Why can't anyone admit that most people are picky these days?

[Starship]

I am actually agreeing with you. I am not against marriage but being married doesn't seem to hurt a person's dating life these days. Just calling it like I see it. It doesn't mean that I like it.

 

Don't know where you live but it sure would hurt a person's chances where I live. As stated, I don't know any friends who are looking to date a married man. They are always asking me 'does your boyfriend have any single friends?'. I'm happy to set them up but have never ever set them up with anyone married....that would be creepy to everyone involved.

[MidwestUSA]

I am sorry I do not mean to throw a punch at you but your time on this forum and the number of posts you have make me a bit spectacle. I can not help but wonder how you get out so much yet always on here

 

Who is the last person I'd worry about not getting out. LMAO! If there's one guy here who tries his best to help the struggling dudes, he's it.

 

Be careful with your spectacles.

[Woggle]

Don't know where you live but it sure would hurt a person's chances where I live. As stated, I don't know any friends who are looking to date a married man. They are always asking me 'does your boyfriend have any single friends?'. I'm happy to set them up but have never ever set them up with anyone married....that would be creepy to everyone involved.

 

I have lived on both coasts at this point and it never seems to hurt anybody. I get hit on by women much more with a wedding ring then without one. I knew guys back in my single days who wore a fake wedding ring when they went out because it was easier to pick up women. I am not saying that is a good thing because it certainly isn't but it doesn't make it any less true.

[Mangina]

Who is the last person I'd worry about not getting out. LMAO! If there's one guy here who tries his best to help the struggling dudes, he's it.

 

Be careful with your spectacles.

 

Yes I understand his situation now

[whatcanitellyou]

Well I'm in decent shape, I look kinda lean & fit. I could put on some more weight though. But of course I'd prefer a woman that's in decent/good shape physically.

 

But yes that's true, whatever you bring to the table yourself as an individual should factor in who you should go for. If you have an awful job but expect to be with someone with a good/great job, than that person will likely stay single for a very long time unless their a really attractive woman, or if the guy is really attractive himself & has a good personality. The thing is everyone doesn't want to settle for anything less than what they feel they deserve even if they don't have much going for them.

 

There's some circumstances where some people do wind up settling for someone they don't particularly want due to not having the greatest physical features, or if the woman is getting old & wants a kid, so she needs to find someone in a certain amount of time before it's too late.

 

I with you. I'm a distance runner in very good shape and am not interested in a slob. Fortunately I've had no problem finding good, interested men. I've even had a few cyclists try to pick me up in the middle of my run, and apart from being a reasonably attractive 40 year old in good shape I'm not that special, nor do I think I'm entitled to a wealthy underwear model. I should probably throw in that I have a very good job and make good money.

 

I met my hb at a 5k, he's 19 years older and in very good shape. We clicked on many levels, but physically was one of them and it's been almost 10 years. Could I do better? Well I guess that depends on your definition of better, I could probably get someone younger, but I'm very happy with what I have.

 

If you're chronically alone and don't want to be the issue is probably with you.

[Starship]

I with you. I'm a distance runner in very good shape and am not interested in a slob. Fortunately I've had no problem finding good, interested men. I've even had a few cyclists try to pick me up in the middle of my run, and apart from being a reasonably attractive 40 year old in good shape I'm not that special, nor do I think I'm entitled to a wealthy underwear model. I should probably throw in that I have a very good job and make good money.

 

I met my hb at a 5k, he's 19 years older and in very good shape. We clicked on many levels, but physically was one of them and it's been almost 10 years. Could I do better? Well I guess that depends on your definition of better, I could probably get someone younger, but I'm very happy with what I have.

 

If you're chronically alone and don't want to be the issue is probably with you.

 

The same here. My boyfriend and I are both hikers, runners, cyclists. It's a glue that bonds us together. He has that lean muscle, flat stomach body....This trumps looks, wealth, etc. The thought of being with anyone pudgy or who doesn't lead a healthy lifestyle is 'yuck'. I love my guy to pieces...others might find him 'ok ' looking but to me he is the most attractive man in the Universe.

[thefooloftheyear]

Where are you getting that info from? Who says most guys are lucky to only have a few women in their lifetime? So I suppose it's just good looking guys getting the vast majority of women?

 

 

The real world....

 

Yes, I am telling you that you would be fortunate to find two good women in your entire lifetime that truly "click" with you on most levels...I wont even bother to say all levels, because thats Fantasy Island garbage..

 

TFY

[ladyc4]

yeah yeah, NJ123.

It is all about looks, money, status,power,confidence. people who don't have plenty of these things are just plain royally screwed in terms of ever finding a loving relationship.

