Wife found out about affair

[i am gutted]

Whatever you do, just be honest with your wife. False reconciliation is crueler than the affair. Cut off contact with your AP so you can clear your head. As far as what your wife is going through, you haven't really seen any thing yet. Good luck, hope you find your peace.

 

This is TRUE> false R hurts...........mine carried it on during our supposed reconciliation............

[obtuseedge]

This is TRUE> false R hurts...........mine carried it on during our supposed reconciliation............

 

I don't get how people could do this. Honestly, to continue my affair during these circumstances just seems like pure torture. I do miss my xAP certainly, but I have no desire to meet up with her or to continue our affair in these circumstances at all. I actually often feel relief thinking that I am no longer tied to her business wise.

[wineberry]

Just an update. Nothing very dramatic has been going on. Been going to counseling. However, a s time goes on and I've had a chance to analyze our marriage and myself in counseling, there are certain core issues in our marriage that has gone unresolved. Some of them are my fault, and some of them are my wife's fault.

 

One issue that we've always had in our communication is that she is a very self righteous and stubborn person, and has to always be right. In fact, I don't ever recall her ever apologizing about anything important, and even when she has to acknowledge my points in an argument, she does it extremely begrudgingly. This has been a major stumbling block in our communication. She also tends to be very critical and her ties with my family are strained. Matter of factly, my family generally are not fond of her, and she generally avoids interaction with them.

 

So I'm not sure how to go about rectifying these issues. I am honestly trying to do my part in fixing the pain of the affair, but there were deeper roots which caused distance in our relationship and they have gone unresolved. Up to now, my wife still refuses to take responsibility for any of the issues in our marriage and whenever we discuss them, it turns into an argument in which she turns everything around to place the blame on me. It's extremely frustrating. After analyzing events of the last few years, I realized that after our arguments, I typically just waited until the anger to subside, then we just moved on without the issue being resolved.

 

OP, I'm concerned that you described your wife as someone that always places blame on you. You also mentioned that she always has to be right, which may indicate she has an inability to compromise. And because she's never wrong, she also doesn't ever seem to think she needs to apologize.

 

I have a cousin that has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and she has many of those traits.

 

I would try to get to the bottom of whether your wife has narcissistic traits, and if so, why you allow yourself to tolerate such self-centered behavior. I don't think a marriage can survive if one party can never compromise.

 

Don't mean to be presumptuous, but I've seen those traits before and the havoc they wreak on unsuspecting spouses.

 

-Wineberry

[obtuseedge]

how does that make you feel?

 

Honestly, it disturbs me. It does give me a sense of insecurity in terms of that I feel uncertain about where she currently stands and where we stand. It adds tension to our atmosphere of trying to reconnect.

 

I am having a hard time trying to reconnect. I certainly do still love her, and I often get caught up in memories of the better times, then I wake up to this nightmare again.

[obtuseedge]

OP, I'm concerned that you described your wife as someone that always places blame on you. You also mentioned that she always has to be right, which may indicate she has an inability to compromise. And because she's never wrong, she also doesn't ever seem to think she needs to apologize.

 

I have a cousin that has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and she has many of those traits.

 

I would try to get to the bottom of whether your wife has narcissistic traits, and if so, why you allow yourself to tolerate such self-centered behavior. I don't think a marriage can survive if one party can never compromise.

 

Don't mean to be presumptuous, but I've seen those traits before and the havoc they wreak on unsuspecting spouses.

 

-Wineberry

 

My wife isn't a narcissist. She may share some traits that may make her appear so, but she is not. She can be very critical and has a hard time accepting criticism, it is a defense mechanism from her childhood. However, she doesn't care to be the center of attention and is often very selfless in her actions. She is not a selfish person. She just has issues seeing things from the perspectives of other people. That makes it difficult to resolve issues with her sometimes. We do compromise on things, otherwise there is no way we could've made it this far, but she rarely apologizes or recognizes her fault in doing something, she always has an explanation and sticks to it.

 

The funny thing is that my xAP is far easier to get along with, and is much more forgiving of the faults of others, yet at the core, she is far more selfish than my wife.

 

I've come to take people as they are though, no one's perfect.

[obtuseedge]

All you can do is continue to work on yourself and allow your wife to handle this in her own way. Though with that said, remind her confiding in a divorced man may not be a great idea, if anything she should join you in MC and/or find her own counselor to talk to. Do you know this man she's talking to?

