markleymassraff Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 (edited) i have this guy. I know he's very attracted to me but his desire to be free and sleep around is greater than his attraction to me. I too had/have the attitude that I'm okay with him being free while still seeing me. I tried to convey this to him through words and behavior, but I think he rightfully believes that me not getting jealous is easier said than done. I think the truth lies somewhere in between. Yes, I would get jealous, but possibly not so much so that I can't handle it and not so much so that jealousy outweighs my desire to have in my bed. I'm in my mid 30s and have been around the block. I'd rather have good and regular sex even if it comes with some jealousy than no sex at all. lol. I don't get attracted to guys easily or often, so when I like someone, I'm like...don't go anywhere DON'T GO ANYWHERE. I'm actually good-looking and feel like I can get lots of men; the point is I'm not attracted to men easily, so I appear almost "desperate" when I do like one 'cause I'm treating him like a rarity -- again, not because men are rarely attracted to me but because I am rarely attracted to them. Edited March 7, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author markleymassraff Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Okay, a couple more things. I didn't realize you haven't dated this guy since December. I thought the "break up" just happened. That being said, it's still not the case that he will definitely never come back. But...the more you cling to him, the longer it will take (if it happens at all.) In 2010, I had a guy (after a month of dates and sex) decide we shouldn't see each other anymore. That was October 2010. I was disappointed because I was really attracted. I think he thought we weren't a match, plus he was enjoying "being free" then as well. Well, in March 2011 he wanted to see me again. I didn't wanna. He also contacted me in May 2014 and wanted to see each other again then too. I still didn't want to. I texted him recently (like yesterday) and he loved hearing from me and was being all fawning over me. All I know is that the tables are totally turned. He wants to see me, and it's the third time he's tried. He even wrote that he regretted letting me go the first time. Men come back so, so often. it is not always. But in my life, it's been like 70% of the time. The thing is, you must detach and move on. If/when they do come back, you have to be more elusive about things. There but elusive too. Don't pursue even just a little. My ex was a guy who was totally okay with me being "all in" right away. But he's an exception. Most guys are these "I need to be free" individuals who need you to be a little elusive at first...or something. Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I agree...keep him in your life unless you have some compelling reason not to. Only by keeping certain men in my life (not being totally there for them or fawning over them or anything, but keeping them 'around') was I able to enjoy their coming back and wanting something with me whilst I had little to no interest. The one I am dealing with now...we were Facebook friends for 2.5 years before getting together, so we are still FB friends now, post-sex and post getting together for dating. We both still see each other on social media. I think we both kinda keep an eye on each other. I refuse to fawn over him while he is being distant, but yeah I'll keep him around. I want to have sex with him again, frankly, but I won't beg or even ask or even hint toward it. The main thing with men is that you just have to make sure their experience with you is mostly good and pleasant. It's okay to slip up with some emotions or a small fight, but it needs to be a small part of their experience with you. If it is, and they mostly remember you in a good way, they often want to see you again. I'm not saying it will be great the second time around or that they'll be that much more mature or well-intentioned. But you will handle yourself better and will have more power the 2nd time around, and he often will be more open to something serious with you, but only if you play your cards right and don't just accept him back and replicate what happened the first time. Does it not make you upset that he is distant now? Do you not panic over the thought "he is losing interest"? Will you be ok that he sleeps with you as well as other women? Link to post Share on other sites
Author markleymassraff Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Does it not make you upset that he is distant now? Do you not panic over the thought "he is losing interest"? Will you be ok that he sleeps with you as well as other women? Oh yeah, it annoys me a lot. I've flip flopped between being really mad and disgusted...and...just sort of mildly bothered. The thing is: he treated me quite well when we were seeing each other; he was sweet, complimentary, bought me flowers, just really nice to me (although he always said he wasn't up for a relationship). He also is genuinely just out of two back-to-back marriages (one for 9 years, the other for 3). He also has a lot of issues: alcoholism, addicted to cigs, etc. We have also known each other for 2.5 years (although only recently did we REALLY start to know each other; before it was just like acquaintances who had never hung out in person). The reason I'm not totally against him as a person is that he was really complimentary while we were together. He said things like "I'm so attracted to you" and just a lot of other stuff that could have been a total lie/facade (I know this), but the conceited part of me who believes that I am really attractive...believes he was really attracted to me. We're also still Facebook friends and he keeps liking things on my page. Not all the time, but often enough. I know that doesn't mean he's romantically into me, (in fact, i've had another male who wasn't into me (not enough so anyway) who i liked...really like me as a friend and always like stuff on my page too. For now, I am just attributing his distance to typical male behavior when it seems like a woman likes him but he's not sure he wants closeness. another male from years ago did this exact same thing and has tried to get together with me a lot since then. The other reason I'm not that mad is that...I've just come to accept some male behaviors as male behaviors and not get "mad" about them. Mind you, it's not like I'm fawning after the guy or chasing him while he's not paying me much mind. I'm just saying that I"m not "mad" at him; I choose not to be. Also, the other thing is that I want him for a friend w/ benefits, at least. so I want him to come back for that, not even for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Oh yeah, it annoys me a lot. I've flip flopped between being really mad and disgusted...and...just sort of mildly bothered. The thing is: he treated me quite well when we were seeing each other; he was sweet, complimentary, bought me flowers, just really nice to me (although he always said he wasn't up for a relationship). He also is genuinely just out of two back-to-back marriages (one for 9 years, the other for 3). He also has a lot of issues: alcoholism, addicted to cigs, etc. We have also known each other for 2.5 years (although only recently did we REALLY start to know each other; before it was just like acquaintances who had never hung out in person). The reason I'm not totally against him as a person is that he was really complimentary while we were together. He said things like "I'm so attracted to you" and just a lot of other stuff that could have been a total lie/facade (I know this), but the conceited part of me who believes that I am really attractive...believes he was really attracted to me. We're also still Facebook friends and he keeps liking things on my page. Not all the time, but often enough. I know that doesn't mean he's romantically into me, (in fact, i've had another male who wasn't into me (not enough so anyway) who i liked...really like me as a friend and always like stuff on my page too. For now, I am just attributing his distance to typical male behavior when it seems like a woman likes him but he's not sure he wants closeness. another male from years ago did this exact same thing and has tried to get together with me a lot since then. The other reason I'm not that mad is that...I've just come to accept some male behaviors as male behaviors and not get "mad" about them. Mind you, it's not like I'm fawning after the guy or chasing him while he's not paying me much mind. I'm just saying that I"m not "mad" at him; I choose not to be. Also, the other thing is that I want him for a friend w/ benefits, at least. so I want him to come back for that, not even for a relationship. Are you still open to date other guys or your waiting for him? Do you ultimately want a relationship with him? I personally cannot do FWB thing with a guy I really like.. But am curious how can you be so attracted he has some terrible issues..-_- Link to post Share on other sites
Author markleymassraff Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Are you still open to date other guys or your waiting for him? Do you ultimately want a relationship with him? I personally cannot do FWB thing with a guy I really like.. But am curious how can you be so attracted he has some terrible issues..-_- Yeah, I'm open to dating other guys. Definitely. I wouldn't mind a relationship with him, but honestly I am okay with just sex and companionship with him too. He's really attractive to me. I'm kind of jaded and think Mr. Right is not out there, so I want to enjoy life in whatever way I can because, hell, I might die any time. I know, he sounds like a total "loser" with all the alcoholism and other issues. But strangely enough, he just has a really awesome personality and he's highly intelligent as well. He's witty and cool, etc. I can easily say that of all the men I have liked over my life, he may well be the most attractive to me, ever. Seriously. That's why I'm willing to be with him even if he's with other women; I'm so f***ing attracted to him. But I don't tell him this, of course, nor do I behave like this is the case. Link to post Share on other sites
Author markleymassraff Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Are you still open to date other guys or your waiting for him? Do you ultimately want a relationship with him? I personally cannot do FWB thing with a guy I really like.. But am curious how can you be so attracted he has some terrible issues..-_- Also, I'm kind of a degenerate compared to other women. I'm DTF, lol. But not with just anybody. Guys I like. Link to post Share on other sites
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