Marshbear Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 Where is the line in the sand drawn for platonic friendships? I really don't think platonic friendships are possible between b/g of the same age group because one will always develop feelings. This leads to hurt by one and UN-comfortableness by the other. Even if you hide your feeling are you really being true to yourself? Shouldn't you be honest and declare how you feel? Is m/f friendships necessary? Usually men hide their feelings for a woman because they just want to be close to them hoping for a chance. They probably think the woman will say no and so they settle for friendship. Is this honest? Then the girl gets mad when the guy finally tells her and she feels like he used her. Shouldn't we say what we want from the beginning? It would be a lot less painful for everyone.... Link to post Share on other sites
WithOrWithoutYou Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 Sometimes there is more there in a platonic friendship, and someone is hiding it. Sometimes one person or the other talks about their feelings, and these can be the best loving relationships - OR, if the feelings are not mutual, the friendship just gets awkward. Then sometimes, you can think someone is really cool, enjoy talking with them or hanging out with them, and there is just no romantic or sexual spark there. Plantonic male/female friendships where there really is nothing more than talking, good times, and friendship there, really do exist. All relationships are different, but I think the reason that really good male/female platonic friendships are sometimes hard to maintain, is that a lot of the things that go into a really great friendship, are the same things that go into a really great loving relationship (closeness, respect, enjoying spending time with someone, being there for someone when they need you and vice versa, etc.). After all, if you can't *also* be best friends with your SO, what point is there in having that relationship to begin with? Sex you can get anywhere, but that closeness that you share with someone you are very much in love with who you enjoy making love to, who also just happens to be a really close dear friend - well, that's a whole lot harder to find. I think this is why so many people can't resist the urge to try to turn platonic friendships into loving relationships, and as long as both people are on the same page, there's nothing wrong with that, and it can really pay off - it's just a bit risky, since if it doesn't work, you can end up losing a good friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Fuzzy Chickens Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 I've had female friends that I knew for years without ever developing deeper feelings for. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamed Wildflower Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 Insightful as usual, WithOrWithOutYou... I especially agree with your point about how an essential part of a relationship with a significant other is the friendship. But all your points are good points. Originally posted by WithOrWithoutYou Sometimes there is more there in a platonic friendship, and someone is hiding it. Sometimes one person or the other talks about their feelings, and these can be the best loving relationships - OR, if the feelings are not mutual, the friendship just gets awkward. Then sometimes, you can think someone is really cool, enjoy talking with them or hanging out with them, and there is just no romantic or sexual spark there. Plantonic male/female friendships where there really is nothing more than talking, good times, and friendship there, really do exist. All relationships are different, but I think the reason that really good male/female platonic friendships are sometimes hard to maintain, is that a lot of the things that go into a really great friendship, are the same things that go into a really great loving relationship (closeness, respect, enjoying spending time with someone, being there for someone when they need you and vice versa, etc.). After all, if you can't *also* be best friends with your SO, what point is there in having that relationship to begin with? Sex you can get anywhere, but that closeness that you share with someone you are very much in love with who you enjoy making love to, who also just happens to be a really close dear friend - well, that's a whole lot harder to find. I think this is why so many people can't resist the urge to try to turn platonic friendships into loving relationships, and as long as both people are on the same page, there's nothing wrong with that, and it can really pay off - it's just a bit risky, since if it doesn't work, you can end up losing a good friend. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 More power to those who can do it, being friends with the opposite sex. I can't do it, unless I want to go out with one of them. Other than that, I'm off to Mars. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 lol. I have had a ton of guy friends. Most of them did develop feelings and it became ucomfortable or I developed feelings...but I've had a few.(I can count on one hand) that have truly been just my friends and I loved them and cared for them and we have been there for eachother and no feelings were involved. I think it is possible to be friends with the opposite sex...but I agree some people can do it...some can't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marshbear Posted April 8, 2005 Author Share Posted April 8, 2005 I and a friend who I developed feeling for, over time, and when I told her I couldn't be her friend she got so mad and now will not speak to me and hates my ever living guts!!! I wish we could at- least say hello but she wants no part of me. I don't know why she can't see that it would be to painful for me to have a friendship with her and she is just being selfish and mean. I thought she was hurting me but I also seemed to have hurt her more than I thought. I think I could be her friend in time but now I guess I have spoiled it for ever...according to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamed Wildflower Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear I and a friend who I developed feeling for, over time, and when I told her I couldn't be her friend she got so mad and now will not speak to me and hates my ever living guts!!! I wish we could at- least say hello but she wants no part of me. I don't know why she can't see that it would be to painful for me to have a friendship with her and she is just being selfish and mean. I thought she was hurting me but I also seemed to have hurt her more than I thought. I think I could be her friend in time but now I guess I have spoiled it for ever...according to her. You know, Marshbear, it sounds to me like your friend is being really immature here. She can't say hello to you?? Come on!! Was she that great a friend when you were friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marshbear Posted April 8, 2005 Author Share Posted April 8, 2005 She will not say hello. She will leave a room if I am in it. If she is talking to another person and I enter the room and speak to that person she will act like I infringed and be rude and take over the conversation and totally ignore me. She will not look at me or even acknowledge my existance. Yes, I thought we were good friends. We talked about everything but now she will not say one word to any of our friends about me. They don't even understand her. I think she is a psycho and the anger will eat her up over time. She has been this way for over 1 year...... