cocorico Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Those who know my story will know that fMM and I fell in love during the A, and are now happily M. When I came across this article the other day, it made a great deal of sense. We had spontaneously done most of what Dr Aaron describes - without intending to manipulate each other - and the result was, we fell in love. Because there was a large LDR a component to our R in the early years, we relied heavily on communication, and we chatted for hours each day, getting more and more intimate because of the perceived safety offered by the distance. In no time at all we were sharing things we'd never told anyone else - or even admitted to ourselves. Dr Aron's questions provoke the same rapid rush to intimacy. When we spent time together, we spent a good deal of time gazing into each others' eyes, often for long, uninterrupted periods (especially, but not only,master sex). He has the couple gaze into each others' eyes, wordlessly and without interruption, too. When I read the article, it felt spooky to me. We'd done all that; the fact that more than a evade later, we're still together and more in love than ever seems to attest to it working - even though we hadn't planned it that way. It just was the way it happened for us. For APs who fell in love, how much of this resonates with your experience? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I just watched an episode of the Big Bang Theory based on this exact article. Interesting... Anyway, I digress. xMM and I did some of that. We were not LDR. It started off as just sex. Then feelings became involved. Unlike your story however, my xMM got extremely frightened when things started to get 'real' between us and it scared him off very quickly, because all of a sudden I was a threat to breaking apart his family. Interesting how that works. Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I just watched an episode of the Big Bang Theory based on this exact article. Interesting... Anyway, I digress. xMM and I did some of that. We were not LDR. It started off as just sex. Then feelings became involved. Unlike your story however, my xMM got extremely frightened when things started to get 'real' between us and it scared him off very quickly, because all of a sudden I was a threat to breaking apart his family. Interesting how that works. Your MM expressed this to you recently? How did that conversation go down? Link to post Share on other sites
Maison Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 The looking into each other's eyes went on quite a long time at various places. It said much more than words and we both knew for months how we felt. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Your MM expressed this to you recently? How did that conversation go down? I guess I'm not really ready to talk about the whole story yet. I will post about it one day, but I'm still processing it. It's still very fresh and the whole thing ended up hurting me deeply. I almost feel I would've been a little bit better off if he was just using me for sex as I had originally thought all along. At least I was starting to get over that. Link to post Share on other sites
Blu72 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Totally understand. You talk about it if/when you are ready. hugs to you. Link to post Share on other sites
dubliner Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 CM and I shared very personal dreams, fears and experiences in our long conversations and yes the intimacy did connect us. I believe he loves/d me and I him, yet in my experience love isn't enough sometimes for a commited person to chose a different path to the familiar one they are on, no matter how rocky. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 We were long distance, so when we were together we def spent a lot of time gazing. Seems to have worked, we still do it now. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 We fell in love before any gazing, the gazing only came after, we were also LD. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 When we spent time together, we spent a good deal of time gazing into each others' eyes, often for long, uninterrupted periods (especially, but not only,master sex). He has the couple gaze into each others' eyes, wordlessly and without interruption, too. My first MW was expert at that. She used to look at me like this (doppleganger for this famous person), intently and quietly, and interject little bits of intimacy, all at a methodical pace over weeks. It didn't hurt that she always had a nice bit a cleavage on display (that's the sex part) but commented how sweet I was not to talk to her chest like so many other men did. Man, she was good, all that at 22. Comparatively, I was a dope. I say that because, ultimately, it turned out (she said many years later) that I had become a 'shield' to keep her boss, the guy she was having a PA with, out of her face and to wean herself off of him, or him off of her, if I take her recounting as authentic. In any event, for a young guy of 25 who didn't really know the ways of women and especially MW's, yup it worked, like gangbusters. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cocorico Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 It's been speculated on here before that As "rush" more quickly into intimacy than other Rs. I wonder if this is a more common occurrence, because the MP feels starved of intimacy in their M, and so craves it desperately from their AP? Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 It's been speculated on here before that As "rush" more quickly into intimacy than other Rs. I wonder if this is a more common occurrence, because the MP feels starved of intimacy in their M, and so craves it desperately from their AP? I'm confused, wasn't your husband's ex wife a married woman when they met and he was the other man. Did they experience the "rush, more quickly because she was starved of intimacy from her first marriage. Do you see her affair as a MP who was starved of intimacy in her marriage and it gave her fulfilment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cocorico Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 I'm confused, wasn't your husband's ex wife a married woman when they met and he was the other man. Did they experience the "rush, more quickly because she was starved of intimacy from her first marriage. Do you see her affair as a MP who was starved of intimacy in her marriage and it gave her fulfilment. You're asking me to speculate on his R with the XW? Isn't that behaviour that you normally decry? Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 It's been speculated on here before that As "rush" more quickly into intimacy than other Rs. I wonder if this is a more common occurrence, because the MP feels starved of intimacy in their M, and so craves it desperately from their AP? I really believe that to be true. In my mid 20s I have several MW as FB/FWBs and not a single one of them did I ever need to wine and dine or take out on dates etc. All it took was a little double entendre flirtation and wink and they were knocking on my door at night. It was seriously many times easier to have NSA sex with married women than with single women. I think single women have soooo many options but are looking for a specific subset of relationships that to have NSA hook ups with single women you have to be at the top of a very big pile of candidates and you basically have to wait your turn, whereas married women can be terribly bored and frustrated and have fewer options. By the time I settled down and married, probably 75% of the women I had been with were either married or cohabitating with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
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