Message to All Men: Stop randomly approaching girls

[Radu]

I agree with the OP ... if you are not sure [and there is no way to be sure or even accurate about this] it's better to err on the side of caution and just not approach.

 

Even at bars/parties/disco it is best to avoid approaching, unless you get very clear signals.

 

As ninja put it, consistent behaviour is needed, and the only way you're going to get that is to not participate.

Edited March 6, 2015 by Radu

[KatZee]

I'm not even reading the entire 4 pages of thread here.

 

I am a woman and I disagree with this entire first post. To be clear:

ALL OF IT.

 

Men: PLEASE approach women. I have this problem now. Men never approach me. EVER. I don't know when this started, where women think men are creeps, but literally no guy will ever approach me.

 

I am not approached in bars, in book stores, in coffee shops, on the street. No where.

 

It would make my day if a man took time out of his day to walk up to me, introduce himself and told me I was beautiful.

 

I hate, ABSOLUTELY HATE that the only place you can even meet a person these days is through an artificial electronic device.

 

You walk around and everyone has their face planted in a cell phone, iPad, e-Reader. It's disgusting, everyone walks around disconnected, isolated, unapproachable. People don't even know how to communicate anymore, no one uses a telephone anymore.

 

Dating has become this black cesspool.

 

So men: I give you permission to bother me. I give you permission to come up to me and introduce yourself. I give you permission to act like a real human being who has social skills.

 

Please come up to me in a bar, in the supermarket, in a book store, at a coffee shop.

 

[tojaz]

I'm not even reading the entire 4 pages of thread here.

 

I am a woman and I disagree with this entire first post. To be clear:

ALL OF IT.

 

Men: PLEASE approach women. I have this problem now. Men never approach me. EVER. I don't know when this started, where women think men are creeps, but literally no guy will ever approach me.

 

I am not approached in bars, in book stores, in coffee shops, on the street. No where.

 

It would make my day if a man took time out of his day to walk up to me, introduce himself and told me I was beautiful.

 

I hate, ABSOLUTELY HATE that the only place you can even meet a person these days is through an artificial electronic device.

 

You walk around and everyone has their face planted in a cell phone, iPad, e-Reader. It's disgusting, everyone walks around disconnected, isolated, unapproachable. People don't even know how to communicate anymore, no one uses a telephone anymore.

 

Dating has become this black cesspool.

 

So men: I give you permission to bother me. I give you permission to come up to me and introduce yourself. I give you permission to act like a real human being who has social skills.

 

Please come up to me in a bar, in the supermarket, in a book store, at a coffee shop.

 

 

Couldn't like this post enough, makes me wonder how many ladies (and guys too I'm sure) in the coffee shops, bookstores, bus stops etc. Trying to avoid eye contact and pretending they are too busy to return a hello..... are hiding behind their phone checking their OLD account?

 

TOJAZ

[contact1]

Alright ladies, all of you that want to be approach, decide among yourselves a location to congregate and I'll get all the men on LS to approach you there

[Imported]

I would never randomly approach you.

Edited March 7, 2015 by Imported
It is absolutely your loss.

[GemmaUK]

I'm not even reading the entire 4 pages of thread here.

 

I am a woman and I disagree with this entire first post. To be clear:

ALL OF IT.

 

Men: PLEASE approach women. I have this problem now. Men never approach me. EVER. I don't know when this started, where women think men are creeps, but literally no guy will ever approach me.

 

I am not approached in bars, in book stores, in coffee shops, on the street. No where.

 

It would make my day if a man took time out of his day to walk up to me, introduce himself and told me I was beautiful.

 

I hate, ABSOLUTELY HATE that the only place you can even meet a person these days is through an artificial electronic device.

 

You walk around and everyone has their face planted in a cell phone, iPad, e-Reader. It's disgusting, everyone walks around disconnected, isolated, unapproachable. People don't even know how to communicate anymore, no one uses a telephone anymore.

 

Dating has become this black cesspool.

 

So men: I give you permission to bother me. I give you permission to come up to me and introduce yourself. I give you permission to act like a real human being who has social skills.

 

Please come up to me in a bar, in the supermarket, in a book store, at a coffee shop.

 

 

 

 

Love this post!

 

 

If I have been glancing at you, catching eye contact with you and or smiling then I'd like you to approach. If I have seen you return my looks and smiles and I then walk past you when I could walk another route and say hello or excuse me with a smile directly at you then I would like to speak to you.

 

 

I've noticed a new thing which I find a little odd but also really lovely.

