SawtoothMars Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Doesn't that only work in the movies? It sounds fairy tale. I don't see how we'll be anywhere near each other in 4 or 5 years. I want to travel a lot and live abroad in a few countries over the course of my life. From where I'm sitting, it's now or ever. I've made a decision, as conflicted as I am internally. Every time I consider giving her a second chance, visual flashes of her having sex with some other guy pop into my mind followed by a sinking mix of betrayal and pain. She really does know what we had, and I just can't believe she risked it all. It's her loss, but my pain as well. Also, I'm not sure if I agree about your blanket study regarding women cheating "A LOT". They cheat no more or no less than male according to most studies. That portion of women may cheat a lot, but it's not all women. And the figures I've found from a few academic articles show that infidelity is not the norm in relationships. A Rutgers University study found that Americans ages 18 to 24, 12.9 percent of women have cheated, versus 15.9 percent of their male counterparts. A sociologist at the same university found that "the proportion of Americans who say they have ever cheated on their spouse has hovered at 20 to 25 percent of men and 10 to 15 percent of women" according to an article on US News and World Report. It may sound like a fairy tale, but life is all about timing. The time just wasn't right for you two... after you heal... get back in touch with her and stay friends. Someday you both may be single again at the same time... or you will get to see her in an emotionally dispassionate way and find she is crap. Don't cite those studies too heavily. For one thing they were always perplexed at how women constantly report a lower number of sexual partners than men. They just figured some women were really getting around and they were not in the survey. Then about 10 years ago they found that the truth is that women lie constantly in these sex surveys. 12% of women have cheated.... more like 25%... and half are just lying their *** off. I'm pretty sure men and women cheat at near equal rates. I also think there are particular men who cheat at high rates and men who women cheat on at higher than average rates. In my experience men who are super sensitive and understanding are often doormats and women cheat on them frequently. Of course I'm just speculating a 10-20% risk increase for these guys... nothing serious. Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Your screwed dude..your up against french guys with accents that make women melt....give it up!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I keep hearing this line of reasoning over and over. Is this academically supported? Are there any journal articles anyone can share that outlines why this is the case? I'm not big on opinions, and prefer to find something researched or scientifically backed. I came across a few generic reports in journals regarding infidelity but I didn't find anything that analytically or empirically addresses the phrase that is in bold. Perhaps someone here has a peer-reviewed journal article or two handy? I was cheated on by three different women. I have been on this site and others for several years. My experience with cheaters has not been great. If your looking for a book to help you figure out what is the best way to go with her then this is probably not the site. If your looking for personal opinions and insight into what others have gone through then that is what this site is for. You can take your chances. I mean honestly no one really knows what will happen. The only thing I can tell you if you take her back and she cheats on you again it will be on you. You knew what you were getting yourself into by agreeing to go back in. Good luck with that. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Doesn't that only work in the movies? It sounds fairy tale. I don't see how we'll be anywhere near each other in 4 or 5 years. I want to travel a lot and live abroad in a few countries over the course of my life. From where I'm sitting, it's now or ever. I've made a decision, as conflicted as I am internally. Every time I consider giving her a second chance, visual flashes of her having sex with some other guy pop into my mind followed by a sinking mix of betrayal and pain. She really does know what we had, and I just can't believe she risked it all. It's her loss, but my pain as well. Also, I'm not sure if I agree about your blanket study regarding women cheating "A LOT". They cheat no more or no less than male according to most studies. That portion of women may cheat a lot, but it's not all women. And the figures I've found from a few academic articles show that infidelity is not the norm in relationships. A Rutgers University study found that Americans ages 18 to 24, 12.9 percent of women have cheated, versus 15.9 percent of their male counterparts. A sociologist at the same university found that "the proportion of Americans who say they have ever cheated on their spouse has hovered at 20 to 25 percent of men and 10 to 15 percent of women" according to an article on US News and World Report. From my standpoint, statistics mean nothing. Why? Because they don't lessen the pain you feel. They don't change the fact that she didn't care enough about you or your relationship to not to have sex with someone else. They don't change the fact that she's now shown you she isn't trustworthy and what you had didn't mean as much to her as it did to you. These so-called facts and figures can never erase the visual of her making love to someone else. Basically, they lend very little to your healing. A woman who truly loves you would never risk everything. Yet she did. You do the math there. Stay with her at your own risk. Link to post Share on other sites
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