Message to All Men: Stop randomly approaching girls

[MrMeh]

Thank goodness you posted this "to ALL Men".

 

Maybe the whole male population will stop approaching women on the street and chaos will seize to exist between the sexes. Thank you!

[Starship]

It's odd that the OP registers and posts this provocative request as a first message.

 

Me thinks it is trying to instigate 'reaction'.

 

I'm flattered when men approach me. Sometimes happens twice a day...sometimes once a week. I have no intention to stop smiling and give them some type of frown.

 

So to the OP....no, keep approaching. I agree, the more public, the more romantic in that it makes me squishy inside.

[insert_name]

OP is just butt hurt cus random dudes are hitting on her friends and her cock block game isnt up to scratch.

[GemmaUK]

OP I 100% disagree with your post and for the record I'm a woman too.

 

 

The only times I haven't liked an approach is if someone is disrespectful or trying to grab me.

 

 

If you don't want any approaches at all then don't look at men and certainly don't smile at them.

 

 

If I hadn't ever been approached then I wouldn't have had a date until my mid thirties when I first used OLD.

 

 

Message to all guys: Please do approach if you want to when she makes eye contact and smiles at you, most of us like it!

[lollipopspot]

Can you please send this memo to all the women who started threads asking why men don't approach them. I think whatever women want in regards to this issue should be respected but stop sending men mixed messages.

 

There is no such thing as "mixed messages" on this from women as a group. An individual can send a mixed message, but "women" are not a hive mind. Some women like to be approached, some women don't. Seems obvious. People speak for themselves. I don't care how the OP addressed this thread - clearly people speak for themselves on so broad a topic, and one woman can't speak for over 3 billion others of her gender. With a caveat, as follows below, re. reading social cues, which indicates a fairly universal way to know if someone can be "safely" approached.

 

To all those who wonder why men never approach women anymore this is the reason. A man never knows what he is walking into when he talks to a woman and it sometimes just isn't worth it.

 

People never know what the heck they're getting when they talk to any stranger. That's why, when figuring out if attention from a stranger might be welcome, people have to read social cues like smiling, eye contact, etc. The person who is looking down and frowning pretty clearly doesn't want to be approached, and yet she often is. That's not a mixed message, that's poor reading of social cues by the receiver.

[SJS]

Personally I like it when random dudes talk to me in the grocery store or coffee shop. I highly doubt they're hitting on me, but I still like conversation.

 

 

When they DO hit on me, what I don't like is when they ask me if I like Dr. Who, and I say no, and they continue to blabber on and on about it and how I look just like their favorite character ever and proceed to bring up the imbd page to show me said character....did I mention my husband was with me?

[Toodaloo]

Hey guys, so I know a lot of you might not know this but it's time you learned.

 

I know you think the whole randomly coming up to women approach is super charming and cute but IT'S NOT. Women (Like me and countless others) feel extremely uncomfortable when do this to us. That is actually really unsociable of you and intensely rude. I LIKE TO TALK TO RANDOM STRANGERS - I have made some wonderful friends that way. DO NOT TALK FOR ME OP.

 

#1. It's really creepy. Women don't like random dudes talking to and randomly coming up to them when they're trying to do shopping/errands. We have things to do and places to go, stop wasting our time in the grocery store/bookstore. Excuse me? Creepy? How so by someone saying hello or passing time and being sociable. Again. Very rude behavior on your part. I live an extremely busy life and still make time to pass the wait in line etc with my fellow men and women. LIFE IS NOT FACEBOOK OR TWITTER. There are real people out there. No everyone fancys you or wants to shag you.

 

#2. It's very intrusive and extremely pressuring. You're a complete stranger forcing us to talk to you. We have no idea what your intentions are or what you're capable of. That's troubling for any woman, especially living in a big city. Forcing you to talk? You have a mouth you can simply say "Sorry I am in a bad mood today and don't want to talk". The more I read the more ignorant and arrogant you sound.

 

#3. Tough truth time, we've probably already approached by a bunch of guys that day that we turned down. Some of them are much more handsome/had more status (Sorry, just being honest) than you . What are you going to do/offer that really stands out? Nothing. What a load of absolute tosh.

