Message to All Men: Stop randomly approaching girls

[Harold of Andraste]

And you're kidding yourself if you think online dating doesn't work the exact same way.

 

That's exactly how Tinder works. But OLD is a bit different because people are actually able to write about themselves and it's possible to look at things that determine compatibility in a relationship. Not just a sexual thing.

 

And even further kidding yourself if you think men DON'T pick women- in ANY scenario based on their attraction to them.

 

Getting to know them, learning their interests comes later. But when two people meet? It's based on PHYSICAL attraction.

 

It's unrealistic to think otherwise.

When looking for a relationship I believe that it is very important to learn about interests and commonalities first. It's the difference between trying to pick up women at a bar and trying to pick up women in a hiking group or a place that does ballroom dancing.

 

I'm not denying that physical attraction is the basis. But in random encounter at a gas station physical attraction and the desire for sex is the only thing that matters. The guy approaching woman on the street is just looking for sex, nothing else.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I seriously wonder why a woman would accept a date from a guy who randomly approached her on the street, or any generic environment. In that situation, the guy only approached her for one reason.

 

The guy is basically saying, "Hi, I think you're attractive and I want to have sex with you."

 

Nothing about her as a person, her personality, what she likes, her interests etc matter at all. It's all about how she looks.

 

That's what the guy is saying no matter when/where he approaches. Let's be real here, how often is a woman's ~personality~ the first thing a guy notices? On the other hand, sometimes it's more 'Hi, I think you're attractive and I want to get to know you better'. Besides, rarely is it just a case of a guy walking up to a woman completely out of the blue and asking for her number then disappearing into the abyss. Usually a guy approaches, engages in conversation, if she's amenable, they feel each other out, chat for a bit, exchange numbers and go from there.

Edited March 7, 2015 by Lernaean_Hydra

[Harold of Andraste]

On the other hand, sometimes it's more 'Hi, I think you're attractive and I want to get to know you better'.

 

I believe that it depends on the situation and environment where they are meeting. If they met in a place where are expressing an interest, like an art or cooking class there is a better chance that the guy isn't just looking for sex.

 

Besides, rarely is it just a case of a guy walking up to a woman completely out of the blue and asking for her number then disappearing into the abyss. Usually a guy approaches, engages in conversation, if she's amenable, they feel each other out, chat for a bit, exchange numbers and go from there.

 

But he still walked up to her out of the blue because he just wanted to have sex with her.

 

The guy walking up to you at the bus stop isn't looking for a girlfriend.

[alphamale]

If they met in a place where are expressing an interest, like an art or cooking class.

how many men are in an art or cooking class? zero

[ThaWholigan]

how many men are in an art or cooking class? zero

You'd be surprised

[KatZee]

The guy approaching woman on the street is just looking for sex, nothing else.

 

A little presumptuous, no? How is it that you know ANY man approaching ANY woman on the street is ONLY looking for sex, and nothing else?

 

You don't.

 

Just like you can't say, "All online men are looking for is easy sex."

 

It's simply not true.

 

It's already been stated: how do you think your grandparents met? Through Tinder? POF?

 

No. The man approached the woman, struck up a conversation, and people hit it off in real life. In real social situations.

 

It's generalizations like the one you just made which keeps feeding into the female mind screw that all men who approach them are the street are creepy and sketchy and only looking for a quick bang.

 

Attraction will always be the basis for a man approaching a woman, and a man is ALWAYS going to want to sleep with a woman they find attractive. This is not news, at least, it shouldn't be news. At all.

[Bobbi7]

Just because we smile or make eye contact at you DOES NOT give you permission to bother us. We're just being polite and nothing more.

 

I agree with this one! There has been several times where I would smile, greet, make eye contact with a man either at the grocery store or at work and then later on, when I saw them again, they approached me by asking me out and saying crap like, "I know you like me, so lets go out." I'm like wth??? This is what pisses me off. Since then, I now act like a cold-hard betoch to every man that I see for fear that he may think that I "like" him all because of a smile or 1 word that was exchanged. Geez...

