glow worm Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Hi LS friends, it's been awhile since I've been on here, but I've come seeking your opinions on this shocking (to me) occurrence. My story in a very small nutshell is that I was in an A for 4.5 years. I didn't know ex-MM had a de facto partner when we started our relationship and it took me a long time before I found out. I (controversially) decided to end the A six months ago by causing a D-day (calling BW and apologizing to her and telling her I want nothing to do with MM in the future.) Since the D-day, there has been absolutely NC between myself and ex-MM. I haven't attempted to contact him once, and likewise I haven't heard from him. Earlier this evening I received a text message. It said, "glow worm, you need to know that MM was seeing ABC at the same time as you. it took a while to find your number because BW would be upset." That's it. I don't know who sent it because it is just from a payphone. Also, I have no idea who ABC is. Who could have written this and what could their motive possibly be? I cut off all ties with ex-MM six months ago so why send this now? ex-MM and I have no mutual friends or acquaintances so I don't even know who would know my name and my number. For now, I haven't done anything about it. I'm trying to let it go along with all the unanswered questions but this has brought up so many feelings and emotions that I didn't think I had anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark Passenger Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 He sent it. I didn't know you could text from a payphone though... Link to post Share on other sites
Author glow worm Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Dark Passenger I'm very curious as to why you think he would send me a mysterious text from an anonymous payphone when he could simply call me or text me? Or come by my house? P.S. I live in Australia and we have "smart payphones" here where you can send anonymous text messages. It shows up on the recipient's phone as simply a text from "Telstra payphone." Link to post Share on other sites
Dark Passenger Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Dark Passenger I'm very curious as to why you think he would send me a mysterious text from an anonymous payphone when he could simply call me or text me? Or come by my house? P.S. I live in Australia and we have "smart payphones" here where you can send anonymous text messages. It shows up on the recipient's phone as simply a text from "Telstra payphone." That's pretty cool....the smart payphone. It's really the only logical explanation. Maybe he's trying to make you angry for NC, or trying to get you to call him so he can have an excuse to talk to you or start an argument because of the NC. It may or may not be true. Don't let it upset you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
trolloperative Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 ABC meaning another OW? Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Probably the wife or one of her close friends- I know I have found out lots about my H post dday that if I was interested in letting our OW she was not special I would disclose-(BTW-no, it wasn't other, other women)- I would not do that because NC involves all and although she continues to intrude, I wish her no more than to stay out of our lives- I do not wish ill will or ill feelings so I would not go out of my way to "get back at her"-thats just not me- Link to post Share on other sites
Author glow worm Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 nychag, yes, meaning he had an OOW. so if the text is true he was cheating on me as well as his de facto partner. the text mentioned my actual name, OOW's name, MM's name, and BW's name. But I didn't want to post those details on here so I just used abbreviations. dark passenger, thanks for your insight 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author glow worm Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 getting stronger, thanks. this was my first thought ... maybe it's BW trying to get back at me or cause me hurt. Strange that she would word it that way, mentioning herself in third person: "took awhile to find your number as BW would be upset" and that she would randomly text me after I have been completely out of the picture for over six months. it's not as if I'm trying to stay involved in their situation in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Could it be that he was seeing someone else, and she contacted you to let you know beacsue she is angry at him for also having been with you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author glow worm Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 truncated, I considered the possibility that it might be the OOW, or even another third OOW who sent the message. I have no idea how OOW would even find out that I exist, what my name is, and what my number is, given that ex MM and I have been in absolute NC since August. Also, if it was the OOW, why the anonymous payphone? Link to post Share on other sites
GollumsNightmare Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Maybe it is a new OW making sure you will be angry enough with him to stay away from her man. Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Yes, I have a friend going through what I am going through- we handle it differently- she invites in more and more drama-I could see her reaching out to hurt their OW just for that minute of revenge and then of course the ensuing drama- trust me, don't respond-life in reconciliation is nothing you want to be involved in- stay strong- Even though I know that by "rights" I could reach out and hurt our OW, I don't think two wrongs make a right-I'm not in to purposely hurting someone because they hurt me- Stay away-it sounds like that is you plan any way- 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chasing_mya Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Gloworm, at this point it shouldn't matter. I can imagine your curiousity but I'd leave it alone. For all you know it could of been his W or someone else just trying to stir you up. It could of been your XAP, to see if you'd reach out to him (crazier things happen).You've come along way and are doing well with NC. Don't go and retract now because of this message. Continue doing you and work on your path towards healing....wishing you the best! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