I am guessing these guys are in their 30's and I don't see what they do as an approach at all but it's still nice.

I'll be walking along and he will be walking straight toward me, I shift a little to avoid walking into him but he doesn't equally shift so is still going to walk into me. Then right when we are face to face the guy apologies, bows his head with his arm curled in front of him, steps out of my way and extends his arm so that I can walk by.

This has happened to me around 8 times over the last few months and it's lovely! Old fashioned chivalry!

[Radu]

Key thing in this OP is the word 'randomly'.

 

If it's random, it's best to not do it.

If eye contact has been made and there is something there [has to be repeatedly] then it's probably safe to approach.

 

But stuff like randomly talking and even asking questions about the area ... better ask someone outside of your prospective age group; if you are young man, ask an older woman or a man, but avoid a woman of your age.

 

While you only need 1 to say yes to a date and maybe a few yrs later you will tie the knot, another way to look at it is that you only need one to scream 'perv/creepo' followed by 'Police' and if you care about your future you will be literally ... screwed.

So best to err on the side of caution.

 

On a sidenote, i have no idea what the ppl who approach at work are thinking.

One small misunderstanding and your career is done.

Edited March 7, 2015 by Radu

[Toodaloo]

I'm not even reading the entire 4 pages of thread here.

 

I am a woman and I disagree with this entire first post. To be clear:

ALL OF IT.

 

Men: PLEASE approach women. I have this problem now. Men never approach me. EVER. I don't know when this started, where women think men are creeps, but literally no guy will ever approach me.

 

I am not approached in bars, in book stores, in coffee shops, on the street. No where.

 

It would make my day if a man took time out of his day to walk up to me, introduce himself and told me I was beautiful.

 

I hate, ABSOLUTELY HATE that the only place you can even meet a person these days is through an artificial electronic device.

 

You walk around and everyone has their face planted in a cell phone, iPad, e-Reader. It's disgusting, everyone walks around disconnected, isolated, unapproachable. People don't even know how to communicate anymore, no one uses a telephone anymore.

 

Dating has become this black cesspool.

 

So men: I give you permission to bother me. I give you permission to come up to me and introduce yourself. I give you permission to act like a real human being who has social skills.

 

Please come up to me in a bar, in the supermarket, in a book store, at a coffee shop.

 

 

I also love this post! Need a "spot on" button!

 

Guys I don't care where I am but if you want to say hello - please do!

 

I don't care if its random or not! Its actually really nice to meet new people!

[autumnnight]

I also love this post! Need a "spot on" button!

 

Guys I don't care where I am but if you want to say hello - please do!

 

I don't care if its random or not! Its actually really nice to meet new people!

 

This. Is it not possible to say hi how are you without someone assuming your next request is going to be "get naked"?

 

People need to lighten up and drop the incessant paranoia.

[NGC1300]

Men SHOULD stop approaching, but not for the reasons given by OP.

 

This cultural norm has had the effect of leaving women with massive egos and it requires them to put in essentially zero effort to get with men. If all men simply stopped approaching, the tables would eventually turn. Women would either have to approach men, or they can be the strong and independent people they claim to be, and stay single.

 

Either way, men have shot themselves in the foot with all this needless attention paid to women.

[KatZee]

Men SHOULD stop approaching, but not for the reasons given by OP.

 

This cultural norm has had the effect of leaving women with massive egos and it requires them to put in essentially zero effort to get with men. If all men simply stopped approaching, the tables would eventually turn. Women would either have to approach men, or they can be the strong and independent people they claim to be, and stay single.

 

Either way, men have shot themselves in the foot with all this needless attention paid to women.

 

I'm going to have to disagree with this.

 

This is how culture has been like for centuries. MEN are the hunters, WOMEN are the gatherers. Most MEN want to act like MEN.

 

Most guys today, due to women being so aggressive and throwing themselves at men, have become passive, beta, lazy, and put zero effort into striking up a conversation with a woman.

 

It has nothing to do with "putting a woman on a pedestal" or "blowing up her ego."

 

I have to say, because a good majority of guys turning passive and beta, it has forced me to become overly aggressive, and alpha and this in and of itself is a turn off to most men.

 

The dynamic between men and women NEEDS to go back to how it used to be. Men going after women.

 

And until that happens, we're going to be locked into this dysfunctional system of lazy men, overly aggressive masculine women, and this twisted dating world which neither gender can even navigate because the roles are so morphed and distorted.

[autumnnight]

Men SHOULD stop approaching, but not for the reasons given by OP.