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear I really don't think platonic friendships are possible between b/g of the same age group because one will always develop feelings. I agree MARSHBEAR. Men and women can never be real friends. We can be aquaintances only. ALmost every female "friend" that I had in the past 20 yrs I later found out they wanted more than that. I don't recommend the friends thing between the sexes, espeecially if you were lovers in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear I and a friend who I developed feeling for, over time, and when I told her I couldn't be her friend she got so mad and now will not speak to me and hates my ever living guts!!! I wish we could at- least say hello but she wants no part of me. I don't know why she can't see that it would be to painful for me to have a friendship with her and she is just being selfish and mean. I thought she was hurting me but I also seemed to have hurt her more than I thought. I think I could be her friend in time but now I guess I have spoiled it for ever...according to her. Why did you have to have a big scene about it? You could have just tapered off hanging out with her without drawing that line in the sand. I mean, I have a crush on one of my guy friends but it totally doesn't stop me from seeing guys romantically or hanging out with him or talking to him on the phone. He knows I have a crush on him and we have made out, even, and we both talk about how neither of us wants to be in a relationship right now, but we also agree that we hae sexual chemistry. Whatever happened to being honest and mature enough to accept that a friend has a crush on you even if you don't reciprocate? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear She will not say hello. She will leave a room if I am in it. If she is talking to another person and I enter the room and speak to that person she will act like I infringed and be rude and take over the conversation and totally ignore me. She will not look at me or even acknowledge my existance. Yes, I thought we were good friends. We talked about everything but now she will not say one word to any of our friends about me. They don't even understand her. I think she is a psycho and the anger will eat her up over time. She has been this way for over 1 year...... Maybe she was attracted to you but wanted to hang out more before you started a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marshbear Posted April 8, 2005 Author Share Posted April 8, 2005 I'm sure she liked me but she had problems with relationships in the past and told me she didn't want another one. I respected her decision for awhile but we were together so much that I couldn't keep my feelings hidden any longer. She just wanted to remain friends but her actions were rude ( avoiding me, shutting me out of her life, etc.....) and I got fed up and told her she wasn't acting like a friend and that I couldn't remain her friend. She would complain that she couldn't find a man for sex when she knew I liked her and say it right in front of me (like it shouldn't matter to me) I just needed to break away for my own respect and emotional health. But I told her I would still speak to her and be associate with her on occasion. She is the one who totally disregards me and HATES me ( i kid not ). I am really ok with it now but I can't understand why she can't even say hello after all this time???? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 She will not say hello. She will leave a room if I am in it. If she is talking to another person and I enter the room and speak to that person she will act like I infringed and be rude and take over the conversation and totally ignore me. She will not look at me or even acknowledge my existance. DO you know how much effort it takes to purposely ignore somebody?? Yup, she's definately immature and that's just not a nice thing to do. She is not worthy of you even thinking of her anymore. What a b......! Link to post Share on other sites
Tamed Wildflower Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 About how old is this woman/girl? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marshbear Posted April 12, 2005 Author Share Posted April 12, 2005 I was out of town and just returned. She is 33 years old. Old enough don't you think? Yes, she is very immature for her age. Yes, I know how much effort it takes to totally avoid somebody. I could not keep it up but she seems to be able to. I agree that I am lucky to not have gotten involved with her but all I would like to do would be to reduce the tension between us( as we do work at the same place ) and say hello. She will not so I will just go on with my life and let her go on with hers.. Thanks..... Link to post Share on other sites
blue17 Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 ya seriously dude just ignore her full on...taking away a girls attention can be the best solution in a situation like this. The thing is you have to change your mindset. If you have the mindset of "I really wanna talk to her but I have to pretend like I don't!" then she'll pick up on that and it won't work out. You gotta have the mindset of not caring whether she talks to you or not, because you're sick of her bull$#!+ and don't wanna deal with it anymore. I will almost guarantee if you do this she will start talking to you suddenly. People can't stand it when others don't care about them, especially people they once had feelings for or were close to. Another word of advice. If she starts saying hi to you again all of a sudden...don't give yourself up and start being super friendly with her right away. If you do this she'll just start ignoring you again because she realizes she has your attention. Just remember that she has been very mean to you for over a year, so make sure to not just say 'it's all good!' the first positive signal she makes. She should have to work for you, considering all the things she's done so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marshbear Posted April 17, 2005 Author Share Posted April 17, 2005 Thanks Blue17. I agree with your assessment. Yes, I would like to say hello to her to reduce the tension but as time has gone on I am comfortable with the situation as it is. I just ignore her and act like I don't see her. SHE is the one that it bothers. She can't be in the same area if I am there but I have no problem being where she is. The anger is still in her ( which I can't understand ) but I really don't care. IT is her problem not mine. IF she decides to speak I will say hello but that is it. If she wants more she will have to wait for me.... Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted April 18, 2005 Share Posted April 18, 2005 I have a good male friend who is also a coworker. We confide in each other and it's not an emotional affair. We mostly joke around and tell each other every gory little detail of our love lives...his gf, my bf, what we like and dislike, just like me and my girlfriends who are close enough to share details. I even talk to him about my periods! We kissed once, and decided not to let it go further, but I was married/almost separated at the time. Shortly after that I met my bf and he met his gf and although we know never to get drunk together, it's a fun and neat kind of friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
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