[Harold of Andraste]

True story:

 

I was assisting with a public event. Since I worked the registration table I chatted with a lot of people. One person came up to register, and we had a quick how are you chat. He came back later to ask a question and we had a bit of banter. He came back again and asked me if I was thirsty and brought me a soda.

 

Since I was working the event, he knew I worked in a particular area of a public building. One day...or two, he stuck his head in the office to say hello.

 

We eventually went on a few dates. It didn't "click" for anything but friendship for either of us, but it was nice to get to know someone.

 

I don't have anything against that situation, it's exactly the type of things that I've been saying that I'm fine with. Both of you met at an event, and it actually turned into a friendship. That's cool.

 

THAT is kind of how it often works. It's not like someone comes up to you in the rain and says "Nice umbrella, wanna go do it?"

 

That's what everybody else is talking about. A scenario where you are walking down the sidewalk and a guy randomly approaches you. The guy doesn't know anything about you and there is nothing else to interest him except how you look. That's very different from a guy going to an event and noticing that you are actually involved with it. He's attracted and he likes that you care about X and that you care about it so much to actually work in it.

 

I hope what I'm trying to get across isn't too complicated.

[Harold of Andraste]

A little presumptuous, no? How is it that you know ANY man approaching ANY woman on the street is ONLY looking for sex, and nothing else?

 

Why else would he approach her? He knows absolutely nothing about her.

 

 

 

It's already been stated: how do you think your grandparents met? Through Tinder? POF?

 

My parents were high school sweethearts.

 

My grandfather was a new dentist and my grandmother was worked in his office. Then they started dating.

 

I don't know of anybody in my family that had a relationship start because the woman was pumping gas and a guy walked up to her.

 

No. The man approached the woman, struck up a conversation, and people hit it off in real life. In real social situations.

 

Cold approaching a woman isn't a real social situation.

 

It's generalizations like the one you just made which keeps feeding into the female mind screw that all men who approach them are the street are creepy and sketchy and only looking for a quick bang.

 

Because they are looking for a quick bang.

 

When I look for a girlfriend I look for women who have common interests, something that we can do together besides have sex.

[hotpotato]

I seriously wonder why a woman would accept a date from a guy who randomly approached her on the street, or any generic environment. In that situation, the guy only approached her for one reason.

 

The guy is basically saying, "Hi, I think you're attractive and I want to have sex with you."

 

Nothing about her as a person, her personality, what she likes, her interests etc matter at all. It's all about how she looks.

 

Well, yes, thats Attraction 101. If he randomly approaches you, he has nothing else to go on. If a man approaches a woman, whether it be randomly, old, work, school, etc theres a good chance he can see himself banging her. A man can know you from work, approach you, and still only want sex.

[tojaz]

I'm going to have to disagree with this.

 

This is how culture has been like for centuries. MEN are the hunters, WOMEN are the gatherers. Most MEN want to act like MEN.

 

Most guys today, due to women being so aggressive and throwing themselves at men, have become passive, beta, lazy, and put zero effort into striking up a conversation with a woman.

 

It has nothing to do with "putting a woman on a pedestal" or "blowing up her ego."

 

I have to say, because a good majority of guys turning passive and beta, it has forced me to become overly aggressive, and alpha and this in and of itself is a turn off to most men.

 

The dynamic between men and women NEEDS to go back to how it used to be. Men going after women.

 

And until that happens, we're going to be locked into this dysfunctional system of lazy men, overly aggressive masculine women, and this twisted dating world which neither gender can even navigate because the roles are so morphed and distorted.

 

Does anyone else think all of this is getting far too complicated?

 

Who's the alpha, who's the beta? Too aggressive, too passive? Gender roles, right place right time, right approach, moons alignment with Venus?