So,what's your plan, going forward?

[NJ123]

yeah yeah, NJ123.

It is all about looks, money, status,power,confidence. people who don't have plenty of these things are just plain royally screwed in terms of ever finding a loving relationship.

So,what's your plan, going forward?

 

Those are the things women are attracted to. A lot of women don't want a man that doesn't have a good job, or is shy, or doesn't have good looks. They'll make exceptions where if the guy isn't attractive, but he'll have more options if he has a great job. Or if the guy is shy than he needs to be really attractive. Women like the things I stated, it's common sense for those men to have it easier compared to others. Would a woman turn down the guy with good looks, confidence, good personality, good job to be with the shy guy with a low paying job.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Those are the things women are attracted to. A lot of women don't want a man that doesn't have a good job, or is shy, or doesn't have good looks. They'll make exceptions where if the guy isn't attractive, but he'll have more options if he has a great job. Or if the guy is shy than he needs to be really attractive. Women like the things I stated, it's common sense for those men to have it easier compared to others. Would a woman turn down the guy with good looks, confidence, good personality, good job to be with the shy guy with a low paying job.

So what is your plan for dealing with this?

[BlueIris]

Those are the things women are attracted to.

 

Intelligence is extremely important to lots of women.

[NJ123]

Intelligence is extremely important to lots of women.

 

Yes, that too. Most want confident guys with intelligence, at least decent looks & a good job.

[ladyc4]

. A lot of women don't want a man that doesn't have a good job, or is shy, or doesn't have good looks. Would a woman turn down the guy with good looks, confidence, good personality, good job to be with the shy guy with a low paying job.

If she felt no attraction for the guy with all the "good stuff" she most certainly would turn him down.

Its' about love. Otherwise no plain, shy, low income person would ever be able to get a relationship, get married, etc.

But yet lots of them seem to do exactly that!

 

Make no mistake-a person who wants to date, form a loving relationship, needs to do what they can to better their place in the world. In fact, maximizing one's potential is something everyone should do for themselves.

Yes, lots of people do seem to settle at a level that may seem lower than their potential/capabilities, and often that IS a conscious choice.

 

But believe me, women worth having look a lot deeper than looks, income and status.

Many women put higher value on intelligence, good ethics and values, sense of humor, general competence in dealing with problems in ways OTHER than throwing money at the problems.

Maybe you should be asking yourself why you aren't meeting this type of woman. Maybe you should be asking yourself what you can do to optimize your potential.

Maybe you are just trying to date way out of your league.

 

OF COURSE people are picky these days! We are coming into a time in which pairing up and reproducing is not an economic and "perpetuate the species" requirement. People are now free to take more time and care in choosing whom they date and form romantic relationships with. While marriage and parenthood seem to still be significant social expectations, society IS beginning to recognize and accept that a person can have a valid and valuable life without being involved in those things.

[NJ123]

If she felt no attraction for the guy with all the "good stuff" she most certainly would turn him down.

Its' about love. Otherwise no plain, shy, low income person would ever be able to get a relationship, get married, etc.

But yet lots of them seem to do exactly that!

 

Make no mistake-a person who wants to date, form a loving relationship, needs to do what they can to better their place in the world. In fact, maximizing one's potential is something everyone should do for themselves.

Yes, lots of people do seem to settle at a level that may seem lower than their potential/capabilities, and often that IS a conscious choice.

 

But believe me, women worth having look a lot deeper than looks, income and status.

Many women put higher value on intelligence, good ethics and values, sense of humor, general competence in dealing with problems in ways OTHER than throwing money at the problems.

Maybe you should be asking yourself why you aren't meeting this type of woman. Maybe you should be asking yourself what you can do to optimize your potential.

Maybe you are just trying to date way out of your league.

 

OF COURSE people are picky these days! We are coming into a time in which pairing up and reproducing is not an economic and "perpetuate the species" requirement. People are now free to take more time and care in choosing whom they date and form romantic relationships with. While marriage and parenthood seem to still be significant social expectations, society IS beginning to recognize and accept that a person can have a valid and valuable life without being involved in those things.

 

Well, a lot of the women on this site in particular say otherwise. Most said loving someone itself could only go so far since technically love doesn't pay the bills or allow you to live a good life. Most women want a man with a good job as well as the other qualities I mentioned.

[ladyc4]

well, if you truly believe that only guys with good looks, good jobs and confidence can get women, then I guess you've decided to give up?

[NJ123]

well, if you truly believe that only guys with good looks, good jobs and confidence can get women, then I guess you've decided to give up?

 

Well, I didn't exactly say that, but they have it a lot easier. You can't start a family if the guy makes low paying money.