 

Just because we smile or make eye contact at you DOES NOT give you permission to bother us. We're just being polite and nothing more. Polite? You call that polite? Smile and make eye contact then have a go at someone just because they say hello? Stop making eye contact and smiling at people OP then they will not bother you. Lessons in basic manners would not go a miss here...

 

We don't want to hear how pretty you think we are or how cute you think our outfit is. We've heard that same line A MILLION TIMES and you're not being charming/suave by saying it again. You're being annoying. So now we can't compliment people and we have to walk around in damned bubbles? I compliment people all the time when its due. That includes random strangers. You know what I have never had it thrown in my face and it has always cheered them up.

 

Anyhow, just a little PSA for you guys. Please respect our personal space and boundaries!

 

Just a little PSA for you OP. Stuff like this is going to piddle many people off.

 

Guys do not listen to this clap trap!

[Toodaloo]

Guys, I'm not saying never approach us at all.

 

But there's appropriate places to do it. Like a bar, a party, work, club, etc. Those are places we SPECIFICALLY go out to socialize.

 

But a bus stop, bookstore, grocery store, or just walking down the street? That's a BIG NO-NO. For all the reason I listed above and more.

 

I don't want some bloke who is off his face to approach me. I would FAR rather it be out shopping or at the bus stop.

 

I don't go clubbing or out to bars very often (probably once every 4-5 years max) and being that the men I work with are either my Bosses (all happily married) or my employees (one of whom was sacked a few months ago for stalking me) I absolutely DO NOT want any of the men I work with to ask me out.

 

Seriously OP your views are seriously Fked up.

 

Thanks for piddling me off first thing on a Friday with such stupid remarks.

[Toodaloo]

To all those who wonder why men never approach women anymore this is the reason. A man never knows what he is walking into when he talks to a woman and it sometimes just isn't worth it.

 

Woggle honey do the math.

 

Look how many women are coming out and saying yes please it makes our day!

 

I suspect that women like OP are very much in minority.

[al78]

It's not rocket science. The way to meet the right people for you is by leading an active life in which you engage in every activity or interest you care about and meet people with whom you have things in common.

 

I agree this is good advice although is hasn't worked that well in my case, as by pursuing my hobbies and interests almost all of the people I meet are 15-30 years older than me, a little too large an age gap for dating as far as I am concerned.

[SycamoreCircle]

Hey guys, so I know a lot of you might not know this but it's time you learned.

 

I know you think the whole randomly coming up to women approach is super charming and cute but IT'S NOT. Women (Like me and countless others) feel extremely uncomfortable when do this to us.

 

#1. It's really creepy. Women don't like random dudes talking to and randomly coming up to them when they're trying to do shopping/errands. We have things to do and places to go, stop wasting our time in the grocery store/bookstore.

 

#2. It's very intrusive and extremely pressuring. You're a complete stranger forcing us to talk to you. We have no idea what your intentions are or what you're capable of. That's troubling for any woman, especially living in a big city.

 

#3. Tough truth time, we've probably already approached by a bunch of guys that day that we turned down. Some of them are much more handsome/had more status (Sorry, just being honest) than you . What are you going to do/offer that really stands out? Nothing.

 

Just because we smile or make eye contact at you DOES NOT give you permission to bother us. We're just being polite and nothing more.

 

We don't want to hear how pretty you think we are or how cute you think our outfit is. We've heard that same line A MILLION TIMES and you're not being charming/suave by saying it again. You're being annoying.

 

Anyhow, just a little PSA for you guys. Please respect our personal space and boundaries!

Right now some guy somewhere is approaching a woman, getting her number, calling her a day later, going out with her, flirting with her, seeing her again, sleeping with her, entering into a relationship with her, moving in with her, proposing, buying a house with her, having kids with her, seeing them off to college, growing old, holding her hand while she leaves this place, leaving this place soon thereafter. What are you going to do/offer that really stands out? Nothing.

[regine_phalange]

Wow, I'm not a man, but god!

 

Why would you make eye contact and smile at someone and then expect them not to approach you? If you aren't interested don't look at them twice and don't smile! Polite body language is not polite when your thoughts are impolite.