 

C'mon! It's two people talking! There's no contracts being signed.

 

Though my confidence often betrays me, my theory is always that the time to find out more about someone your honestly interested in is when they are there in front of you, because who knows when or if you will ever see them again.

 

But he still walked up to her out of the blue because he just wanted to have sex with her.

Then of course we have those few that are perpetually trying to score on spring break spoiling it for the rest of us.

 

TOJAZ

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I believe that it depends on the situation and environment where they are meeting. If they met in a place where are expressing an interest, like an art or cooking class there is a better chance that the guy isn't just looking for sex.

 

 

 

But he still walked up to her out of the blue because he just wanted to have sex with her.

 

The guy walking up to you at the bus stop isn't looking for a girlfriend.

 

My last boyfriend walked up to me in the bread aisle of a grocery store soooo..........

 

Most guys who approach women in any setting are doing so because they want to have sex with them. Most men don't approach someone because the women seemed sweet and they foresee them being the mother of their children . People approach because they liked the way a person looked and something about them made them want to get to know them better.

 

Not everyone wants to date coworkers, online date or attend dozens of "designated" social events. Plenty of legetimate couples have met at gas stations, dog parks, restaurants, etc.

Edited March 8, 2015 by Lernaean_Hydra

[SomeDude16]

I do not 100% agree with the OP but I think(??) I can understand the opinion. Approaching women in public such as a bus stop or grocery store is a decision made based solely on physical attraction, and for some that can feel objectifying and make some uneasy and weirded out. Thats the only way I can really see it from the other perspective.

 

Also it may be worth noting, I saw a survey from a while back showing women would rather meet a guy during a "natural interaction" as opposed to an "artificial interaction" Ill see if I can find it...

[Radu]

I'm going to have to disagree with this.

 

This is how culture has been like for centuries. MEN are the hunters, WOMEN are the gatherers. Most MEN want to act like MEN.

Drive is important.

And at some point you become so sick of trying, or dislike the potential outcome so much that the energy to do it is gone ... literally you can't be arsed to do it anymore.

Once the drive is gone, it takes a looooong time to return, if ever.

 

Most guys today, due to women being so aggressive and throwing themselves at men, have become passive, beta, lazy, and put zero effort into striking up a conversation with a woman.

There is more than just this cause.

 

It has nothing to do with "putting a woman on a pedestal" or "blowing up her ego."

Yes it has.

On one hand the current western society is so pro-woman that guys have been left behind ... which means that the women who are naturally gifted [intelligent, educated], have less and less men interested in them.

And on the other hand you have the isolation being done by modern technology together with the fact that when you do approach and get rejected, it's an ego boost for the woman and a ego damage for you.

 

What is happening is the accumulation of several factors.

 

I have to say, because a good majority of guys turning passive and beta, it has forced me to become overly aggressive, and alpha and this in and of itself is a turn off to most men.

 

The dynamic between men and women NEEDS to go back to how it used to be. Men going after women.

Unless you can roll back 50yrs of feminism, you can't do it anymore.

 

And feminism does not have the capital amongst men to try and make this change into them.

Most men [and some women too] are sick and tired of it and even consider it a word to avoid.

 

And until that happens, we're going to be locked into this dysfunctional system of lazy men, overly aggressive masculine women, and this twisted dating world which neither gender can even navigate because the roles are so morphed and distorted.

This is because feminism set about to destroy the marriage as it was.

 

Not to give equal rights, in the workplace, to get to the workplace or to get higher education ... as these were only at the start.

They set to destroy marriage.

Ask any old woman about weather men will buy the cow if they can get the milk for free and you will get the answer.

[smg15]

Hey guys, so I know a lot of you might not know this but it's time you learned.

 

I know you think the whole randomly coming up to women approach is super charming and cute but IT'S NOT. Women (Like me and countless others) feel extremely uncomfortable when do this to us.

