he left

[neverdonethisbefore]

It's over.

 

After 7 months and him telling me he'd leave his life for me he's left.

 

Walked away without even looking back.

 

I am so hurt. I can't even begin to describe it.

 

I know that ultimately it's the right thing for both of us but oh my god it hurts.

 

The worst is hoping. Hoping he will still contact me and explain but I know he won't. I know he's chosen to walk away. I texted him to say goodbye and i wish him everything good for the future and he's totally ignored me.

 

I know he doesn't owe me anything but i had hoped we could be adults and at least say goodbye.

 

That's not to be obviously.

 

I really need help to get through this pain and i still have to deal with ending my marriage.

 

I wish i could save it but i don't think there's any chance of that. He doesn't love me and i don't think i love him either.

 

Oh god how did my life end up so awful?

 

All i want to do is talk to my xmm but there's no point. He's gone NC obviously. I have to be strong and stay away.

 

I just don't know how. I have cried all day.

[Josmatjes]

I'm so sorry!

 

But know that if you are meant to be together you will be. And it would be worse if he left his marriage for you but then changed his mind.... He made his choice and now the healing has to begin.

 

Do not contact him, throw away anything that reminds you of him. Get busy on you! Your life, your goals!

 

And come here to cent when you feel weak!(((hugs))) you will survive!

[GoldieLox]

I know that ultimately it's the right thing for both of us but oh my god it hurts.

 

Keep this in the front of your mind. Logically, you KNOW it's the right thing. Realistically, it's one of the hardest things to accept, because emotionally, it's not what we want. But deep down, we know it's the best thing for us.

 

The worst is hoping. Hoping he will still contact me and explain but I know he won't. I know he's chosen to walk away. I texted him to say goodbye and i wish him everything good for the future and he's totally ignored me.

 

Don't hold onto that hope, because it will eat you alive. Him not texting you back could be several things. Did you have a D-Day? It could be out of respect to his wife. If not, not responding could be his way of putting some distance between you two. Affairs are often like running in circles. You just keep going around and around and around until one person finally puts a stop to it.

 

I really need help to get through this pain and i still have to deal with ending my marriage.

I wish i could save it but i don't think there's any chance of that. He doesn't love me and i don't think i love him either.

Oh god how did my life end up so awful?

 

When you say you don't love him and he doesn't love you either, I assume you're talking about your husband? Go see an individual counselor, if you haven't already. They will help you sort out the pain you're feeling and evaluate your marriage situation.

 

Finally, no matter what, don't contact your xMM, no matter how much it hurts. He made his wishes known and you have to respect that. Save your dignity, and work on you.

[Majormisstep]

It is awful NDB, no doubt about it. Cry your eyes out. Get the pain out of your system.

 

Thing is, he was never going to leave his W. He just told you that because you were both swept up in the moment. But when it came down to it, he wasn't going anywhere. Ever. Even if his W discovered your A.

 

Block MM. Keep walking out of this. It is the ONLY way to do it.

 

Please don't do anything about your M yet unless it is an abusive situation and you must get out. You don't "love" your H right now because you were caught up with MM. Give yourself time to grieve.

[bathtub-row]

What brought his disappearance on? Do you mean that out of the blue, he just disappeared? And I'm assuming that you know for sure that nothing bad has happened to him? If that's the case, then he's a complete and utter jerk for behaving this way. If I were you, I'd never speak to someone again for treating me this way. There's no excuse for it.

 

Again, are you sure nothing has happened to him?

[Mal78]

I'm sorry for your pain.

 

I am sure the A was everything you felt you were lacking in life. So you invested so much into it. That sense of reality was false, because as was mentioned it was the right thing. Especially in reality.

 

Often in these situations someone has to be stronger and make the move otherwise you both could have been stalemated for years.

 

7 months, in reality is just a pin drop over a life span. You will heal, you will move on and although you won't forget it will fade drastically. As long as you are not hung up on the "what-ifs" and the fact there was no good-bye. You have to come up with your own closure, because like a death you can't verbally say goodbye and expect a response. It is no different.

 

Now you have to take measures to not ever get ducked back in. Block, delete and ignore. You can't keep waiting, hoping and praying that one day your prince will come for you. Those are just for fairy tales and life ain't one.

[neverdonethisbefore]

I know nothing has happened to him bathtub because he's been online.

 

No, no dday. We had a disagreement and he ended it.

 

I have cried so much. I just don't know how to get through this.

 

My marriage is not awful, not abusive but my husband is emotionally unavailable and has been for years. I am alone in my marriage. I have tried to fix it then i gave up and about a year after i gave up on us, mm and i started our affair.

 

I have known him for 20 years. We are not strangers but we were never more than friends until last year.

 

Now we can't even be friends.

 

I am grieving and i can't even tell anyone.

[FusionCutter]

I know nothing has happened to him bathtub because he's been online.

 

No, no dday. We had a disagreement and he ended it.

 

I have cried so much. I just don't know how to get through this.

 

My marriage is not awful, not abusive but my husband is emotionally unavailable and has been for years. I am alone in my marriage. I have tried to fix it then i gave up and about a year after i gave up on us, mm and i started our affair.

 

I have known him for 20 years. We are not strangers but we were never more than friends until last year.

 

Now we can't even be friends.

 

I am grieving and i can't even tell anyone.

 

Hang in there. Your pain comes through in your words. These things take time.

 

Trust in the process. NC. Grieve it. Pull through this. The pain will be great. But it's necessary.

 

This man treated you badly, you betrayed yourself and your values. Take the time to work yourself, and then re-evaluate yourself. It's a chance to change your life.

[GoldieLox]

Now we can't even be friends.

 

I am grieving and i can't even tell anyone.

 

If everything you say about your marriage is accurate, you should consider ending it. Your needs are not being met and I fear that you will continue searching for this outside of your marriage, especially since you said you don't believe it's fixable. Again, IC would help you decide this.

 

What I quoted is going to be one of the hardest parts of going through this. Honestly, I would trade all of the sex, the whole affair, just to be friends with xMm again. I truly miss his friendship and the conversations we used to have. We were on the same level. I'd give it all back in a heartbeat just to have him at a platonic level again, but I know it can never happen. You're going to struggle with it, and you're going to struggle in silence unless there's a very trusted friend you can talk to about this. Just know a lot of us here are going thru the same thing, so you're not alone completely.

[DKT3]

If everything you say about your marriage is accurate, you should consider ending it. Your needs are not being met and I fear that you will continue searching for this outside of your marriage, especially since you said you don't believe it's fixable. Again, IC would help you decide this.

 

What I quoted is going to be one of the hardest parts of going through this. Honestly, I would trade all of the sex, the whole affair, just to be friends with xMm again. I truly miss his friendship and the conversations we used to have. We were on the same level. I'd give it all back in a heartbeat just to have him at a platonic level again, but I know it can never happen. You're going to struggle with it, and you're going to struggle in silence unless there's a very trusted friend you can talk to about this. Just know a lot of us here are going thru the same thing, so you're not alone completely.

I had a long debate with her when she first started posting here because she stated she was "happy until the affair" then later she changed it to "I've been unhappy for 8 years"

 

I don't think she know what is real and what isn't.

[bathtub-row]

I know nothing has happened to him bathtub because he's been online.

 

No, no dday. We had a disagreement and he ended it.

 

Must've been a pretty big disagreement. What was it about?