Why can't anyone admit that most people are picky these days?

[toolforgrowth]

If I ever did get married it wouldn't be until I'm in my 40s at the very least. But I think I'd hope the woman isn't that interested in it either or at least not until way later on if at all. Having kids I'm completely undecided on as well.

 

Don't bet on it. Women still have very high expectations of men; that they should be a provider, that they should still father children, that they should essentially fulfill all the male gender roles that women actually want them to fulfill, but only on their terms.

 

The fact that so many men between 20 and 34 are unmarried means that women in that age bracket are essentially experiencing a "man shortage"; for every man that does not marry, there is a woman who also does not marry, and keep in mind that women outnumber men in the U.S. (not sure about the U.K.). So in reality, for every man that does not marry, 1.X women do not marry.

 

This means that women in that age bracket will be highly inclined to latch onto a man and marry him and pump out his kid in short order. It's a lifeline to her future financial security. Don't fall into the trap! It's your life, so stick to your timetable.

 

With that being said, I do believe there are women who do not want to get married either. I'm just setting the expectation that you'll probably have to weed through quite a few to find one that matches your sensibilities. And that's okay!

[Woggle]

Though I fully understand the cynicism I am not against marriage since I am in a happy one myself.

 

Just hold out for the right woman and make sure she is good before you even move in with her. Fine tune your instincts and use them. If something seems off it probably is.

 

Find a woman who doesn't believe in traditional gender roles or at the least is willing to live it up to her end of the bargain.

 

Don't use money and being a provider is the lure to bring women in. When you want a certain market for what you are selling advertise for that market. If you advertise wealth and money you bring in women who want you for those things. Even if you have these things downplay them and it weeds out women looking for them.

 

Carry yourself as man who can't be used. Users and those who take advantage of others look for easy targets. They can smell it from a mile away and they go in for the kill.

 

Never marry a woman when she is in that clock ticking phase or if all her friends are getting married or there is family pressure. That is when you are in the most danger of becoming the settle guy because they pick based on things other than real love.

 

Last but not least is know who you are marrying. Find out their views on life, gender issues, commitment, fidelity and all these things and make sure she shares your values and wants to have the same kind of marriage that you do.

 

Nothing is 100% fool proof but follow these and you greatly increase your odds of having a happy marriage. Don't just marry the first attractive woman that shows interest.

[toolforgrowth]

I wouldn't call it cynicism, I honestly call it reality. I lived it and went through it all myself. And there are a lot of men coming to that same conclusion nowadays!

 

Your advice was spot on, though. All good stuff.

[Mangina]

This kind of thing really sucks for a guy who wants kids

[toolforgrowth]

This kind of thing really sucks for a guy who wants kids

 

Oh yes. It most certainly does. Changing the rules of marriage and divorce has seriously disincentivized almost an entire generation of men from marrying or procreating. They know it's a rigged game, and have chosen not to play to protect their interests as a result.

 

The laws are going to have to shift back into the middle and into a more egalitarian/gender neutral position before we'll see men agreeing to get back into the institution in any meaningful amount.

[Woggle]

With more and more women becoming breadwinners they would do themselves a favor by siding with men in alimony reform and other divorce reforms. It won't be a good idea to try and cut your nose off to spite your face.

[craw]

Bachelor Nation: 70% of Men Aged 20-34 Are Not Married | CNS News

 

Here's an article I seen on another forum. Men are turning away from marriage completely. Can't say I blame them since they get nothing out of it.

 

Can someone please explain this part to me?

 

“It’s very, very depressing,” Crouse told CNSNews.com. “They’re not understanding how important it is for the culture, for society, for the strength of the nation to have strong families.”

 

No I don't understand.

[NJ123]

Can someone please explain this part to me?

 

“It’s very, very depressing,” Crouse told CNSNews.com. “They’re not understanding how important it is for the culture, for society, for the strength of the nation to have strong families.”

 

No I don't understand.

 

What don't you understand? The fact that less men want to be married, means less people are starting families. At least that's what I think it means. Men are turning away from how things used to be with everyone getting married, at least at younger ages than they do now.

[craw]

Why is it so important for the nation to have strong families?

 

That's why I didn't understand.

 

Also, do you know what's depressing? Reading those comments in the article. Holy ****. This whole "Men Going Their Own Way" is the pretty much anti-women.

[NJ123]

Why is it so important for the nation to have strong families?

 

That's why I didn't understand.

 

Also, do you know what's depressing? Reading those comments in the article. Holy ****. This whole "Men Going Their Own Way" is the pretty much anti-women.

 

Yeah, I agree a lot of the comments are out of line. They should have stated their opinion in a more respectful way. I do understand why men are doing it though, since they don't want to get screwed over if divorce happens. I think they do need to change the laws somehow so it's fair to both sides.

[Mangina]

Why is it so important for the nation to have strong families?

 

That's why I didn't understand.

 

Also, do you know what's depressing? Reading those comments in the article. Holy ****. This whole "Men Going Their Own Way" is the pretty much anti-women.

 

Well with what is going on what did you think was going to happen? Did you read the what tool for growth wrote?

[Mangina]

70% is a lot I am guessing it is not just neck beards but some desirable guys too

[NJ123]

70% is a lot I am guessing it is not just neck beards but some desirable guys too

 

Yeah, men are just completely turned off from getting married at least at a young age. I think it's because this generation is seeing how so many are getting divorced, as well as marriage favoring women instead of men.