the_artist_1970 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 nychag, yes, meaning he had an OOW. so if the text is true he was cheating on me as well as his de facto partner. the text mentioned my actual name, OOW's name, MM's name, and BW's name. But I didn't want to post those details on here so I just used abbreviations. dark passenger, thanks for your insight How does a MM who is already cheating on his W cheat on their AP? Please explain this to me? I just can't wrap my head around that. A cheater is a cheater IMHO. I don't understand why it is OK to share a MM with his W but be upset about sharing him with more than one woman? I am not being snarky I just really can't understand that type of thinking. It's foreign to someone like me who wants to have a man all to themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
dubliner Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Glow worm, I think it's right to let it go, what does it matter if he had one, two or three women on the go all at once? He is the past, nothing to you now. I can understand the questions but that's a concern for his BW, consider yourself, not him and his mess. When I left my now XH I found out he had been contacting and arranging to meet up with an ex girlfriend in the closing stages of our M, yes I felt yet another betrayal and had questions but I chose to file it away under '**** that no longer has relevance to my life' and never confronted him over it. Now years on I am free from that relationship full of pain and deceit. I don't feel I needed the answers to move forward with MY life. He alone carries the burden of his secrets. Six months is not much time along the path for healing, but it's a long way forward in terms of distance from where you were. Don't go back, keep your eyes on the road ahead and don't be dragged backwards into a drama that you have made so much progress removing yourself from. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Ignore it. It's either him or his wife. NO good can come of you reacting so just remember that all this is in the past and opening any doors will cause you harm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GreySkyMorning Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I agree that it was him. He's trying to bait you into contacting him and/or attempt to hurt you for the NC. Ignore, Ignore, Ignore.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author glow worm Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Thank you for the replies and advice everyone. After an overnight "cool down" period (I always try to wait a bit before doing anything I might regret,) I completely agree with you all that the best thing is to not respond and move on. I don't want to destroy all the progress and healing I've made in these painful and tearful six months of NC. dubliner ... thanks for your post. it really made sense to me. Even though I have questions and feel betrayal, he is no longer relevant to my life. It helps to know others have been able to move past these types of situations without confrontation as well. the artist ... I used the phrase "cheating on me as well" because that's how I have heard the whole finding out about OOW scenario described in previous posts on here. Maybe I could have chosen better words, but all I meant is that he was lying to me, the OW, and telling me that I was the only one he had romantic feelings for and the only one he had sexual interest in, etc. Yet now I find out he had at least one OOW he was seeing at the same time as me. So he was doing to me the same thing that he was doing to his BW (albeit on a lesser scale since he hadn't made a lifetime commitment to me like he did to her.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I highly doubt it was the BW. Always amazes me how the betrayed gets immediately suspected and belittled. Mm had your number. In his phone. Maybe the newest OOW saw it and chose to send a message? Link to post Share on other sites
Author glow worm Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 jellybean, I don't think anyone's comments on this thread are belittling the BW, so I'm not sure where you're getting that. I certainly didn't mean to speak of the BW in a negative or derogatory manner so I do apologize if that's how it came across. I do think it is possibility that BW sent me the message, but it doesn't mean I am belittling her. She has been the most hurt out of everyone in this situation and I have nothing but compassionate and apologetic feelings toward her and I wish her healing and good things in her future life. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovemesomehim Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Why would the BS want to cause more drama in her life. After dday, she found out about you. Then out of the blue you receive a text message stating your exmm was also seeing someone else at the same time as you? Sounds like exmm may be the one behind it as a type of revenge for revealing the affair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovemesomehim Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Or maybe it was your ex roommate that decided to send the messages or someone in her circle that knew about your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark Passenger Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 How does a MM who is already cheating on his W cheat on their AP? Please explain this to me? I just can't wrap my head around that. A cheater is a cheater IMHO. I don't understand why it is OK to share a MM with his W but be upset about sharing him with more than one woman? I am not being snarky I just really can't understand that type of thinking. It's foreign to someone like me who wants to have a man all to themselves. It's about control. The person who is controlling always has a woman is his past that he wants to control, someone he is controlling right now, and looking for future prospects to control. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author glow worm Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 lovemesomehim, I agree with you it doesn't make sense that the BW would want to message me. then again, none of the theories make complete sense to me. i'm baffled. As some on this thread have pointed out, probably best for me to accept I'll never know and I'll try to remind myself that this is all irrelevant to my life today. by the way, ex-roommate and I are getting along fairly well these days (we are in the same group at medical school and we get assigned to do projects together, etc.) I'll spare the details but turned out to be more of an issue of incompatible personalities while we were living together than it was about who I was dating. Now that we're not in the same house we have a better relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Betting on wife since she was used in reference. If it was him he wouldn't have used her as an excuse to why it was difficult to find you. She is looking for dirt, she is baiting you. Ignore. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts