3 months later and where I am at.

[Furious]

OP

 

It's obvious you are not looking for constructive advice and that's ok. I get the feeling you like to push buttons and are defensive when confronted.

 

This whole thing about being evil and self hatred but yet continuing to with your OM, despite claiming to not wanting him as real partner and his crazy wife who threatens you is drama you invite.

 

You say you never wanted a divorce, but just some sex on the side, with a man you know is a serial cheater, but cannot manage no contact with him because No-contact is not something you cannot do at this point.

 

You defend your husband when called a wuss, but at the same time treat him as a wuss. Oh...you got a job, so you can support yourself if he divorced you, but you make the bed and wash dishes to show him you care and do fun things together, but are still involved with the serial cheating OM, and feel disgust for his wife who you say is a WS and has made threats against your physical safety.

 

You've invited danger and trauma to yourself, to your husband and children's lives by continuing with a serial cheater and his wacky wife.

 

Is saying that you're evil and a bad person a cop out.. It's just words...words of a defeatist. Sadly, it's not enough for you to sink to the bottom, but you're taking your husband and kids down with you.

 

It's selfish of you to not get divorced.

Edited April 6, 2015 by Furious

[Spectre]

This is really simple. OP: if you aren't a terrible human being you will tell your husband the truth so he can immediately get you out of his life. If you are a terrible person? You will stay with him. It is that simple. You have no right to keep things like this from your husband, to take away years and years of his life spent with a cheater.

 

So like I said: the choice is either be horrible or don't be horrible. You choose, I hope you choose to not be horrible, something tells me you aren't going to say a damn thing to him though.

[nightmare01]

I see no tormenting in my husband. I did see pain when he discovered I was communicating with MM again. He thought as I thought that MM disgusted me. But the disgust was just a cover artifically put on by me because it is the "right" thing. Now I am just disgusted with my actions. Really it is all there why and I am not sure the need some people feel to ask the same question over and over again.

 

I know people are making up stuff (being physical) and stuff because this situation doesn't make sense. No, I am not physically abusive (wtf). I have not lied here or to my H. My H doesn't know every time MM and I communicate he just knows we do occasionally. I don't say "so, MM is doing x,y,z today." I know that doesn't make it better.

 

Abusing all these people? His wife is none of my concern. She should worry less about me and more about herself and her own marriage. It is complicated but she is not an innocent BS and I don't mean how she treats me either. She also is a WS too. But their marriage and why they stay in it is their business and not mine.

 

A PA is physical abuse. Plain and simple. You are placing your husband at risk of STDs. You are also placing him at risk from your OM; murders are not uncommon of an OM killing a BH to get access to his WW. You physically placing your husbands health at risk. He may know something is going on or at least something is not right.. but can't put his finger on it. He will suffer stress and stress places his health at risk.

 

A EA is emotional abuse. All the mind ****ery that goes on, all the lying, all the effort pushing your husband away so you can justify and be with OM; all that stuff drives a person crazy.

 

In general an affair is emotional abuse. Many BS (me included) have been diagnosed with PTSD because of what we have gone through.

 

You are nonchalantly toying with peoples lives. You continue to lie (omission is a lie) and justify what you have done, all for the sake of your own personal gratification.

 

You are an abusive person, because you abuse all the people around you.

Edited April 6, 2015 by nightmare01

[toolforgrowth]

I want it to end with me no longer wanting contact with MM or finding illicit sex a turn on. There are thousands of people in thousands of situations who don't want to be there but lack the strength to get out. It is easy for those not involved to look down and judge and say "just do it". Maybe they are a stronger personality? Maybe they really just have no idea what it is like? Doesn't really matter but from where I am standing classic NC did nothing but set up my husband for another disappointment.

 

There are three things necessary for a person to change.

 

1) They must be capable of changing

2) They must want to change

3) They must have the will to change

 

I believe everyone is capable of changing. We all have the capacity to better ourselves. But nobody will change unless they WANT to change.

 

You clearly want to change. Your words express that desire very clearly. However, what you lack is #3: the will to change. Having the will to change means you physically take the action that initiates the change; you have the will to actually carry out and facilitate said change.

 

I think you'll end up like my xWW, whom I divorced and never regretted doing so. She is capable of changing, and even expressed a very clear desire to, but never actually did anything to carry it out. It was all lip service. And so I divorced her, and it was the best decision I've ever made.

 

I feel like history is going to repeat itself right here.

[Spectre]

I disagree, if this woman wanted to change(even a little bit) she'd of told her husband the truth immediately. She doesn't want to change, she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

[Noirek]

You all are right of course. I am a pathetic piece of trash who if I had an ounce of will power would not be in this mess. And if my husband didn't like his comfortable life without dividing assets and time spent with children, I would probably find myself out on my hiney. But he values what he has I guess and the sacrifice he makes for it is me. A cheating, unfaithful c u next tuesday. This is me and this is who he gets. The ship on a faithful wife sailed long ago. There is no redemption for me because I don't believe in it. I'm not strong enough. My life proves that. I thank everyone for the encouragement but I am afraid I will disappoint you.

 

A long time ago I think I knew that given oppurtunity I would cheat. I knew it because of how much it turned me on. But when I was "in love" with someone the idea seemed detestable for me though I still enjoyed the stories for someone else. I couldn't even fantasize about being a cheater. Only fools cheat. Only fools throw away the good they have for sexual pleasure. Only fools hurt the one they love like thay. I met him, this man I do not have a high opinion of, and it felt like physical electricity was between us. I ignored it and dismissed it and then went after it.

 

I wanted to experience sex with someone new. I never thought I would be caught. I just tried not to think. And even though I screwed my husband over and myself I am still talking to him. And I know why now. I've let myself answer that. I don't like the answer. And that is why tonight I am full of self loathing. That is why tonight I don't care what anyone says about me or to me.

[Noirek]

This is really simple. OP: if you aren't a terrible human being you will tell your husband the truth so he can immediately get you out of his life. If you are a terrible person? You will stay with him. It is that simple. You have no right to keep things like this from your husband, to take away years and years of his life spent with a cheater.

 

So like I said: the choice is either be horrible or don't be horrible. You choose, I hope you choose to not be horrible, something tells me you aren't going to say a damn thing to him though.

 

I disagree, if this woman wanted to change(even a little bit) she'd of told her husband the truth immediately. She doesn't want to change, she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

 

I have the feeling you didn't actually read my posts but rather give this answer based on your assumption of all cheaters.

[lgspot]

You all are right of course. I am a pathetic piece of trash who if I had an ounce of will power would not be in this mess. And if my husband didn't like his comfortable life without dividing assets and time spent with children, I would probably find myself out on my hiney. But he values what he has I guess and the sacrifice he makes for it is me. A cheating, unfaithful c u next tuesday. This is me and this is who he gets. The ship on a faithful wife sailed long ago. There is no redemption for me because I don't believe in it. I'm not strong enough. My life proves that. I thank everyone for the encouragement but I am afraid I will disappoint you.

 

A long time ago I think I knew that given oppurtunity I would cheat. I knew it because of how much it turned me on. But when I was "in love" with someone the idea seemed detestable for me though I still enjoyed the stories for someone else. I couldn't even fantasize about being a cheater. Only fools cheat. Only fools throw away the good they have for sexual pleasure. Only fools hurt the one they love like thay. I met him, this man I do not have a high opinion of, and it felt like physical electricity was between us. I ignored it and dismissed it and then went after it.

 

I wanted to experience sex with someone new. I never thought I would be caught. I just tried not to think. And even though I screwed my husband over and myself I am still talking to him. And I know why now. I've let myself answer that. I don't like the answer. And that is why tonight I am full of self loathing. That is why tonight I don't care what anyone says about me or to me.

Thank GOD life gives second chances!!!!

[Hope Shimmers]

You all are right of course. I am a pathetic piece of trash who if I had an ounce of will power would not be in this mess. And if my husband didn't like his comfortable life without dividing assets and time spent with children, I would probably find myself out on my hiney. But he values what he has I guess and the sacrifice he makes for it is me. A cheating, unfaithful c u next tuesday. This is me and this is who he gets. The ship on a faithful wife sailed long ago. There is no redemption for me because I don't believe in it. I'm not strong enough. My life proves that. I thank everyone for the encouragement but I am afraid I will disappoint you.

 

A long time ago I think I knew that given oppurtunity I would cheat. I knew it because of how much it turned me on. But when I was "in love" with someone the idea seemed detestable for me though I still enjoyed the stories for someone else. I couldn't even fantasize about being a cheater. Only fools cheat. Only fools throw away the good they have for sexual pleasure. Only fools hurt the one they love like thay. I met him, this man I do not have a high opinion of, and it felt like physical electricity was between us. I ignored it and dismissed it and then went after it.

 

I wanted to experience sex with someone new. I never thought I would be caught. I just tried not to think. And even though I screwed my husband over and myself I am still talking to him. And I know why now. I've let myself answer that. I don't like the answer. And that is why tonight I am full of self loathing. That is why tonight I don't care what anyone says about me or to me.

 

13 pages and you are still a self-proclaimed "pathetic piece of trash" who won't own her crap.

 

Good for you. I'm out. If you won't help yourself, no one else will either. Stop wasting others' time here, because that's what you are doing.

Edited April 7, 2015 by Hope Shimmers

[Mr. Lucky]

And if my husband didn't like his comfortable life without dividing assets and time spent with children, I would probably find myself out on my hiney. But he values what he has I guess and the sacrifice he makes for it is me. A cheating, unfaithful c u next tuesday. This is me and this is who he gets. The ship on a faithful wife sailed long ago.

 

Why is the decision as to whether or not you stay married left up to your husband?

 

Mr. Lucky

[toolforgrowth]

And that is why tonight I am full of self loathing.

 

The will to change will only come when you get tired hating yourself. Can you continue hating yourself indefinitely?

 

And could you live with your husband hating you? Because I sure hated my xWW, so much that at one point she got mad at me for it.

 

Not sure why she apparently expected a different outcome. Wouldn't you hate your husband for cheating on you? Isn't that the typical human response?

 

You haven't hit rock bottom yet. But you'll get there...it's only a matter of time.

 

Maybe then you'll find the will. Either way it makes no difference to me...it's not my drama anymore.

 

Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Hating yourself....self loathing...is another way of saying you feel sorry for yourself.

 

I want you to acknowledge that feeling sorry for yourself is an act of selfishness.

 

In all of this posting...you are continually self absorbed....perhaps....if you placed the feelings of your husband before your own...if you really thought about what is best for him...you would begin to understand what you need to do to change.

 

No one here...especially me...thinks you are beyond hope...beyond help....but until you understand that your needs, your wants, your desires...must become secondary...you will never break free from the bonds that are holding you.

 

You wont break free...because you don't want to.

 

Self absorption....cause us to lie...to others but also to ourselves, it causes us to make excuses, it causes us to be defensive, it causes us to be blind to the damage we cause to others.

 

Your husband may appear to be happy with his life...in your eyes...because that is what you see...but it may not be fact at all. He may be living in fear...fear of losing his world as he knows it...fear of losing you...the woman he loves....fear of losing everything.

 

An abused child....still loves his parents....and yet when removed from that environment...yearns for his life back and will do everything in his power to be reunited with his family. That is fear...because it is the only life he has ever known. My parents had many foster children when i was growing up...it was amazing to me how even though they lived in constant pain with their mom and dad....that is where they wanted to be.

 

You can continue to tell us how badly you loathe yourself, you can berate yourself all you want.

But what i see is a woman so full of herself that she is blinded to anyone else's pain....pain she is responsible for causing...to SO MANY other people.

 

You are a very intelligent woman....you come here to LS....you give advice...(which is beyond me) You don't want advice......you want to vent...and you like confrontation and argument. I read what you write...in hopes that i will see a break through of some kind...

 

but i see the same thing over and over and over. Self....

 

I am sad for you Noirek...because i see such great potential in the person you are...if you could channel it in the right direction...if you could project it to others...you could be a beacon of hope. Instead...you continue to be self destructive....and spread venom to those whose lives you touch.

 

Get help....please....use the potential you have to be a great influence on those around you.

[Spectre]

I have the feeling you didn't actually read my posts but rather give this answer based on your assumption of all cheaters.

 

Lady, look at the other post you just made and then tell me I didn't read your posts. No, my assumptions were full on correct. Trash is trash, and you clearly won't do the right thing.

 

Oh and also? Cut the damn pity party and ACT LIKE AN ADULT.

[Spectre]

Hating yourself....self loathing...is another way of saying you feel sorry for yourself.

 

I want you to acknowledge that feeling sorry for yourself is an act of selfishness.

 

In all of this posting...you are continually self absorbed....perhaps....if you placed the feelings of your husband before your own...if you really thought about what is best for him...you would begin to understand what you need to do to change.

 

No one here...especially me...thinks you are beyond hope...beyond help....but until you understand that your needs, your wants, your desires...must become secondary...you will never break free from the bonds that are holding you.

 

You wont break free...because you don't want to.

 

Self absorption....cause us to lie...to others but also to ourselves, it causes us to make excuses, it causes us to be defensive, it causes us to be blind to the damage we cause to others.

 

Your husband may appear to be happy with his life...in your eyes...because that is what you see...but it may not be fact at all. He may be living in fear...fear of losing his world as he knows it...fear of losing you...the woman he loves....fear of losing everything.

 

An abused child....still loves his parents....and yet when removed from that environment...yearns for his life back and will do everything in his power to be reunited with his family. That is fear...because it is the only life he has ever known. My parents had many foster children when i was growing up...it was amazing to me how even though they lived in constant pain with their mom and dad....that is where they wanted to be.

 

You can continue to tell us how badly you loathe yourself, you can berate yourself all you want.

But what i see is a woman so full of herself that she is blinded to anyone else's pain....pain she is responsible for causing...to SO MANY other people.

 

You are a very intelligent woman....you come here to LS....you give advice...(which is beyond me) You don't want advice......you want to vent...and you like confrontation and argument. I read what you write...in hopes that i will see a break through of some kind...

 

but i see the same thing over and over and over. Self....

 

I am sad for you Noirek...because i see such great potential in the person you are...if you could channel it in the right direction...if you could project it to others...you could be a beacon of hope. Instead...you continue to be self destructive....and spread venom to those whose lives you touch.

 

Get help....please....use the potential you have to be a great influence on those around you.

 

You see great potential in the person she is? These last 13 pages of topic suggest otherwise. Also, I'm sorry, but any woman with a smidge of intelligence would of confessed to her husband, so calling her very intelligent seems strange to me.

 

I'm not saying you need to be pure mean, but there comes a point where you need to call a spade a spade. It really doesn't matter if she has given other people immaculate advice if this is how she conducts herself in her own life.

 

I don't see any potential or intelligence. I see someone who is selfish and who knows they are selfish and who isn't going to do anything about it. That is only someone acting intelligent if we are living on Bizarro World.

[DKT3]

You see great potential in the person she is? These last 13 pages of topic suggest otherwise. Also, I'm sorry, but any woman with a smidge of intelligence would of confessed to her husband, so calling her very intelligent seems strange to me.

 

I'm not saying you need to be pure mean, but there comes a point where you need to call a spade a spade. It really doesn't matter if she has given other people immaculate advice if this is how she conducts herself in her own life.

 

I don't see any potential or intelligence. I see someone who is selfish and who knows they are selfish and who isn't going to do anything about it. That is only someone acting intelligent if we are living on Bizarro World.

 

I think your being harsh beyond need here. Maybe the message is valid, however its hard to accept dripping with venom.

 

Very few humans have walked the earth that have been beyond potential for good.

 

I think like Mrs Adams stated there is hope in noirek, sure she is selfish and self aborbed yet her biggest issue as I see it is denial. She refuses to see or admit that there is no way her husband is "HAPPY" with this situation and she is in control. If she really wanted this over then it would be. She enjoys it, she loves the fantasy of potential sex with OM, at least she is no longer having sex with OM.

 

I think if she got honest with herself it would light the path and she would see what's ahead. She is so wrapped up in what she wants she doesn't see how every email, every text is pushing her husband closer to the door and out of her life. As some point she will get it.

 

She is also a very smart woman, but she uses it to attempt to manipulate both us and her husband.

[Spectre]

I think your being harsh beyond need here. Maybe the message is valid, however its hard to accept dripping with venom.

 

Very few humans have walked the earth that have been beyond potential for good.

 

I think like Mrs Adams stated there is hope in noirek, sure she is selfish and self aborbed yet her biggest issue as I see it is denial. She refuses to see or admit that there is no way her husband is "HAPPY" with this situation and she is in control. If she really wanted this over then it would be. She enjoys it, she loves the fantasy of potential sex with OM, at least she is no longer having sex with OM.

 

I think if she got honest with herself it would light the path and she would see what's ahead. She is so wrapped up in what she wants she doesn't see how every email, every text is pushing her husband closer to the door and out of her life. As some point she will get it.

 

She is also a very smart woman, but she uses it to attempt to manipulate both us and her husband.

 

Dude, we're over 13 pages in now with no real sign of change or her doing the right thing. Harsh beyond need? I disagree, maybe if this was on page one, but page frickin 14? She's flat out admitted she won't do the right thing, so is then coming back with "you have so much potential and intelligence!" really the thing that needs to be said now? That is sort of like when you have those parents with HORRIBLY behaved children who instead of disciplining their damn kids they just spout stupid nonsense at them about how good little angels they are, even though they realize it's not true. We are 14 pages in, the time for coddling is long past. It certainly isn't the time for compliments.

