Is She Cheating On Me?

[BrianSmith]

Hi everyone,

 

I have a worry that has been in my mind for the past few months. I wonder if my girlfriend is actually cheating on me. But first I want to share a bit of my background.

 

I been dating my girlfriend for over 3 years. We're in a long distance relationship. Honestly, I never worried much about this until past Christmas.

 

I noticed three weeks before Christmas that she was acting a bit weird. But you know over the phone, it's quite hard for you tell what.

 

But everything changed the day after Christmas. We started an argument over the phone and all sudden, she tells me she met a guy over where she lives.

 

She said this guy was an ex-boyfriend of hers. And about 3 weeks ago, he told her, "He wanted to be in a relationship with her." Basically, she kept everything secretly for over three weeks and didn't tell me anything.

 

Therefore, she decided to tell me everything over our argument, and how she felt confused about what to do... she was in her mind trying to decide between me and this other dude. For me, that's total bull****. Afterward, she apologized to me and told she was just very tired from work and everything.

 

 

Once we got together, we clear off everything and I forgave her. Now everything seems perfect when we're together.

 

But when we aren't, I always think if she actually cheated on me; or, if she's up to something.

 

I wonder if I am obsessing over something I shouldn't. She promised me that she didn't do anything with her ex-boyfriend. But deep inside I feel that if someone who tells you every single day she loves you. At the same time, she keeps a secret from you over three weeks and all sudden all hell breaks loose... I have a hard time accepting this. Besides, she never mentioned this guy name, neither if she still talks to him.

 

I know it's impossible for anyone know the truth. But I would just like to hear your opinions about this topic.

 

Thanks,

Brian

Edited March 5, 2015 by BrianSmith

[NJ123]

Why would you even stay with her after that? That's the biggest red flag you could have. It's highly likely she cheated on you if she "met" with this guy & it being an ex of hers as well. If that was me, I would have dumped her. The only way you'll know for sure if she cheated is if you snoop through her phone & see if there's messages from that time on there. And she could still even possibly still be talking to him.

[smackie9]

Yes she is cheating....she is at least emotionally cheating on you. If the guy admitted he wanted a relationship with her, they have been expressing their feeling for each other, hanging out one on one, cuddling, etc. This why LDR's don't work and are stupid. If you can't have that physical contact with each other on a regular basis, you cannot sustain an emotional connection, and it gets worse when someone is right their to fulfill it. She is starving..... 3 years is a hell of a long time to be apart for most of the time.

 

Don't bother snooping, you don't need to........her behavior says it all. It's time to let her go.

[lolablue17]

3 years of long distance??!!!!! Why are you doing it to yourself?

 

You can never know what's on her mind or if she met someone, or did she cheat. You can't know anything and that is one of the "built in" problems in LDR for such a long time.

 

My opinion is that LDR is not the real thing and you both crave for something real, you're just afraid of changes. That's why you hold it. Is there any hope for reunion in the close future?

[BrianSmith]

We met each other in the same city then I had to move to another town because of work. Yes, we have plans to get back together.

 

But that's exactly what I thought, I mean if she had all of this. She had to meet with this guy, had coffee with him, messages, calls and she never ever told me anything about it. Nothing just happened overnight, and for this reason I just can't get this off of my mind. I feel something is wrong and she didn't tell me the whole truth.

 

Now I'm not sure if she had sex with him but in my thoughts, I know something happened.

Edited March 5, 2015 by BrianSmith

[No Limit]

The fact that she even considered to go be with her ex is a big red flag. Doesn't matter whether she's cheated physically (yet, her ex is probably just waiting for her to give in if it hasn't happened yet) or not, emotionally a part of her is already out the door.

 

Break up with her and find a girlfriend with boundaries.

[BrianSmith]

Yes she is cheating....she is at least emotionally cheating on you. If the guy admitted he wanted a relationship with her, they have been expressing their feeling for each other, hanging out one on one, cuddling, etc. This why LDR's don't work and are stupid. If you can't have that physical contact with each other on a regular basis, you cannot sustain an emotional connection, and it gets worse when someone is right their to fulfill it. She is starving..... 3 years is a hell of a long time to be apart for most of the time.

