Why can't anyone admit that most people are picky these days?

[contact1]

But no man wants to be settled for. That's why people need to know their own worth in dating so that doesn't happen.

 

Who says they would be settled for? A person (man or woman) that is confident in themselves would find a partner that is attracted to them because of who they are, not because of things they do to "please" the other person.

 

There is no point system in dating, different people are attractive to different things. Some might like a person who is the business type, suit and tie. Others might like a more rugged man, who likes being outdoors. Or a musician, avid swimmer, writer, etc.

 

The point being, not one set of any qualities is going to make you attractive to all woman, just like not one set of qualities would make a woman attractive to all men. When you do things for yourself, and attract people for being who you are, you are not being settled for.

 

If your fear is that the person you are with is just with you for the time being till something "better" comes along, than they are obviously not the person for you. But this is something that is easy to see when you have a balanced life, and not one of just trying to please a woman and ignoring what would be obvious signs of lack of attraction, or being "settled" for.

[NJ123]

Exactly at what point do you not counter peoples claims with reality when they say the sky is green? I am not saying that can not be true as I do not live where they do but that is not normal if what they are saying is true by some way they should understand that is a rare and not likely in other places.

 

Not exactly sure what you mean by this.

[contact1]

The demographics where people are not concerned with looks money status would that happen to be this forum?

 

Reread what your quote and point out where Wholigan said that LMS do not matter.

 

In fact I'll help you:

 

 

"Now, make no mistake, I have never denied that LMS matters to people. It does. We all know that. The degree with which it matters to everyone fluctuates in my experience."

 

 

Read that 5 times outloud, and than you can tell us where it was stated that these do not matter.

[NJ123]

Who says they would be settled for? A person (man or woman) that is confident in themselves would find a partner that is attracted to them because of who they are, not because of things they do to "please" the other person.

 

There is no point system in dating, different people are attractive to different things. Some might like a person who is the business type, suit and tie. Others might like a more rugged man, who likes being outdoors. Or a musician, avid swimmer, writer, etc.

 

The point being, not one set of any qualities is going to make you attractive to all woman, just like not one set of qualities would make a woman attractive to all men. When you do things for yourself, and attract people for being who you are, you are not being settled for.

 

If your fear is that the person you are with is just with you for the time being till something "better" comes along, than they are obviously not the person for you. But this is something that is easy to see when you have a balanced life, and not one of just trying to please a woman and ignoring what would be obvious signs of lack of attraction, or being "settled" for.

 

I'd say that's fair enough. But you still need to be with someone that's on your own level. How will a guy working a low paying job get the woman he's attracted to that wants a family in the near future? Or if the guy is extremely attractive with infinite amount of options, & the average looking woman really wants to date him. What exactly are the odds of that happening? What would highly likely happen is the woman that wants a family will get with a guy with a good income instead, and the average looking woman will not get the really attractive guy who has the option of dating women that look like models. Those are just 2 examples.

[Mangina]

Reread what your quote and point out where Wholigan said that LMS do not matter.

 

In fact I'll help you:

 

 

"Now, make no mistake, I have never denied that LMS matters to people. It does. We all know that. The degree with which it matters to everyone fluctuates in my experience."

 

 

Read that 5 times outloud, and than you can tell us where it was stated that these do not matter.

 

Read my question out load 5 times I'll restate it. The demographics where looks money status do not matter that wouldn't happen to be this forum?

[ThaWholigan]

The demographics where people are not concerned with looks money status would that happen to be this forum?

 

No. There are people of all kinds on this forum - there are certainly women on here who want a rich dude, or a tall dude, or doesn't care if he is either, or like a bunch of things. And guys who prefer a good looking woman and others that perhaps aren't that bothered. I understand that there will be a significant amount who want a tall, good looking, popular guy with money or a girl who's a "8-10" but I allow for the idea and possibility that it's not always the case. Your point seems to be that except for super rare examples, that's what EVERYONE wants.

 

I am a musician, and I have been around people with money and people without. I've also been exposed to some extremely attractive and good looking people. So I've seen many different demographics in my real life. A lot of the more socially affluent tended to be focused on socioeconomic status while when it came to my immediate demographic pertaining to nightlife, looks definitely took precedence. Different kinds of looks, but looks definitely mattered.

 

I'd also been to places where the most average, mundane, deadest looking guys got laid EASILY. That's why I take umbrage with the whole looks argument. I get that they matter - hell, I like a good looking girl and I know lots of girls that love a good looking guy. However, what you need to understand - something that took me a while to understand - is that what is good looking to some people will deviate from other's ideal of good looking.

 

Some people in that thread were stating flat out wrong things about those issues. And I called them out on it. Those people had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. And what exactly do I do all the time on here? Make up things that aren't true? Give me examples of things I lied about or made things up?

