soooooconfusd Posted April 8, 2005 Share Posted April 8, 2005 so I am in serious need of help please... The object of my affection lives with my best friend, today she calls me and tells me she found a gay porn site on her computer... well all the history was erased but he left the web browser up... WHOOPS I saw it so I know she was telling the truth, so she calls him and he was in the middle of something so he couldn't really talk, but basicaly she asked him why he erased the history, he lied, said he turned the computer off cause it was working so slow... well long story short, do straight men look at gay porn? he has regular porn...but no girlfriend in a long time, and our "friendship" is very srtange, long history, very long and boring, but no we are not intimate and I know of no other girl (we have been intimate in the past)... HELP PLEASE? I have no idea how to confront this? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Straight men who look at gay porn are not straight. That's the "bottom" line. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Straight people do look at gay porn - they may never admit it, but a straight person being curious about or even aroused by gay porn isn't unusual. However... Given how you've described your relationship... it could be that your SO is a closeted bi or homo-sexual, or at the very least, exploring his sexuality in that direction. How to confront it? By not being accusatory or jealous and asking him to share the truth with you - as a friend, not as a girlfriend. He may be afraid to share it with you, and if you get angry or accusatory there's pretty much no chance he would be able to tell you, particularly if he is still unsure about it himself. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 I don't know of any straight people that do. I certainly don't. If I did, I wouldn't be straight. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Originally posted by soooooconfusd do straight men look at gay porn? no! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Straight men who look at gay porn are not straight. That's the "bottom" line. Again, untrue. I wish to heavens everybody would go out and get themselves some books on fantasies and fetishes and learn what normal human sexuality is about. Plenty of people will look at porn involving things they would never do in 3D. A lot of fantasies seem much more interesting in theory than in practice and therefore people will look at the porn or invent fantasies they are not at all interested in realizing in real life, including gay porn. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 I beg to differ. Who were the subjects used in the study? Curious males? There you go. Those who have recurring fantasies or fetishes about gay porn are ticking time bombs. As AlphaMale boldly stated, "No!" You'd have to be a straight guy to know what we're talking about. It's so gay to argue about this... Forgive me if I don't respond anymore. #&$* Link to post Share on other sites
gridiron Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 I can only answer for myself, and that is NO. Well, gay MALE porn anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 I beg to differ. Who were the subjects used in the study? Curious males? There you go. Those who have recurring fantasies or fetishes about gay porn are ticking time bombs. Thank you Dr. Noted Psychologist. Opinions are one thing. Uneducated ones are quite another. Really, you need to do a little learning. Actually, a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 I don't know any straight man that would look at gay porn. I suppose some might, but it would certainly make me wonder why they were viewing it. Men look at porn for arousal and seldom do straight men get arosed watching gay men. I know that homosexuals will watch straight porn because both sexes are represented and can be inducive to arrousal for the viewer--no matter what their sexual orientation. Perhaps he is questioning his own sexual identity. It doesn't mean he is gay, but maybe he is wondering about himself? Or maybe he is simply confident enough in his own sexual identity that he wanted to see what all the fuss was about? Or maybe he has gay or bisexual friends and wanted to understand them? Those may be possibilities, but myself I would still wonder. The only way to know why he was watching gay porn, if indeed he was, is to ask him. He may be too embarassed to admit the reasons, even if he is not gay. Or maybe some gay porn site came up when he was looking for something else--I've had that happen when I was searching for other things. Link to post Share on other sites
maja Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Uff I'm sot sure about this one, honestly if I cought my man checking out gay porn I would be disgusted ! No offense to homosexuals! I have homosexual friends, but straight men looking at gay porn is really weird. Now lesbian porn is understandable and fine with me at all time. I think you should ask him to watch porn with you and pop in a gay porn and see him reactions for yourself..... Link to post Share on other sites
gridiron Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Thank you Dr. Noted Psychologist. Opinions are one thing. Uneducated ones are quite another. Really, you need to do a little learning. Actually, a lot. And all he did was ask you to back up your statement that "Plenty of people will look at porn involving things they would never do in 3D," to show that it is educated. I for one have no interest in viewing any porn that I do not have some desire to cultivate in real life. From the conversations I have with male friends, that is also the case with them. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 I for one have no interest in viewing any porn that I do not have some desire to cultivate in real life. From the conversations I have with male friends, that is also the case with them. And how many people would actually confess - even to their best friends - what they do in private? You realize that people do all sorts of things for sex that you know nothing about? That people have sex with shoes, wear diapers, and play 'bad little boy' in schoolkid clothes? Nobody will confess to transvestism or bi-curiosity to friends they know will scorn them. So your anecdotal experience means little and studies taken by asking people to fill out anonymous questionnnaires are and which is why it is useful, when forming opinions on such matters, to go beyond one's own experience and seek information from credible sources. Link to post Share on other sites