 

I'm glad she has family support, she needs it.

 

No, I don't know him. He's someone new she met in her social circle of friends. She has a large circle of friends.

 

Anyways, I don't think anything inappropriate will happen because my wife is actually extremely moralistic about cheating, so even if she does have feelings for him, I think she has enough self control to draw the line.

 

Honestly, if I wasn't tied to my xAP project wise, it would've never happened. But I got caught up in my emotions and our chemistry was unlike anything I've ever experienced and I succumbed to it.

[toolforgrowth]

No, I don't know him. He's someone new she met in her social circle of friends. She has a large circle of friends.

 

Anyways, I don't think anything inappropriate will happen because my wife is actually extremely moralistic about cheating, so even if she does have feelings for him, I think she has enough self control to draw the line.

 

Honestly, if I wasn't tied to my xAP project wise, it would've never happened. But I got caught up in my emotions and our chemistry was unlike anything I've ever experienced and I succumbed to it.

 

Be careful here. When I got confirmation my xWW was having an affair, I no longer cared that I was still married. I went out and reconnected with an old almost flame and proceeded to get laid like I hadn't been laid in years.

 

Divorce had been filed at that point, to be fair. But I'll be honest, even if it hadn't been filed, I still would have done it. I felt entitled to it because, in my heart, I felt that my xWW had already made our marriage contract null and void by sleeping with another person while married.

 

I would have never cheated on my xWW, no matter what. But once she had sex with someone else? Game over. I did as I pleased and cared not for how it made her feel.

 

I'm not saying your wife will do this, but the fact that she's already spending time with a divorced man, and isn't making a secret about it, is a big red flag to me. And as much as I'm rooting for you two to be able to fix your marriage and come out the other side a happier, better couple, I honestly can't say I'd blame her if she wanted to see what other options for her may be out there.

 

I think you need to nip this in the bud, like yesterday, if you have any notion of trying to save your marriage. Because once I got a taste of attraction to another woman (who was so much better looking than my xWW) who was also incredibly attracted to me as well, there was no going back for me because I didn't want to go back.

[obtuseedge]

Be careful here. When I got confirmation my xWW was having an affair, I no longer cared that I was still married. I went out and reconnected with an old almost flame and proceeded to get laid like I hadn't been laid in years.

 

Divorce had been filed at that point, to be fair. But I'll be honest, even if it hadn't been filed, I still would have done it. I felt entitled to it because, in my heart, I felt that my xWW had already made our marriage contract null and void by sleeping with another person while married.

 

I would have never cheated on my xWW, no matter what. But once she had sex with someone else? Game over. I did as I pleased and cared not for how it made her feel.

 

I'm not saying your wife will do this, but the fact that she's already spending time with a divorced man, and isn't making a secret about it, is a big red flag to me. And as much as I'm rooting for you two to be able to fix your marriage and come out the other side a happier, better couple, I honestly can't say I'd blame her if she wanted to see what other options for her may be out there.

 

I think you need to nip this in the bud, like yesterday, if you have any notion of trying to save your marriage. Because once I got a taste of attraction to another woman (who was so much better looking than my xWW) who was also incredibly attracted to me as well, there was no going back for me because I didn't want to go back.

 

They don't spend time alone as far as I know, it's only part of a group.

 

Obviously, I do have some concerns that she may be conducting a revenge affair. But knowing her, not cheating is more for her self respect and her need to always be "right", that she would likely not cross the line. But yes, I'll probably have to bring it up sometime soon. She may just be mentioning him to try to get me jealous though.

 

We are going hiking in a few days, so maybe I'll bring it up when we do.

[truncated]

This may sound like an odd thing to say, but it sounds like you and your wife need to spend some time with each other that's "affair free'. In other words, find ways of reconnecting where the weight of the affair doesn't loom over you.

 

 

I had a good friend who went through this once, and she told me that they got bogged down in the aftermath of the affair, and no matter what they did, it was always sort of the elephant in the room. what worked for them was to begin building new and happy 'post affair" memories, and they did that by trying things together that were completely new. They took cooking classes, had a trip to somewhere they had always wanted to go, and even took up swing dance lessons.

 

She sad it was all fun, with the dance lessons being the best because they were able to laugh again with each other, and that felt really great. It didn't minimize what had happened, but it helped them to see that there could be good times "post affair"

[toolforgrowth]

They don't spend time alone as far as I know

 

Your wife had no idea either until she looked at your phone. Just sayin. You managed to keep it hidden from her for a while too.

