Recently I've always been the OM

[DazedNCon]

It's a long read and I apologize in advance if it's hard to follow or read.

 

I'm currently in my mid twenties

 

It started when I met this beautiful girl while going out with mutual friends. I found out she was in a long distance relationship at the time but I was so attracted to her that I pursed anyways. It was wrong and I don't condone what I've done at all. I was selfish and if I could have handled things differently, I would. One thing lead to another and we started messing around with each other during and after her relationship with her ex. I felt terrible doing what I was doing with this girl but I've never felt such feelings with a girl before. We connected on so many different levels and I just loved being with her. Even if we were doing nothing, just being with her was enough. During the good times, it was like heaven on earth for me.

 

It was such an emotional roller coaster that lasted 7 month but I knew in the end, I could not see a future with this girl. Even though I feel like I liked this girl a lot, ironically enough her willingness to cheat with me was enough for me. If a girl can cheat with you, she can cheat on you. I completely understand this also applies to me as well but I'm just being honest with how I was feeling at the time.

 

A couple weeks after things ended with girl #1, I met someone I used to work with in college at a bar one weekend. I knew she had a crush on me when we used to work together. It still seemed like she was interested in me when we were conversing, so I took the opportunity to pursue a rebound with this ex co worker to get over the 'feelings' I still had for girl #1. Things were going good with this girl, even though it wasn't the same as girl #1. It was definitely more chill with girl #2, we probably saw each other once or twice a week but with our schedules, it worked out perfectly. I thought it was smooth until I find out from a mutual friend/ex coworker that girl #2 has been in a long term relationship with another guy. I confronted girl #2 and found out it was true.

 

I was hurt.. the dishonesty hurt more than anything. I couldn't understand why she wouldn't tell me about her relationship from the beginning. It could've saved us from a lot of wasted time and effort. After being with girl #1, I did not want to be the OM anymore and be responsible for ruining a relationship.

 

I quickly ended things with girl #2 and it wasn't hard since I was still stuck on girl #1.

 

I met girl #3 during the summer of 2013. I saw this beautiful women part of a bachelorette party in Vegas at a pool party. With enough liquid courage, I approached her and hit it off. I didn't bring my phone with me so I gave her my number to text me so we could meet up one of the nights on the weekend. We never got to meet up in Vegas but that didn't stop us from continuing to talk after the trip. She is from the south and I'm from the east coast. I find out through our conversation that she is definitely way older than I am. I would say she is about 10 years older than I am. I could not understand how someone who looked as beautiful as this women did was not taken, so I asked her. She never gave me a direct answer and always answered my question with another question. She indirectly told me she was single but had two kids which satisfied my question. I thought if she was honest about having kids, she wouldn't lie about being single.

 

Fast forward to my fwb with girl #1, things at the time were not going great. I found out girl #1 was being dishonest which does not surprise me in hindsight but at the time it made me angry. Acting on emotions, I text girl #3 to buy a plane ticket to see me because I wanted to see her. I knew girl #3 always wanted to meet up after Vegas. I was uncomfortable meeting halfway so she ended flying to where I was because she wanted to see me. I finally meet with girl #3 a year after Vegas and the sex was great.

 

After she flew back to her state, things started to get more serious with her. She started texting me that I deserved better than the girls I was with and that she would be willing to move to my area to be closer to me. As you can imagine, it was way too fast and I decided to cut contact with her out of panic.

 

After things ended with girls 1 and 2, I got bored and decided to hit up girl #3. I got a new phone so I lost her contact but I knew her name. I decided to look her up on fb and msg her. I found her profile and what I found out next.. devastated me. I found out she was married. She was married when I met her in Vegas and she was married when she came to visit me a year later. I was crushed...

 

Like before, it wasn't the fact that she was with someone else that hurt but it was the fact that she got me involved. I don't know why but I clicked on her husband's profile and I'm still traumatized til this day. Seeing the family picture with the two kids hurts a lot. I feel like **** and it has affected me on my view points on women.

 

It doesn't help that I found out recently that a co worker of mine has a crush on me but surprise surprise she has a boyfriend but that isn't 'important' to her as long as I feel the same way about her. Hell no!

 

I'm so jaded with females now, I don't know how I'm ever going to feel differently. The thing that boggles my mind is, how they can proceed to lay in bed with me telling me all these sweet lies while their husband/bf/ex-bf are back home looking like suckers. I would hate to be in their shoes and I'm so bitter at girls 2 and 3 for bringing me into it. If they were honest with me from the beginning, I would have never gone through with either of them.

 

Finding about the marriage is really hitting me hard and I don't know what to do about it. I don't want friends and family knowing about it but it's eating me alive.

 

Sorry for the rant, I just had to let it out.

Edited March 2, 2015 by DazedNCon

[Popsicle]

 

 

It doesn't help that I found out recently that a co worker of mine has a crush on me but surprise surprise she has a boyfriend but that isn't 'important' to her as long as I feel the same way about her. Hell no!

 

LOL Yep, that's pretty much how you end up feeling after being involved with a MP when you're single. It's shocking how many taken people just want you to accept them while they are still in a R. I'm pretty jumpy about it now too and have come to realize just how many taken men flirt with me. It's crazy. Some of them who have GF's think having another woman makes them MORE attractive to me. Bull****. I give them a resounding mental FU and never speak to them again. As much as I hate online dating, it is one of the only places where you can isolate the single people, which is a huge benefit. In person, I recommend finding out quickly if they are taken and just not engaging at all with attractive taken people. Who cares if they think you're rude? Many of them are clueless attention whores.

Edited March 2, 2015 by Popsicle

[DazedNCon]

How do I cope with being involved in an affair? Please advise because I can't shake the image of her two kids out of my mind. It's been haunting me and I've turned to other means to temporarily dull the pain.

[jellybean89]

You didn't willingly enter into an affair with #2 or #3.

 

Women, like men, are liars. Not all certainly, but plenty of them.

 

There are good, strong, healthy relationships out there - I am surrounded by them. Unfortunately, you have been smack in the middle of a bunch of drama and cheaters.

 

Sex is one thing; a relationship is another.

 

You will find someone who deserves to have your heart. Give it time, you are very young still.

[jbrent890]

You could always tell the husband what happened. God knows I would

[whichwayisup]

you need to just take a break from dating and women. Your picker is off and you have ignored some red flags, someone who can't answer a yes or no if they are married or with someone? Assume they ARE if they can't give you direct answer. Girl #2 was a rebound so it's not like you invested tons into her, you did use her to get over girl #1.

 

Cut ALL of them from your life and let yourself heal. Forgive yourself for making mistakes and learn from this so next time you take time to get to know someone before getting serious with them.

[snl]

I am sorry that you have to go through this .... Well if they hide it from you than there is not much you can blame yourself for but the biggest learning/reminder would be if in the future you meet someone that IS in a relationship remembering how much pain this can cause.

 

I am not saying that you would be the person chasing an unavailable girl but the issue is that I have seen cases where the MW that is going through "some difficult times" in her relationship will keep chasing you if she feels that you are filling some need in her life that her husband candt fulfill at this point. Especially if you give them the feeling that you are not interested. Risk is that you might eventually give in.

 

Keep strong at that point (as you already have been).

[DazedNCon]

You could always tell the husband what happened. God knows I would

 

That could've been an option until I clicked his fb page and saw he had a photo album of his gun collection. Uhh yea I'm good.

[HereNorThere]

The truth is that you're desperate and look for low-hanging fruit. This is why people in their twenties aren't allowed to date teenagers.

 

You're an opportunist who doesn't like turning down free ass. It's as simple as that. You can't wait for the filet mignon, you'd rather just stop at McDonalds because it's closer. Look, anyone can date skanks, that's easy. Finding a higher value female is hard and you're going to have to put in the work. Sometimes it takes years, but you can do it.

 

Don't blame these women. Cheater's gonna cheat. It's up to you to have real standards for yourself and quit going for easy kills.

[Eagle's-bargain]

It's a long read and I apologize in advance if it's hard to follow or read.

 

I'm currently in my mid twenties

 

It started when I met this beautiful girl while going out with mutual friends.

 

 

I'm so jaded with females now, I don't know how I'm ever going to feel differently.

 

Sorry for the rant, I just had to let it out.

 

I was there, I did that, you're not alone. You fouled up.

You are losing a sense of emotional balance from the pain.

I was there.

 

It's hard when I feel like the MW or whatever she was didn't commit when you were already on the beach facing machine guns.

 

I don't know what to tell you other than you did the right thing letting it out publically here, or somewhere where someone will tell you either she is horrible and/or you F***'d up. You can't just walk away from your feelings, but you can turn your back on her. You can find other women and trust again. It takes time, and it's hard. It requires honesty and the willingness to leave the skies to build a nest so you can rest your spirits.