[Woggle]

Woggle honey do the math.

 

Look how many women are coming out and saying yes please it makes our day!

 

I suspect that women like OP are very much in minority.

 

I believe it as well but women who think like this go on sites like Jezebel and makes videos shaming men for daring to talk to a woman and a lot of guys just think it isn't even worth it anymore. Some guys even look away to avoid even making eye contact with a woman. The only men who really do public approaches anymore are sleazy men because they don't care how women feel. The decent guys are under the impression that most women think like the OP.

[No Limit]

That one guy that approached me randomly on the street I did find charming. Those many other guys approaching me at the club too, those are the smart ones that figured that even though women are believed to be masters of multitasking we are not capable of reading minds.

 

If you're suffering from shyness or social anxieties I'd advise you not to go to parties or social events because at those places chances are increased that someone will eventually approach you. I'd also ask you not to generalize your own views; this isn't such a hot topic but some crowds could feel offended by it.

 

edit; Oh, and you might start thinking about your own behaviors. This might surprise you now but, people interpret smiles to be positive-green-light regarding communication. As for the haughty part about what men should offer you - what do you offer them?

Edited March 6, 2015 by No Limit

[2.50 a gallon]

Had I listened to OP's advice I would have missed out on my current loving relationship with my current GF of 20 years, who I met at a convenience store. Or my ex fiancé whom I met at a sporting goods store.

[Toodaloo]

I believe it as well but women who think like this go on sites like Jezebel and makes videos shaming men for daring to talk to a woman and a lot of guys just think it isn't even worth it anymore. Some guys even look away to avoid even making eye contact with a woman. The only men who really do public approaches anymore are sleazy men because they don't care how women feel. The decent guys are under the impression that most women think like the OP.

 

More of the media making life something that it isn't...

 

I would take a guess that 98-99% of women would be flattered by an approach from a man.

[Lokin4AReason]

if you don't want men to approaching you, just don't even smile or make eye contact. and just keep your nose in smartphone texting on facebook to your bff ...

 

 

women like this kills the encouragement ( also self esteem ) for anyone to walk up and say Hello to anyone any more ...

 

 

its not our problem that you can not handle your own devil(s) within you ..

[d0nnivain]

But a bus stop, bookstore, grocery store, or just walking down the street? That's a BIG NO-NO. For all the reason I listed above and more.

 

Except for the walking down the street, as a woman I disagree. I talk to all sorts of people when out in public. I think the world would be a better place if everybody smiled & said hello.

 

There are things people can do -- body language, non verbal cues like looking away, giving a tight smile, suddenly finding their shoes fascinating, that signal do not pursue & anybody who violates that clear directive does so at their own peril. There are even verbal things you can do or say. If I am in a rotten mood, I'll even say "thanks but you know what my day sucked & I just want to be in a bad mood right now. So I'm just going to stand here & seethe, OK?" Nobody appreciates unwelcome conduct but that opening line, after eye contact, hey you don't know until you try.

 

saywhatnow22 -- you have high class problems if you can't leave your house without being hit on. Instead of complaining about it. Be flattered. Politely make it known that you are not interested but don't pretend to speak for everyone.

[1040]

Ladies, is it really that hard to say, "Thanks, I appreciate it, but I have a boyfriend"?

 

As a guy, that would get me to leave, and I imagine it's the same with almost all guys. I know there are creepers, but if that is the case, just get firmer and walk away.

[hotpotato]

Not even bookstores...? How do you meet people(not just men), OP?

[hotpotato]

Ladies, is it really that hard to say, "Thanks, I appreciate it, but I have a boyfriend"?

 

As a guy, that would get me to leave, and I imagine it's the same with almost all guys. I know there are creepers, but if that is the case, just get firmer and walk away.

 

If he's truly a creeper, walking away can arouse him further. It's best to act like he isn't there. I know that's easier said than done. True creepers get off on getting reactions. This is from someone who has had to deal with men who are truly creepy.

[ComingInHot]

Hey guys, so I know a lot of you might not know this but it's time you learned.

 

I know you think the whole randomly coming up to women approach is super charming and cute but IT'S NOT. Women (Like me and countless others) feel extremely uncomfortable when do this to us.

