This married guy friend I have...

[Blu72]

I expect anyone to act like themselves.

 

Ok so you expect him to continue to be the 'hot' one while you continue to be 'hot/cold' whenever it suits you. I get it now.

[Riri90]

Ok so you expect him to continue to be the 'hot' one while you continue to be 'hot/cold' whenever it suits you. I get it now.

 

Ok I deserved that because it didn't come out right. I just expect him to be himself. Not "hot", just himself.

[DKT3]

Ok couple of corrections...it has not been several months...it has only been 2 months. Please don't add these exaggarations, future readers need to read my story as I told it.

 

Next, I have stated it was ME who started the messaging, I never said it was him that started up BUT now that it has HE won't stop. Once again don't change my story around.

 

Again, I am not upset he responds slowly...He doesn't respond slowly, he baits me into convo just to ignore. Stop changing my story.

 

I know exactly what he wants...and he will not be getting it.

 

Yes I still care about him, if that is emotionally connected then so be it.

 

Like Stella said why do I notice...like I said because it's OBVIOUS.

 

Why would I block? I have stated I don't mind here and there chatting, what I don't like it being baited.

 

And again, I never said he needed to reply back quickly, he does that on his own, but now he is trying to be like me...he did this alot during our EA (try to be like me) so it was pretty easy to spot...

 

In response to what I bolded...Like I said, I haven't gone into detail about the exact situation, just gave a quick back story and then proceeded to my current issue. Please don't assume to know what this guys feels for me...you have no clue.

 

Several is hardly overstating two. In fact to define several is: a numbers slightly above 2.

 

Secondly I responded that you started contacting him as you stated, however your acting as if he is putting you out and he started contacting you.

 

Last and final comment here because I don't see an issuee from his side, only yours. If it gets to you and you think he is playing games don't engage him. What else do you want here? If you want a real relationship (friendship because the guy is married) then stop playing games. It takes both of you to engage in this immature stuff.

[Ronnie33]

The bottom line here is who has time for this crap in their life?

 

The minute I'm wondering if someone is playing games with me, I don't play.

 

There's zero room for games in my life with anyone.

 

Are we in junior high school?

 

He's married, he's not your friend.

 

Leave the guy alone.

 

And if you want to play games, go to Bingo.

 

This is so true and the last line made me laugh out loud.

Edited March 5, 2015 by Ronnie33

[Ronnie33]

This guy went back to his wife and you still broke NC with him. In his mind as long as you engage with him you still want him. If you don't want him then stop contact. As long as you engage in these games he will too because in his mind he's not happy in his marriage and willing to take a chance you will restart again. He's feeling you out to see if his causal attitude draws you closer to him.

[anika99]

My question isn't why do you notice? It's why do you care? You say you don't want to be with him and you often go days without responding to his messages so why care if he does the same. Okay so he's trying to be like you. So? Now what?

[Majormisstep]

If he chose to "work" on his marriage then what on earth is he doing communicating with you?

 

This is a back and forth game of who can outplay whom if there ever was one. Don't you think you deserve an authentic relationship? Let this dude continue to "work" on his marriage. I feel sorry for his wife.

[privategal]

New to this site, looking for some insight

 

Little back story: I had an EA with a separated friend of mine. The affair was emotional with some physical (no sexual intercourse). My separated friend at the time had started wanting more, putting more demands on me and when I told him I couldn’t be more than friends right now or that I was not ready to have a sexual relationship with him, he ended the physical part of our affair saying it wasn’t right. He wanted to continue being friends, still called all the time, still wanted to hang out, still put in efforts to see me. I try not to listen to words and his actions towards me did prove he still wanted me in his life and wanted an active friendship with me. But I was feeling weird about everything, not sure if he was trying to pull away from me because I wasn’t ready for anything more. I voiced to him that that our friendship felt awkward, and I started pulling away from him, ignoring him and I cancelled plans to go out of town with him, which upset him.

 

After that we start getting more distance and he decides to work on his marriage. He didn’t want to stop talking or stop being friends even though he made his choice. We went through a month of back and forth, not being able to completely let go of our emotional connection, to the point where I couldn’t take anymore and went complete NC on him and blocked him for 2 months.

 

Of course I am a dummy and chose to reach out. He was happy to hear from me but when I started telling him that I was doing pretty good and told him about some good things that were happening in my life, he seemed…unhappy for me. He was acting depressed, like his life was unhappy and stressful. To me it seemed like he wanted to hear that I was down too and that my life wasn’t that happy either…that upset me so I stopped messaging him. Anyway he starts up the messaging again, being WAY more nice and friendly. Just asking me questions about my life, about my job, acting interested. He also wanted to know what I did for Valentine’s day but I politely dodged the question.

 

My problem is that I don’t mind this little bit of communication, it’s not holding me back in life but I have noticed he has started playing a game with me. I have a habit of not responding that quickly, sometimes it takes me days to responds to a message but we are just friends so I didn’t see it as a big deal. He on the other hand seems to take it personal and has started doing it back to me. He mimicked a lot of my behaviors during our EA, so this was easy to spot. I have no issue with him not responding daily, we are friends and I don’t expect to chat daily but what he is doing now is baiting me into to convo just to ignore me. He writes me, I don’t respond yet, so he messages me again, I respond and he ignores me on purpose.

 

Questions: Why is he doing this? Is it a trick of some sort to get me to chase him? (Won’t happen) Is it payback for the NC? I know I started the messaging but he is the one not letting it die now and trying to lure me into convo just to ignore me. I have no issue with keeping a polite convo but now I feel like every message is a trick.

 

In the end the friendship was damaged by ea and it will always be a power struggle now, it will always be confusing and the communication will cause you to ask so many questions as probably the heart wishes to feel that same sense of being loved and comforted and needed and thats not expressed the same platonically as it is in ea but the two of you are trying to suppress feelings and romantic emotions which is impossible...pandoras box was open...it cant go back to normal totally...so there will always be a roller coaster ride. Cant be with him cant be without. Its a lose lose and imo would be in your best interest to go now. Close the door otherwise...it never ends...unless it ends horribly with alot of hate, anger and hard feelings.