Bobbi7 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 At a previous job, there was this married man and I would talk to. No big deal. People at work talk, because that's what we're suppose to do. However, one day, he complimented my hair because I just got it highlighted. Then, on another day he asked me if I wanted to "get a drink" with him. I told him no. Now, I don't know if this was some type of friendly co-worker outing or him just being a creep. Link to post Share on other sites
chumble Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Now, I don't know if this was some type of friendly co-worker outing or him just being a creep. Why have we lost all subtext to the point where we can't distinguish between two starkly different things, or at least probe a bit.. "Want to go get a drink?" "Um, well maybe, who all is going?" These days, guy says "hello" at work and it's creepy. Seems to be no gradient between being comfortable around us vs. putting on a total bitch-face. Just saying... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I think you should just be honest with him and say a drink would make you uncomfortable because he is married as far as the compliment goes...that is a nice thing to say, it isnt really flirty or forward..... so say something nice back like thankyou thats kind of you to say...keep it formal....but thank him.....always be formal in what you say......so he wont think you are flirting and get ideas...ask him how is your family or wife in passing conversations.....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Alone, on their face, those two things don't add up to him stepping out on his wife. You say thank you for the compliment & no thank you for the drink. Then you keep doing your job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Well it really depends on the circumstances, if it is obvious you have had your hair done then he may just be being sociable and trying to get on well with you. Nothing worse than showing up to work with 6" chopped from your hair and no-one says a word; that is just rudeness on their part. It is manners to comment on stuff like new hair, and it often gives you brownie points with that person and can make working with them a lot easier, as the relationship is friendly. Too much gushing is creepy, and if it seems dishonest, watch your back, but a few compliments is fine. Asking if you want to go for a drink could be in fact asking you out for a "date", but if you are out of the office and it is a very hot day, then going for a cold beer may be just a practical thing to do and means absolutely nothing other than he is thirsty. A lot of business is conducted in bars and restaurants, so it may mean nothing other than a quiet place to talk. He may have been inviting you out for a staff drink with others and that usually is just a social get together and that doesn't mean he sees you in a romantic way. Some men are naturally friendly to all, do not assume friendliness always means he is hitting on you, and even if it does, just learn to swerve. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Alone, on their face, those two things don't add up to him stepping out on his wife. You say thank you for the compliment & no thank you for the drink. Then you keep doing your job. Though when you add them together they = he wants to bang you. People can talk at work an not give compliments that she looks good. Weather, vacation trip, holiday, hobby are just a few examples of safe talks. Also married men not only do not need female friends they do not need to go out drinking with other women. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 (edited) Well it really depends on the circumstances, if it is obvious you have had your hair done then he may just be being sociable and trying to get on well with you. Nothing worse than showing up to work with 6" chopped from your hair and no-one says a word; that is just rudeness on their part. It is one thing for another bee-itch to compliment another bee-itch about her hair. Another thing for a single male to compliment a single female about her hair. Totally in appropriate for a married man. As well to ask her out after work for drinks. It's hot. Well this woman has a job she can buy her own drink. Edited March 7, 2015 by road Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 It is one thing for another bee-itch to compliment another bee-itch about her hair. Another thing for a single male to compliment a single female about her hair. Totally in appropriate for a married man. As well to ask her out after work for drinks. As I said, it depends on the job and the circumstances and the people involved. IME, some married men openly flirt and go out for drinks with anyone available, male or female, and are just sociable. Others never flirt, never ask anyone out for drinks and are seeing women behind their wife's back. It is not simple. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Though when you add them together they = he wants to bang you. People can talk at work an not give compliments that she looks good. Weather, vacation trip, holiday, hobby are just a few examples of safe talks. Also married men not only do not need female friends they do not need to go out drinking with other women. I disagree. As a married women, if I tell a colleague he looks nice, it's just a compliment. If I say lets grab a drink after work, it means I'm thirsty & want somebody to talk to. It does not mean I'm cheating or I want to. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I disagree. As a married women, if I tell a colleague he looks nice, it's just a compliment. If I say lets grab a drink after work, it means I'm thirsty & want somebody to talk to. It does not mean I'm cheating or I want to. You do not need to have a drink to talk. Needing somebody to talk to means you want to unload. Many affairs start this way. A wife's problems are for her and her husband. Baloney to need a man's opinion. Talk with a lady friend. Loose boundaries are how affairs start. Link to post Share on other sites
applej4 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Bad idea to go for "a drink" with a married man - esp a married man that you work with. Usually that drink is a prelude to sex - either that same nught or at some point in the near future. Just say "No, thanks." You don't owe an explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Tell him that would be great and it would give you the chance to meet his wife at the same time. His reaction will tell you if he is hitting on you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
applej4 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Tell him that would be great and it would give you the chance to meet his wife at the same time. His reaction will tell you if he is hitting on you. yep. Say "Sure, I'll bring a date and I'll also enjoy meeting your wife. It'll be fun!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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