 

And you can bet that she's learned how to cover her tracks, because she knows what she had to do to discover your A. She'll be smarter about it.

 

Have you considered that she may be using this as a means of testing your true feelings? "I'm going to start spending time with another guy and see how he reacts." It makes perfect sense. Do you say anything about it? If so, that means you're invested. Do you say and/or do nothing? If so, that means you don't really care. I'm not saying this is how you actually feel, but I'm saying that it would be very easy for her to come to those conclusions.

 

Like I said...nip it in the bud. ASAP.

[obtuseedge]

Your wife had no idea either until she looked at your phone. Just sayin. You managed to keep it hidden from her for a while too.

 

And you can bet that she's learned how to cover her tracks, because she knows what she had to do to discover your A. She'll be smarter about it.

 

Have you considered that she may be using this as a means of testing your true feelings? "I'm going to start spending time with another guy and see how he reacts." It makes perfect sense. Do you say anything about it? If so, that means you're invested. Do you say and/or do nothing? If so, that means you don't really care. I'm not saying this is how you actually feel, but I'm saying that it would be very easy for her to come to those conclusions.

 

Like I said...nip it in the bud. ASAP.

 

I haven't brought it up as an issue yet, though it was clearly in the back of my mind to do it. Lately, communication has been very tough. My wife is a very intense and straightforward person, and she's still reeling from the pain and the fear of what lays ahead, so needless to say, the atmosphere for communication has not been a happy one. I also find it hard to really communicate effectively because I'm still dealing with a lot of the guilt on my end, and also confusion with the feelings I still have towards my xAP.

[whichwayisup]

It really is a shame your wife refuses to go to marriage counseling with you. Communication could happen a bit easier with the guidance of the counselor.

 

And I agree with the toolforgrowth. You really don't know. Your wife could be just bonding with this guy without thinking it means anything. Maybe there's no intention on her end, but that guy? Hey, he's a guy and you know how guys think ! Here you have a woman who found out her H cheated on her and she's turned to a divorced man......He listens to her, probably gives her advice, tries to make her feel better... You know where I'm going with this. You really don't know his intentions and if he is interested in her at all, you know damn well he's gonna take advantage of her vulnerability eventually and she may react to it, especially if things are still very strained at home with you.

 

You need to tell her that it's not right that she is confiding in him. That she needs to go to counseling with you and fix things together or your marriage has no hope of ever getting better.

[Hope Shimmers]

Like I said...nip it in the bud. ASAP.

 

Really? I don't see where he - a man who cheated on her and still is emotionally hooked to his AP - has much right to tell her to do anything.

 

If I were her and he told me to 'nip it in the bud' I would tell him where to go.

[obtuseedge]

Really? I don't see where he - a man who cheated on her and still is emotionally hooked to his AP - has much right to tell her to do anything.

 

If I were her and he told me to 'nip it in the bud' I would tell him where to go.

 

Honestly, it's my own feelings of guilt which have prevented me from bringing up my concerns.

[obtuseedge]

It really is a shame your wife refuses to go to marriage counseling with you. Communication could happen a bit easier with the guidance of the counselor.

 

And I agree with the toolforgrowth. You really don't know. Your wife could be just bonding with this guy without thinking it means anything. Maybe there's no intention on her end, but that guy? Hey, he's a guy and you know how guys think ! Here you have a woman who found out her H cheated on her and she's turned to a divorced man......He listens to her, probably gives her advice, tries to make her feel better... You know where I'm going with this. You really don't know his intentions and if he is interested in her at all, you know damn well he's gonna take advantage of her vulnerability eventually and she may react to it, especially if things are still very strained at home with you.

 

You need to tell her that it's not right that she is confiding in him. That she needs to go to counseling with you and fix things together or your marriage has no hope of ever getting better.

 

Trust me, I know that he's interested. With her though, I know she has a lot of self control and self respect, and not being labeled a cheater would be very important for her, regardless of what I do. So that's probably why I am not extremely alarmed right now.

 

I did bring up the prospect of us going to marital counseling together again, but she shot it down, saying that I'm the one with the issues to work out, not her. I told her it wasn't a question of whether she has issues or not, but it's a question of how we can get through this crisis, but she wanted me to independently go to a behavioral therapist instead. Her point was that with a counselor, I'm basically just talking through my problems, while with a therapist, they'd give me the tools to change my line of thinking and learn to become more fulfilled with what I have in life.

