kjill Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 We are currently in ldr, he lives 6 hours away for work...after college,in a few months time, I'll be leaving for the states...and will be staying there permanently...of course I can still visit my home country later on... I dont know how to start the conversation with my bf regarding this...he knows from the very start that im leaving before we even enter the relationship(long time ago) but recently hes been asking what my plans are after college, every week, and been recommending job companies in his current area... How do i start the convo...I will see him next month...should i do it over the phone or in person? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Do it in person. Just tell him that the time has come to think about what you're doing after college, and that you've decided to move to the U.S. You'll have to then be prepared to gague his reaction, as I'm guessing he won't love this news. Do you think it's going to spell the end of the relationship? As for jobs, I imagine you already have one lined up, or at least accommodation (a plan of action, in other words) Does your boyfriend know this? Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 How do you see your rs continuing after college? He'll have questions like this, and not too few, be prepared to answer them. If you know the rs has run its course rather think about how to dump him, than leading him on and sugarcoat the brutal reality. If the rs has a future tell him how. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 In person. You start by saying remember before we started dating we talked about my plans to leave after college? That time is coming closer so we better discuss it. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Remind him that this was your plan from the very beginning and yes, do it in person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjill Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 How do you see your rs continuing after college? He'll have questions like this, and not too few, be prepared to answer them. If you know the rs has run its course rather think about how to dump him, than leading him on and sugarcoat the brutal reality. If the rs has a future tell him how. Actually, about that future thing, I think hes the one to tell it to me...I want to continue but recently his words are giving me the impression that he doesnt want a long distance relationship...we are already in ldr (6 hrs apart) and I dont think he enjoys it...but when i ask him if he wants someone closer, he denies it. He just told me that its hard for him to do something when im upset about him. Plus, we dont communicate much when we are apart, which causes fights...but when we meet in person, things are great again. Im fine with us being apart but I need communication...am I being needy? I have addressed this million of times but he kept saying that hes not a "phone/text guy"...he was trying but he just cant. its the main reason we fight, actually he doesnt fight, I am just the one who gets mad and dramatic... I want to continue if he wants too...but the communication while apart is aLReady a failure. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 in a few months time, I'll be leaving for the states...and will be staying there permanently... ... I dont know how to start the conversation with my bf regarding this Your boyfriend was not in your plans. How can you call this a relationship? Call it a fling or something else. Regardless of him, you're going to move the States permanently in a few months. If I were your boyfriend, I'd feel worthless in your eyes. But let me ask you: how can you move to the US permanently? I'm asking you because I live in a Western EU country and that kind of deal without a permanent job is difficult. They are very strict in the US. I sort of knew about that already, but had a direct proof flying back and forth so many times. he knows from the very start that im leaving before we even enter the relationship(long time ago) How long ago? How do you expect your plans to remain the same before and while having a boyfriend? It's like you had a baby and want to just be able to do anything you did before, as if the baby didn't even exist. but recently hes been asking what my plans are after college, every week, and been recommending job companies in his current area... And you pretended to be clueless? What would you say? If he went on suggesting places in his area, he must really think you'll be moving near him. Why did you allow that for so much time? Couldn't you just tell him the truth? Or were you just postponing the break up and the heartache? How do i start the convo You had plenty of occasions to start the convo, you just didn't want to. I will see him next month...should i do it over the phone or in person? Start it over the phone, and let him decide if he even feels like meeting you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kjill Posted April 4, 2015 Author Share Posted April 4, 2015 Your boyfriend was not in your plans. How can you call this a relationship? Call it a fling or something else. Regardless of him, you're going to move the States permanently in a few months. If I were your boyfriend, I'd feel worthless in your eyes. But let me ask you: how can you move to the US permanently? I'm asking you because I live in a Western EU country and that kind of deal without a permanent job is difficult. They are very strict in the US. I sort of knew about that already, but had a direct proof flying back and forth so many times. How long ago? How do you expect your plans to remain the same before and while having a boyfriend? It's like you had a baby and want to just be able to do anything you did before, as if the baby didn't even exist. And you pretended to be clueless? What would you say? If he went on suggesting places in his area, he must really think you'll be moving near him. Why did you allow that for so much time? Couldn't you just tell him the truth? Or were you just postponing the break up and the heartache? You had plenty of occasions to start the convo, you just didn't want to. Start it over the phone, and let him decide if he even feels like meeting you. Im a permanent resident in the US thats why... I called him, and he said we will talk about it once we are together in person. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 Im a permanent resident in the US thats why... I called him, and he said we will talk about it once we are together in person. Can I ask why the long delay? You first posted in February and it's now April. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted April 4, 2015 Share Posted April 4, 2015 So, you're American and were staying in his country to study? I'm not sure what the deal is. Maybe you told him you love the place and he thought you would stay there and find a job? It's not clear how far he is from you when you're in his country, if that's even the case, and how far he'd be when you move back to the US. Anyway, he was constantly telling you about jobs for you in his area, and you didn't say a word to him to let him know that you're flying back to the USA. Anyway, it's going you finally addressed the topic while on the phone with him. There's no good or bad way to tell him. Just be open and don't beat around the bush. It takes two to sustain a LDR. And it also requires some planning (about visits, communication, etc.) and being on the same page. Link to post Share on other sites
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