 

#1. It's really creepy. Women don't like random dudes talking to and randomly coming up to them when they're trying to do shopping/errands. We have things to do and places to go, stop wasting our time in the grocery store/bookstore.

 

#2. It's very intrusive and extremely pressuring. You're a complete stranger forcing us to talk to you. We have no idea what your intentions are or what you're capable of. That's troubling for any woman, especially living in a big city.

 

#3. Tough truth time, we've probably already approached by a bunch of guys that day that we turned down. Some of them are much more handsome/had more status (Sorry, just being honest) than you . What are you going to do/offer that really stands out? Nothing.

 

Just because we smile or make eye contact at you DOES NOT give you permission to bother us. We're just being polite and nothing more.

 

We don't want to hear how pretty you think we are or how cute you think our outfit is. We've heard that same line A MILLION TIMES and you're not being charming/suave by saying it again. You're being annoying.

 

Anyhow, just a little PSA for you guys. Please respect our personal space and boundaries!

 

 

UNLESS..........................he is attractive

 

we get it

Edited March 8, 2015 by smg15

[Imported]

 

 

A scenario where you are walking down the sidewalk and a guy randomly approaches you. The guy doesn't know anything about you and there is nothing else to interest him except how you look. That's very different from a guy going to an event and noticing that you are actually involved with it. He's attracted and he likes that you care about X and that you care about it so much to actually work in it.

 

I hope what I'm trying to get across isn't too complicated.

 

 

 

I don't think its complicated, I just think you're in fantasy land.

 

 

I like that a girl I think looks attractive cares about X. Her caring about X is adorable!

 

 

Rosanne Bar cares about X too? Oh, well, that's nice.

 

 

In either case, it's about looks and physical attraction. Her caring about X is rationalizing why you're not shallow like everyone else. Except, most people are shallow like everyone else.

[Toodaloo]

how many men are in an art or cooking class? zero

 

Your missing a trick there AM! Try yoga too!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Hey guys, so I know a lot of you might not know this but it's time you learned.

 

I know you think the whole randomly coming up to women approach is super charming and cute but IT'S NOT. Women (Like me and countless others) feel extremely uncomfortable when do this to us.

 

#1. It's really creepy. Women don't like random dudes talking to and randomly coming up to them when they're trying to do shopping/errands. We have things to do and places to go, stop wasting our time in the grocery store/bookstore.

 

#2. It's very intrusive and extremely pressuring. You're a complete stranger forcing us to talk to you. We have no idea what your intentions are or what you're capable of. That's troubling for any woman, especially living in a big city.

 

#3. Tough truth time, we've probably already approached by a bunch of guys that day that we turned down. Some of them are much more handsome/had more status (Sorry, just being honest) than you . What are you going to do/offer that really stands out? Nothing.

 

Just because we smile or make eye contact at you DOES NOT give you permission to bother us. We're just being polite and nothing more.

 

We don't want to hear how pretty you think we are or how cute you think our outfit is. We've heard that same line A MILLION TIMES and you're not being charming/suave by saying it again. You're being annoying.

 

Anyhow, just a little PSA for you guys. Please respect our personal space and boundaries!

 

 

 

ROFL - this is completely absurd!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Guys, I'm not saying never approach us at all.

 

 

 

 

 

... she's saying: (only approach us when you're more attractive than we are, or more attractive than we believe we deserve* in a mate, and mostly only when we're single, except those times when we need a morale boost, and reassurance, even though we're involved in a romantic relationship)

 

(*... but not toooo much more than we think we deserve in a mate, because then we won't let ourselves believe that we're good enough for you)

 

(so somebody randomly discovers Loveshack for the first time, and immediately uses Loveshack to make this thread's absurd announcement, while seeming to speak on behalf of all women??)

 

What are the chances of that???

[Taramere]

Anyhow, just a little PSA for you guys. Please respect our personal space and boundaries!

