the rise of the sugar baby industry where women are choosing financial security with rich guys to pursuing relations with men in their peer group and also the rise of the cuddling industry which has started to make headlines recently. Men are now paying $60+ an hour to have women cuddle them so they can get some human contact- personally when you see the rise of people paying for human contact then you know that there may be rough seas ahead.

 

A lot of people mention the 80/20 split, I dont think its anywhere near as bad as that as there are still a lot of people out there in relationships-- I do think the landscape may look a lot different in a generation's time though with far less couples than we see today.

[NJ123]

Yes, this is a 'thing' and it seems to be on the increase- look at marriage rates in America. The number of single people in the UK has reached an all time high also according to data recently published from the 2011 census, which may lead to demographic problems further down the line.

 

The really really really hyper condensed reason for this is basically Briffault's law in full effect.

 

Years and years ago Briffault's law did not apply so much, as relations between the sexes were based on mutual strengths that both genders provided so sex was not as much of a bargaining tool as men could counter it with a good job and high status in the community. Womens admittance to the workforce has given them full ownership of sexual relations. Just having a good job and being a stand up guy doesnt cut it anymore as women have indeoendence so we are seeing guys who are reasonably successful in every day life getting nowhere romantically because they havent learned social cues so they can compete with the charming player who earns less than him. Yesrs ago we were more restricted to our local area for our potential partners so the awkward guy would still have a shot with local girls. Mobile and internet technology has changed all that and people are now in ready contact with people all over and this has seen the old model of local relationships become redundant. Throw in the ease of access to positive reinforcement of the ego available via social media/OLD also.

 

This all means that we live in a time where women generally have the advantage when it comes to relations between the sexes. They have total freedom of choice in who they pursue and it seems to me as a result that the distribution of 'sex' (by that I also mean rekationships, not just literally sex) is on a much more reduced scale than years before. Women are having more sex, but its with a more select group of guys. It seems its harder in current times for average guys to succeed with equivalent women so you will find a lot of guys missing out where women decide to either be single or prefer to be one of many mistresses of a powerful man than settle for one who would treat her like a princess in her own right.

 

There are various fairly new social factors in play that I feel support this, I have already pointed to the rise of single numbers earlier, we also have the rise of the sugar baby industry where women are choosing financial security with rich guys to pursuing relations with men in their peer group and also the rise of the cuddling industry which has started to make headlines recently. Men are now paying $60+ an hour to have women cuddle them so they can get some human contact- personally when you see the rise of people paying for human contact then you know that there may be rough seas ahead.

 

A lot of people mention the 80/20 split, I dont think its anywhere near as bad as that as there are still a lot of people out there in relationships-- I do think the landscape may look a lot different in a generation's time though with far less couples than we see today.

 

Of course as I said, it's social media that has caused this problem. Women are way more pickier due to it, until they panic as they reach their early 30s when their still single, than they finally give in to find someone with lesser qualities than what they actually want if they want to start a family.

[Timshel]

Of course as I said, it's social media that has caused this problem. Women are way more pickier due to it, until they panic as they reach their early 30s when their still single, than they finally give in to find someone with lesser qualities than what they actually want if they want to start a family.

 

There is a phenomenon happening. It isn't only men who are affected by it and I agree there is absolutely a correlation with social media.

It should be googled.

[insert_name]

Of course as I said, it's social media that has caused this problem. Women are way more pickier due to it, until they panic as they reach their early 30s when their still single, than they finally give in to find someone with lesser qualities than what they actually want if they want to start a family.

 

Im not sure social media in partiulcular plays that big a part- if facebook/OLD had never been invented I suspect we would still be seeing a lot of posts on forums from awkward disenfranchised guys who have no success with women. Maybe not as many, but it would still be a significant number and there would still be issues over number of single people etc.

 

Times have changed economically and socially in the last 20-30 years. Social media is sort of like the 'cherry on top of the cake' of thoee changes.