Edited April 26, 2015 by obtuseedge

[toolforgrowth]

Really? I don't see where he - a man who cheated on her and still is emotionally hooked to his AP - has much right to tell her to do anything.

 

If I were her and he told me to 'nip it in the bud' I would tell him where to go.

 

If he has any hopes of saving his marriage, he has to try. And since she hasn't said she wants to end the marriage herself, how is what she's doing any different than what he did?

 

Divorce hasn't been filed and no one has sought to end the marriage. She's now cake eating herself. Someone in this marriage needs to $h!t or get off the pot.

 

Don't get me wrong, I know EXACTLY how she feels and what she's going through. I can't say that I would particularly feel bad for the OP if she went through with it. No offense to him intended whatsoever, and I truly mean that. That's the risk that all adulterers take; that their BS will forsake their vows, just as the WS already did.

 

But if the WS really and truly wants to save the marriage, they have to act like it. They have to prove it to the BS, not with words, but with actions. And right now, he's not doing anything to prevent her from straying herself. That's not saving the marriage. That's sitting back and watching the BS put the final nail in its coffin.

[obtuseedge]

If he has any hopes of saving his marriage, he has to try. And since she hasn't said she wants to end the marriage herself, how is what she's doing any different than what he did?

 

Divorce hasn't been filed and no one has sought to end the marriage. She's now cake eating herself. Someone in this marriage needs to $h!t or get off the pot.

 

Don't get me wrong, I know EXACTLY how she feels and what she's going through. I can't say that I would particularly feel bad for the OP if she went through with it. No offense to him intended whatsoever, and I truly mean that. That's the risk that all adulterers take; that their BS will forsake their vows, just as the WS already did.

 

But if the WS really and truly wants to save the marriage, they have to act like it. They have to prove it to the BS, not with words, but with actions. And right now, he's not doing anything to prevent her from straying herself. That's not saving the marriage. That's sitting back and watching the BS put the final nail in its coffin.

 

I do feel like the table's been turned. I went from being the one going out on dates with my xAP, to now, just going straight to work and then right home, while my wife is constantly going out with friends and then coming home, and we would try to spend time together, and it's hitting a roadblock.

 

Honestly, at times it feels very lonely and frustrating, and I sometimes deeply miss my xAP to the point where I want to just throw in the towel. But then I get haunted by all the memories of how my marriage used to be and the woman I fell in love with, and my feelings of love for my wife surges back in me and it makes it impossible for me to even start to walk out the door.

 

To be fair, there have been several occasions where she has invited me to go out with her friends, like this evening. But I'm really not in the mood, because I feel very heavy hearted at this time and the last thing I want to do is fake like I'm doing ok and carrying on superficial banter with people I barely know.

[toolforgrowth]

I do feel like the table's been turned. I went from being the one going out on dates with my xAP, to now, just going straight to work and then right home, while my wife is constantly going out with friends and then coming home, and we would try to spend time together, and it's hitting a roadblock.

 

Honestly, at times it feels very lonely and frustrating, and I sometimes deeply miss my xAP to the point where I want to just throw in the towel. But then I get haunted by all the memories of how my marriage used to be and the woman I fell in love with, and my feelings of love for my wife surges back in me and it makes it impossible for me to even start to walk out the door.

 

I totally get that.

 

The funny thing is, she's doing pretty much what anyone on LS would tell her to do: she's pulling a 180 on you. She's getting a life of her own, going out with friends, and frankly, she's detaching. I'd even go so far as to say that she's prepping herself for a life without you.

 

The fact that the feelings of love for your wife come surging back is a good thing! So many WS's become very ambivalent towards their BS, even after D Day and when they begin to detach. But you're not. You're remembering the woman you fell in love with.

 

What did you do that made her fall in love with you? What kind of person were you? How did you treat her? I imagined that she could tell you loved her, not just through your words, but through your actions. It's up to you to make her fall in love with you all over again. You're starting at square one. Actually, you're starting at square negative one; your A puts you in the negative. You have to crawl out of that hole you willingly jumped into and start filling it up again.

