Sick of these feelings

[blackendangel13]

I just need a pep talk I guess. April 12th would have marked the 2 year anniversary of me and my ex. There was no doubt in my mind he was the one. Basically in a nut shell, he was not good to me, manipulated me towards the end and refused to be there for me emotionally and physically through the tough times. If you need more info see "Whats his deal?", posted literally forever ago. Anyhow, we have been completely broken up since August. We broke up in July but tried the whole friends thing where he basically used me for sex and led me on. Anyhow, I have since moved on and am in a 6 month relationship that is going ok. Just lately I have been getting all these thoughts about the ex. They are all the good times we had and no matter how much I try to think of the bad, the good ones are overpowering them and are making me question if I want him back. I can't go back because he is a manipulater but the love we shared (in the begginning anyway) is nothing I will ever experience again. He has tried contacting me and going to my hang outs several times over the time we have been apart (more so lately) but I have shut him out and pushed him away. I guess mostly because I do not want these feelings. I am hoping this is just a phase and will pass because I don't want to give him another chance. The things he did were pretty unforgiveable so I know I shouldn't. I guess I am just hoping for some re-assurance here. Any advice would be great, thanks.

[Conundrum]

It's funny how ex's come back to haunt us.

 

You are doing the right thing by shutting him out. I do believe that second chances work, but like you said, the things he did to you are unforgivable. People can change, but it has to come from within. If you get back together with him, do you honestly think in the end he would have changed his ways? What I mean is the begining of the relationship will be great, but do you think he will return to his old habits?

 

Also, you did say your current relationship is just ok. Its sounds like it could be a lot better. Are you sure you have completely moved on? How long ago was the break up? Take some time to yourself to sort out these issues.

 

I wish you goodluck!

[blackendangel13]

Thanks so much for your post. You are right, I don't believe he will change. I don't believe he is capable of being what I wanted him to be. Thats why I choose to stay away, and that's why it bothers me that all these feelings are coming back to haunt me.

 

As far as my new relationship goes, it is ok. Its long distance and my boyfriend has a lot of growing to do as well. So most of the time I give him his space and work on my own personal issues. We are great together, but I focus on being great by myself when he is not around. He treats me a lot better than the ex and we communicate a million times better than I have ever with anyone. I know he will never hurt me like my ex because I don't let it get to that point. If I am upset, instead of bottling it up like before, I say "Hey this isn't working" and we fix it. I would like to see him more and spend more time together (why I used the word ok), but for now I am satisfied with how things are. I am hoping these thoughts are just a phase.

[Conundrum]

We are great together, but I focus on being great by myself when he is not around.

 

Great! This is exactly what you should be doing. Focusing on you. I wish my ex had communicated her problems, but like an old you, she bottled up her problems

 

Hang in there and you'll get better

[blackendangel13]

The plot thickens:

 

The other day I went to a store right by my house. As I was walking out in a hurry my ex was walking in. I didn't notice until I was down the street because I wasn't paying attention and didn't look up at his face. I just noticed his hoodie but it didn't register until I was down the street. So today this is what he sends me.

 

 

Subject : hi

 

| | | Inbox

 

 

So the other day i had to go to the Family Doller, and

you walked out right when I was walking in. It got to

me just how bad you think of me. The way you took off

all fast with an extra attempt to not look in my

direction. You know that it bothers me that you still

can't look in my direction. Know one expects at this

point for you to ever be freinds with me again, but my

God, don't you think that by this point that enough

time might of passed that you could be comfortable

enough with my pressance not to freak out at the sight

of me. You still haven't realized that the only

reason I broke up with you is because I am a horrible

boyfriend. I did that for you. It got to a point in

my life that I had so many problems going on in my

head that I couldn't express them. Things just kept

getting worse. It got to a point were I didn't even

know who I was any more. I started takeing it out on

you and my freinds. The main thing I realize in all

this time since we last talked is I have always been

responsable for my own actions. The thing that kills

me is you were the only one giving me good advice, but

I chose not to take it. Since you have last seen me

have changed a lot. There is no doubt in my mind now

that I did the right thing back then, for you and me.

I know that I am a much better human being when the

only one that I can hurt is myself. I hope that enjoy

the fact that you may be the last girl friend I ever

have as I care not to ever do that again. I was ment

to be alone, and I am much happier that way. Still,

there will alway be a part of me that loves you. Let

me asure you that post our break up, all of the

problems you imagined between you and me have been all

you. There is no reason we both can't co-exist in

this city, it is very big. There is no one I know

that can hold a grudge like you. Stop. Its not

neccissary. You don't ever have to talk to me again,

just stop being angry towards me. I am just a part of

you history that you made it through.

 

--(name omitted)--

 

P.S. As I don't know, hope everything is going good

in your life and I wish you nothing but the best for

the future. That being said, please don't send an

angry responce to this, I hate that ****. Just take

in consideration what I said and we can just both move

on with our lives. All I am trying to do is make it

possible for me to stand in the same room with you and

not have to feel like a dick for being there. I am

really not as bad as a person as you think I am

 

 

This all comes after a fight with my current boyfriend. Talk about timing.

[mixwell]

I think you are confused and might want your ex back.. I think if you feel like you two can work things out then go for it.. I am in the same boat as your ex only my ex broke up with me.. She has a b/f now. But I accept my part of the probs in the relationship and have changed a lot as well. Its hard to let you know that we have changed and we can be that person you women fell in love with. I wish my ex would give us another chance because I know she wouldn't regret it. If you really feel like there could be a chance it wouldnt hurt.. At least if it doesn't work this time you would know for sure it wasn't meant to be. Its up to you though.. I am just speaking because this post is kind of personal as it is the same prob i am having but on the other hand. I wish if my ex were to post what you did people would tell her to give me a 2nd chance because She and you don't know what you are missing ! That is if your ex has changed and is genuine like I would be with my ex if I got that chance again !!

 

Hope this helps.

 

Take it easy

[Donut]

He just sounds sorry for himself really. You didn't make him feel anything, he brought it on himself, you didn't even know it was him at first!

 

Let him think you are angry at him, it doesn't really matter anymore, because you know you aren't.

 

Concentrate on you and the new guy, but always remember to love yourself first.

[blackendangel13]

Thanks for the support and advice! Personally, I hate that he won't leave me alone and quit with the emails. I have told him several times that I don't want him talking to me, yet I can't seen to block his email. We have been broken up since July of last year and I don't ever want to go back to the person I was with him. I had a lot of trials in my life when I was with him. I had health scares and lots of death around me and he wasn't there to help me through any of it. He came over to instigate the break-up less than a week after my grandmother died, and he is making it sound like I am crazy and have no reason for any ill will. Believe me thats not even the extent of the damage he caused me.

 

This persistance is making me debate if it would be different, but I know him, and with all this "I am meant to be alone" crap, I will just end up getting hurt again and again. Its a constant battle between my head (the much more rational one) and my heart. I am trying so hard to just leave it alone. Who knows though, maybe if I see him and we speak I can get closure and move on.