Edited February 17, 2015 by insert_name

[Timshel]

It's this FWB friends with benefits. This is the most messed up, buck backward thing I have ever heard of. With a sound and logical mind the very term is an oxymoron. It is moronic.

I am well aware everyone is doing this these days and my opinion means crappola; none the less: there it is.

Most of the threads of disenchantment stem from this crazy situation.

 

I don't really like you.

I don't want to be with you.

I'm gonna use you but we're "friends"

Risk STD's

Risk pregnancy

 

Grown up adults can't play this game with a straight face. This is swingers without marriage. OLD feeds into this crap.

 

A man or woman engaging in FWB "relationships" has no incentive to find a committed relationship and explore what it means to be a partner and lover to one other human being. They way I was raised, friends don't have sex with friends.

 

What a joke. I'll know I will die before I buy into this FWB garbage.

Social media, OLD, the delusional thinking that men and women can have sex with no strings attached. PHFFFFT. Look no further.

[insert_name]

It's this FWB friends with benefits. This is the most messed up, buck backward thing I have ever heard of. With a sound and logical mind the very term is an oxymoron. It is moronic.

I am well aware everyone is doing this these days and my opinion means crappola; none the less: there it is.

Most of the threads of disenchantment stem from this crazy situation.

 

I don't really like you.

I don't want to be with you.

I'm gonna use you but we're "friends"

Risk STD's

Risk pregnancy

 

Grown up adults can't play this game with a straight face. This is swingers without marriage. OLD feeds into this crap.

 

A man or woman engaging in FWB "relationships" has no incentive to find a committed relationship and explore what it means to be a partner and lover to one other human being. They way I was raised, friends don't have sex with friends.

 

What a joke. I'll know I will die before I buy into this FWB garbage.

Social media, OLD, the delusional thinking that men and women can have sex with no strings attached. PHFFFFT. Look no further.

 

I think FWB situations are more of a contributor than social media. Its a way for people to have their cake and eat it. Girls get access to desirable genes to satisfy their biological urges and desirable men get access to lots of women to spread their seed. A small percentage of the men serving a large number of women.

 

Im interested in what the distribution of sexual relations in the UK and US looks like, whether it would support the supposition above.

[Timshel]

What do you mean by distribution of sexual relations? By age, gender? Do more female than male engage in FWB or vice versa?

[NJ123]

I think FWB situations are more of a contributor than social media. Its a way for people to have their cake and eat it. Girls get access to desirable genes to satisfy their biological urges and desirable men get access to lots of women to spread their seed. A small percentage of the men serving a large number of women.

 

Im interested in what the distribution of sexual relations in the UK and US looks like, whether it would support the supposition above.

 

I always constantly here something like this. But how many percentage of men are actually out there having sex? And how many are barely having any, or none at all?

[LookAtThisPOst]

It's because of social media or at least that plays a big part of it. When women get constant attention from so many guys through instagram, twitter & whatever else, they want some perfect guy to come along which rarely ever happens. It's only as they get older do they finally lower their standards. Obviously not all younger generation women are social media attention seekers, but a big percentage are. That's at least one theory anyway.

 

Right, why have a boyfriend or get married when they can hop on all these social media sites to get all the attention they want.

 

In fact, I've seen women on POF and OK Cupid say things like, "If you want to see more pictures of me, my Instagram name is..."

 

So often, I see my own female friends on Facebook post some selfie of their new hair style or whatever as friends "oooooo" and "ahhhhh" their picture. No longer the need for someone to come home to to tell them they are pretty.

 

The really really really hyper condensed reason for this is basically Briffault's law in full effect.

 

It's this FWB friends with benefits. This is the most messed up, buck backward thing I have ever heard of. With a sound and logical mind the very term is an oxymoron. It is moronic.

I am well aware everyone is doing this these days and my opinion means crappola; none the less: there it is.

Most of the threads of disenchantment stem from this crazy situation.

 

I don't really like you.

I don't want to be with you.

I'm gonna use you but we're "friends"

Risk STD's

Risk pregnancy

 

Exactly, why have a boyfriend when you can have an FWB? There's this woman on the POF forums that stated this in probably a 9-page discussion about how "Women never seem to have time for men." One touted, in such a cavalier way, how her FWB pleases her. A W***re mentality.

 

Yup. Even my FWB doesn't just jump my bones when we get together, but we talk for 2-3 hours before sex ever happens. We slowly build up to it, a little touching here and there, cuddling that turns into more slowly. And what is "bad in bed" anyways? Just laying there? Not being verbal enough? If you are into someone, there really is no being lousy in bed in my opinion. Just seeing that person naked would be enough to get my juices flowing.

 

Speaking of Briffault's law....this likely explains why women are usually the ones initiating the divorce proceedings, not men.

 

Anyhow, it seems more and more young adult males are reaching an older age (late 20's / early 30s as I'm seeing here threads started by these men on this site), are starting to pop up frequently. When I was starting to see this, I was like "Dang, this guy is in college...the time in a young student's life where he could runs into countless women, female "study partners", etc., plenty of on campus clubs, etc. When I was going to college, we had a 24/7 computer lab where women would be there studying or the "Commons" area where I'd see ton of them. Or I'd catch a woman by herself eating a cafeteria.

 

But...I am now picturing it...people having their faces buried in their smart phones which gives throws up a "Don't bother me, I'm busy typing crap that doesn't matter on the internet."

Edited February 17, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst

[LookAtThisPOst]

I always constantly here something like this. But how many percentage of men are actually out there having sex? And how many are barely having any, or none at all?

 

Speaking of FWB, I had one woman that was willing to do it with me, but my intentions was to be in an exclusive, dating relationship with her. She didn't want to do that, because she thought we had nothing in common.

 

The only reason she was attempting to give me some nookie was...get this...I was a "Nice guy". Apparently, I filled some kind of void or need....she was mostly very lonely for whatever reason during a time of her life where she was going through a crisis of sorts. It was like she was trying to reward me for being nice.

 

I didn't go for it and cut ties. Yes, I'm a man and I turned down sex.

[Timshel]

Speaking of FWB, I had one woman that was willing to do it with me, but my intentions was to be in an exclusive, dating relationship with her. She didn't want to do that, because she thought we had nothing in common.

 

The only reason she was attempting to give me some nookie was...get this...I was a "Nice guy". Apparently, I filled some kind of void or need....she was mostly very lonely for whatever reason during a time of her life where she was going through a crisis of sorts. It was like she was trying to reward me for being nice.

 

I didn't go for it and cut ties. Yes, I'm a man and I turned down sex.

 

"Nice guy" or "Nice guy TM" Turning down sex has everything to do with you being a man. Men turn down sex when it's not what they want. That would put you in the Good man territory. Men have control over their sexuality.

 

You and the other guys know how to help this OP. Peace out

[insert_name]

What do you mean by distribution of sexual relations? By age, gender? Do more female than male engage in FWB or vice versa?

 

Basically imagine drawing a web of sexual relations in society, I wonder how many people it would encompass. If my theory is correct you would end up with a pretty significant outer ring of guys who struggle with women with a resulting overcompensation of activity in the centre. That in itself probably sounds like a pretty obvious premise, but I think it might be a surprise to people just how many guys are going without any form of intimacy. Is this a problem that society should concern itself with is the question I ask myself? What are the long term ramifications of guys who miss out not only on sex, but more importantly on intimacy. I guess there are various debates to be had on whether this has the potential to damage people psychologically and create a problem for society. Sex is not a need after all. Although I do find it amusing how much sympathy is given to neglected spouses who have sex withheld- in situations like that sex is discussed as if its a basic need for the withheld partner. Makes me wonder how they think a guy who has had sex once or twice in 30 years feels!