 

Don't bother snooping, you don't need to........her behavior says it all. It's time to let her go.

 

 

Well we are in a long distance relationship but we meet each other every single weekend. We spend Saturday and Sunday together.

 

She told me she misses me a lot along the weeks so do I. But that doesn't mean, I'm now going out with my ex and hide the truth. I guess that is what is hurting me the most. How can I trust someone who hides from me the truth during weeks.

 

Basically, this guy entered in her life and told her exactly what she wanted to hear. Basically, have babies with her, get married and live happily ever after.

 

At the moment, it's not something I can offer. I'm more focused in building my life's ambition before anything else.

Edited March 5, 2015 by BrianSmith

[NJ123]

We met each other in the same city then I had to move to another town because of work. Yes, we have plans to get back together.

 

But that's exactly what I thought, I mean if she had all of this. She had to meet with this guy, had coffee with him, messages, calls and she never ever told me anything about it. Nothing just happened overnight, and for this reason I just can't get this off of my mind. I feel something is wrong and she didn't tell me the whole truth.

 

Now I'm not sure if she had sex with him but in my thoughts, I know something happened.

 

Why would you want to get back together with her? I think you'd be making a big mistake if you do. She could have easily been having sex with this guy by what she said to you about him. You need to have respect for yourself & not let her walk all over you.

[Chi townD]

If your gut is telling you something is wrong, then always listen to your gut.

[smackie9]

After 3 years, and all there is, is weekend visits??? this relationship has run it's course. She wants to move forward with her life and that means living together, marriage and having a family. Stop being selfish and breakup with her so she can get what she wants.

[TexasMan68]

I think the question is did she cheat on you and that answer would be yes.

[johncarl]

She's at "least" cheated emotionally. She probably spent time with this guy, shared things with him, etc.

 

 

I've been the OM in situations like this a few times. The minute a woman who is in a relationship shows up to have coffee, or a beer, or go for a walk, she's cheating. She'll flirt, exchange looks, accept little passes like the OM touching her in intimate ways - e.g. entering personal space. And the OM will "wear" her down if she's not happy in her relationship.

 

 

It sounds like this relationship is basically over. It's hard to break up with someone but you deserve a relationship where you're both committed. Don't just stay with someone because you've invested X amount of time. Happiness is important.

[NJ123]

She's at "least" cheated emotionally. She probably spent time with this guy, shared things with him, etc.

 

 

I've been the OM in situations like this a few times. The minute a woman who is in a relationship shows up to have coffee, or a beer, or go for a walk, she's cheating. She'll flirt, exchange looks, accept little passes like the OM touching her in intimate ways - e.g. entering personal space. And the OM will "wear" her down if she's not happy in her relationship.

 

 

It sounds like this relationship is basically over. It's hard to break up with someone but you deserve a relationship where you're both committed. Don't just stay with someone because you've invested X amount of time. Happiness is important.

 

I don't want to judge you, but why did you want to be the OM for? Just curious what goes through someones mind when they know the woman is already in a relationship.

[Price2Play]

Well we are in a long distance relationship but we meet each other every single weekend. We spend Saturday and Sunday together.

She told me she misses me a lot along the weeks so do I. But that doesn't mean, I'm now going out with my ex and hide the truth. I guess that is what is hurting me the most. How can I trust someone who hides from me the truth during weeks.

 

Basically, this guy entered in her life and told her exactly what she wanted to hear. Basically, have babies with her, get married and live happily ever after.

 

At the moment, it's not something I can offer. I'm more focused in building my life's ambition before anything else.

 

You need to stick with your plan & stay focused on building your career then. If you are aloud to be selfish so can she. And that's exactly what she's doing.

 

Actions speak louder than words, she may be saying she misses you but it doesn't mean jack sh*t. Look @ her actions! Hanging out with ex's, comon man don't be so naive. People cheat in LDRs all the time. I'm not saying your gf did, but were there's smoke there is fire.

 

Man up & end the relationship. She's already started to resent you that's she hanging out with ex. Let her go. Find a local girl to date, none of this ldr bs.

Edited March 5, 2015 by Price2Play

[BrianSmith]

Well, I don't feel I am being selfish. I mean, she's only with me if she wants to be. I like her, we just don't have the same ideals. Therefore, our relationship will certainly end later. But for the moment, it is what it is and we only have now, not the future.