[Toodaloo]

The problem with posts like this is that you can not predict what is "attractive" to others.

 

I am currently going through a big nose phase. I have no idea why but recently I have noticed that most of the men I am really attracted to have a big nose. Would you put that on a list of attractions? Nah...

 

Sparkly eyes come top on many peoples lists and that comes from getting off your back side and doing the things that make you happy.

 

Also I watched a thing on you tube recently and it was about "Are you shy or just plain boring?" - so true! So many people have no idea how to join in with conversation or are so dull that they have nothing to contribute anyway. NO opinions no nothing. Its just plain dull.

 

I have said it before and I will say it again. Who would you rather spend your time with? The guy laughing and having a great time with a mix of friends or the good looking rich guy who has sod all to say thats sat in the corner?

 

As for the married thing I don't think its the ring - I think its that they just don't care so are totally relaxed and open to talking to people of every sex, age etc. I.E. easy to get to know and talk to and have fun with.

[NJ123]

The problem with posts like this is that you can not predict what is "attractive" to others.

 

I am currently going through a big nose phase. I have no idea why but recently I have noticed that most of the men I am really attracted to have a big nose. Would you put that on a list of attractions? Nah...

 

Sparkly eyes come top on many peoples lists and that comes from getting off your back side and doing the things that make you happy.

 

Also I watched a thing on you tube recently and it was about "Are you shy or just plain boring?" - so true! So many people have no idea how to join in with conversation or are so dull that they have nothing to contribute anyway. NO opinions no nothing. Its just plain dull.

 

I have said it before and I will say it again. Who would you rather spend your time with? The guy laughing and having a great time with a mix of friends or the good looking rich guy who has sod all to say thats sat in the corner?

 

As for the married thing I don't think its the ring - I think its that they just don't care so are totally relaxed and open to talking to people of every sex, age etc. I.E. easy to get to know and talk to and have fun with.

 

Well how will a man support his family on a low salary job? Just isn't happening. And you gave an extreme example. No good looking rich guy will just be sitting in the corner. Women would flock to him if they see him. And I understand a lot of women find different qualities attractive, but in general women love confident men with good looks & good job. That's never ever seen as a negative like a quality such as shyness or low salary is.

[Toodaloo]

Well how will a man support his family on a low salary job? Just isn't happening. Yes it does. With careful planning and hard work. A low salary doesn't mean low prospects... it also doesn't mean that he is unabel to show care and devotion to his family just as much as a man earning mega bucks... And you gave an extreme example. No good looking rich guy will just be sitting in the corner. Yes - sometimes they are... You would be amazed. Rich in cash does not mean rich in life... two very different things. Women would flock to him if they see him. and they probably would not see him as they would be busy seeing what the fun guy was getting up to! And I understand a lot of women find different qualities attractive, but in general women love confident men with good looks & good job. That's never ever seen as a negative like a quality such as shyness or low salary is.

 

NJ you are never going to get out there if you are constantly making excuses as to why you are inadequate. Why not turn the tables and start showing off why you ARE ADEQUATE?

 

If you strive for perfection you will completely miss the point and you will end up with your head so far up your own backside striving to always be better that you will not see when that pretty lass is trying to get your attention...

[GravityMan]

'Picky' is one of those relative adjectives and it doesn't really say much about any person in most contexts. From my observation, however, it's not a word many people would use describe themselves due to its generally negative connotation. I'd say that many people doesn't find anything flattering about the word and choose to stay away from it.

 

Exactly, it's a word that conjures up negative perceptions, even though the truth is that most people are "picky" (or "selective"). I've observed one guy being shamed by his friends for describing himself as picky. It's just not a socially acceptable thing in the eyes of the masses. Kind of like the word "selfish".

 

Being selective is a GOOD thing, especially if you know yourself well.

 

It's only an issue if it delves into the bizarre...e.g. a woman requiring that any man she dates must have a deep "Barry White" voice, must be willing to drop his steady job at a moment's notice and spontaneously whisk her away to a different country, must use a fork and knife to eat his hamburgers and pizza. Or if it delves into the offensive...e.g. it's mandatory that he be white because <insert ignorant/bigoted statement about Asians>.

[toolforgrowth]

Well how will a man support his family on a low salary job? Just isn't happening. And you gave an extreme example. No good looking rich guy will just be sitting in the corner. Women would flock to him if they see him. And I understand a lot of women find different qualities attractive, but in general women love confident men with good looks & good job. That's never ever seen as a negative like a quality such as shyness or low salary is.

 

Who says the low salary man has to have a family?

