LookAtThisPOst Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I think some men pursue the woman they "love" incessantly, only because they hear how their friend or friends married their "best friend" or so they put it. They hear these stories of how this married couple, who knew each other "as friends" for years...and they got married. So the guy, who gets friend zoned, tends to hang around the woman that doesn't return her love thinking that he'll mirror that very same scenario. Anyone find any truth in that? Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I think some men pursue the woman they "love" incessantly, only because they hear how their friend or friends married their "best friend" or so they put it. They hear these stories of how this married couple, who knew each other "as friends" for years...and they got married. So the guy, who gets friend zoned, tends to hang around the woman that doesn't return her love thinking that he'll mirror that very same scenario. Anyone find any truth in that? A critical lack of self esteem and self respect? A fixation of wanting what they can't have? A subconscious fear of commitment, leading them to waste huge amounts of time and energy on lost causes? Obsessive personalities that become "hooked" really fast and hard on the "feel good" emotions associated with infatuation? Take your pick. I suspect they've all applied at one point or another. The notion that you can some how "create" sexual attraction in someone who only see's you as a friend is simply delusional thinking. The worlds a huge place. Go out and find a woman who actually wants you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Jess cms Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 The notion that you can some how "create" sexual attraction in someone who only see's you as a friend is simply delusional thinking. I'm not sure I agree with you on this... but I'm not sure I disagree either xD I mean I don't think that the fact that you can feel sexual attracted by a friend is that misplaced. But once again, I'm not so experienced to disagree with you at all... A critical lack of self esteem and self respect? A fixation of wanting what they can't have? With this I can say I agree and I just had to answer cause this is something that's been happening to me. I've been talking to a guy for some time now and I always suspected he had a crush on me but he never really said it untill a week ago.. so before I would just friendzone him cause you know, I couldn't say I wasn't interested since he wouldn't admit his feelings or I could sound like a real bitch xD but then he wouldn't stop giving me signs and so I started to "ignore" him a bit. Not completely cause I really don't like to ignore people as I don't like being ignored, but sometimes I'd stop answering or I'd give short answers in the hope that he'd realize I wasn't interested. But that clearly wasn't enough and sometime ago he started talking about sex, and then he told me about his feelings. I mean if this was a guy with a bit of self esteem and self respect, he would stop all this crap at least when I started not answering to him and all that. Well then I was honest with him and I told him that I wasn't interested and that right now my love life is a mess and that he should move on.. right now I'm not really sure how things are but he's still texting me all the time and sometimes I just don't answer cause it's a bit too much and it's starting to annoy me a bit. I don't want to be mean but I already told me I wasn't interested in the best way I could. So in short, lack of self esteem for sure! Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I think it's just more some guys are inclined to go for what they want and not need constant approval and validation to continue their efforts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 One thing you have to consider when you say you love someone who doesn't love you back and continue to pursue them is that apparently you don't know them very well or you'd understand who they are and why they don't love you. So you're loving who you wish they were, not who they are. And should move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I've never experienced this so I can only answer from my own viewpoint, but I can imagine there definitely are situations like that out there. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Haha.. Common sense is becoming more of a rare commodity these days. On one hand, I'm old school and believe that a bit of persistence is a good thing. So if a woman plays a bit hard to get initially, I'll pursue her a little bit to an extent. After all she doesn't know me, and has to be selective. But if I make my intentions known and she offers "friendship" instead because she isn't feeling it, my response is always the same. "You can call me if you change your mind, but I have absolutely no interest in friendship with you." Then I never contact her again. You can't force a woman to be attracted to you, and trying to change her mind only makes you look pathetic and clueless. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I think it's just more some guys are inclined to go for what they want and not need constant approval and validation to continue their efforts. One would think once those efforts have clearly not met with a woman's approval, one would take the hint and move on. In my youth I did this since I didn't know any better. It failed every time. Then I smartened up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I've never experienced this so I can only answer from my own viewpoint, but I can imagine there definitely are situations like that out there. But Phoe...you...I... Never mind. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 One would think once those efforts have clearly not met with a woman's approval, one would take the hint and move on. In my youth I did this since I didn't know any better. It failed every time. Then I smartened up. I had one woman I was friends with for 2 years before she came around and we got involved. Was talking with another I've been on and off friends with for 5 years a few months back and was kind of shocked to see her start to get really angry and jealous when I mentioned a woman I was attracted to that she thought was the exact opposite of her. If you know what you're doing there really isn't any friendzone. =/ Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 It's blind hope mixed with lack of understanding subtext. You know which kind of zone you're in as a friend if you're perceptive. If it's the "brother" zone, the "acquaintance" zone or the "he's cool, I might f*ck him one day" zone or the "definitely intrigued" zone.