oceans3 Posted April 7, 2005 Share Posted April 7, 2005 Greetings everyone! Have a dilemma. Work in a restaurant-met the owner and fell in love for the 1st time in my life! We flirted for a bit and then the relationship turned physical. I cant describe enough(you all already know the spiel) how I feel about him. He showed sooo much interest in me for awhile. But it seems like he keeps me around out of convenience to him.He gets into his moods where he won't call or text for several days(no fights) and we have to work with eachother so it gets awkward for me to see him everyday. This has been going on for 1 1/2 yrs. I know he is unhappy in his marriage-EVERYONE sees it-his brother even admitted it but he won't bail because she has threatened that if he divorces her-she will leave with the kids+ go back to her country(they had an arranged marriage). He will be all lovey-dovey with me for bit and then stop everything for awhile.We don't have sex very often(i work 6 days-he works 7) and it is usually when he gets horny-not when I want it which would be everyday!Sometimes Im actually begging like a whore to get some and I still get denied because he's "too tired".But when he wants it-he's all over me and like a dork i put out.I probably do it because i'm horny or i think it'll keep him around.More than likely both. He runs hot and cold with me and its very confusing.I have told him countless times-keep your dick between me and your wife-if you want to add more people count me out of the equation.I've also told him that if he ever wanted to end this or had an interest elsewhere he should just tell tell me and let me deal with it. I didn't want to get what someone else might have. I would continue to work there but I would leave him alone.No phone calls,no texts,no problems-nothing. If I ignore him for a few days he wants to know whats wrong and will start up the communication again.I don't like the emotional up+down and I feel too drawn in to get out.I know I should but I don't want to.When he makes me feel good i feel GREAT-when he ignores me I feel like a piece of crap!He was the first one to say I love you.Whats worse-I think he knows he can control me by saying what I want to hear.Lame-I know-but i can admit it.lol I ask NOTHING from him except a little bit of time(we have never been out on a date because all we do is work) and some loving. I've NEVER asked him for money,don't want any more kids,never threatened to tell his wife-NOTHING- just want sex and attention.Sounded like the ideal affair to have if I were a guy! LOL He just hired another girl and acts around her the way he USED to be with me. I asked him the other day why he hasn't been calling or texting+he says its stress.BUT...this new girl-not knowing that there was something going on between me+him showed me the texts HE was sending her! Sure enough the 1 text I read he tells her to not tell the girls he texts with her because it would start ****. I just about died-didn't know to laugh,cry or puke! I had to laugh it off+ she asks me to promise not to say anything.Then he sends another text telling her to text him in the morning if she'd like.Meanwhile I can't get him to send me a good morning OR a drop dead text or phonecall. Yes I realize the evidence is right there in my face that he is a dog.And as im typing this i feel like a dork asking for opinions,advice,your take on the situation etc... There is so much more to this but I will wait to hear your replies before i spew even more of this crap. What do i do,how do i handle this and how do you stop the pain at the thought of ending something that really isn't there?!?! I am so in love with this man it's pathetic. Ok people-let me have it... Take care everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 This has been going on for 1 1/2 yrs. I know he is unhappy in his marriage-EVERYONE sees it-his brother even admitted it but he won't bail because she has threatened that if he divorces her-she will leave with the kids+ go back to her country(they had an arranged marriage). This is irrelevant and doesn't justify the affair. He will be all lovey-dovey with me for bit and then stop everything for awhile.We don't have sex very often(i work 6 days-he works 7) and it is usually when he gets horny-not when I want it which would be everyday! So he's more concerned with this needs than yours. Sometimes Im actually begging like a whore to get some and I still get denied because he's "too tired".But when he wants it-he's all over me and like a dork i put out.I probably do it because i'm horny or i think it'll keep him around. It certainly does allow him to continue using this quasi-relationship for his sexual needs. He runs hot and cold with me and its very confusing.I have told him countless times-keep your dick between me and your wife-if you want to add more people count me out of the equation. His wife can't even control his dick, you think you can? If I ignore him for a few days he wants to know whats wrong and will start up the communication again.I don't like the emotional up+down and I feel too drawn in to get out.I know I should but I don't want to.When he makes me feel good i feel GREAT-when he ignores me I feel like a piece of crap!He was the first one to say I love you.Whats