Does it matter to you how the M of your AP ends?

[dubliner]

Looking for your opinion, especially from those who after being in an A ended up continuing the relationship after AP became available.

Does it make a difference to either you or the relationship who was the one to pull the plug on the marriage?

For example, if the AP left the M did/would you feel safer with the relationship knowing he/she chose to make changes in their life? The same if it was a mutually agreed parting.

If the BS left do/would you question your relationship due to the fact that the AP hadn't willingly left the M?

Or..Do you feel it has no bearing on your future relationship with the AP how the M ended?

[Sassy Girl]

Sure. If AP was dumped by their spouse and came to me as the second choice I would always wonder how long it would take them to fill the OW vacancy.

[Arieswoman]

Sassy,

I asked my WS to leave and divorced him. As soon as AP saw she was going to get involved in the divorce she dumped him for her fiance who knew nothing about it.

 

So I told her fiance who then dumped her . So she went crawling back to him.

 

The fact that they stayed together says a lot about the self-esteem of the two parties.

As I see it, they are two sad needy people who are desperate to fill the emotional void in themselves, and who are scared to be alone.

Edited March 6, 2015 by Arieswoman

[cocorico]

Looking for your opinion, especially from those who after being in an A ended up continuing the relationship after AP became available.

Does it make a difference to either you or the relationship who was the one to pull the plug on the marriage?

For example, if the AP left the M did/would you feel safer with the relationship knowing he/she chose to make changes in their life? The same if it was a mutually agreed parting.

If the BS left do/would you question your relationship due to the fact that the AP hadn't willingly left the M?

Or..Do you feel it has no bearing on your future relationship with the AP how the M ended?

 

It mattered to me because of the circumstances of his M.

 

He had been her "toyboy" whom she used to leave her 1st M, and after decades of being bullied and mistreated by her, he needed to assert some agency and walk away from the toxic R. If the M ending had been simply another thing that was done to him, he would not have been in a position to embrace fully the potential of being an equal partner in a healthy R, which he needed to do if our R was to be sustainable. So it mattered very much to me that, as a result of his IC, he was able to stand up to her, to tell her he was dumping her and why, and to walk away with his kids.

 

Had their R been less toxic, more equal, and healthier, it would have mattered less to me, probably.

[WasOtherWoman]

For me it absolutely would have mattered. For several reasons:

1) Had she left him, I could not have been with him, as I could never be someone's second choice.

2) Most importantly - if his marriage was bad enough to warrant a divorce, then he had better be man enough to get one. Nothing is more unattractive to me than someone not taking charge of your own life. Blech.