johncarl Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 So I am in a serious relationship with my girlfriend of two years. Things are getting even more serious with us: she wants to leave her job, sell her house, and move from the community she lives in to come and live with me. I thought it was what I wanted, but I don't think it is for a lot of reasons: some things she does, and has done, and things I do and have done. I have been unfaithful to her in the past and am currently unfaithful. The other woman I'm currently seeing knows about my girlfriend, but my girlfriend doesn't know I am currently cheating. I was caught being unfaithful in the past by my girlfriend. And for a number of reasons I want to see other women...... So where I'm at is: how do I break it off with my girlfriend? Do I sit down with her and say "I'm sorry, I don't want us to be together any more." And then what do I say when she asks why? Do I be blatantly honest, or do I be honest but with some filter? We drive each other crazy, for example, but not in the way Pink sings about in "True Love." It's not a cute and passionate drive each other crazy. And I'm scared for a future together for the two of us for a lot of reasons. She's a really good person and for the most part has been kind to me, but she has also done some things to me that I just can't get over. She was very unsupportive of my fatherly responsibilities in the past and sometimes she still is. She was unsupportive of a big health challenge I recently faced - I basically had to get through it without her because she didn't support me. So I have serious doubts about her ability to deal with all the drama that will come in the future: I'm pushing 40 and people at that age start to face more health issues; I have 3 kids and two of them already have big health issues not to mention that the challenging teen years are around the corner for the younger two. And of course, I have been and continue to be unfaithful. But my question really is: how do I break up with her? We've broken up before. She won't want to break up. She will be hurt and sad, even if I tell her I've been unfaithful again she might just have a very justified meltdown of sadness and anger and than want to "fix" our relationship. So I could really use some advice on how I communicate my decision to her..... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Be honest with her and tell her what you said here. That you can't be faithful to her and she deserves better than what you can offer her. End it BEFORE she moves, quits her job to be with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author johncarl Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 Be honest with her and tell her what you said here. That you can't be faithful to her and she deserves better than what you can offer her. End it BEFORE she moves, quits her job to be with you. Thanks for the reply, that is helpful. I will just tell her that I can't be faithful and it's not fair to her. Do I just sit her down and say it? What do I do when she tries to get back together, just tell her the same thing: it's not fair to you? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Thanks for the reply, that is helpful. I will just tell her that I can't be faithful and it's not fair to her. Do I just sit her down and say it? What do I do when she tries to get back together, just tell her the same thing: it's not fair to you? Certainly tell her before she puts in her two week notice and has her house boxed up. You should tell her to her face if possible. Before you do, don't engage in any talk that gives her any kind of hope that you and she have a future. That would be unnecessarily cruel. Remind her that you have no interest in being monogamous, so therefore getting back together isn't going to meet any of her needs or expectations. That and the fact that you don't want to be with her exclusively. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author johncarl Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 Certainly tell her before she puts in her two week notice and has her house boxed up. You should tell her to her face if possible. Before you do, don't engage in any talk that gives her any kind of hope that you and she have a future. That would be unnecessarily cruel. Remind her that you have no interest in being monogamous, so therefore getting back together isn't going to meet any of her needs or expectations. That and the fact that you don't want to be with her exclusively. This is really helpful. Thanks very much. Link to post Share on other sites
Price2Play Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Man up and do the right thing, even thought she's mistreated you in your eyes she still deserves better. Link to post Share on other sites
Moneymann Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 She is your girlfriend and not wife. There is no need to worry and think too much Link to post Share on other sites
Eighty_nine Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 She is your girlfriend and not wife. There is no need to worry and think too much Uh, what? This woman still deserves to be respected, marriage or not. Yes, please tell her the truth. If you don't, she'll figure it out and feel worse. It seems like you're willing to take full responsibility for your actions and that is important. I'd mention the things she's done that hurt you, but not in the context of the cheating- a separate conversation. Are you hoping for a relationship with this other woman? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Raines Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 So where I'm at is: how do I break it off with my girlfriend? Do I sit down with her and say "I'm sorry, I don't want us to be together any more." And then what do I say when she asks why? Do I be blatantly honest, or do I be honest but with some filter? You be blatantly honest. You have the balls to cheat on her, then be a man and have them to tell her the truth. Not only that, if you give her some flimsy lie or excuse, she will always wonder about the way you two left things and she may even pine for you. Tell her you are cheating again, and she just might tell you to get out and never come back. That's better for her than some flimsy excuse you can come up with. But my question really is: how do I break up with her? We've broken up before. She won't want to break up. She will be hurt and sad, even if I tell her I've been unfaithful again she might just have a very justified meltdown of sadness and anger and than want to "fix" our relationship. Dunno, my guess is she finds out that you are cheating yet AGAIN, that it might be the straw that breaks the camels back. Either way, you can't leave her "wondering" as to the real reason. So be a man, just do it. Link to post Share on other sites
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