Huge outburst!

[Jess cms]

Hey there!

I didn't find a place for introductions here... I'm Jéssica and I just got here x)

 

So.. I'm not really sure why I'm here but I guess it's because I'm out of ideas about what to do or how to move on from something that just happened in my life.

I don't really mean to bother you guys with too many details but in short, I'm a 21 year old girl living all by myself in a foreign country away from my family and friends, so I guess I feel a bit lonely sometimes and that's probably why this situation is bothering me so much. Basically, I started talking to a 41 year old man on the internet a few months ago. I had no romantic interest in him at first as I didn't even use to understand how people can fall in love with such an age difference.. I'm not prejudiced at all, I just couldn't understand it before. Well I guess I do now.

But anyway, we started talking and I just wanted a friend cause I want to move and he lives in the city where I wanted to live, so I figured it would be good to have friends there to help me out. It turns out I was the one to help him out... he was really really depressed after his break up with his ex and so he would talk about it all day long. At first that came out kind of strange cause I didn't know him and all that, but I tried to help him anyway cause that's the person I am and I really like helping people, I do it all the time in many ways. So I helped him by giving him good advices... and I know he was genuinely moved by only my words, and he started to do something about his life which was and is a mess, and even today he thanks me for that.

At some point he started talking about sex with me. I have to say I wasn't interested at all at first, but then I don't know what happened... he just was able to attract me to him and I don't even know how that happened. And all of a sudden we were talking about a relationship and all that, though we never talked about it seriously cause he was confused about his feelings for me and his ex and I wasn't really sure of what I was doing. Anyway, we eventually met and all that, and I'm stopping with the details now cause it seems I'm writing a book here.

 

The thing is... things have been really different between us now. He's like running away from me like crazy and I can't for the life of me figure out why!! At first I thought it was because he was just using me and now I know he has been talking with his ex and he doesn't need me anymore... but now I'm not sure about that because I know he had a date this weekend.

 

I'm just feeling soooo frustrated! I mean, before he wanted me so badly and now he's just dumping me like garbage. I tried to solve this and to understand him in so many different ways.

I tried to talk to him so many times but now he just acts like I'm really annoying which is completely unfair cause I wasn't trying to pressure him nor anything.. I just wanted to understand what went wrong so I could move on! I tried to meet and all so we could have a calm conversation but I never saw him again really... some time ago even after all this he wanted to come over to have sex, but I said no and so he didn't came. I mean he's always going on about how busy he is. He's not busy to have sex but he's always soooo busy to talk things through.

 

I even tried to forget it all and just be his friend, I stopped the sex talk and all that crap. But just yesterday morning we were talking about going to a party and he was saying it was a good idea and all but he didn't say yes or no. I knew he was with his date (he told me he was so busy planning a trip all ****ing day but at the same time he was with his date... what a trip xD) so I respected it and I just asked him to tell me soon cause I needed to know what to do with my day you know. I waited all day!!! He answered me at night and I won't even tell you guys what his answer was cause I just feel so humiliated.

 

Anywaaay... I really needed to talk about this and I'm feeling so ridiculous right now cause I'm not even sure I should make this post but whatever..

I could just go on and on about this whole situation all day long but I won't cause I'm not even sure if someone here will be interested enough to read this far.

 

So now, about what I'm looking for... I'm looking for many things really x)

But right now I'm just looking for someone interesting. You know, like a friend.

What I really wish for is to find my true love (xD) but I don't think that's a good idea here cause I'm guessing most people in this forum are american and are far far away from me xD

So... right now I just wish to find someone with whom I can have a real connection with. Someone who can understand me and talk to me for hours and share the same interests. Once again, I'm not thinking about it in a romantic way... the thing is, I really need a meaningful friendship in my life right now, so maybe I can find it here, or maybe I can't.. whatever x)

 

so thanks if you're still reading this and... I'll shut up right now x)

Edited March 8, 2015 by Jess cms

[preraph]

That guy was self-absorbed. He was also on the rebound from his ex. He was leaning on you. It's happened to me before, and he later admitted it.

 

The only thing I can recommend is that you look on Google for any expat sites in your city where people from your country get together and go do things. Also, take a class or take up a new hobby to bring you in contact with people. Take tennis lessons or just anything, bowling. But get yourself on a team of some sort. You can try volunteering a couple of hours a week and see if you meet anyone that way to be friends with. Look at meetup groups in your area and join a women's group for people just wanting to make friends. That way you'll have someone to go out with to meet men. I know it's not always easy in a strange town, but the sooner you get out there and mingle, the easier it will get.

[Jess cms]

Thanks in advance, I was starting to think no one would answer... so I was like "whatever, this is a lost cause anyway"

 

anyway... yes I agree with you in what you said about him, but what bothers me most is that he won't admit that. When we have some talk about this he just tries to find blame in me you know, like I'm too stressed and I don't trust him and blablabla

he actually compared me with his ex once, because Oh-My-God she trusted him blindly. I was really mad at him that day cause I hate to be compared to anyone, much less to his ex in this particular case xD

But he can make me feel really bad when he starts saying those things cause that's just not truth. He says I pressure him and so on... I mean, lately I don't even talk to him unless he talks to me and it happened before that he talked to me and I didn't even answer him (how is that pressure?)... and I already tried to put this all behind my back and just be his friend but it's just not working cause right now he's not respecting me not even as his friend. And btw my last text to him was about that, I said that this wasn't working not even as friends and I intended to put an end to all this once I got his answer... it's been two days, I'm still "waiting".. and he does that to me all the time, once the talk gets serious he just stops talking. Now, that's something I don't admit to anyone, I sure as hell hate to be ignored and I've been really patient about it with him.

but you know... I just think it would be so much easier for me if he could just admit what he did to me!

I also think that in the beginning he was trying to see his ex in me... cause from what I know, we're somewhat alike, me and her. Not in our looks but in our likins and ways of thinking and so on... he probably saw her reflected in me somehow... and I should've known, I'm just not that experienced in relationships really and I didn't mind all those signs -.-

 

aaanyway... thanks for your advices. Unfortunately I find it difficult to meet new people here where I live. I'm living in a french canton in Switzerland and when I came here I didn't even speak french... at all!! So, I've been here for about a year now and I can say I already speak french, just not enough to make friends. I speak well enough to work and to my day-to-day life, but not exactly to make friends. To complicate my situation a bit, I'm in this tiny village where the people I know are just so close minded and so different from me! They don't even have the kind of parties I fancy here, and you know I like to think I'm open mided so I already tried to go to another parties with all kinds of people but I just can't have fun cause I can't relate myself to the people I know here xD

But yeah I'm trying to do something about it... I want to move to a big city, I also want to try to study here at a university cause I was studying in Portugal (I'm portuguese) and I just didn't have the money to continue. Also I've been trying to make friends in the cities I have in mind to move... and as I wrote before, I met this guy when trying to do just that xD

anyway.. I'm trying to focus on that and I'm sure I'll be just fine

 

thanks for your advice and I'm sorry again for this huge reply... I'm quite a talkative person x)