On the verge of cheating?

[Man15]

I've been married for over a decade and we have a young child. My marriage has been stale for a while yet I've never wandered. I have many business and social female friends both single and married. Last fall while traveling, I met a single female executive and have kept in touch with her ever since. I told her right away that I was married and have a child. And she said that she was not into having an affair with a married guy. For the last two months, we've texted and emailed daily and talked briefly every other day. She is strong, smart, witty and very beautiful. She was married twice for short periods then divorced over 20 years ago and has no children and is not in a relationship. She jokes that she's better off being single. We met for a quick dinner one night in January in a big city and I've been to her house recently for dinner. We recently met for a long dinner where she got dressed up and looked beautiful. We drank wine, had a great time and she admitted that she was attracted to me but not into having an affair with a married man and breaking up a family. We stayed at the same hotel but I didn't go to her room and she didn't come to mine. Only a quick goodnight kiss ended our night. We've talked about coordinating our business travels to get together for dinners and drinks. But now things seem like they are slowing down. She is not as responsive. I miss her. I enjoy our exchanges. I haven't met somebody like her in years. Not sure what to do next.

Edited March 7, 2015 by Man15

[Arieswoman]

Man15,

 

Not sure what to do next.

 

You are going down a slippery slope, as I think you know, so put on the brakes before anyone gets hurt.

 

First you cut all contact with this other woman.

 

Then you go home to your wife and try and work out why your marriage is "stale".

 

For all you know, your wife may be feeling bored as well and would welcome some ideas as to how to put the fizz back into your relationship.

 

Having an affair in an attempt to sort out marriage problems is like shooting off your kneecaps to improve your sprinting ability.

[d0nnivain]

What do you want to do?

 

 

If you want to be with her, you tell your wife you want a divorce & you move out.

 

 

If you want to preserve your family, you stop interacting with the woman and you never allow yourself to be alone with her again, ever, especially not at her house for dinner.

[road]

Meeting for romantic diners is carrying on an EA. Emotional affair. A goodnight kiss has you now crossing the line into a PA. Physical affair.

 

 

Affairs never make a marriage better.

 

 

Learn how to make your marriage better.

[No Limit]

It appears that woman is pretty experienced because I really hope you're not naive enough to believe her "I don't want an affair" crap.

[smackie9]

Red flags are everywhere with this women...married twice both for short periods, and no children, last divorce 20 years ago? She is unstable as it comes.

 

The reason why things are stale in your marriage is because you both became parents and your wife's focus has been on that baby, and not you. With responsibility as raising a child, things like the relationship itself suffers. Instead of seeking attention from some fruitloop in a short skirt to cure your needs, figure out ways to enjoy being a romantic couple with your wife.

Think outside the box. Take salsa dance lesson together or cooking classes together...do things outside your comfort zone. Send the kid over to the grandparents, so you two go away to a bed and breakfast. Start reconnecting...that is all you need.

[Man15]

Did the monitor delete some of the replies?

[elaine567]

I've been married for over a decade and we have a young child. My marriage has been stale for a while yet I've never wandered. I have many business and social female friends both single and married. Last fall while traveling, I met a single female executive and have kept in touch with her ever since. I told her right away that I was married and have a child. And she said that she was not into having an affair with a married guy. For the last two months, we've texted and emailed daily and talked briefly every other day. She is strong, smart, witty and very beautiful. She was married twice for short periods then divorced over 20 years ago and has no children and is not in a relationship. She jokes that she's better off being single. We met for a quick dinner one night in January in a big city and I've been to her house recently for dinner. We recently met for a long dinner where she got dressed up and looked beautiful. We drank wine, had a great time and she admitted that she was attracted to me but not into having an affair with a married man and breaking up a family. We stayed at the same hotel but I didn't go to her room and she didn't come to mine. Only a quick goodnight kiss ended our night. We've talked about coordinating our business travels to get together for dinners and drinks. But now things seem like they are slowing down. She is not as responsive. I miss her. I enjoy our exchanges. I haven't met somebody like her in years. Not sure what to do next.

 

I doubt that being better off single is a joke to her, no smart, witty, beautiful woman with a good job is going to be single unless she wants to be.

Do not fool yourself, that she has never found "the one" and that you are it.

She has told you you she is not interested in married men and has since slowed down the contact, so believe it.

You crossed the line, ie you kissed, and she has backed off.

 

You either break up with your wife and pursue this woman or you forget it.

Do not be a cake eater, man up, you either accept the fact your marriage is over and end it, or you start actually speaking to your wife and try to renew the connection you once had.

Bringing up children is hard, whilst you were swanning about in hotels and having dinners, she was looking after YOUR child alone.

Stop being led by your dick, and start being a real man with a family to look after.

[TexasMan68]

Really you have to ask what you should do? It's obvious divorce your wife, kiss the kids good bye so you can go stick your willy into this woman that has no boundaries and will evntuallly throw you to the curb since she is "better off single". Then you can go crawling back to your ex wife and beg for forgiveness and enjoy seeng your kids on your court allotted visitation times. Oh and she'll be using your child support money to take vacations with her new boyfriend in the Caribbean. If any of this sounds the least bit sarcastic that's because it is.

[kendahke]

I've been married for over a decade and we have a young child.

 

Not sure what to do next.

 

Leave it alone unless you're ready to divorce your wife, leave your child and take up with a woman who has told you she isn't interested in wrecking your marriage.

 

If it's stale, that that's 50% your fault. Do something to freshen it up, then. You're not a hapless victim here.

[minimariah]

how are you not sure what to do next? don't cheat. as simple as that.

 

instead of asking what to do with your marriage and family, you're asking what to with some totally other woman. like... i genuinely want to know how are people confused in situations like these. like, how do you NOT know what to do?

 

option #1 - go no contact with this other woman, tell her that you need to stay away from each other, go to your wife & sit down with her, tell her how you feel about your marriage and talk with her about trying to fix it and going into marriage counseling.

 

option #2 - tell your wife that you want to separate, that you aren't happy, talk to her about divorce & custody and try a relationship with this other woman.

 

why is doing the right and healthy and reasonable thing so difficult and confusing to some people? why are you making you life complicated on purpose? go lurk in other parts of these Forums to see the effect an affair has on families.

 

and change the name of this thread - you already ARE cheating, it's called an emotional affair.

[Realist3]

It appears that woman is pretty experienced because I really hope you're not naive enough to believe her "I don't want an affair" crap.

 

I agree with road that you are already in an EA.

 

I have a question. Why does the subject of her wanting or not wanting affair keep coming up? Are you asking her? Of course no one is going to say, "Hell yeah, I want an affair."

 

Women that don't want affair don't invite a married man for dinner at their house, doll up for a dinner in a big city, or communicate regularly.

 

If you want an affair she seems ready. If you don't then you better change what you are doing.

[Man15]

and said hello and that she's on her way to the airport for her business trip this week which she had told me about before. I'm sitting tight but must admit a sense of relief to see her txt.