 

I agree, some people were a bit too staunch in their ideas about people with mental illnesses and it's a touchy subject. I am autistic, it's not quite a mental illness, but it's a similar issue for me too.

 

You took issue with people imposing their reality and projecting their experience onto people with mental illnesses - maybe a bit irrationally but rightfully so IMO. However, you do this all the time - you say some sh*t like "why don't people admit that they are picky/why don't women admit they hate short guys/why don't people admit women like bad boys/why why why why". Then people inevitably come in and what they actually say is "yeah, that does happen - me personally, I experience xyz and it's not like that for me" because not everybody experiences the exact same **** or sees it the same way due to the people they are around. You however, see that, and you then say "that's not true, that's not reality, you're lying. Just admit it" and that, my friend, is imposing your reality and projecting your experience onto people.

[Mangina]

Read my question out load 5 times I'll restate it. The demographics where looks money status do not matter that wouldn't happen to be this forum?

 

It is like NJ123 said real life is not like the movies the poor ugly guy does not get the beautiful rich girl I am not saying that never happens but I have never seen it and I have lived in a big city my whole life

 

Is there some demographics where that happens where you see mismatched couples every day? If so let me know and I will make arrangements to move there

[Mangina]

No. There are people of all kinds on this forum - there are certainly women on here who want a rich dude, or a tall dude, or doesn't care if he is either, or like a bunch of things. And guys who prefer a good looking woman and others that perhaps aren't that bothered. I understand that there will be a significant amount who want a tall, good looking, popular guy with money or a girl who's a "8-10" but I allow for the idea and possibility that it's not always the case. Your point seems to be that except for super rare examples, that's what EVERYONE wants.

 

I am a musician, and I have been around people with money and people without. I've also been exposed to some extremely attractive and good looking people. So I've seen many different demographics in my real life. A lot of the more socially affluent tended to be focused on socioeconomic status while when it came to my immediate demographic pertaining to nightlife, looks definitely took precedence. Different kinds of looks, but looks definitely mattered.

 

I'd also been to places where the most average, mundane, deadest looking guys got laid EASILY. That's why I take umbrage with the whole looks argument. I get that they matter - hell, I like a good looking girl and I know lots of girls that love a good looking guy. However, what you need to understand - something that took me a while to understand - is that what is good looking to some people will deviate from other's ideal of good looking.

 

 

 

I agree, some people were a bit too staunch in their ideas about people with mental illnesses and it's a touchy subject. I am autistic, it's not quite a mental illness, but it's a similar issue for me too.

 

You took issue with people imposing their reality and projecting their experience onto people with mental illnesses - maybe a bit irrationally but rightfully so IMO. However, you do this all the time - you say some sh*t like "why don't people admit that they are picky/why don't women admit they hate short guys/why don't people admit women like bad boys/why why why why". Then people inevitably come in and what they actually say is "yeah, that does happen - me personally, I experience xyz and it's not like that for me" because not everybody experiences the exact same **** or sees it the same way due to the people they are around. You however, see that, and you then say "that's not true, that's not reality, you're lying. Just admit it" and that, my friend, is imposing your reality and projecting your experience onto people.

 

I am sorry I do not mean to throw a punch at you but your time on this forum and the number of posts you have make me a bit spectacle. I can not help but wonder how you get out so much yet always on here

[ThaWholigan]

I'd say that's fair enough. But you still need to be with someone that's on your own level. How will a guy working a low paying job get the woman he's attracted to that wants a family in the near future? Or if the guy is extremely attractive with infinite amount of options, & the average looking woman really wants to date him. What exactly are the odds of that happening? What would highly likely happen is the woman that wants a family will get with a guy with a good income instead, and the average looking woman will not get the really attractive guy who has the option of dating women that look like models. Those are just 2 examples.

 

Your looking at extremes here. Extremes are rare, that's why they are extremes.

 

A conventionally unattractive guy is not going to have an easy time dating a conventionally attractive woman. It can happen and I've seen it happen (it's not that rare), but depending on the circles she's in, it's usually unlikely. A poor guy will struggle to date a woman of a particular socioeconomic background. Those are extremes that generally don't tend to happen that often. They do happen, but it's not that likely.

 

Some people are bothered by that, and by their lot in life. Others aren't that bothered.

 

You are one of those people who is constantly obsessed with your "level" or your "league". Being constantly conscious of that is difficult for some people. I accept that people have hierarchical ideas of society, particularly where hypergamy is concerned. It's not how I see things, but I have no problem mingling in any section of society. One girl I nearly f*cked was pretty rich herself and she's now marrying a rich banker and lives in Dubai. I also dated a woman who was "out of my league". She was attracted to me, but ultimately I wasn't established enough so she went with someone who was. She was one of those people, and I don't think it was bad, but it made me more aware that it exists.

 

Having the musician lifestyle and gigging in London, I met so many people who didn't think like that. When Dalston was popping (still is lol), people were getting laid from all different backgrounds, and looks etc. Interesting .

 

You can find confirmation bias for anything if you look hard enough. My thing is perception is reality. If you experience women holding out for top tier guys, then it exists. But just because you see that happen, doesn't mean it's the only thing that does, nor that the alternative is so rare that it's negligible. Remember that!

[ThaWholigan]

I am sorry I do not mean to throw a punch at you but your time on this forum and the number of posts you have make me a bit spectacle. I can not help but wonder how you get out so much yet always on here

 

You underestimate how easy+quick it is to type a post. I can do at least 20 posts on here in under an hour, I can also post from my phone when I am out too. On the train, in the park or library. It's an easy argument, "You have x posts on the internet, you don't get out" . It's also a fallacious one .

[autumnnight]

I'd say that's fair enough. But you still need to be with someone that's on your own level. How will a guy working a low paying job get the woman he's attracted to that wants a family in the near future? Or if the guy is extremely attractive with infinite amount of options, & the average looking woman really wants to date him. What exactly are the odds of that happening? What would highly likely happen is the woman that wants a family will get with a guy with a good income instead, and the average looking woman will not get the really attractive guy who has the option of dating women that look like models. Those are just 2 examples.

 

So what? Where is it written that everyone gets someone "hot"? Wherebis thisbpromise of so called "fairness" written?

 

This is starting like 2nd graders upset that they didn't get the blue pencil or the cookie with the most chocolate chips.

[Mangina]

You underestimate how easy+quick it is to type a post. I can do at least 20 posts on here in under an hour, I can also post from my phone when I am out too. On the train, in the park or library. It's an easy argument, "You have x posts on the internet, you don't get out" . It's also a fallacious one .

 

I did not mean to offend you I am sorry for noticing you are on here every time I have been. I have over 400 posts and that is with a lot of heavy posting I a few months. I have a job and things I do after work with friends. I can not imagine being here for 4 years and 10,000 posts. If it wasn't for 15 inches of snow I would not be here now So yes I would think you do not get out much.

[ThaWholigan]

I did not mean to offend you I am sorry for noticing you are on here every time I have been. I have over 400 posts and that is with a lot of heavy posting I a few months. I have a job and things I do after work with friends. I can not imagine being here for 4 years and 10,000 posts. If it wasn't for 15 inches of snow I would not be here now So yes I would think you do not get out much.

 

I'm not offended mate - we just post in the same threads often.

 

I can understand that. I've been posting a lot more recently because currently I'm not working - lots of free time so between this and practicing my instrument is how I spend my time. Over time, my high volume numbers coincide with me not working.

[Mangina]

I'm not offended mate - we just post in the same threads often.

 

I can understand that. I've been posting a lot more recently because currently I'm not working - lots of free time so between this and practicing my instrument is how I spend my time. Over time, my high volume numbers coincide with me not working.

 

I understand

[Starship]

People should be more picky but in the right ways. People these days will dismiss somebody because they drive the wrong color car but if they are married then no big deal,

 

Not the people I know. My boyfriend isn't married

 

Unlike yourself, my friends are picky about not dating married men. I'm surprised you and your friends don't pay attention to it.

 

As for car colour..doesn't matter really. My boyfriend's car is silver but no idea of the type. I only know that he makes sure it is clean inside and he opens the door for me.

 

Anyway...best not to let women know that marriage has no meaning to you. Any woman I know would say 'bye bye' in a nano second.

[Rejected Rosebud]

It does not make a difference if he is projecting he is pointing out something that I notice as well. He does not understand why so many people especially here pretend it is not true

 

Why do you guys think that because you believe something, and other people say they do not believe that, they are secretly in agreement with you and for some reason, not "admitting" it???:confused: That is just weird. I am happy as heck to admit anything I believe in, I am not ashamed!! Sure I am picky too! I have hardly ever met any men I wanted to be close to in a romantic or sexual way in fact, literally, only 2 of them!! But absolutely NOT for the reasons stated in the OP NO WAY!!

[NJ123]

Not the people I know. My boyfriend isn't married

 

Unlike yourself, my friends are picky about not dating married men. I'm surprised you and your friends don't pay attention to it.

 

As for car colour..doesn't matter really. My boyfriend's car is silver but no idea of the type. I only know that he makes sure it is clean inside and he opens the door for me.

 

Anyway...best not to let women know that marriage has no meaning to you. Any woman I know would say 'bye bye' in a nano second.

