Gary S Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 As others state, straight of the point. Some version of 'we just aren't a match and I wish you the best in your search.' End of a all contact. If he is a socially well adjusted adult male, he will fell a bit down but cope fine. A healthy person deals with rejection. - But that's the problem. How do you know he's a healthy person with a good attitude? You don't. If you try to let strangers down gently, one of these days, one of 'em will try to bite your head off. Some people have to learn the hard way. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 - But that's the problem. How do you know he's a healthy person with a good attitude? You don't. If you try to let strangers down gently, one of these days, one of 'em will try to bite your head off. Some people have to learn the hard way. It's not anybody's responsibility to tiptoe around the other person's feelings. Being polite and direct is the best thing you can do. A guy responded badly to my rejection the other day. I turned him down politely, and he messaged back with "I wasn't interested in you anyway" and a rude comment. Riiight - that's why you messaged me and asked me to meet He was a short guy (much shorter than I) with an obvious complex about it. Didn't hurt my feelings. His bad behavior is a reflection of him and has nothing whatsoever to do with me. I just told him there was no need to be a jerk and then blocked him. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 ^^^This is exactly what I'm talking about. I think dating is more enjoyable if you can learn to minimize drama and rejection like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Starship Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 It's not anybody's responsibility to tiptoe around the other person's feelings. Being polite and direct is the best thing you can do. A guy responded badly to my rejection the other day. I turned him down politely, and he messaged back with "I wasn't interested in you anyway" and a rude comment. Riiight - that's why you messaged me and asked me to meet He was a short guy (much shorter than I) with an obvious complex about it. Didn't hurt my feelings. His bad behavior is a reflection of him and has nothing whatsoever to do with me. I just told him there was no need to be a jerk and then blocked him. This is why you end any contact with strangers. Many 'nice guys' are actually textbook passive/aggressive personalities. They can't cope with rejection so you stop all contact. Best not to tell him anything. Block. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Maybe you can get British on him and just say "sod off wanker". Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 The best polite rejection I got online happened awhile ago. 'You seem like a great guy, but I'll just go ahead and say I'm not interested. But thanks for reading my profile. It actually goes a long way!" Yeah, a long way in friendly rejection. Haha But I was glad it happened because her response told me everything I needed to know. If you read the profile, and send a paragraph asking her a question and making a serious attempt to get to know her, she gets "nice guy" vibes. So I started approaching women online, like I do in real life. Direct about what attracted me, and a playful flirt/tease. Short emails like this started getting me way more profile views and positive responses. It's funny because women say what they think they want, but are subconsciously attracted to something else. So you have to find that mix. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 This is why you end any contact with strangers. Many 'nice guys' are actually textbook passive/aggressive personalities. They can't cope with rejection so you stop all contact. Best not to tell him anything. Block. I agree, but I'm glad I pointed out that he was being a jerk, because he was. People need to be called on their bad behavior. Then blocked Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 ^^^I understand your logic, but with your way.... you don't know them well enough to to know what their attitude is, and how the'll react... they could turn around and try to bite your head off, and reject you rejection is one of the worst things, you want to reduce the chance on your end. Welcome to the world's biggest cat-and-mouse game, dating. To get them to reject you, you could use even stronger methods... I've asked women I wanted to get rid of, "What do you think of married men dating"? I wouldn't care if they bit my head off if I didn't want to see them again anyway. It's a one-time problem. Not being firm with an awful lot of guys can keep them lurking around indefinitely. Link to post Share on other sites
Starship Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 The best polite rejection I got online happened awhile ago. 'You seem like a great guy, but I'll just go ahead and say I'm not interested. But thanks for reading my profile. It actually goes a long way!" Yeah, a long way in friendly rejection. Haha But I was glad it happened because her response told me everything I needed to know. If you read the profile, and send a paragraph asking her a question and making a serious attempt to get to know her, she gets "nice guy" vibes. So I started approaching women online, like I do in real life. Direct about what attracted me, and a playful flirt/tease. Short emails like this started getting me way more profile views and positive responses. It's funny because women say what they think they want, but are subconsciously attracted to something else. So you have to find that mix. Uncanny how you don't even see this passive/aggressive streak in your response. Hint...women do know and say what they want and when you start to excuse this away, you have a major issue. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I met a nice guy on a dating site a few days after New Years, he looked okay in his picture (a little too old looking for my taste, but I wanted to get to know his personality) and his profile had things in it that I found interesting. So, after messaging each other back and forth for a few days, we exchanged phone numbers and were texting and talking to each other for about a week before he asked to do a meet up with me at the beach. But, within that time of talking with him and texting, I knew that he wasn't a good match for me...I wasn't attracted to his personality or his voice. Like I said, he looked okay in his pictures, which is why I wanted to hear his voice and talk with him for a bit so I can see if I felt any kind of spark, or excitement or...anything. Plus, he said a few things in text that were kind of weird and made me feel a little uncomfortable. Since we never even met, I texted him the truth of how I felt, how I didn't feel any chem between us while we spoke and that I wished us both luck with dating. I said it all in one sentence. I never got a response back (I didn't expect to) and I never heard from him again. I did feel bad because he really was a nice person. But, he was just...boring. And a little weird. And, just not what I was looking for or was attracted to. I agree with Katiegrl, Starship and Fitnessfan - that directness and honesty is the best way to convey to a date that you're no longer interested in pursuing anything further. . Link to post Share on other sites
strawberryshortstack Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 But here's another way to look at it. Without honesty and constructive criticism, you never learn or improve. Imagine this. Every time a guy gets dumped, a woman says he'll make some other women happy and that he's a great guy. So he keeps acting the exact same way and making the same mistakes. If one of these women had given the guy honest advice, he might actually change his behavior and be able to build sexual attraction. Speaking as someone who just recently had to do something similar - it's not always something they did, or didn't do. Chemistry is either there or it isn't, and no amount of "improvement" will do the trick. You can be absolutely perfect, and exactly what a woman is looking for, and still have no chemistry with her. It sucks for both sides, but there's nothing that can be "improved" in this case. Link to post Share on other sites
freetolove Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 You're a great person but this isn't going to work. Literally, I said that to the last guy I rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 It was really nice to meet you. I think you are a great guy but I don't think we're a great couple. Sorry. Good luck in your search. I hope you find the perfect person but that is not me. perfect example of grace and compassion...but most of all honest....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts