ann2006 Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 So, I'm pretty fed up at this point. I have yet again been asked by a sorta friend if I would be interested in having a "friends with benifits" relationship. I don't understand what makes me so un-datable, but apparently bone-able. So the question is... What makes a girl standout as girlfriend material versus fling material or i wouldn't touch with a 50 foot pole material? Link to post Share on other sites
gridiron Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 Many things can make a guy want a girl for sex, but nothing more. If he is either married, dating, or in a relationship, if she has baggage, a poor personality, not fun to be around all the time, would not be a good mother, or are otherwise incompatible in some way that would not make a relationship work. On top of this, the question may not be what you need to change about yourself, but what you need to change about how and where you are meeting guys who you want for long term relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 I think most often the explanation lies in you and your environment. Maybe you're a person who demonstrates a lot of physical affection and seems very open-minded about these things, and maybe you are in a state of transition which makes people believe that you are not really interested in a serious relationship. Maybe the people around you are also in states of transition. Maybe they are all just immature guys. The question then is, why do you hang out with them? I have to admit, most people I know are just very regular people, they tend to have long-term relationships and they all seem to know what they want or at least know that they are interested in a career. I guess, most of my male friends would never really consider a friends with benefits relationship with me. I had an offer for a one-night stand from one of my friends though, but I also know he probably would prefer a relationship with me if I said yes. Most of them don't do it, because education, peer pressure, etc. prohibit such a thing as having a fling with a friend. I've seen other groups of people where it was more common to talk about sex, casual sex. I said before that it might have to do with you, but don't start blaming yourself, because I think some people will just think what they want. They make assumptions about you, because they don't really know you; happened to me, too. I always thought I do not look like I have one-night stands, but obviously I'm mistaken sometimes. Tell them, no thank you, and make it clear that you want a serious relationship, spread your good reputation. Go out and meet other people who are not like this. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 Ann, many men have wanted me ONLY for sex. They didn't hide it. With some of them I slept, but with the majority I didn't. When I met the right guy, so perfect for me (as much perfect as someone can be for another person), he fell in love with me madly. He appreciates everything about me and thinks I am the ginchiest. The guys before him simply didn't have the equipment necessary to measure my qualities (whatever they are). Their emotional radars didn't blink...thank god. I've had looooong periods of time without love and sex. I've been hit by men who were totally yuck plus married and thought I could be their sex toy. They were deeply offended that I didn't want to sleep with them. For a long time I thought that I might seem like an easy girl if they got the idea that I would sleep with them (cuz they definitely didn't think I was mentally retarded). Then I thought it was the fact that I have two children why they didn't want to get involved in a serious relationship with me. But the truth was, they were just stupid ass holes! Don't settle for less than you deserve! And you deserve to be loved and in love. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 Kooky really hit the nail on the head with this one. I think that for whatever reason, they may think that you are not interested in a serious relationship or that you are just open to these things. Definitely don't blame yourself. But do ask yourself if there is some sort of message that you are conveying to guys (whether you are currently aware of it or not). Maybe these guys think that is all that YOU want? I have only been outright asked to be "friends with benefits" by one guy and I was completely offended by it. I think plenty of guys kind of make the relationship into that without really saying it and it can lead to hurt feelings in the long run. However, for a guy to outright ask me that question I would certainly be mad! I only got this question asked once by this particular person and of course it was only once because I didn't see him again after that! Guys can be real jerks. And I do think that some guys get the wrong impression of me also. I had one guy tell me that I must be a real sex maniac just because I smoke and have a tattoo! UGH! Link to post Share on other sites
Fuzzy Chickens Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by ann2006 So, I'm pretty fed up at this point. I have yet again been asked by a sorta friend if I would be interested in having a "friends with benifits" relationship. I don't understand what makes me so un-datable, but apparently bone-able. So the question is... What makes a girl standout as girlfriend material versus fling material or i wouldn't touch with a 50 foot pole material? If you're looking for a real boyfriend, I volunteer But to answer your question... "I don't want to know your name, I just want bang bang bang" Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by Fuzzy Chickens If you're looking for a real boyfriend, I volunteer But to answer your question... "I don't want to know your name, I just want bang bang bang" Hey, what about her genetic material? Did you check it already? ann2006, I'm referring to something he said on another thread, it's nothing against you. Link to post Share on other sites
Fuzzy Chickens Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 Very funny. Despite my beliefs about fabricated emotions and the purpose of human sentience, I do seek female companionship for other reasons as well. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by ann2006 So, I'm pretty fed up at this point. I have yet again been asked by a sorta friend if I would be interested in having a "friends with benifits" relationship. I don't understand what makes me so un-datable, but apparently bone-able. So the question is... What makes a girl standout as girlfriend material versus fling material or i wouldn't touch with a 50 foot pole material? Most men can't distinguish dating from porking. It doesn't matter who the girl is, the objective is the same. You're gonna have to learn to cope with it and use it to your advantage, otherwise you'll never get anywhere. However you do this is up to you. I'm not offering any suggestions, but others certainly will (or already have). Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts