Should I contact my ex?

[the desert]

TL;DR version. My anger issues made her break up with me. I've made some big changes in my life in the past year and I'm still trying to improve myself. I'm thinking about reaching out to her but I'm afraid of being rejected again.

 

 

Long version. My ex dumped a little over a year ago because of my anger issues and because I was taking her for granted. It's been over 6 months since we had any contact. Money issues were putting a big stress on me and I was taking my anger out on her. After she left me my life went from bad to worse. I've managed to turn my financial situation around completely after being near homeless and very far behind on bills all by myself. However I did not handle the break up well. I went between begging for her to come back and yelling at her and threatening to kill her boyfriend. After a month or so I went no contact and then a few months later she asked me for money to help her pay for her work permit (she's illegal, don't judge).

 

 

I gave her $200 and her boyfriend gave her nothing because he was fired from his job and she was paying his "bills" (more on that later). I gave her all the time she needed to pay me back too. She said she couldn't see herself with me ever again and it made me mad. That was last year and when she paid me back we haven't talked since then.

 

 

When she left she moved in with her new boyfriend who just a "friend" at the time. He lives with his parents, has no car, and isn't doing anything with his life. They both worked part time at the same place and she worked more than him and she was buying him things and paying his rent that he owed his parents. She told me these things. When she was trying to pay me back she asked me to give her more time a couple times and I gave her more time. One of her reasons was because she had to pay her mom back because she asked her for money for food. When she did finally pay me back I asked her how much money she had and she said she had $60.

 

 

Basically this guy has been using her for the past year to pay his way while he does as little work as possible. I've told her that he's a loser several times and I could tell by the look in her eyes that she knows but she won't admit it to me or to herself. His parents recently moved to Florida so he moved with them and she followed him.

 

 

I've gotten a better job and I've gotten my life back on track. I'm planning on moving this year for a promotion but this is just to help me with a project I want to work that I think can turn in to a money making business. I know the break up was my fault. She asked me a couple of times to marry her but I said no because I wasn't ready. I knew I loved her and I secretly wanted to have a baby with her. I was being stupid and I didn't think she would leave me. Also my anger problems really drove her away from me too. I want to get professional help and I know I need it but I don't know if I have the money for it. I do know that if she ever did come back I would never take my anger out on her again. I feel so horrible about doing that to her especially because she tried so hard to make me happy.

 

 

I'm trying to improve other areas of my life as well. I'm planning on painting my apartment next week and buying new furniture and decorations so I can make it more home like. It sounds stupid but my apartment is nearly bare with no decorations or personality so it's about as warm and inviting as a jail cell. I think it would help with my mood as well.

 

 

So what do you guys think? Has enough time passed? Should I say anything? I'm afraid of being rejected again but I know that is what most likely will happen.

[Simon Phoenix]

If you have to ask, you aren't ready to do it. And if you haven't been in contact in six months, how do you know all these details of her life?

[Ruby65]

What exactly do you mean by "anger issues"? Specifically, what was the behavior there?

 

Also, if you've done nothing to work on this problem, how could you expect things to be better between you in the future?

 

Threatening to kill her boyfriend..... is not acceptable. I don't see why anyone with any other options would consider being with you.

[the desert]

What exactly do you mean by "anger issues"? Specifically, what was the behavior there?

 

Also, if you've done nothing to work on this problem, how could you expect things to be better between you in the future?

 

Threatening to kill her boyfriend..... is not acceptable. I don't see why anyone with any other options would consider being with you.

 

 

Yes, I've made mistakes but I've done a lot of good things for her as well. I've been her best friend and shoulder to cry on for years, I've spent thousands of dollars of my money taking care of her and getting her the things she wanted and asked for nothing in return. When she got an over night job I adjusted my sleep schedule so we would both be awake and asleep at the same time. I drove her to work and picked her up so she would not have to use public transportation. I made a 2 hour trip to get her a kitten that she wanted and I paid for all of the vet bills for it too. I've given her my time, energy, and my small fortune.

 

 

When my small fortune was running out and I was having trouble finding a job I was under a lot of stress and yes I did have a bad tendency to take it out on her. However when I did get a job, we were budgeting to pay off the bills and then move in to a townhouse.

 

 

As far as threatening to kill her stupid boyfriend, the douche said he wanted to fight me but when it came time to walk the walk he just wanted to hide. So I threatened to kill him and he never ran his mouth to me again.

 

 

So yes there were plenty of reasons why she wanted to marry me and wanted to have a child with me too.

 

 

I knew about those things she did because she told me about it several months back when I loaned her the money. She told me about moving and everything else.

Edited March 8, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Offensive wording~T