I can't leave this man alone

[shurt84]

To start things off. I was married for 3 years until last year. My husband cheated and got his mistress pregnant so I left him. I had been knowing this guy named bo...I met him in church...I knew he liked me but I was married but at the time I didn't feel the same. He was a friend to me tho. He knew about the situation with my ex husband and I and he was there to lend a ear. Bo has a girl friend too. They were also gping through as well

We found comfort in talking about our problems to one another. One day we were talking and he held me while I cried and kissed me. One thing led to another ..we began to hang out a lot more than usual but not in public. Memorial day weekend he told me that he's broke up with his girlfriend but come days later I saw pics on Facebook of them together. There were rumors that he is messing around with another married woman named Kate. Not to mention bo sings in a band and Kate follows him ever where he perform because they are "good friends" Kate is friends with his gf and me.. Well she was my friend. I decided that I didnt want the situation with bo any more so I confided in Kate not knowing she was a back stabbing byatch at the time. Kate ended up getting bo to tell his gf...he didnt tell the truth to his gf..he lied smd said i came on to him..smh.. bo was mad at me..we had a huge argument I told him to lose my number n font call me for anything. Gf took him back..I tortured myself..condemned myself..this is not the person I am supposed to be. When no and I were together it was spontaneous.. Exciting.. Thrills..intense.. We couldn't look at each other without getting turned on. I did things to him I've never done to my ex. I know it was wrong but I loved it. We had the same likes.. Made each other laugh.. His birthday is 2 days before mine. I mean everything was cool. After the argument 3 months passed. It was my birthday.. My God sis and I went out..he was texting my god sis phone to find where we were. Eventually I told him..he came...when I saw him all those feelings I had came rushing back. He apologied and I accepted.. We began hanging..sex..not to mention..be still has a gf..but I was in love with him..we always have huge arguments and find a way back yo each other..how can I lose this "side chick" mentality. I've tried dating other men but its not right for me..all I can think about is bo..us chilling having sex anywhere and everywhere..I know how it feelscto be cheated on...but I'm so attached to this man..every truck I see like his I think its him.. please help!!

[anika99]

You two met in church?! What was the point of leaving of your cheating husband just to end up demeaning yourself with another cheater? What do mean how can you lose this side chick mentality? Do you mean how can you stop being the side chick or do you mean how can you stop feeling like a side chick while still being the side chick? Sorry for all the questions.

 

 

Don't have much advice other than you will stop doing this when you feel like you are worth better. Some people say we get what we deserve. That doesn't mean that anyone deserves to be stuck with creeps and cheaters, it just means that as long as we are willing to accept that kind of lowly behavior then that's exactly what we will get.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm sorry but this is a whole bunch of crazy.

 

Go back and re-read your post again if you don't believe me.

 

It would appear from your OP that on some level you already realize just how wrong and toxic all of this is yet you CONTINUE to pander to both his every whim, including your own.

 

The best advice I can give you is seek some professional therapy. Seriously. You don't seem to be in a healthy head space which is probably why you're behaving and engaging the way you are. The fact that you can't distance yourself from Bo despite what a pig he is says a lot.

 

This isn't going to end well for anyone if you don't actively work at moving on and behaving like the woman you want to become.

[TexasMan68]

Ask the pastor of the church what you should do and he'll help you get this all straightened out.

[GoBlue]

It may not be clear to you but others who have gone through a divorce understand why you are behaving in a manner outside your normal character. Divorce is not something you get over simply by starting a relationship with someone else. You mentioned church - is this an important part of your life or just something you do? I agree with the previous post that mentions you should see your Pastor. My divorce was 6 years ago and I am still feeling its impact. I highly recommend counseling, accountability, or even a divorce recovery group. I do not recommend a toxic relationship that you already know is bad for you no matter what kind of feelings you have when he is present. Lean into your relationship with God and trust His view of life. If you continue with this approach worse things may come into your life. If you would like to speak with a counselor by phone for free I have some information I can share with you. Send me a private message. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[KBarletta]

This guy sounds like a player who is using you because you let him and he knows he can. Only you can put a stop to that.

 

How do you stop being the "side chick"? By putting a stop to it yourself.

 

I have been in your shoes many years ago, though the roles were reversed. It is hard to let go, but eventually you get mistreated badly enough you will decide you've had enough. That day will come some day, so my advice is to get out now, drop all contact with this guy, start righting your own ship, seek therapy, talk to your pastor, you friends and family, etc., spend time alone and get your own life straight. Then you will find someone much better suited for you.