 

You have to let her be in the driver's seat, probably for a good long while, before you can earn her trust back. But that doesn't include her having a revenge affair if your true intent is to save your M. Like I said, I wouldn't blame her in the slightest if she goes through with it. But you seem really sincere, and that you truly regret your actions. I'd hate for you to just stand back and watch as she destroys the last vestiges of your marriage when there was even the slightest chance it could be saved.

[toolforgrowth]

To be fair, there have been several occasions where she has invited me to go out with her friends, like this evening. But I'm really not in the mood, because I feel very heavy hearted at this time and the last thing I want to do is fake like I'm doing ok and carrying on superficial banter with people I barely know.

 

You must have edited your post, because I didn't catch this part.

 

Here's where I'm going to deliver a friendly 2x4. Go out with your wife, especially when she asks you to. Her inviting you out is her reaching her hand out to you, and you saying no because you don't feel like it is classic wayward thinking. It's not about what you want right now; it's about what she wants.

 

She's trying to reconnect with you. That means that you're going to have to put on a brave face, even when you don't want to. It means swallowing your pride and doing whatever it takes to save your marriage. It means making small talk with people you don't want to make small talk with. It means showing your wife a good time by spending time with her and investing in your wife and marriage.

 

I know you're in pain. And I know it's probably even worse because it was self inflicted. But you need to be strong and brave right now, because she's broken and she's looking to you to help fix things. Right now, it's all on you fix things.

 

You can do this. You just have to do it.

[obtuseedge]

I totally get that.

 

The funny thing is, she's doing pretty much what anyone on LS would tell her to do: she's pulling a 180 on you. She's getting a life of her own, going out with friends, and frankly, she's detaching. I'd even go so far as to say that she's prepping herself for a life without you.

 

The fact that the feelings of love for your wife come surging back is a good thing! So many WS's become very ambivalent towards their BS, even after D Day and when they begin to detach. But you're not. You're remembering the woman you fell in love with.

 

What did you do that made her fall in love with you? What kind of person were you? How did you treat her? I imagined that she could tell you loved her, not just through your words, but through your actions. It's up to you to make her fall in love with you all over again. You're starting at square one. Actually, you're starting at square negative one; your A puts you in the negative. You have to crawl out of that hole you willingly jumped into and start filling it up again.

 

You have to let her be in the driver's seat, probably for a good long while, before you can earn her trust back. But that doesn't include her having a revenge affair if your true intent is to save your M. Like I said, I wouldn't blame her in the slightest if she goes through with it. But you seem really sincere, and that you truly regret your actions. I'd hate for you to just stand back and watch as she destroys the last vestiges of your marriage when there was even the slightest chance it could be saved.

 

In the beginning of the relationship, I was romantic with her, I wrote her poems, we traveled, I made up stories, was sweet to her, she was my girl. Of course, ideally, I should do the same again, but it's impossible to do that without it feeling forced and insincere right now. I do think I need to at least try before this falls apart and I feel regret after that.

 

Even though my feelings for my xAP were real, I do feel regret about having an affair and how everything happened. Honestly, it was uncharacteristic of me, and I've never cheated before, that's why I was very distraught with guilt the whole time during the affair as well.

[obtuseedge]

You must have edited your post, because I didn't catch this part.

 

Here's where I'm going to deliver a friendly 2x4. Go out with your wife, especially when she asks you to. Her inviting you out is her reaching her hand out to you, and you saying no because you don't feel like it is classic wayward thinking. It's not about what you want right now; it's about what she wants.

 

She's trying to reconnect with you. That means that you're going to have to put on a brave face, even when you don't want to. It means swallowing your pride and doing whatever it takes to save your marriage. It means making small talk with people you don't want to make small talk with. It means showing your wife a good time by spending time with her and investing in your wife and marriage.

 

I know you're in pain. And I know it's probably even worse because it was self inflicted. But you need to be strong and brave right now, because she's broken and she's looking to you to help fix things. Right now, it's all on you fix things.

 

You can do this. You just have to do it.

 

You're right, I should try and just go out when she invites me. It is really uncomfortable for me because I know some of her friends would be judging me, and I don't have much in common with many of them, and frankly, I don't enjoy their company much. Plus, considering how depressed I've been feeling, it is just way out of my comfort zone to go out with her friends, but you're right, in those occasions, she is probably reaching out and I should try.