[darkbloom]

I feel like I have my **** together so I am therefore entitled to be picky about who I choose to let in my life. And let's be real people, we should be pickier about who we are letting in our lives. (Just go ahead and look at the infidelity + the breaks and breaking up forum if you need a -bitchslap- I mean, a reminder.)

 

I am:

intelligent

above average looking

fit

outgoing

loyal

 

I have:

a good job

a college degree

my own house

my own car

 

Looks are important. Not going to lie. But there is a spectrum of attractiveness. There are more things that go into being an attractive person than just their looks. It is also their personality, how they carry themselves, etc. I also want to date someone that understands my drive and ambition. I do NOT have to settle for any reason. I am not afraid of being alone or ending up alone. So yes, I am picky. But shouldn't we all be???

Edited March 10, 2015 by darkbloom

[thefooloftheyear]

With more and more women becoming breadwinners they would do themselves a favor by siding with men in alimony reform and other divorce reforms. It won't be a good idea to try and cut your nose off to spite your face.

 

I agree...but that probably will never happen...

 

They wont reform it, because there is still a stigma among men who go after women for alimony or support...Like somehow its not the "gentlemanly" thing to do..

 

I know a few guys that perhaps could have gotten it, but chose not to in order to not be shamed..

 

So they will keep it status quo, because principle or not, it doesn't serve the interests of the majority, so no point in trying to change it..

 

TFY

[autumnnight]

I agree...but that probably will never happen...

 

They wont reform it, because there is still a stigma among men who go after women for alimony or support...Like somehow its not the "gentlemanly" thing to do..

 

I know a few guys that perhaps could have gotten it, but chose not to in order to not be shamed..

 

So they will keep it status quo, because principle or not, it doesn't serve the interests of the majority, so no point in trying to change it..

 

TFY

 

The purpose of alimony originally was to help support women who had either not worked or who had worked jobs that made significantly less than the husband. So it makes sense that if a man makes 50K and the woman makes 100K that the woman should be paying alimony if there is alimony to be paid.

[thefooloftheyear]

The purpose of alimony originally was to help support women who had either not worked or who had worked jobs that made significantly less than the husband. So it makes sense that if a man makes 50K and the woman makes 100K that the woman should be paying alimony if there is alimony to be paid.

 

Yeah....

 

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, then every day would be Christmas....

 

But its not....

 

TFY

[Woggle]

I agree...but that probably will never happen...

 

They wont reform it, because there is still a stigma among men who go after women for alimony or support...Like somehow its not the "gentlemanly" thing to do..

 

I know a few guys that perhaps could have gotten it, but chose not to in order to not be shamed..

 

So they will keep it status quo, because principle or not, it doesn't serve the interests of the majority, so no point in trying to change it..

 

TFY

 

When you see women in large numbers being taken to the cleaners then we will see some real changes in the divorce laws. Men also need to stop playing nice in divorces if you see she is playing hard ball. I was ready to go for the jugular with my ex and in the end I kept my house and paid nothing in alimony. Be willing to fight for yourself.

[autumnnight]

I have learned that if I cannot control something, then constantly whining about it, raging about it, or trying to convince the entire world to see it my way is a waste of my time. I would rather spend my time living MY life within the parameters of reality the best I can. This comment is not in relation to alimony, but the original post, and the dozens of OP's like it.

[William]

Let's not start yet another MRA/Feminism meta-discussion. Thanks!

 

Why can't anyone admit that most people are picky these days?

 

Drill it down to the individual, why you are or are not picky about interpersonal relationships and partners and can or cannot admit it. Work that topic.

[toolforgrowth]

Let's not start yet another MRA/Feminism meta-discussion. Thanks!

 

Why can't anyone admit that most people are picky these days?

 

Drill it down to the individual, why you are or are not picky about interpersonal relationships and partners and can or cannot admit it. Work that topic.

 

Fair enough. This thread isn't the place to have that discussion, and I'll respect your judgment.

 

But regarding the individual women I date, I do root out how they feel on those issues. If I detect even a little bit of misandry, I bail. I'm highly picky about the type of woman I'll let into my life and my daughter's life.

[Woggle]

Fair enough. This thread isn't the place to have that discussion, and I'll respect your judgment.

 

But regarding the individual women I date, I do root out how they feel on those issues. If I detect even a little bit of misandry, I bail. I'm highly picky about the type of woman I'll let into my life and my daughter's life.

 

This I can agree with. If I were single I would be picky about not dating women who hate me.

[toolforgrowth]

This I can agree with. If I were single I would be picky about not dating women who hate me.

 

Not hate me personally, but just generally views my gender with distrust and contempt.

 

The funny thing is, ever since I started to identify with some of that three letter group's philosophy and to live my life that way a little bit, I've become more attractive to women. Especially married women.

 

Go fig. lol

[Woggle]

Not hate me personally, but just generally views my gender with distrust and contempt.

 

The funny thing is, ever since I started to identify with some of that three letter group's philosophy and to live my life that way a little bit, I've become more attractive to women. Especially married women.

 

Go fig. lol

 

In general with any group if you want people to respect you you need to respect yourself.

[NJ123]

I have learned that if I cannot control something, then constantly whining about it, raging about it, or trying to convince the entire world to see it my way is a waste of my time. I would rather spend my time living MY life within the parameters of reality the best I can. This comment is not in relation to alimony, but the original post, and the dozens of OP's like it.

 

True, I suppose you can't change what is & just have to work the best with what you have.