 

Also for me, being good at manipulating people doesn't make you smart. Why? Because people can be stupid and you can multiply that times a thousand when they are in love. Being manipulative is just that, being manipulative. Someone with true intelligence wouldn't need to manipulate others.

Edited April 7, 2015 by Spectre

[Mrs. John Adams]

I gave my opinion....and i was speaking directly to Noirek. I see potential in every human being...I myself was a cheater...and i know that there is hope if an individual is willing to put in the work it takes to improve.

 

I told Noirek what i think....but i also tried my very best to treat her with respect.

 

She may not deserve respect from her husband....but she has done nothing personal to me...I am not invested in her relationships. I am an internet stranger....

 

I do my best to treat everyone here respectfully...whether i agree with them or not. Being honest...is one thing...being disrespectful is another.

 

I agree with much of your assessment of Noirek... as much as we can possibly know a person from what she has posted.

[Noirek]

Spectre- my comment to you was because you didn't seem to realize my husband is fully informed of my communication with MM.

 

Everyone else-

 

I am not in denial over being selfish. I am selfish. I even told people who were pressuring me to divorce my husband that if I was to selfish to go NC then I was too selfish to "set my husband free". I have hit rock bottom before. Far worse than I am now but then I went back in it again. Rock bottom means nothing. If I lose everything it will be what I deserve and I won't fight it. Oh, sure I could choose to end NC with MM. After all we haven't communicated since I asked him about his wife's threat. And that was to get information, no chatting. Before that it was as LC as you can get. At this point cutting him off would be "easy" for now. But it doesn't change who I am as a person. It doesn't mean there won't be another MM and despite my head screaming no I jump back in. I think I am a seriel cheater or something. You know the ones that don't change?

 

This is a pity party. Because I can have a pity part here. For those thinking I'm wasteing there time, just hit the ignore button. It is your own free will.

 

I believe at this point my husband is happy. He doesn't let one thing that causes unhappiness to ruin his life. Call it rug sweeping or being a coward or whatever other scathing judgement you have. But I don't see him that way, and he doesn't see himself that way. And that is what counts.

[Noirek]

I won't be posting here for a while. Obviously, I need to find a new avenue to process in. Take care everyone and thank you for your input. Even if it was a 2X4. I deserved that. Spectre is right. Call a spade, a spade. I am going to get of this site and get some therapy.

[LifeWasted]

The Experience Project has plenty of people there who will blow all the sunshine up your skirt you need to feel good about what you are doing.

[Spectre]

I won't be posting here for a while. Obviously, I need to find a new avenue to process in. Take care everyone and thank you for your input. Even if it was a 2X4. I deserved that. Spectre is right. Call a spade, a spade. I am going to get of this site and get some therapy.

 

I will say this: it is big of you to admit all this. I am not exaggerating when I tell you 95% of cheaters who post here would NOT have the guts to admit to all this. A lot of times people tend to come here and then only hone in on the replies that tell them what they want to hear..while mysteriously avoiding any reply that pours a heavy dosage of truth on them.

 

So like I said, I'm not being sarcastic when I say you are at least a step up above most who post here. Some people, disturbingly enough, come to places like this hoping people will pat them on the back and tell them they had a right to act the way they did. Or if they are not looking for someone to tell them they were right in doing what they did..they are looking for ways to excuse their behavior.

[MJJean]

There are very few on the planet that don't find, on some level, the idea of sex with someone other than their spouse hot.

 

There are quite a lot of people that find cheating or being cheated on a huge turn on.

 

Those two things do not make you a bad person or someone who has evil in you. It's human and quite common. the difference is that most people who love their spouses and do not want to hurt them or risk losing them deny themselves the indulgence.

 

You self loathe. You deliberately do things that will feed that self loathing. You, on some level, enjoy it. You like thinking ill of yourself.

 

I can only come up with two logical conclusions.

 

1) You are so used to feeling this way that you hang on to behaviors like communicating with MM because if you do not, perhaps the self loathing will go away and what would fill the void?

 

or

 

2) You are sexually, emotionally, and intellectually turned on by punishment. You misbehave so you can punish yourself because you like it.

 

Have you ever considered that you need some form of BDSM? Perhaps, if your husband "punished" you by calling you names and degrading you verbally with some physical element (whatever level you're comfortable with), you'd have that need met and wouldn't have to continue with bad behaviors that lead to punishing yourself because someone else is doing it for you.

 

Do some research into BDSM in all of it's forms, including porn. See if anything appeals.

[merrmeade]

I won't be posting here for a while. Obviously, I need to find a new avenue to process in. Take care everyone and thank you for your input. Even if it was a 2X4. I deserved that. Spectre is right. Call a spade, a spade. I am going to get of this site and get some therapy.

I just wanted to say something to Noirek on Noirek's own thread if you're still checking in.

 

Dear Noirek,

I want to thank you for being yourself here. I think you came for help and, as I've said to you before, I don't think we were up to it. I don't think I'm up to it for sure, but no one else has been the right balance of honesty and accuracy either. (Sorry, guys.) I think you tried regardless of what others say. There were other APs who just lied and said they agreed or were motivated to change that, in the end, went right on cheating. At least, you called a spade a spade.

 

Let me say that I have benefitted from your incisive observations on my threads especially. You're not like other WWs because you're honest. You don't have an anti-BS agenda, you don't come out swinging in defensiveness, you don't sugarcoat or make up fiction to justify to yourself or others, and you don't pigeonhole the BSs.

 

Yet the very thing that makes you different is what makes you like other APs. That is, your need to believe that you, the 'characters' in your drama and all the things you're doing —*your husband, your marriage, the MM — are different, unique and you go to lengths to prove this. Just like every OW/M, WH/W I've read, you write about your unique situation and the ways you do not follow a pattern. But that itself is a pattern. Maybe you don't care, and this doesn't change anything - but it so DOES. If you can admit that you' are and wil be. But it is interesting.

 

You do realize that the harshness of some of the posts goes with the territory, right? I think you were half hoping that someone would be able to make you stop. I truly have NO idea how to help you, but I don't judge or reject you. I don't think anyone else can do for you what you do for others: read your information and from that, put together accurate profiles and predictions about what might happen.

 

So HALLELUIAH you've finally come to the realization yourself and decided to do (at least said you would anyway) what I wanted you to do pages back: "get some therapy." I'm proud of you and so relieved. Just remember what I said about getting the RIGHT therapist for you. I know you'll research it, yes? and decide what's best for you. I think probably a cognitive-behaviorist, maybe a jungian, but whichever - make sure the person is highly intelligent and a critical thinker. Anything less and you'll have them in knots and still miserable.

 

Good luck, my dear, and PM me, will you, when there's a change you're happy about?

[banaba]

Feels like just finished watching the last episode of the walking death. I want more. So please continue to contribute if you could. I'd like to know what the ending will be. I personally believe she'll get through this. That's what my mind says. But my heart at the same time wants me to write something. Hope no one bothers. This is my first post and just because of and for this thread.

 

This story makes sense to me and I'm sure my story will be the same as hers. My wife will act exactly like her husband and I exactly like her. I don't want to break apart my family but I can't stop the dark side of me at the same time. No one and nothing can stop me from doing the thing that my dark side tells me to. Illicit sex is what turns me on. Having sex with a total stranger is what I haven't stopped thinking about all day since my adolescence. The only thing that'll change me is the consequence. That's what I'll learn my lesson from and I'll change according to it.

 

The only difference between my story and hers is I haven't committed adultery. I've been really close to once and still looking for a chance to do it again. I've been with escorts but I personally am not convinced that's an affair. I know an affair being caught will end all the happiness I'm having but I find myself still going on that direction. I love my wife and kids. They are great people. But I know for a fact what it comes I'll find it hard to resist. I don't like lies or cheating but sleeping with a beautiful stranger is a turn on to me. I once got really close to an affair with a beautiful young girl but I chose not to sleep with her while I went to see escorts with similar qualities.

 

Just my two cents. I hope some may understand this kind of inner struggle is not rare.

[Mr. Lucky]

The only difference between my story and hers is I haven't committed adultery. I've been really close to once and still looking for a chance to do it again. I've been with escorts but I personally am not convinced that's an affair. I know an affair being caught will end all the happiness I'm having but I find myself still going on that direction. I love my wife and kids. They are great people. But I know for a fact what it comes I'll find it hard to resist. I don't like lies or cheating but sleeping with a beautiful stranger is a turn on to me. I once got really close to an affair with a beautiful young girl but I chose not to sleep with her while I went to see escorts with similar qualities.

 

Banaba, you should ask the Mods to move your post to a new thread. You'll get responses specific to your post and situation.

 

You also might explain why you don't think a married man sleeping with escorts is committing adultery. I'm guessing there will be some who will disagree....

 

Mr. Lucky