aliya34 Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 what are the cons of going "no contact"? is it really the most effective way of finding out if someone truly cares about you and will come back to you? (by the way this is for someone i told i loved, and he is currently going out with another girl, my friends' opinions are he needs time to sort out his feelings. but he's typically a passive kind of guy and won't even make the move even if he really cares.) Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 The cons? You may never hear from him again, that's all. Pretty effective, if you ask me, since you'd know for sure if he really cares about you, or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 I dont think No Contact is about seeing if they still care but moreso its about the person in conflict who needs time to think , without the constant chatter of the other person begging them to stay away or come back...or whatever the case may be. It benefits YOU if you are the one that has been dumped because it gives you dignity and respect for YOURSELF. Don't think of NC as a way to get someone back. If that happens ( and if it did WHY would you want someone back who dumped you ? ) then you have to decide if you want that again.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author aliya34 Posted April 7, 2005 Author Share Posted April 7, 2005 actually he didn't dump me, we were never going out.. he had just gotten out of a bad relationship when we were really good friends and he was afraid to make a move, since we're both shy nothing really came of it, and some bold girl made a move on him and they started dating, i got mad, did no contact, saw him at a party and he got all gushy and started saying sorry... but then he did sthg to make me mad again, and it was a little thing, but then we stopped talking.. then i came out with my feelings for him, he exchanged mutual feelings at the time but then thought about it and told me he can't leave his current g/f....but yet his roomie tells me he still has buddy alerts on me and whatnot.... he basically gave me the message of Wait around, who knows what may come in the future that will put us together again.... Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 And why do you want a passive guy like him? Don't you have any self-respect? What happened to the criteria you set for Mr. Right? He is a superficial creature and his only reaction to your love is body response. Do you want someone's body response to your (supposedly)true love? He goes with the girl who first takes her clothes off. Ah, too bad you were not faster than his GF! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 is it really the most effective way of finding out if someone truly cares about you and will come back to you? It worked, in that it showed you that you still want to be with him and want him to come back. However, it also worked in that during a period of 'no contact' he found that he did not care enough to make an effort to be back with you and instead put his effort into seeing someone else. 'No Contact' is like a double edged sword - it can cut both ways, and often to the detriment rather than the benefit of the person who uses it. The willingness to use it comes also with the willingness to lose what you have in order to get what you want. Sometimes you just lose. It can be a blessing though - to realize that someone doesn't care the way you thought they did, and 'no contact' can reveal this. It at least lets you know when to let go. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 Wait Around ? You have to be kidding...hes with someone else and spot checks you at his leisure and decides he will stay with what he has..... YOU have your ANSWER Move on and find someone who will treat you better Link to post Share on other sites
Author aliya34 Posted April 8, 2005 Author Share Posted April 8, 2005 well sometimes guys (and girls) are immature and don't know what they want.... he shows the mature side of him from time to time, and sometimes i dont know if it would be worth to just keep him as a friend, so he doesn't forget me, get new relationships but still keep contact so later on when he's mature.....we might be able to click again? Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 Stop living in the past. Why do you want to wait around ? Sounds like you are on the losing end. If you want him as a friend ,I dont think thats possible if you have romantic feelings for him. You are sure to get HURT. Please let go of this one. He's not sitting in your livingroom with you right now is he ? Move on. He isnt going to ( want a loving relationship with you ) ..16 months from now .. Or going to have romantic feelings for you. ( when he becomes mature as you say ).. He in all likelyhood ...will be with someone totally new. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aliya34 Posted April 9, 2005 Author Share Posted April 9, 2005 You guys are right. I have finally come to realize this guy is an insensitive a**h***, and I shouldn't have to wait around for him to mature up. I shouldn't settle for less and keep putting myself down like this. Compromise is sometimes good, but when the other people doesn't reciprocate the feelings of love you have for them, I finally have come to terms with letting that person go. It's the only logical thing to do, that'll keep you from keep hurting yourself. I'm finally facing the truth, and it doesn't need to be bitter. My life can be much brighter without him, anyhow. I'm only just self-torturing myself, keeping myself from being truly happy... why do we sometimes hurt ourselves knowingly? To make it seem like we are martyrs or something? I sure don't know... but I do know that it's time to move on, and I want to thank you guys for being so solid and stable and helping me out! Link to post Share on other sites
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