Feeling bad

[noname]

Originally posted by jmargel

That should never be the case. If you are not in love with your spouse, partner then leave! You are not doing anyone, including children a favor by staying. All that teaches your children to do is to settle for less then best. The relationship is not usually a happy one and the kids or others suffer as a result.

 

i totally agree with this

 

So then you are saying that it should be legal to marry more than one person? Of course you can love others, such as family, etc.. but I am talking about the love that tied into a vow of marriage.

 

nope. be careful. that is a sea of conclusions you are about to jump into. my point was merely that it is possible to love more than one person at a time. and by the way, there are cultures in this world where it is legal, and tied into vows of marriage.

 

It might not all the time, but it's an essential that should! If you can't devote yourself to your spouse, then leave. This is a case of pure selfishness. He is trying to rationalize and justify his behavior.

 

i believe that it should as well. i was not giving him an out and an excuse for his sordid behavior. i did mention that he did the wrong thing i believe. that is for him to deal with.

 

You continue to IM and email this woman still? You haven't learned anything, all you are doing is tempting fate and it will strike back at you. Karma can be a bitch at times and you will get caught when you least expect it. Affairs are one thing, however when you mix in the lying and the deceit of continuing to IM & email this woman you have gone beyond the point of no return. How much more do you expect your wife to take?

 

you do need to listen up to this CB. jmargel is right. Karma is a b-tch. you are sticking your -ss out to get bit.

 

When the person ending the relationship good chance they have already fallen out of love. While the other may still be in love with the other person, that will diminish when they realize there is no return. The best both can do then is to learn from their experience.

 

not always. what if the break up was because of distance, incarceration, a deceased child etc. there are numerous breakups that happen when both parties are very much in love. and it doesn't diminish it just goes to the back of the filing cabinet. there are always people who hold a torch for someone they truly love and can't be with.

 

Those are called rebound relationships and usually never work. IMO only until you are out of love with the previous person can you successfully have a relationship with another. That's the only way you can fully and truly give your heart to them.

 

technically, every relationship is a rebound after your first, but that is beside the point. i understand where you are coming from. and essentially i believe as you do in theory for myself. i like to have a clean slate so i can devote myself to a person. but unfortunately the entire world doesn't isn't a well oiled machine. sorry i gave you the impression that i was condoning his behavior. i thought i did a good job of not doing that. my only point was that despite how things should be, people have loved more than one person since the dawn of time. we've all seen people do it. i may not think it is healthy, but i can't just ignore that it exists...

[Crowbar234]

Hi All,

Again I would like to thank you for your input. I can not say that I liked everything that I read but given the nature of the subject, I really did not expect to. I honestly think I am going to stay the course. I really can not see how dragging this out at this point is going to benefit anyone. I agree with SweetSerenity in that the only benefit would be relieving my feelings of guilt... and I do not even deserve that. I know that this will never happen again, this is so far out of character for me it seems unreal. There is no way I can put myself or anyone else through this again.

In terms of the OW, I have chatted with her some, as I said; we keep it where it belongs. We have been friends for a very long time and I hope that at some point we can resume that but I am not holding my breath. I have been there for her emotionally for many years and the same goes for her but I won't let it interfere with my family. I think that I have things back on track and I am going to my best to keep them there... this was a mistake (one that I won't make again) not a life style.

 

 

Thanks,

Crowbar