a question

[dont know]

i would like to ask a question my wife had want to split up 6 months ago we kind of worked through that but now I'm feeling alone again.we have kids and i feel like an outsider in my own home my children love me but the wife does not make me feel like she loves me .here are a few examples she went on a few trips for work and when she comes home she has jet lag for 2 weeks but when she flys there no jet lag ,also when I'm out or not going to be home she cooks a big meal if am am home she cooks a very small fast meal or feeds the kids and eats when i get home , an also if am watching tv with her she goes to bed early and if i go to bed she stays up and lastly i am the one who says i love you all the time ,i have to say it to hear it from her am i being petty or is it time for me to find someone who feels the way i do

[westernxer]

Why does she want out?

[RecordProducer]

That doesn't sound good. Have you talked to her about it? People here will recommend marriage counselling or will say that your wife might be suffering from depression. But usually depressed women are emotionally and financially dependent on the husband and their whole lives spin around them. And that's not the case here.

Is it possible that she is seeing someone? Do you have sex the way you had before? Why did she want to split up six months ago?

So she wanted to split up, but she changed her mind and it seemed that you worked it out, but you actually didn't.

[pink pixie]

I too ask what was her reason for wanting to split? We all go through changes; sometimes we need space, even within our own home. The fact that she feeds the kids yet waits for you to get home to eat tells me that she does care. I can rarely predict when within 3 hrs or so when my husband will come home from work. Being that we have 3 children, they often come home from school starving. I try to put off dinner at least until 5, by then I have no choice but feed them. It is just too whiney and chaotic to make them wait. Not to mention the fact that most children like quick meals. Adults tend to like more adult like foods. So even though my husband used to be a stickler for everyone eating together as a family. It is just not possible. If I plan everyone's meal around what time he gets home, it throws bathtime, bedtime, playtime, everything out of whack. Children like routine. I also will cook a big meal when my husband is working late. Not leaving him out, I just know I have plenty of time to be in the kitchen. Lets face it children don't really like big meals. They prefer pizza, burgers, fries etc. Big meals require more time and when he is home, I would rather have more time together as a family than eat a big meal. Give her the benefit of the do doubt.

 

As for the tv thing, that too could be her needing time alone when everyone is in bed just to reflect...it is called personal time. I am a stay at home mom, and we had this issue also. My husband makes it a point to ask if I'm ready to go to bed, and literally can not sleep if I am not there. He comes downstairs every once in a while to see how much longer. Even though this happens rarely now that we are in a routine. But in a funny kind of way, it was nice to know he couldn't sleep without me. I now get up between 4 and 5 am to get my private time. This also paves the way to be eager to go to bed when hubby does, because I am too exhausted to want "me" time at night anymore. And if she goes to bed first....don't lag behind watching tv. Follow suit. TV is over-rated. Nothing your watching on that thing could be more important than your wife and family. 9 times out of 10, no matter who decides to go to bed first, we always go to bed together. it is something to start working on, and yes it can start with you. And by the way, if I am watching tv and I am really into something, occassionally hubby will wait another 15 min or so til its over.

 

As far as saying I love you first all the time, in the beginning I did the same, but now, I couldn't tell u who says it first. Open your heart, let go of the transgressions you have against your wife for whatever reason she wanted to leave, Just let it go. Enjoy your children, enjoy your wife. A good wife and mother are hard to find. Cherish what you have. The problem seems to be a lack of intimacy, emotion. Work on it in small steps. It can be fixed. Why start over with someone who also bring unknowing issues with them. Sounds like you and your wife need to become friends again. You have to be a friend to have a friend. Don't harbor greif. Learn to laugh again. Learn to appreciate all that you do have.