[toolforgrowth]

You're right, I should try and just go out when she invites me. It is really uncomfortable for me because I know some of her friends would be judging me, and I don't have much in common with many of them, and frankly, I don't enjoy their company much. Plus, considering how depressed I've been feeling, it is just way out of my comfort zone to go out with her friends, but you're right, in those occasions, she is probably reaching out and I should try.

 

I can totally understand why that would be uncomfortable, especially if some of her friends know that you had an A. Will they be judging you? You betcha. Will that suck gloriously? Oh, yes it will.

 

But if you're willing to endure that, that means your wife is your true priority. If you're willing to put up with their judgmental glares and snide remarks, and do it with a smile, and say "Yes, what I did was wrong, but I want to do whatever it takes to show this wonderful lady right here next to me that she is my love," then she'll know you mean business.

 

I must admit, I've read some of your thread, but not all. Do you have any male friends you can spend time with? Guys you can confide in and go to for support when things get tough, and who will give you a kick in the butt when you need it? You're going to need a support group of your own. LS can be a good place to go for that (sometimes), but nothing beats real people, in the real world, that you can go to for support.

 

Are you in individual counseling?

[toolforgrowth]

In the beginning of the relationship, I was romantic with her, I wrote her poems, we traveled, I made up stories, was sweet to her, she was my girl. Of course, ideally, I should do the same again, but it's impossible to do that without it feeling forced and insincere right now. I do think I need to at least try before this falls apart and I feel regret after that.

 

Even though my feelings for my xAP were real, I do feel regret about having an affair and how everything happened. Honestly, it was uncharacteristic of me, and I've never cheated before, that's why I was very distraught with guilt the whole time during the affair as well.

 

When those feelings of love surge for your wife, just go with it. Let it fuel your creativity and spontaneity. You don't have to go with some grand gesture that will make everything okay, because such a gesture doesn't exist. Does it feel forced and insincere because you're just not feeling it, or because you actually do feel it and are sincere but you believe that your A makes them so?

[obtuseedge]

I can totally understand why that would be uncomfortable, especially if some of her friends know that you had an A. Will they be judging you? You betcha. Will that suck gloriously? Oh, yes it will.

 

But if you're willing to endure that, that means your wife is your true priority. If you're willing to put up with their judgmental glares and snide remarks, and do it with a smile, and say "Yes, what I did was wrong, but I want to do whatever it takes to show this wonderful lady right here next to me that she is my love," then she'll know you mean business.

 

I must admit, I've read some of your thread, but not all. Do you have any male friends you can spend time with? Guys you can confide in and go to for support when things get tough, and who will give you a kick in the butt when you need it? You're going to need a support group of your own. LS can be a good place to go for that (sometimes), but nothing beats real people, in the real world, that you can go to for support.

 

Are you in individual counseling?

 

Yes, I'm in individual counseling. I do have a couple close male friends who I have confided in. It does help me out.

 

However, lately, I've found solitude to be comforting though, it gives me quiet time and relief. Even though sometimes it is lonely.

[toolforgrowth]

Yes, I'm in individual counseling. I do have a couple close male friends who I have confided in. It does help me out.

 

However, lately, I've found solitude to be comforting though, it gives me quiet time and relief. Even though sometimes it is lonely.

 

Okay, that's good. Solitude can be a both a blessing and a curse; a blessing in that it's blessed relief from all the noise, but a curse in that you are sheltering yourself from what's happened and the consequences. You can't hide from what you've done; you've got to face it.

 

And forget your xAP. Pretend she's dead, because for all intents and purposes, she should be dead to you now. If your true goal is to try to reconcile with your wife, you cannot even think about your xAP.

 

She's nothing but a ghost. Your wife is real, here and now.

 

Really? I don't see where he - a man who...still is emotionally hooked to his AP

 

She's right. You are still emotionally hooked. While you're still working out whatever feelings are running around your head about your AP, your wife could easily walk. That's what I did with my xWW; her A ended, she threw her lure back into my pond, hell she even apologized and said she was ashamed of her actions.

 

But I could tell she was still attached to her xAP. I just...knew. Her attempts at "saving" the marriage were halfhearted at best. And I knew I was worth a hell of a lot more than that. So I proceeded full steam ahead with the divorce. And for months after that, whenever I had to see her in person, she looked drawn...miserable...like something inside her had died.

 

And I felt only cold satisfaction at her self-inflicted pain.

 

It'd be a shame for you to one day look in your wife's, possibly at that point ex wife's, eyes, and see nothing but cold contempt.