PatientOne Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 I would imagine some straight men do, sure. Some straight men do lots of things folks would find odd. Anyone here who gives a definite answer for all men is only speaking for themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
gridiron Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme So your anecdotal experience means little and studies taken by asking people to fill out anonymous questionnnaires are and which is why it is useful, when forming opinions on such matters, to go beyond one's own experience and seek information from credible sources. If you are going to jump on someone for providing information from their own experiences and then tell them certain books or studies contradict them, you should at least cite them or studies/findings they are based on, so we can judge for ourselves whether they are truly credible or not and argue over its merits. Do you have a study that breaks down the percentage of consumers of male gay porn that is straight? If so, I would like to see it and debate about it. Until then, I would think it unwise for you to criticize other posters who are just sharing their viewpoints and experiences to help the original poster. Getting back to the original poster's concern, would you not agree this is a matter that should be of a very serious concern to her? Link to post Share on other sites
Nocturnal Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Does it ultimately matter what type of porn he looks at. Also, are you sure he didn't just get a popup or clicked a link that gave gayporn popup or the likes? (Mind you, popups or fake links are all over the 'free porn net'). Chances are he might have pressed something else and got gay porn instead. He might have erased the history because of usual porn usage too, not necessarily gay porn. Bottom line is, let him do what he wants in his own private space, it's really none of your concern. A sex-ed person once said, we have two sex lives, one with ourselves and one with our partner. This one is bordering on you stepping and stomping around in his private grounds, if he wants to share he will, if he does not he won't. You don't really have a right to it either way unless he finds it appropriate to tell you. And I very much agree with moimeme, people's sex habits are far more gray zoned than black and white. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 He's gay, bi or curious. If it's just curiosity and he is very young it may be a passing phase, but I think it's unlikely. Straight men who are turned on by gay porn are Bi, in my opinion, whether they've had sex with men or not. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 If you are going to jump on someone for providing information from their own experiences and then tell them certain books or studies contradict them, you should at least cite them or studies/findings they are based on, so we can judge for ourselves whether they are truly credible or not and argue over its merits. I have supplied hundreds if not thousands of links in my time. Do a little work yourself for a change. Google 'sexual fantasies' and 'sexual fetishes' and then read papers which are found on university sites or the sites of reputable organizations. Or read some books. Nancy Friday and Bob Berkowitz have both written about fantasies. Getting back to the original poster's concern, would you not agree this is a matter that should be of a very serious concern to her? See Nocturnal's post. We agree on this issue. I also agree with Patient One: Anyone here who gives a definite answer for all men is only speaking for themselves Straight men who are turned on by gay porn are Bi, in my opinion Opinions are just that - unsupported, often, and often awash in bias. Which is why, in matters such as this, I feel something more formal than just 'opinion' is important. I think that when relationships are at issue, it is incumbent upon us to present more than just an opinion since opinions can be based on erroneous conclusions. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 10, 2005 Share Posted April 10, 2005 People lie or omit truths in studies too. The models created to decipher and track the results are sometimes skewed by the model creator. Credible studies have been disproved many years later. To the original poster who is wondering why a guy she likes may be looking at gay porn -- ask him if he's gay. Didn't you say he's living with your best friend? Are they of the same sex or opposite? Any relationship there either way? Why did someone think it necessary to question him at all about the book marks or history on his PC anyway? I'll wager there is more to this story than was is plausible to post on an internet forum. People post to get the answers they want, even when they think they are being unbiased, and usually they are completely unaware they (we) are doing so. When we post 'fact' we are posting the facts as we interpret them to begin with. Someone else posting the same story might have enough of a difference in what they write that they will get a totally different set of answers. Ask the guy or apologize to him for snooping in the first place. Gay or straight, why put him on the spot? Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted April 10, 2005 Share Posted April 10, 2005 I agree that for many sexuality is grey, rather than black or white, that it is expressed in many weird and wonderful ways, that one may fantasise but never act out and that in this case privacy has been violated. Opinions are just that - unsupported, often, and often awash in bias. Which is why, in matters such as this, I feel something more formal than just 'opinion' is important. I think that when relationships are at issue, it is incumbent upon us to present more than just an opinion since opinions can be based on erroneous conclusions. You have evidence that fantasy does not always translate into reality, hence you conclude that as long as men do not have sex with men (or intend to) they may look at gay porn and be straight. That conclusion is only sustainable if sexuality is defined as excluding fantasy, this is not universally accepted. There are other definitions of sexuality. Many would argue that fantasy does play a part in our sexual identity. In the same way that a gay virgin is gay despite never having had sex, or a gay vicar is gay despite never intending to have sex with men, a man who has sex with women and fantasises about men is bi. Link to post Share on other sites
gridiron Posted April 10, 2005 Share Posted April 10, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Do a little work yourself for a change. Please drop the condescending tone. I think that when relationships are at issue, it is incumbent upon us to present more than just an opinion since opinions can be based on erroneous conclusions. I think it is incumbent upon someone who calls another poster's opinion uneducated to provide more "formal" support than just their own opinion and rudeness. That you have provided hundreds or thousands of links in other posts has no bearing on this thread and does not help the original poster. Anyone who requests advice on this forum should know the responses of others are biased by life events which have influenced their responses. We can't very well have a requirement of some form of external support for every post a person makes. Most threads on this board involve anecdotal experiences, which can be very helpful. I feel that you are discounting this too much. Well, we are digressing with our little disagreement, so I will just say to the original poster that my OPINION *ducking whatever moimeme just threw at me* is that there is serious cause for concern with your relationship if he does view gay porn and based on the other things you have noticed. You or your friend can feel him out on this and build up to the big question on which way he swings. Link to post Share on other sites
Nocturnal Posted April 10, 2005 Share Posted April 10, 2005 That's a good article on "why straight men sometimes fantasize about other men." Here's a good part: [color=darkblue]Moderator's Note: Here is the only excerpt from the commercial site that I will place on this forum. All Rights Reserved. Material may not be reproduced without permission Please remember that we cannot allow posting of copyrighted text or commercial links.[/color] Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted April 10, 2005 Share Posted April 10, 2005 But back to the main topic. I would certainly be concerned about the gay porn. I can only go from my own personal experience, but my ex did view gay porn a time or two and I ended up finding out that he had a threesome with another guy (*cough* his male cousin) and he also tried to make out with his roommate right before I started dating him. Yeah...it's cause for concern. Link to post Share on other sites
MySugaree Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 There's circumstantial evidence that that this "object of affection" of yours is either Gay or "Gay curious": no gf for a long period, the Gay porn web site unintentionally left up and the History erasure. One possible inference that a reasonable person could draw from this mosaic of evidence is that your friend is Gay or leaning Gay. But that's not the only inference one could draw. If you want a relationship with this lad, I'd work on the relationship and let the sexual orientation chips fall where they may. Unless, of course, your anxiety about all this bars any more interest on your part for him. That's , as they say, up to you. My sense: He's probably Gay. Link to post Share on other sites
soooooconfusd Posted April 11, 2005 Share Posted April 11, 2005 so yes I did ask him, he said it was a pop up... please understand that there really are a lot more factors in this than what I tried to keep very short... perhaps I should not written anything until I had asked him and then I could have posted his reply as well... I just don't get the sense from him that he is anything other than a porn surfer, he has tons of straight porn...and he is European, so that right there means something. No my best friend and him are not the same sex, but they still would not go there, she is a lesbian, and she doesn't get the sense he is gay or curious or whatever the case may be... I have read many more articles on here and other forums, and it seems to be a preference or up to each person what they do or don't like... i.e. gay/straight/animal porn... I do not think that it really is a fair statement to assume someone is gay because the lack of girlfriend... granted I should have not jumped the gun and wrote a post that had no background info... I think the only thing I can do is believe him, he has never lied to me in the past, and maybe cause that's because I don't want to believe it, but I care enough about him to be able to just push this aside and just stay on the alert... Link to post Share on other sites
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