 

This cultural norm has had the effect of leaving women with massive egos and it requires them to put in essentially zero effort to get with men. If all men simply stopped approaching, the tables would eventually turn. Women would either have to approach men, or they can be the strong and independent people they claim to be, and stay single.

 

Either way, men have shot themselves in the foot with all this needless attention paid to women.

 

Oh sweetie, and you were doing so well letting go of the bitterness.....

 

I know a handful of women with so-called massive egos. Trust me, none of the rest of us, or very many men for that matter, are impressed with them. Most of us women are actual nice humans.

[NGC1300]

Most guys today, due to women being so aggressive and throwing themselves at men....

 

Not sure what universe you're living in, unless you're talking about the top 1% of men.

[Woggle]

I'm going to have to disagree with this.

 

This is how culture has been like for centuries. MEN are the hunters, WOMEN are the gatherers. Most MEN want to act like MEN.

 

Most guys today, due to women being so aggressive and throwing themselves at men, have become passive, beta, lazy, and put zero effort into striking up a conversation with a woman.

 

It has nothing to do with "putting a woman on a pedestal" or "blowing up her ego."

 

I have to say, because a good majority of guys turning passive and beta, it has forced me to become overly aggressive, and alpha and this in and of itself is a turn off to most men.

 

The dynamic between men and women NEEDS to go back to how it used to be. Men going after women.

 

And until that happens, we're going to be locked into this dysfunctional system of lazy men, overly aggressive masculine women, and this twisted dating world which neither gender can even navigate because the roles are so morphed and distorted.

 

The things is that the way society is today is how a good portion of women wanted it. For a few decades feminists tried to create what we have today and now that we have it it seems like a lot of buyers remorse going on.

[alphamale]

Anyhow, just a little PSA for you guys. Please respect our personal space and boundaries!

why don't all women start wearing chastity belts also

[KatZee]

Not sure what universe you're living in, unless you're talking about the top 1% of men.

 

What universe I live in? Planet Earth. Here in NYC. I go out with friends and there are throngs of women who just throw themselves at men. And if it's not one woman, there's 10 more right behind her. There's zero reason for any man to approach a woman when they're so easy.

[Woggle]

What universe I live in? Planet Earth. Here in NYC. I go out with friends and there are throngs of women who just throw themselves at men. And if it's not one woman, there's 10 more right behind her. There's zero reason for any man to approach a woman when they're so easy.

 

You live in NYC where it has become a playground for any guy with anything going for him. The women outnumber the men since so many women moved there in the 90s and 2000s after it got cleaned up expecting real life to be like what they saw on TV and the guys who can attract women just treat like a revolving door. I used to live in NYC and I loved it back then but I hate what the city that raised me has become.

[alphamale]

What universe I live in? Planet Earth. Here in NYC. I go out with friends and there are throngs of women who just throw themselves at men. And if it's not one woman, there's 10 more right behind her. There's zero reason for any man to approach a woman when they're so easy.

when alcohol is thrown into the mix anything is possible

[KatZee]

You live in NYC where it has become a playground for any guy with anything going for him. The women outnumber the men since so many women moved there in the 90s and 2000s after it got cleaned up expecting real life to be like what they saw on TV and the guys who can attract women just treat like a revolving door. I used to live in NYC and I loved it back then but I hate what the city that raised me has become.

 

Oh I hate it. The NYC culture is the worst. If I wasn't completely tied here due to my job I'd be gone.

[TouchedByViolet]

I know a few women in real life who wear rings even when single so guys won't approach them. Unwanted attention is a relatively common complaint among them.

[MissBee]

Hey guys, so I know a lot of you might not know this but it's time you learned.

 

I know you think the whole randomly coming up to women approach is super charming and cute but IT'S NOT. Women (Like me and countless others) feel extremely uncomfortable when do this to us.

 

#1. It's really creepy. Women don't like random dudes talking to and randomly coming up to them when they're trying to do shopping/errands. We have things to do and places to go, stop wasting our time in the grocery store/bookstore.

 

#2. It's very intrusive and extremely pressuring. You're a complete stranger forcing us to talk to you. We have no idea what your intentions are or what you're capable of. That's troubling for any woman, especially living in a big city.

 

#3. Tough truth time, we've probably already approached by a bunch of guys that day that we turned down. Some of them are much more handsome/had more status (Sorry, just being honest) than you . What are you going to do/offer that really stands out? Nothing.

 

Just because we smile or make eye contact at you DOES NOT give you permission to bother us. We're just being polite and nothing more.

 

We don't want to hear how pretty you think we are or how cute you think our outfit is. We've heard that same line A MILLION TIMES and you're not being charming/suave by saying it again. You're being annoying.

 

Anyhow, just a little PSA for you guys. Please respect our personal space and boundaries!

 

Woman here: I have to completely disagree with you.

 

For me, and I think many other women, it's about HOW a man approaches more than anything else and not that we never want any man to ever approach us. I mean, that's a bit ridiculous IMO, how would you ever get to meet men then unless you already knew them in some way?

 

I like being approached and have gotten dates that way. It was simply a matter of whether the guy approaching was charming, respectful and we hit it off and were attracted or not. I think my advice would be: if a woman is giving you signs, smiling etc, nothing is wrong with approaching, if she declines, respect it. That's all.

 

When I'm out and see a man I'm into I'm going to smile and make eye contact as a sign that I want him to talk to me, I hope he does! If I happen to smile at a man I'm not into and he approaches, as long as he is not rude and pushy if I decline then I will be polite and friendly and leave it there. Approaching in and of itself is not creepy, a creepy approach is what is creepy not just the fact of you approaching at all.

 

It's overkill and just unrealistic IMO to give a PSA that men should never approach women randomly...I mean...come on. It's better to give tips on what women find to be successful, charming or endearing approaches IMO. Also, yes some places may be inappropriate timing like at a funeral while you're crying over the casket, if you've just been almost hit by a car and are lying in the street, if you're already on another date, or are clearly deeply involved in something else that seems important like you're on a call, studying with your head buried in the book and so on...but at the grocery story, the coffee shop, bus stop? Are you serious? All those places tend to be where you're not doing anything that deep and an approach can be natural. I've been approached at the supermarket and on my way home on the train (three times), those were perfectly fine for me. I would love to have my "how we met story" be something that started innocuous like that actually than "we made eyes across the bar/club/dancefloor."

Edited March 7, 2015 by MissBee

[Harold of Andraste]

I seriously wonder why a woman would accept a date from a guy who randomly approached her on the street, or any generic environment. In that situation, the guy only approached her for one reason.

 

The guy is basically saying, "Hi, I think you're attractive and I want to have sex with you."

 

Nothing about her as a person, her personality, what she likes, her interests etc matter at all. It's all about how she looks.

[KatZee]

 

The guy is basically saying, "Hi, I think you're attractive and I want to have sex with you."

 

Nothing about her as a person, her personality, what she likes, her interests etc matter at all. It's all about how she looks.

 

And you're kidding yourself if you think online dating doesn't work the exact same way.

 

And even further kidding yourself if you think men DON'T pick women- in ANY scenario based on their attraction to them.

 

Getting to know them, learning their interests comes later. But when two people meet? It's based on PHYSICAL attraction.

 

It's unrealistic to think otherwise.

[autumnnight]

I seriously wonder why a woman would accept a date from a guy who randomly approached her on the street, or any generic environment. In that situation, the guy only approached her for one reason.

 

The guy is basically saying, "Hi, I think you're attractive and I want to have sex with you."

 

Nothing about her as a person, her personality, what she likes, her interests etc matter at all. It's all about how she looks.

 

True story:

 

I was assisting with a public event. Since I worked the registration table I chatted with a lot of people. One person came up to register, and we had a quick how are you chat. He came back later to ask a question and we had a bit of banter. He came back again and asked me if I was thirsty and brought me a soda.

 

Since I was working the event, he knew I worked in a particular area of a public building. One day...or two, he stuck his head in the office to say hello.

 

We eventually went on a few dates. It didn't "click" for anything but friendship for either of us, but it was nice to get to know someone.

 

THAT is kind of how it often works. It's not like someone comes up to you in the rain and says "Nice umbrella, wanna go do it?"

[contact1]

I seriously wonder why a woman would accept a date from a guy who randomly approached her on the street, or any generic environment. In that situation, the guy only approached her for one reason.

 

The guy is basically saying, "Hi, I think you're attractive and I want to have sex with you."

 

Nothing about her as a person, her personality, what she likes, her interests etc matter at all. It's all about how she looks.

 

That's why I always bust out my x ray vision glasses when trying to approach a woman

 

Of course first encounters are about attraction, it might be hard to believe, but the Internet did not exist many many years ago (about 20 plus some) and back in this prehistoric time a guy would approach a girl to ask her out base on how she looked, without the aid of Google or facebook to see what she was about, shocking I know!!