 

There's a tall, really handsome guy who works in my building. He's a manager and makes pretty good money. He's also about as interesting as watching a snail trying to outrun a tortoise. Many of the women in my building comment on how good looking he is, but also that they would never have any interest in dating him (or even having sex with him) because he's basically a tall drip of tepid tap water.

 

There's definitely something to be said for having a personality.

 

Regarding salary, I think it's a huge double standard that it's okay for men to be with a woman who makes a lower salary than him, but not okay for a woman to do the same. So I adopted the women's standard: any woman in my life will be able to take care of herself and make a close amount of money to me. This is why my GF hasn't moved in with me yet; she just started her internship and won't be making good money for at least another month or two. I'm going to wait until she has that firmly established before I allow her to move into my house with me and cohabitate.

 

She knows this, is perfectly okay with it, and even agrees with that decision.

[NJ123]

Who says the low salary man has to have a family?

 

There's a tall, really handsome guy who works in my building. He's a manager and makes pretty good money. He's also about as interesting as watching a snail trying to outrun a tortoise. Many of the women in my building comment on how good looking he is, but also that they would never have any interest in dating him (or even having sex with him) because he's basically a tall drip of tepid tap water.

 

There's definitely something to be said for having a personality.

 

Regarding salary, I think it's a huge double standard that it's okay for men to be with a woman who makes a lower salary than him, but not okay for a woman to do the same. So I adopted the women's standard: any woman in my life will be able to take care of herself and make a close amount of money to me. This is why my GF hasn't moved in with me yet; she just started her internship and won't be making good money for at least another month or two. I'm going to wait until she has that firmly established before I allow her to move into my house with me and cohabitate.

 

She knows this, is perfectly okay with it, and even agrees with that decision.

 

What if the woman their with wants a kid? Than what do they do? Unless the woman makes a lot of money herself, than they'll struggle.

 

And yeah, I made a topic on the double standard with pay. Women care more about money than a guy does in terms of dating. Probably because of the resentment involved possibly on the woman's part, as well as the guy being insecure he makes less. I think a lot of guys would be okay with making less, but they'd need to know the woman is okay with that as well. Both sides have to be perfectly happy with the situation for it to work out.

 

And okay, fair enough on the looks situation. I'm not bad looking myself & if I'm comfortable with someone I could be funny & outgoing. But tend to be pretty shy with people I don't know, or if I don't know them well.

[toolforgrowth]

What if the woman their with wants a kid?

 

There's no reason she couldn't work to pay for it. We live in a modern society where women can be the breadwinners and have the career. I think that's great. But traditional gender roles haven't caught up yet. Men have realized the landscape has changed, but I don't think a lot of women have yet. They're wanting the best of both worlds while failing to realize the two cannot exist simultaneously.

 

Don't place so much pressure on yourself, and have some expectations that she should equally provide for the family that she wants. She's a grown, mature, adult woman capable of doing her share to contribute to the financial security of the family.

 

I tend to think you place entirely too many expectations upon yourself, and not enough on your potential future mate.

[NJ123]

There's no reason she couldn't work to pay for it. We live in a modern society where women can be the breadwinners and have the career. I think that's great. But traditional gender roles haven't caught up yet. Men have realized the landscape has changed, but I don't think a lot of women have yet. They're wanting the best of both worlds while failing to realize the two cannot exist simultaneously.

 

Don't place so much pressure on yourself, and have some expectations that she should equally provide for the family that she wants. She's a grown, mature, adult woman capable of doing her share to contribute to the financial security of the family.

 

I tend to think you place entirely too many expectations upon yourself, and not enough on your potential future mate.

 

Yeah, you're right I can't deny it. I get worried about a lot of things. About whether I'll be cheated on, or if she actually really likes me or would just view me as some safe option for her. Or if I don't get the good job eventually, would she resent me if she makes more.

[toolforgrowth]

Yeah, you're right I can't deny it. I get worried about a lot of things. About whether I'll be cheated on, or if she actually really likes me or would just view me as some safe option for her. Or if I don't get the good job eventually, would she resent me if she makes more.

 

I think you worry a lot more about what you have to offer a woman than what a woman has to offer you. Any relationship needs to be a two way street. While it's important to know your skill set and to have a good array of traits and abilities to offer a potential mate, a compatible woman should also have her own set of traits and abilities to offer you in return.

 

One thing that men don't do often enough is hold women accountable to what they bring to the table in the relationship. The rhetoric that we have been spoonfed is "what will men do to keep their women?". You'll notice that nowhere in that rhetoric do we hear "what will women do to keep their men?".

 

We need to get that message out, and make it plainly clear that we, too, have value, and that in order for us to enter into a relationship with them, they have to have something to offer us.