 

Was there a particular incident that happened recently that left you feeling this way?

 

I'm normally somewhat sociable about responding to people who engage me, but you do get those characters who "hit on" women in a way that's not dissimilar to a streetwalker plying for trade, or an aggressive salesperson. I don't think many people would enjoy being hit on in that way...but a normal person making conversation in a sociable way and perhaps being mildly flirtatious is really part of day to day social interaction.

 

So I suppose it depends on whether you're talking here about anybody who dares to speak to you in a sociable/friendly way while you're out, or if you're talking about guys who see themselves as "pick up artists" and cruise the streets looking for women to bother.

[toolforgrowth]

how many men are in an art or cooking class? zero

 

I learned to cook all on my own at home when I was married by watching Food Network (specifically Good Eats). I practiced with my xWW until I became a kitchen master.

 

Every woman that I've been with since has marveled at my cooking skills. And I showcase them every chance I get. Get a decent bottle of wine, grill up some nice grilled chicken or a good sirloin, make a homemade alfredo and toss in some pasta, and steam up some good quality veggies, serve it to them with good presentation, and then engage them in good conversation while you're eating.

 

It has never failed me once. Grilling is a man thing, but also being proficient in the kitchen shows I've got other domestic skills too. Making the food look really good displays artistic skills. And then sitting down with a candle between you on a tasteful, intimate table for two with a glass of wine, telling jokes that make her laugh...

 

It's so easy to take a woman out for dinner, but something completely different when you make it yourself and it's utterly delicious.

[MGX]

I'm going to have to disagree with this.

 

This is how culture has been like for centuries. MEN are the hunters, WOMEN are the gatherers. Most MEN want to act like MEN.

 

Most guys today, due to women being so aggressive and throwing themselves at men, have become passive, beta, lazy, and put zero effort into striking up a conversation with a woman.

 

It has nothing to do with "putting a woman on a pedestal" or "blowing up her ego."

 

I have to say, because a good majority of guys turning passive and beta, it has forced me to become overly aggressive, and alpha and this in and of itself is a turn off to most men.

 

The dynamic between men and women NEEDS to go back to how it used to be. Men going after women.

 

And until that happens, we're going to be locked into this dysfunctional system of lazy men, overly aggressive masculine women, and this twisted dating world which neither gender can even navigate because the roles are so morphed and distorted.

 

And I disagree with this. I think women should openly go after men, as well as men pursuing women. Don't lay it all on one gender. Men are discouraged to go after women nowadays. I liked that your other post encouraged interaction. Only thing is that I think BOTH sexes should do it in the day and age.

 

The hunter/gatherer dynamic has changed. Nowadays, most men aren't these big strong dudes who pound steel all day long and return to their homemaker housewives. Women have jobs as well and men sit at keyboards. Man lost power, but women have gained strength and the playing field is more balanced.

[MGX]

But he still walked up to her out of the blue because he just wanted to have sex with her.

 

The guy walking up to you at the bus stop isn't looking for a girlfriend.

 

That's not always true. A bus stop might not be the most romantic setting, but a man could be looking for a woman to have a relationship with ANYWHERE, if one catches his eye.

 

Even at Wal-Mart.

[gaius]

I was in New York briefly recently and I had a guy come up to me, put his arm on my shoulder and start a big spiel that led up to him asking me for a dollar, then accused me of not giving him one because he was black when I said no. It wasn't that bad an experience.

[MGX]

And you're kidding yourself if you think online dating doesn't work the exact same way.

 

And even further kidding yourself if you think men DON'T pick women- in ANY scenario based on their attraction to them.

 

Getting to know them, learning their interests comes later. But when two people meet? It's based on PHYSICAL attraction.

 

It's unrealistic to think otherwise.

 

Looking good and being warm/nice were the two main things I looked for in a woman. Alot of women I came across were appealing at the time, but weren't nice or unapproachable. So it wasn't just looks for me.