Feeling Lonely

[Cupid's Puppet]

I've been feeling really lonely lately. I've been trying to get used to singlehood, but I think it's easier when you have close family and friends. I haven't really found a good way to cope with the loneliness. I've joined meetups and volunteered, but in my experience, they are not good avenues for making long-lasting relationships.

 

You build relationships with people you see regularly. That is why most people build friendships through school, church, their neighbors, and work. Well my neighbors don't hang outside so there's no opportunity for me to socialize with them. Plus, they are mostly Asian and stick with their own culture. I've completed school. I'm just an outcast at work. And I'm nonreligious.

 

For me there is nothing great about being alone. It's not a good look. Loneliness leads to depression and all sorts of mental f-ups. But I just don't feel like I can control this aspect of my life. If I want another job, I know I can apply several places. If I want another degree, I know I can go to school. But I cannot force people to want to be with me. I have no control of that. But I need someone and don't have anyone. This makes it hard to be motivated to wake up most days.

[endlessabyss]

I hear you.

 

 

Weekends are a disaster for me. On the east coast we got a ton of snow, and I called out of work on Friday.

 

 

Literally, I hardly had anyone to talk to, and sometime in the evening the loneliness was cutting so deep it probably would have been better to be dead.

 

 

You have made so many great points. You can't force anyone to hang out with you. I am way more social now than I ever was, and still can't get people to chill with me on a regular basis. I re-activated some of my social media accounts, and messaged a good amount of old friends from HS; some ignored me, other said they would get in contact with me and never did.

 

 

The couple of friends I do have in my life have their own thing going on, and don't have time to hang out every weekend.

 

 

I also like how you mentioned the real friends you make are through your childhood, school, etc etc; people that you see on a regular basis. It is almost impossible to make friends through different avenues, everybody that I see that are still friends made those friendships long ago, in their school years.

 

 

I often reflect on things, I say to myself, it has to be some flaw in my personality, but I went to my old job today to get a W-2, and a colleague told me I had a great personality, and I would do great in sales. I feel like she was being sincere, and wasn't saying it just to be nice.

 

 

The days can get hard, and going into older stages of your life, with a small social network, no family, and a bad financial situation, the thought does sprout up, "What the **** am I here for?". Days do get harder and harder, but I hold out hope for something the change; that is what keeps me going.

 

 

You're not alone.

Edited March 7, 2015 by endlessabyss

[Cupid's Puppet]

 

You're not alone.

 

That is a funny way to end a post in a thread like this. I swear it is the little things that can sometimes put a smile on my on my face.

[StalwartMind]

There is a great truth to it different and perhaps "more" difficult to meet people and make friends, (longer lasting relationships), when you've aged past all the active years that are school, as that forces you meet and experience people.

 

Despite that it is possible to meet people no matter your age. Hobbies and activities that you are fond of or very passionate about, can be a great way to do exactly that. The advantage is that you already have something in common and that is all the start you need.

 

Loneliness doesn't come solely when you are alone, it can be found in company too granted it likely feels a bit more intensified as you have no one to turn to. I believe it's healthy to admit one feels lonely rather than trying to pretend you are alright. Each person tackles situations differently regardless of what similarities there may be too. Occupying your mind, through activities plus the will to get yourself into a better position is not the worst way to combat the feeling of being lone.

 

It's easy to feel overwhelmed when things aren't going your way but at the same time this is where you must not just give in to defeat and deem your own situation as impossible. In all fairness most situations we find ourselves in, have multiple options, even the ones we'll never consider count. As great as it would be if we could simply press a button labeled "Summon new friend for long lasting relationship + possibly more", that would almost be too easy, even if tempting! Perhaps silly to say but most things worth your time will take some effort.

 

As mentioned you aren't alone in this, even if you are feeling lonely. There ought to be better ways for people to connect, but I'm really not sure how one can go about and making that happen, at least not yet. Truthfully there are many amazing people out there, far away as well as near you that would make excellent friends and relationships.