worse-I think he knows he can control me by saying what I want to hear.Lame-I know-but i can admit it.lol Admitting it is a good step, but how about doing something about it? He uses you, you use him, you both are using each other. If you're tired of being used then why don't you end the relationship? I ask NOTHING from him except a little bit of time(we have never been out on a date because all we do is work) and some loving. Except. That's the thing - you're not in a relationship, you're not married to him and therefore you have no right or place to ask anything of him. You are in no position to expect him to care for your needs. I just about died-didn't know to laugh,cry or puke! I had to laugh it off+ she asks me to promise not to say anything.Then he sends another text telling her to text him in the morning if she'd like.Meanwhile I can't get him to send me a good morning OR a drop dead text or phonecall. You didn't think you were the only one did you? Or the first? Hopefully, you don't think you're someone special in his life. Delusion is only going to make it worse when you finally get the courage to leave. Yes I realize the evidence is right there in my face that he is a dog.And as im typing this i feel like a dork asking for opinions,advice,your take on the situation etc... Pot calling kettle black? He's made no promises to you and he has no obligation to you. You're his side fling and the only thing you provided him, and willingly, was sex. You've been having an affair with a married man for a year and a half, I hardly think you're on a superior moral level than he is. You both are playing the game - he's not alone. What do i do,how do i handle this and how do you stop the pain at the thought of ending something that really isn't there?!?! I am so in love with this man it's pathetic. Ok people-let me have it... Walk away. You stay there because you've convinced yourself that you need to be there. It's not love that binds you to him, it's your inability to see the truth and accept the truth that keeps you there. He doesn't love you and only wants you for sex. You know this and you accept it and you willingly participate in this affair. You are a player in the game - if you don't like the game, stop playing. End the affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 I hate to break it to you but a whore doesn't beg for it, she gets paid for it. Anyways, what do you expect? He is married. He is your boss. You are his bit on the side. And by the way, you are asking him for more than just loving and time. You're asking him to continually cheat on his wife. Maybe he is feeling guilty about that. Maybe he doesn't want to risk losing his wife and children. My advice? Decide that you deserve more and learn not to sleep with or fall in love with 1) a married man 2) your boss and 3) a person who is hot/cold with you and 4) is selfish and takes your feelings into consideration. Basically wake up and realize that he is a waste of time and you were suckered. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
newby Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 oceans3- you need to leave this job and you need to get out of this relationship. it will be hard, you know that, but the hardest part is not the missing of the relationship as there is not much to miss is there. it is the accepting that you were an easy lay for a married guy. i am only saying this because i have been there. it makes no difference if he is unhappy in his marriage, he still doesnt have any feelings for you and is using you for sex. take out (for a moment) of the equation the fact that he is married, pretend he is a single guy. do you like the way he is treating you? do you like the way you feel in this? sometimes i think the ow make more excuses for being treated badly because he is married there are more available excuses. oh the only reason he treats me bad is cos he is feeling guilty, oh the only reason he cant commit to me or give me any time is cos he is married. thing is forget that part, are you getting what you want, need and deserve? not likely. do you want to keep feeling used, cheap, easy and foolish? no. the first step is the hardest but looks like you have already begun with the admitting. you are further than you think. now just keep moving on, change your job and never see his skanky boney a$$ again. Link to post Share on other sites
PattyCakes Posted April 16, 2005 Share Posted April 16, 2005 I am so glad I didnt get caught up in this stuff. I almost got caught up in an affair with a man, just as manipulative as this one seems to be. As much as some of my responses on.....IM NEW , HI were harsh it brought a reality to my thinking. You have gotten some good , honest responses here. Walk from this situation and get a life and a man you can call your own. How can you date someone that is already gone through the dating process and married? Link to post Share on other sites
PattyCakes Posted April 16, 2005 Share Posted April 16, 2005 Don t feel like an idiot. Being an idiot is making the same mistake over again. Learn from it, show your strength and self esteem and move on from this man. Let him know by your actions you are too good for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts