confusedmandi Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 So I thought I was seeing this guy. He contacted me on social media we met in person had dinner, he fixed my car for me, we went to see a movie. He is ten years older than me if that helps (he's in his early 40's). We have been seeing each other for the last two months and have had sex three times. He treats me like someone he cares about (he tells me to be careful driving if the weather is bad and texts or calls me almost every day. Well the other day someone told me she thought the guy i'm seeing has a girlfriend. I didn't think much of it, he had told me he is single (or I wouldn't have hooked up with him or went to dinner) and he doesn't act like he's taken. I txt him and asked him if he's seeing someone and told him what I'd heard. He said he wanted to talk to me face to face. So two days ago he sat down with me and told me that yes, indeed he does have a girlfriend!! Well obviously he is cheating on that girlfriend because he has slept with me three times. And he's not treated me like a booty call either. He said girlfriend lives several hours away in another state and its difficult to have a long distance relationship. I was upset and told him I would of never slept with him if I'd known in advance. He said he was really nervous to tell me and never found the right time. How about before he hooked up with me or even before he started flirting with me!! We talked for over four hours after he told me that. Just normal stuff that we would usually talk about. He didn't try to talk me into sex, didn't even mention it. But the really weird thing is once he told me about his girlfriend he seemed relaxed and started holding my hand and rubbing my back and my legs and just being touchy feely. he just kept touching me when he talked to me. He would laugh over something we were talking about and hug me. It was odd. I am very comfortable with him so I let him. He even told me he wants me to come see his house (which is something he never did before I knew about girlfriend) isn't that odd?? Now I thought I made it pretty clear I will no longer be seeing him because I don't date men with girlfriends. he did apologize for not telling me but seems to have no remorse for cheating on his gf because he immediately afterward was cuddling with me and holding my hand. We spent hours talking and when he left he gave me a hug and I walked him to the door and then he kissed me (I didn't see it coming) . My question is what are this guy's motives? Is he just being nice breaking the news to my face and now he wants me to leave him alone? Does he want to be friends (I told him he better get rid of me on social media and lose my number and he said why would he do that he still wants to talk and its ok if I txt him because his phone has a password on it.) Is he trying to set me up to be his side chick (not going to happen!) but I'm just curious because it was the strangest interaction I've ever had with a guy. He said he's never cheated on his girlfriend before but I find that hard to believe because he wasn't at all shy about having sex with me. what is his deal? Link to post Share on other sites
Davey L Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I think his motives are that he'd like to have sex with you when his girlfriend is away. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 My question is what are this guy's motives? To have his cake and eat it too. Is he just being nice breaking the news to my face and now he wants me to leave him alone? Nope. He wants his cake and eat it too. Does he want to be friends (I told him he better get rid of me on social media and lose my number and he said why would he do that he still wants to talk and its ok if I txt him because his phone has a password on it.) Nope. He's trying to keep you close enough so he can continue to wear you down so he can have his cake and eat it too. Is he trying to set me up to be his side chick (not going to happen!) YES! Even a blind person can see this one a mile away He said he's never cheated on his girlfriend before but I find that hard to believe because he wasn't at all shy about having sex with me. what is his deal? Haha if you believe that line than you're more gullible than I thought. HE IS A LYING CHEAT! Period. Of course he's more relaxed and touchy feely with you now more than ever because the jig is up! He doesn't have to worry about slipping up or "confessing" (which he never would have as long as he was able to get away with things - don't believe that either). The fact that you're STILL spending so much time with this guy talking things through and letting him come near you gives him hope that he still has a chance with you. Wake up my friend. To be honest, I'm not sure you really want to end things with him. I think you're secretly hoping he'll choose you over his LD girlfriend otherwise why do you continue to give him the time of day? Never mind why you're on here asking for our advice...it's painfully obvious from those of us standing on the outside. Do yourself a favor and CUT HIM LOOSE. Nothing good will come of this. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedmandi Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 He still has hope even after I told him I won't do that because of his girlfriend? why didn't he make a move that night then. Or were those his moves lol. Should I find out who the gf is and tell her? or is it none of my business Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 But the really weird thing is once he told me about his girlfriend he seemed relaxed and started holding my hand and rubbing my back and my legs and just being touchy feely. he just kept touching me when he talked to me. He would laugh over something we were talking about and hug me. Nothing odd. He realized that you were accepting that he has a girlfriend and seeing that you were still there allowing him to touch you, he was happy you just gave him the gift of cake. I am very comfortable with him so I let him. He even told me he wants me to come see his house (which is something he never did before I knew about girlfriend) isn't that odd?? Nothing odd. You're in close proximity. He likes having someone pay him attention. You're there. He can play "girlfriend" with you. If you are thinking he is making some great gesture in his feelings for you -- if there was any gesture it would be to end his relationship with the LDR woman and focus on you. Now I thought I made it pretty clear I will no longer be seeing him because I don't date men with girlfriends. he did apologize for not telling me but seems to have no remorse for cheating on his gf because he immediately afterward was cuddling with me and holding my hand. We spent hours talking and when he left he gave me a hug and I walked him to the door and then he kissed me (I didn't see it coming) . Well, most would have been angry and mad. But you cuddled and kissed someone that was lying to you. Chances are, he doesn't take you seriously. My question is what are this guy's motives? His motive is to have you around for all the benefits his LDR girlfriend cannot give him -- company, sex, attention, fun, etc. What baffles me is that this man is a cheater and a liar and you're in lalaland trying to figure him out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 He still has hope even after I told him I won't do that because of his girlfriend? why didn't he make a move that night then. Or were those his moves lol. Should I find out who the gf is and tell her? or is it none of my business He didn't make a move because he was trying to be endearing and not appear to be after you for just sex. It must have worked because you're still confused about things rather than kicking his ass to the curb. And yes, this is all part of his charm. As for finding the girlfriend and telling her, what for? What good is going to come out of that apart from apart from making you feel better. It's unfortunate the girlfriend has a dick for a boyfriend but their relationship is none of your business. You just need to worry about your own situation and yank yourself out of it before it gets even more complicated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 He still has hope even after I told him I won't do that because of his girlfriend? Of course he has hope. A liar and a cheater will always want to milk the cow. why didn't he make a move that night then. He did. He tried kissing, cuddling, hugging you -- he was waiting for you to make the move. Don't worry. He won't give in so easily. He'll worm his way in. Should I find out who the gf is and tell her? or is it none of my business Just forget this guy and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedmandi Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 Thanks, love the honesty here! You are all right. I was confused by the situation. I didn't realize the guy was trying to make me into a side chick. Thought he was single and we were seeing eachother to see what happened. I'm kind of shell shocked even two days later lol so that's why I'm asking questions. Michelle Ma Bella yes it did cross my mind that maybe he would leave the gf for me but then I realized I would never trust him so that's pointless. It was just an odd situation. I broke up with an ex not too long ago (8 months) and am not healed completely and I just liked the physical affection and intimacy. I guess that's why I was still letting him touch me but I would have never had sex with him even if he tried. I do have standards. So far yes I have avoided him and will continue to do so. But was just curious what his motives were. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 As all the others said, he wants you as a side-piece. He's trying to warm up to you to make you believe he doesn't only want sex. There's nothing good that can come of this for you. And don't bother tracking down the girlfriend. Just cut contact with him and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Tolu2d Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Wants to bang you. Obviously you will stay away. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I want my cake and eat it too. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts