Want2bloved Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 My husband is friends with a single woman about 15 years younger than he is. I am not worried that he is cheating on me with her. Although, he thinks that is what I'm worried about. My husband thinks every woman wants to sleep with him. What worries me is that this woman relies on my husband a bit too much. She is a single mother of 2 children. She once asked him to babysit her baby for 20 minutes and it turned into an hour and a half. This was on a Friday night when I would have liked to hang out with him. What do you think all of this means? Should I really be worried or am I overreacting. Should I confront her and tell her to stop relying on him? Thanks for any advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 Well, I can understand your concern, but think about this with some compassion. She is a single Mother of two children. Does she have any family around here? Raising two children by herself isn't going to be easy, and any help she receives is probably a godsend to her. Perhaps some help from your husband AND YOU yourself could allow her to get her life in order and find someone of her own to help her out. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 Originally posted by Want2bloved Should I confront her and tell her to stop relying on him? Your husband is the one you need to address in this. Addressing her won't change anything because if your husband wants to help her out, she isn't going to say no for your benefit. You'll need to find out why exactly that it is your husband feels so compelled to help her out. I find it hard to believe that her only support system is your husband. The fact that he is giving you the impression that he thinks you are jealous over this strikes me as odd. Are you normally a possessive or jealous person? If you aren't and he is being defensive and accusatory in this situation for no apparent reason then there may be more to the situation than you think. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 This smells funny to me, I wouldn't like it. What is the basis of their friendship and why does he feel compelled to help her like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Hund1976 Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 You should offer to babysit with him one night. If anything fishy is going on they won't go for it. If its on the up and up she'll be happy to have a night out. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 You guys must be out of your minds! She doesn't care about this woman, she is not her friend, why would she baby-sit for her? I understand the woman is having a tough time as a mother of two, but she can find a woman for that purpose who also has children so they can baby-sit for each other. Of all the people in her environment she found somebody's husband to hang out with and rely on? How about find some other guy and give him some? He might gladly fulfill her wishes.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Want2bloved Posted April 9, 2005 Author Share Posted April 9, 2005 Thanks for all your repies. Why in the world would I want to help this woman. First of all it was her choice to be a single mother. She had 2 children out of wedlock. The first when she was around 17 and the 2nd a couple years ago. She is about 30 now. She made the choice to have children and have no husband. My husband and I have our own children so why should he babysit hers? The night that he sat for her, she took advantage of the situation. She said she would be gone only 20 minutes and it turned into an hour and a half. This woman has a mother who doesn't want to help her with her kids, but hey that isn't my problem. She should have thought of the consequences when she got pregnant twice. Children are not easy to raise even when you are married....being a single mother has got to be very hard, but like I said. It's not MY problem or my husbands. Thanks again for your replies. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 The single mother is not the problem, your husband is. It's great for him to be a good samaritan, but that is not really what he is doing, is it? Has he really made an effort to mow lawns for all the 90 year old widows in your neighborhood? Does he spend every Sat am coaching sports for handicapped youngsters? Does he donate crafts supplies to the local underfunded elementary school? OR...do his charitable efforts confine themselves to those that occur at the behest or in the presence of a young, single, available, needy woman who, he is convinced, desires him? Please Google for Marriage Builders, and check out that site. Your husband is starting an emotional affair. It can threaten your marriage, and it definitely WILL disturb your peace of mind. Also, let's retitle this thread to, "My husband spends time with another woman rather than with me". Forget her dependency - she could be the most dependent person on Planet Earth and it wouldn't be worth one second of your concern, as long as your husband was not right there with her. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
BoxedLunch Posted April 12, 2005 Share Posted April 12, 2005 I'm afraid you have a problem on your hands. I can think of some things you can try, but there's never any guarantee. First of all, get it out of your head that you and your husband owe this woman something. It's nice to be neighborly, but still you are not required to give a cup of sugar or a stick of butter to every neighbor who asks for it. Ditto, helping out a single mother simply because she lives two doors away from you. Sometimes to make clear the bad intentions that someone has is to assume literally that only goo d is intended and beahve that way. That is, when she needs babysitting services, perhaps you could offer them at her house; the two of you go to her house or the kids could go to your house. any other favors that she asks for, you could perform them as well. She may well stop asking for favors when she realises that you will be the service provider and not your hsuband. Also when you feel that you're doing too much, you could start asking for favors in return. In reality, no one should take advantage of someoone else and a neighbor who is keen on not appearing as a freeloader would want to help out in some way. IF she or your husband find these alternatives unacceptable, I think you'll have your answer. If your husband insists upon doing things for her, such as babysiting, I would simply leave the house; go to a movie; go see a friend; do a few things that will make him wonder what you're up to. If he really cares for you, he will start to notice and tone down his good samaritan antics. On the other hand, if this really a prelude to an affair, well, wouldn't it be better if you found out sooner rather than later. I don't know how much disappoint you have expressed so far, but be careful. For example, your change of heart may not be accepted as your husband will say that you have something against her. But then again, you'll have your answer. Sorry that I can't be more optimistic here. But not knowing the state of you marriage; or whether your husband is siffering from rescue fantasies, I just can't really say. Link to post Share on other sites
ollydolly Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 Hi Want2bloved I think your hubby sounds like a people pleaser - and people pleasers like having needy people need them. The issue for you is why he needs that? A clue: you said that he thinks every woman wants to sleep with him. A bit of projection??! I wouldn't tolerate that situation for 5 minutes. He's YOUR husband. Little Miss SoloMummy- Needybritches-Userofotherwomen's men can go to hell. And forget compassion! If she needs that she can find the nearest Church - they make it their vocation. She is doing what alot of single mothers tend to do - it's called lingering in another girl's paradise.... like an unpleasant odour. It is definitely your husband that you need to take this up with though. He made the choice to consider HER needs so important that he just HAD to tend to them. Most men have difficulty in their lives tending to ONE woman's needs - the woman that loves them. Other women's problems should not be his concern at all. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted April 16, 2005 Share Posted April 16, 2005 Ollydolly - I second that. Want2bloved, this woman is a weak, self-centred character who is showing utter disregard for your marriage, and perhaps you need to confront her directly about this. Tell Ms Lonely that you want your family life back, that she's encroaching unacceptably upon it - and that if she can't cope on her own, then perhaps the local welfare department can help. Your husband will either love you or leave you for doing this. Either way, you'll find out for sure whether he views your marriage with the same level of contempt Ms Lonely has demonstrated. Link to post Share on other sites
Vansing75 Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 I'm a single mother and I sure as hell wouldn't ask some man to watch my kids! If he's in a relationship with you this girl obviously has no clue or she's got her sights set on him. She needs to be aware of you and the fact you're in a relationship with this man. If she's normal she'll back off and not want to intrude. Some women get their jollies out of needing men like this. Some men get their jollies over women fighting over their attention. Link to post Share on other sites
ollydolly Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 Originally posted by Vansing75 Some men get their jollies over women fighting over their attention. Very, very true. Link to post Share on other sites
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