[Timshel]

Basically imagine drawing a web of sexual relations in society, I wonder how many people it would encompass. If my theory is correct you would end up with a pretty significant outer ring of guys who struggle with women with a resulting overcompensation of activity in the centre. That in itself probably sounds like a pretty obvious premise, but I think it might be a surprise to people just how many guys are going without any form of intimacy. Is this a problem that society should concern itself with is the question I ask myself? What are the long term ramifications of guys who miss out not only on sex, but more importantly on intimacy. I guess there are various debates to be had on whether this has the potential to damage people psychologically and create a problem for society. Sex is not a need after all. Although I do find it amusing how much sympathy is given to neglected spouses who have sex withheld- in situations like that sex is discussed as if its a basic need for the withheld partner. Makes me wonder how they think a guy who has had sex once or twice in 30 years feels!

 

I do think that sex is a basic need. There is no time in the history of any animal on earth that implies otherwise. Some are purely reproductive but many animals have sex for pleasure.

 

Basic of course you mean water, food and air. We can survive without sex but not for an infinite amount of time, as a species.

 

Then the question becomes are we animals or of a higher conscience? I think we are evolving (Christian eye rolling, relax, Southern church raised Methodist circa before some of you were born) adaptation is what will become of this debaucle.

 

Right now, it is what it is. Things are changing and for the first time we are not bound by so many restrictions as say, our parents. We are in a time of flux. It makes me laugh to say that, my brother Physicist and his wife astrophysicist are always driving these things and I am like wtf?

 

We go with change as we always have but integrity is crucial. What we are able to do compared to our collective intelligence is not compatable.

 

Men and women will make choices and navigate procreation and compatibility.

Remember, not so long ago Elvis and the Beatles were outrageous. We are at caterpillar speed now.

 

In large regard people have to move forward and be tempered and schooled by the past.

 

So do what feels right and remember what you have been taught. It has got us this far.

 

People should have sex but within safe boundaries. Men who are looking for a girlfriend should do that. If you can feel comfortable with, laugh with someone that's it.

[wb1988]

Im not sure social media in partiulcular plays that big a part-

It does big time. Girls love posting quality photos of themselves especially with boyfriends. If a girl dates an attractive well-dressed guy then you can be sure that all of their female friends worldwide will look at their own bfs differently if their bf is more of an average joe; social media sets unrealistic expectations but this time it's with real life photos. My ex posted a pic of her in my new Audi A5 and she told me it was to make all her friends jealous, which I surprisingly found a huge turn off. Girls like to 1-up and "dress to depress", social media is their platform for all things depressing.

 

Right, why have a boyfriend or get married when they can hop on all these social media sites to get all the attention they want.

 

In fact, I've seen women on POF and OK Cupid say things like, "If you want to see more pictures of me, my Instagram name is..."

Really you think so? Maybe it gives faux attention but the "why are you still single?" pictures are more in your face. I don't think I would have had as many ex-gfs if it wasn't for social media. Also that "I don't have time for men" stuff is bs, like why are you even on a dating site right?

We can survive without sex but not for an infinite amount of time, as a species.

 

Great, you've gone all Mr. Miyagi on him. Wax on wax off.

Edited March 1, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[LookAtThisPOst]

Is this a problem that society should concern itself with is the question I ask myself? What are the long term ramifications of guys who miss out not only on sex, but more importantly on intimacy.

 

I know what you mean, I am sure these men have been doing the online dating thing, but no response from the other end. Of course, a lot of women had said, they won't touch another man with a ten foot pole due to lack of experience..but that says a lot about her character (shallow, selfish, unloving, superficial, etc.) So this attitude doesn't help their cause.

[BearMox]

Yes, I'm a man and I turned down sex.

 

unless you're a man with morals you probably weren't that attracted to her.

 

for online dating don't be wordy. use a non creepy pic. be authentic.

[LookAtThisPOst]

unless you're a man with morals you probably weren't that attracted to her.

 

Then call me a man with morals.