 

You're jumping to conclusions that he doesn't like marriage. I'm pretty positive he's actually married from a post he made recently. So yeah, jumping to conclusions & offending others says a whole lot about you.

[Rejected Rosebud]

But do a lot of these women have a lot going for them themselves? Or are they still going for these guys regardless of what they bring to the table?

He did say a woman with a good career and "some looks," and really if a woman doesn't have a lot going for herself and wants to flock to the happening guys what is wrong with that, he is either going to like her or reject her, that's life!!

[thefooloftheyear]

But do a lot of these women have a lot going for them themselves? Or are they still going for these guys regardless of what they bring to the table?

 

There are dreamers on both sides...

 

I'll even grant you that there are more female dreamers than male dreamers, but thats probably due to the fact that women are in general more idealistic than men, and some women get a false sense of reality when they wind up with above average guys that are just using them for sex-and they dont/didnt realize it....This dynamic doesnt really happen too often with guys, so its less of an issue..

 

But alas, As painful and unfortunate as that scenario is, once they get wise to that game, eventually they come back to earth as well..

 

But the bottom line(and I would just be repeating what others have stated), is that no guy has to have a hundred women interested in him to validate his worth..Most guys are lucky to have just a couple in their entire lifetime...So I really dont get where a lot of guys seem to think if they dont have a harem of women they are worthless..

 

TFY

Edited March 8, 2015 by thefooloftheyear

[Rejected Rosebud]

I'd say that's fair enough. But you still need to be with someone that's on your own level. How will a guy working a low paying job get the woman he's attracted to that wants a family in the near future? Or if the guy is extremely attractive with infinite amount of options, & the average looking woman really wants to date him. What exactly are the odds of that happening? What would highly likely happen is the woman that wants a family will get with a guy with a good income instead, and the average looking woman will not get the really attractive guy who has the option of dating women that look like models. Those are just 2 examples.

So, NJ123, does this mean that if YOU don't end up with the hottest woman evah that you will be settling?? If the answer is NO then why do you insist that WE would be settling if we don't end up with the hottest guy evah?? It seems that you hold women in pretty low esteem!!! We are highly capable of falling in love with somebody for reasons I bet you don't even know about!!

[Rejected Rosebud]

It is like NJ123 said real life is not like the movies the poor ugly guy does not get the beautiful rich girl I am not saying that never happens but I have never seen it and I have lived in a big city my whole life

You're right life is NOT like the movies, all kinds of regular people fall in love all the time, I mean regular people who are not tall, rich, DD cup bras, whatever!! Just real life people !

[PrettyEmily77]

Guilty as charged.

 

My requirements:

- a guy who is solvent, with a preference for white collar jobs (I am)

- a guy who is healthy (I am)

- a guy who is confident (I am)

- a guy I find physically attractive (and hope he finds me attractive too)

- a guy that isn't too tall (I'm 5'2)

- a guy who has ambition and drive (I do)

- a guy with a formal education (I have)

 

 

Shoot me.

[NJ123]

There are dreamers on both sides...

 

I'll even grant you that there are more female dreamers than male dreamers, but thats probably due to the fact that women are in general more idealistic than men, and some women get a false sense of reality when they wind up with above average guys that are just using them for sex-and they dont/didnt realize it....This dynamic doesnt really happen too often with guys, so its less of an issue..

 

But alas, As painful and unfortunate as that scenario is, once they get wise to that game, eventually they come back to earth as well..

 

But the bottom line(and I would just be repeating what others have stated), is that no guy has to have a hundred women interested in him to validate his worth..Most guys are lucky to have just a couple in their entire lifetime...So I really dont get where a lot of guys seem to think if they dont have a harem of women they are worthless..

 

TFY

 

Where are you getting that info from? Who says most guys are lucky to only have a few women in their lifetime? So I suppose it's just good looking guys getting the vast majority of women?

[Woggle]

Not the people I know. My boyfriend isn't married

 

Unlike yourself, my friends are picky about not dating married men. I'm surprised you and your friends don't pay attention to it.

 

As for car colour..doesn't matter really. My boyfriend's car is silver but no idea of the type. I only know that he makes sure it is clean inside and he opens the door for me.

 

Anyway...best not to let women know that marriage has no meaning to you. Any woman I know would say 'bye bye' in a nano second.

 

I am actually agreeing with you. I am not against marriage but being married doesn't seem to hurt a person's dating life these days. Just calling it like I see it. It doesn't mean that I like it.

[Starship]

Pretty...so true.

 

I'm also 5'2. My boyfriend is 5'7...as tall as I'd want him to be. I like to look into his eyes when we hug...and especially when we are dancing. I like that eye to eye contact when I wear heels.

 

(Also, we can snuggle up in a chair together)