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 But Phoe...you...I... Never mind. I'm speaking from a viewpoint of men pursuing after being friendzoned, not from my own viewpoint of being friendzoned. I have no real experience with men being friendzoned and continuing to pursue the girl, so I stated that, but agreed that I am sure it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 With this I can say I agree and I just had to answer cause this is something that's been happening to me. I've been talking to a guy for some time now and I always suspected he had a crush on me but he never really said it untill a week ago.. so before I would just friendzone him cause you know, I couldn't say I wasn't interested since he wouldn't admit his feelings or I could sound like a real bitch xD but then he wouldn't stop giving me signs and so I started to "ignore" him a bit. Not completely cause I really don't like to ignore people as I don't like being ignored, but sometimes I'd stop answering or I'd give short answers in the hope that he'd realize I wasn't interested. But that clearly wasn't enough and sometime ago he started talking about sex, and then he told me about his feelings. I mean if this was a guy with a bit of self esteem and self respect, he would stop all this crap at least when I started not answering to him and all that. Well then I was honest with him and I told him that I wasn't interested and that right now my love life is a mess and that he should move on.. right now I'm not really sure how things are but he's still texting me all the time and sometimes I just don't answer cause it's a bit too much and it's starting to annoy me a bit. I don't want to be mean but I already told me I wasn't interested in the best way I could. So in short, lack of self esteem for sure! Been there many a time and I agree that you may get the sense they like you but you can't say anything. How up your own a*** wold it be to think they might 'like' you after all? So you say nothing and just be friends - just like men and women are friends. Then it all goes wrong and the woman is usually to blame (by the guy). There is another type of guy who sticks around and hopes he will win you over. These are the same. They don't stop and they don't listen. Being really honest, men look for a woman they want to have sex with (getting to know their personality is part of dating) and it's the same for women. If I don't want to have sex with a guy (and it's never going to be on the cards) then I won't date him. I might meet up with him as friends but I won't agree to a date. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Anyone find any truth in that? no, not at all Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Actually, I can think of a situation I know of where it happened. Several years ago I worked with a man and a woman. Apparently this man had pursued this woman for 2-3 years on end and continuously got rejected. Finally, one valentines day, she agreed to a date with him, she was swept off her feet, and they've been happily together ever since. So I'd say, some men do it because sometimes it does work. Just probably not terribly often. But I suppose to many it is worth it to try, even if the chances are slim. Hope, really, is what fuels it I'd say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Arg! This topic! This is something I have been guilty of many times. First of all, I believe this only happens with men who have little relationship experience. A man who doesn't quite understand how to attract a woman. For if a man did, he certainly wouldn't stick around a woman who said no, he would quickly move on and start dating somebody else. But men who struggle, have nobody else to move on to. So they continue to pine. In my case, the reason why I continue to pursue a woman long after she has rejected me is because I believe that from what I know of her, we would be a great couple. The most recent girl that I was obsessing over, given the name Busy Girl, was a girl that I was very attracted to her looks and personality. From what I knew of her she seemed to be everything I was looking for in a girlfriend. When she turned me down, which I expected her to, I wasn't going to give up. I felt that the potential relationship we could have was something worth fighting for. I also believed that she was a high value girl and wouldn't say yes to anybody right away. That she took time to win over. I'm still not able to fully express the reason why I kept trying to chase her. Regardless, I know that it was a complete waste of my time and energy on trying to pursue her after she first gave me her line, "I'm too busy to have a boyfriend." Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 (edited) I'm speaking from a viewpoint of men pursuing after being friendzoned, not from my own viewpoint of being friendzoned. I have no real experience with men being friendzoned and continuing to pursue the girl, so I stated that, but agreed that I am sure it happens. So you've never had a man continue to pursue you after you turned him down? .............................................. Actually, I can think of a situation I know of where it happened. Several years ago I worked with a man and a woman. Apparently this man had pursued this woman for 2-3 years on end and continuously got rejected. Finally, one valentines day, she agreed to a date with him, she was swept off her feet, and they've been happily together ever since. So I'd say, some men do it because sometimes it does work. Just probably not terribly often. But I suppose to many it is worth it to try, even if the chances are slim. Hope, really, is what fuels it I'd say. And what do you think of that situation? Edited March 8, 2015 by somedude81 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 ahh for the man to chase or not to chase ahh for the woman to chase or not to chase the latter is where you want to be Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 So you've never had a man continue to pursue you after you turned him down? I have, and he was NOT put in the friendzone. He was put in the "you seriously need to stop it you are freaking me out do not ever talk to me again" zone. Not even close to what this thread topic is about. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Wow. Never mind then. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 Wow. Never mind then. Old coworker. Physically sexually harassed me. Eventually had to be taken to HR. There's no being friends with that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 It really depends on the guy and the intensity of his pursuit. If he's laid back, not desperate or needy about it, just persistant and undaunted then there's always an eventual chance of success. If he goes home and cries in his pillow after every rejection or sends her 15 unanswered messages every week it's probably not gonna work out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 (edited) Old coworker. Physically sexually harassed me. Eventually had to be taken to HR. There's no being friends with that. For the record, the friendzone is 9 times out of 10 a complete lie. The woman has no intention of being the guys friend. It's just something she does to soften the blow. Were the people in your story actually friends? Honestly Phoe, I really don't get you. Don't you think that you are overreacting? Edited March 8, 2015 by somedude81 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 For the record, the friendzone is 9 times out of 10 a complete lie. The woman has no intention of being the guys friend. It's just something she does to soften the blow. Honestly Phoe, I really don't get you. Don't you think that you are overreacting? Going to HR because a male coworker who had been told to please leave me alone decided to grab my breast at work is overreacting? Huh. Funny, HR thought the same thing. He received no punishment and got to keep his job. I'd been raped a few years before that happened and no, I will never believe I overreacted and I will never let anyone tell me that it was an OK thing for him to do. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 For the record, the friendzone is 9 times out of 10 a complete lie. The woman has no intention of being the guys friend. It's just something she does to soften the blow. Were the people in your story actually friends? Honestly Phoe, I really don't get you. Don't you think that you are overreacting? Over reacting? Jeez! SD! Get a grip! Link to post Share on other sites
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