 

Anyway, I spoke to her yesterday and now I feel a bit more relieved. I guess I got it a bit wrong. This guy wasn't actually her ex-boyfriend. Just a guy who she liked in the past.

 

The dude got out from the military service. One afternoon, he invited her for a drink so they could speak friendly. I guess she spoke a bit about our relationship and the guy picked up a thing or two and tried to persuade her. Saying he would be the dude giving her the piece of cake she wanted.

 

From what she said, she rejected the guy. Also he later invited my girlfriend to his birthday and she didn't go.

 

I can't say if this whole story is true or not. I just find weird she hiding the whole truth for weeks. But I guess if she was cheating, she wouldn't have said anything.

 

She also apologized and said she was wrong for not telling me anything and it wouldn't happen again.

 

I know one can't control what other people say, and believe this was just a one time thing. Where she went out with a friend and this happened. I don't consider that emotionally cheating or whatever. I feel daily attracted to different women, and that's something we don't control. It's only cheating if you're physically involved with someone.

 

Sure, I hope this won't happen in the future.

 

But I would like to thank everyone's help thanks.

Edited March 6, 2015 by BrianSmith

[Moneymann]

She is cheating if she told you she is deciding between you and him. The thoughts in your mind is killing you. Short pain long gain. if it smell fishy it is a fish.

[BrianSmith]

I know what you mean, a feeling in me says something isn't right. But at the same time, I'm not sure if I am being paranoid or not. It's crazy.

[NJ123]

I know what you mean, a feeling in me says something isn't right. But at the same time, I'm not sure if I am being paranoid or not. It's crazy.

 

You're lying to yourself. You just don't want to believe something happened when it likely did. She emotionally cheated on you at the very least or still is. Why stay with someone who lied to you as well as flat out said she likes some other guy. Have more respect for yourself.

[BrianSmith]

Yeah, I agree with you guys. I know what you're saying is logical. But the truth liking someone isn't and that's why it's hard for me.

 

I will talk to her face to face. I need to see if she is really lying to me or not. I think at least she kissed this dude.

 

These thoughts haven't disappeared ever since. I believe if there was anything else I would of forgotten everything by now. Also when we speak about this she tends to get mad and doesn't talk about the whole details.

 

Just doesn't sound reasonable a dude sending a message to her in the middle of the afternoon for a coffee. When she hasn't saw him for 10 years or so. Afterward, he says everything he feels for her. I mean, there's stuff missing and she isn't telling me.

 

Besides, she never tells me the name of the dude. I think that would be something you would say to calm your partner. When I speak about him, she doesn't like me saying that guy and always interrupts to say, he's not a guy but a friend.

 

A lot of stuff is missing here. I need to talk to her face to face and get everything straight. But if she's lying then I will have to end the relationship. Thanks for the support.

 

I know you guys are right but it's so hard and painful at the same time.

Edited March 6, 2015 by BrianSmith

[Price2Play]

Yeah, I agree with you guys. I know what you're saying is logical. But the truth liking someone isn't and that's why it's hard for me.

 

I will talk to her face to face. I need to see if she is really lying to me or not. I think at least she kissed this dude.

 

These thoughts haven't disappeared ever since. I believe if there was anything else I would of forgotten everything by now. Also when we speak about this she tends to get mad and doesn't talk about the whole details.

 

Just doesn't sound reasonable a dude sending a message to her in the middle of the afternoon for a coffee.When she hasn't saw him for 10 years or so. Afterward, he says everything he feels for her. I mean, there's stuff missing and she isn't telling me.

 

Besides, she never tells me the name of the dude. I think that would be something you would say to calm your partner. When I speak about him, she doesn't like me saying that guy and always interrupts to say, he's not a guy but a friend.

 

A lot of stuff is missing here. I need to talk to her face to face and get everything straight. But if she's lying then I will have to end the relationship. Thanks for the support.

 

I know you guys are right but it's so hard and painful at the same time.

 

 

She already lied, 1st it was an ex & now it's a "friend" from the military? This guy friend is pining after it and she is loving all the attention. This sh*t is going to eat you up if it hasn't yet. It almost sounds like she wants you to dump her but yet you haven't!

 

It's pretty obvious your confidence & trust in her is gone. You keep grilling her for the truth and this will be the perfect way for her to turn the tables on you and end the relationship.

[road]

Yeah, I agree with you guys. I know what you're saying is logical. But the truth liking someone isn't and that's why it's hard for me.

 

I will talk to her face to face. I need to see if she is really lying to me or not. I think at least she kissed this dude.

 

These thoughts haven't disappeared ever since. I believe if there was anything else I would of forgotten everything by now. Also when we speak about this she tends to get mad and doesn't talk about the whole details.

 

Just doesn't sound reasonable a dude sending a message to her in the middle of the afternoon for a coffee. When she hasn't saw him for 10 years or so. Afterward, he says everything he feels for her. I mean, there's stuff missing and she isn't telling me.

 

Besides, she never tells me the name of the dude. I think that would be something you would say to calm your partner. When I speak about him, she doesn't like me saying that guy and always interrupts to say, he's not a guy but a friend.

 

A lot of stuff is missing here. I need to talk to her face to face and get everything straight. But if she's lying then I will have to end the relationship. Thanks for the support.

 

I know you guys are right but it's so hard and painful at the same time.

 

 

 

Not tell the OM's man is the reddest red flag of all. She is telling you enough to get you to dump her. So she can blame you for the break up.

[elaine567]

Well we are in a long distance relationship but we meet each other every single weekend. We spend Saturday and Sunday together.

 

She told me she misses me a lot along the weeks so do I. But that doesn't mean, I'm now going out with my ex and hide the truth. I guess that is what is hurting me the most. How can I trust someone who hides from me the truth during weeks.

 

Basically, this guy entered in her life and told her exactly what she wanted to hear. Basically, have babies with her, get married and live happily ever after.

 

At the moment, it's not something I can offer. I'm more focused in building my life's ambition before anything else.

 

I don't know whether she actually cheated on you or not, but I guess she was at the very least thinking about it.

A woman in a relationship for 3 years is going to start thinking about marriage and commitment and if you cannot offer that then, she is going to be looking to find that elsewhere.

You say yourself marriage and kids was something she wanted to hear, and I guess had that offer come from a more acceptable source to her, then you would be crying into your coffee right now due to her leaving you "out of the blue".

She may be still considering his offer, or it may have put some thoughts into her mind regarding the relationship she has with you. She may be viewing your relationship with a different perspective now.

Where is it going?

Can she wait indefinitely?

Is it moving forward or are you both stuck in a rut?

Does it have a future?

If he wants to marry her and have babies, why don't you?

All those questions may be in her head.

 

You ignore this at your peril. Move it forward or end it.

If you stay as you are, I guess SHE will end it.

[ascendotum]

I know what you mean, a feeling in me says something isn't right. But at the same time, I'm not sure if I am being paranoid or not. It's crazy.

This is what you have to deal with when you have a relationship that is a LDR for such a long time. It puts stress on the relationship and local guys see she is not with a guy and will invite her out. Least you were seeing each other most weekends which is pretty good when it comes to an LDR. Those that exist where partners are in different countries for anything more then 3 months and they are young and attractive really puts it to the test. So many stories on here.

 

You have to go on faith with LDR. Almost what I cant see/hear cant hurt me, otherwise if you start reading little signs its very easy to fear the worst it will do your head in. She could very easily have cheated and she could also be telling the truth. I don't think holding info back means that necessarily a sign of guilt. Sometimes you dont tell your partner every little thing involving interactions with the opposite sex to unnecessarily worry them or misinterpret or complicate things over something that's fairly innocent because they know their boundaries (but their partner is not so sure).

[BrianSmith]

Well, I spoke to her face to face and we had a long conversation. I saw in her eyes, she wasn't lying. She told me, she felt confused back then and didn't do anything with this guy.

 

She also deleted his phone number and Facebook friendship and promised it wouldn't happen again. I can't tell for sure, I know only time can tell if she's saying the truth or not. The only thing I am sure is, next time I won't need to come here and ask for help. I know pretty well what I have to do.

Edited March 17, 2015 by BrianSmith