Son passed recently, saw his girlfriend with someone else

[lollipopspot]

Now though, I've had a few people that've come over make remarks about his things being gone. I just don't think that it's appropriate.

 

It's sensitive. They should probably have kept their mouths shut. But often people just don't know how to behave or what to say about something like this. People generally really want to do the right thing - and maybe they feel like ignoring the change is insensitive to you, but then saying something might be insensitive too. It can be very awkward. I know when people are grieving I have sometimes said the wrong thing, realized it, and felt horrible afterward. Try to forgive people who are trying but make a mistake

[Lady2163]

My best friend died when I was 20 and she was 22. Her parents are now gone, but a couple of years ago I tracked down her siblings on Facebook. We talked on the phone for hours. It's been close to 30 years.

 

I didn't know then all that her parents went through. But their emotions were all over the place for years. It never truly got better for them until the moved out of the house and their next house didn't have "her" bedroom anymore. Both of her parents had some dementia in their last days and they still asked for her.

 

So as far as removal of items, you have to do what is best for you.

 

You've had a horrible tragedy. Awful. You have lost a precious child. That is a bond that may be deeper than what other people will feel. I think about my friend daily, but I know her siblings don't.

 

Six months may be a bit early for the girl to be dating, but how long do you want her to be miserable? How long do you want her to put her life on hold? What is appropriate? Ohmigosh, that reads so harsh, it isn't meant to be, honestly.

 

Eyebrows are usually raised in my area if a widow is too serious about a new man in less than a year. Widowers are usually not held to that standard. I am speaking for the over 55 crowd. We have what is called the "Widow Brigade", where when a woman passes away, the widows show up with casseroles within 3-5 days and offer to clean his house and do his laundry, because he's a helpless man who may not even know where the broom is kept. Needless to say, usually within six months a widower, who may have been married to his high school sweetheart for 40 years is probably on his way back to the altar.

 

I will be thinking about you. Best wishes.

[Itspointless]

I guess now I'm just on the other side of the fence. When I first came here I was mad at her, but when she was here she got mad at us a little... I will always miss him and wonder, but when I saw stuff that should still be in his apartment I was mad at everyone. Even my husband and he was mad at me, and since we got that stuff put away we have been ourselves again. The love we feel for each other is back too. I just feel so strange about how she reacted when she came in.

 

Now though, I've had a few people that've come over make remarks about his things being gone. I just don't think that it's appropriate.

People always want to have their say. That was the same when my mother was ill (ALS) and I was an adolescent in the nineties. They have told me several times - what - according to them - my obligations were. They almost never have asked how I was doing during those years. Just as I was supposed to have energy after it: as I was still young. In the end it is best to brush such things aside, often they do not know any better.

[Owl51]

My husband and I are done with our lawsuit. We decided we wanted to take a day to watch some home movies we had put on DVD after our son died. We had the night planned with a couple of hours and just general relaxing. Before we put the first movie in, she pulled in.

 

I could tell he was annoyed, and I'll admit I was too. I thought it was weird she hadn't called first. We opened the door and she was crying, she apologized for not calling first but she just needed someone and wanted to be with us. I told her we were planning on watching the movies, but it could wait. She said it would be fine, and I knew my husband wanted to see them so we put in the first disk. I was about ready to have him when it started. You could see how excited we were. Then some after we had had him and you could see how nervous my husband was to hold him. It was so sweet.

 

I looked over and she was crying a little but wasn't saying anything so we kept watching them. We watched him grow until a little boy and then a preteen. When we got to his teen years, or moments of my husband and I, he would fast forward. I don't think he wanted her to see some of the intimate moments we had with him, but I also agree, some of those conversations were just for us. She got to see birthdays, vacations, sports games, award ceremonies and a few other sweet moments. My favorite was when he rode his bike for the first time. It was sad because he and my husband were best friends and I could see that he misses him so very much. It was late when we decided to stop and my husband told her she could stay if she wanted. She did and picked the last room that was his, we have two and he moved to the far one in high school.

 

I told her she could shower and do whatever she needed and that there were clothes in the drawers if she wanted to sleep in them. She slept until about 12:00. Which didn't bother me, I had nowhere to be. When she got up we talked for awhile just about unrelated stuff and she thanked me for letting her stay. When she hugged me, I could tell she didn't want to let go.

 

Then a few days later my sister called and said she had made a post about how much she appreciated that night. She said when she is with us, he can feel our son and that that night all she wanted to do was die until she came in our home. Then she felt him holding her while we watched the movies and while she slept. That made me cry... She had a picture of him up too that according to my sister a lot of people were commenting on.

 

After, a few of their friends and her parents sent us cards and flowers thanking us for still being the parents he loved. I'm glad she feels like we are helping her. I feel so silly for what I said before. I hope she'll be okay. I miss my son so much and I try not to talk about him too often because of all the pain. I am lucky I've got my husband.