 

#1. It's really creepy. Women don't like random dudes talking to and randomly coming up to them when they're trying to do shopping/errands. We have things to do and places to go, stop wasting our time in the grocery store/bookstore.

 

#2. It's very intrusive and extremely pressuring. You're a complete stranger forcing us to talk to you. We have no idea what your intentions are or what you're capable of. That's troubling for any woman, especially living in a big city.

 

#3. Tough truth time, we've probably already approached by a bunch of guys that day that we turned down. Some of them are much more handsome/had more status (Sorry, just being honest) than you . What are you going to do/offer that really stands out? Nothing.

 

Just because we smile or make eye contact at you DOES NOT give you permission to bother us. We're just being polite and nothing more.

 

We don't want to hear how pretty you think we are or how cute you think our outfit is. We've heard that same line A MILLION TIMES and you're not being charming/suave by saying it again. You're being annoying.

 

Anyhow, just a little PSA for you guys. Please respect our personal space and boundaries!

 

wow... I have just a couple of comments and questions regarding what you wrote.

 

1. Where do you live that you are so wary and afraid? I understand that New York and Chicago are big cities but the people I've bumped into upon visiting have been quite nice and sincere? I could see possibly inner city Detroit (it has a tendency to get quite violent on occasion).

 

2. I think it is admirable and flattering when I am approached in a grocery store by a stranger who then gives me a compliment. That takes serious b*lls for one thing and for another, it makes my day.

 

3. You must be incredibly gorgeous physically to get hit on day after day after hour after hour wherever you go that you are so put off by it. Maybe look at it less of a bother and more of reminding you how blessed you are in your physical beauty.

 

4. I happen to think that smiling and eye contact however not necessarily meant as an invitation can most certainly be considered one. I would much rather smile at a stranger than scowl at them and have them approach me nicely than think I am a b*tch.

It reads though that you are very tired of having to turn away everyone who approaches you when you smile. I feel bad that it is stealing some of your joy.

Just know there are some would probably like to trade places with you even for a little while.

 

Best of luck out there OP!

CiH*

[1040]

There is someone who posts a lot here with the opposite problem and she doesn't seem happy. So maybe the grass isn't greener.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I think in larger cities in the US women can get a lot of unwanted attention. So there are a lot of women that just want to get on with their day without being bothered by men, but I also think it has a lot to do with how these men approach and their attitudes towards rejection. But sometimes women simply don't have the time or interest, or have other things on their mind.

 

If you come to the US from another country you will feel that immediate increase in attention and probably feel like a supermodel and everyone being so "friendly" (which of course is not always genuine or innocent)...where women in the US are either over it because they know what those guys are after already, flattered, or the friendly type and enjoy. Depends on personality, options, attractiveness and other things.

 

But the reality is a lot of women don't like the attention and will be nasty to men for the smallest reason..this is something you have to experience as a man. For me it's rare as I have pretty good social skills, but even I've had noses turned up at me or attitudes from women because they thought they were being hit on and were so attractive when, I wasn't even interested (not necessarily from me but in general). Some women really do think they're hot stuff for reasons I'll never know, and surprisingly a lot of these women are very average, that's what always makes me scratch my head...for me it's always the average girl I see exaggerating interest from men like she's trying to convince herself and everyone else she's hot....no thanks for me that's for sure but I won't say anything, just pass on that, not even worth the time.

 

Personal experience for me has shown that if your approach and conversation is good, then you can relax and disarm many potentially tense situations and make them very easy going and natural...but it is a skill, not a natural thing for most guys, which is a problem..as there's a huge chance at rejection and embarrassment from women, or they men simply misread interest.

 

Most guys aren't good at all those things combined and able to just be in a natural state..and then you have women like the OP swimming amongst the crowd.

 

Men would hit on women if women were more consistent. But for most men their behavior is erratic and unpredictable, overly defensive and off putting or they just never simply can interpret their queues. And to me, men are a lot more consistent and predictable with a minority being different. So I can understand why most men are confused by women.

[Davey L]

Personally, when I sense this kind of bad attitude I don't want to have anything more to do with her.