Paulie Posted March 7, 2001 Share Posted March 7, 2001 I find myself constantly looking for ways to meet new girls. It becomes obsessive at times. I'm not stalking anybody or anything weird like that, but I HAVE to go out on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights, because I'm afraid that somebody special might be there. I don't really have that much of a problem attracting girls, frankly. I mean...sure, I get my fair share of rejections, but like alot of people, I just feel like it's so hard to find someone that's single, and that I LIKE! Sooo...I find myself going to places like the mall, area colleges, and things with the ulterior motive of putting myself in an arena where I might meet girls. I don't "stalk" anybody or anything, but do like to make casual conversation with people and things. My therapist has suggested that I put myself in arenas where I am NOT going there for the express purpose of finding girls, and NOT because he thinks it's weird, or anything like that. He suggests I do things that are consistent with my daily life, interests, and general self-improvement, and if, in the course of things, I meet somebody, all the better. His reasoning behind this, which I agree with, is the following, which I'll illustrate with an example: There ARE people out there that are JUST RIGHT for each of us...it's just a matter of finding them. If we BE OURSELVES, and engage in activities that are consistent with our genuine interests, patterns of life, and just act naturally, and do things WE WANT TO DO...without almost becoming something that we're not by "hunting," then we're putting ourselves in an environment where somebody will see us for our GENUINE SELVES, RATHER THAN OUR FALSE SELVES. Now, I work out at a World Gym in my city. There are alot of people there who I just don't think are my type. So...I joined another gym. There seem to be lots of wonderful ladies at this gym. THis is OK. I'm not going to the gym to meet women, I'm going there because I like to work out. If the secondary consideration is to work out in an environment more conducive to meeting people, than that's OK. What would be problematic is if I had absolutely no interest in weight training, and put myself in this environment just to meet chicks...being somebody I'm not? Got It? Now, we went into a little bit the phoniness at alot of the clubs in my city where there's alot of pretentiousness and phoniness, and maybe that's the reason why so many on this site recommend meeting people at places like art classes, the gym, school, church, etc. Just thought I'd share this with you guys. Paulie Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 7, 2001 Share Posted March 7, 2001 I am in 1000 percent agreement with your therapist. I think when you go out for the specific purpose of meeting women, you can get yourself into trouble and/or fail. The best meetings of nice ladies I've had in my life have been in the normal course of doing my own thing and it has been great. You find more people you have things in common with and fewer people with problems if you meet people just doing what you enjoy. I don't think it's awful not to have dates on the weekends. Of course, it's nice but I've had some great times just doing my own thing. Frankly, I think a person who is very comfortable being alone or going out doing things alone is much better prepared to meet someone than one who may be slightly on the, well I don't want to say desperate...but you know what I mean, side. You have a great therapist. He's right on target. And I can absolutely promise you that Ms. Right will be someone you meet and fall for over a period of time....yes, you'll get hooked without even knowing it. And you will meet her without setting out to do so. You may even know here right now. Thanks so much for sharing your therapy experience with us. I think you're doing great! Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted March 7, 2001 Share Posted March 7, 2001 I agree, your therapist gave some excellent advice. Sometimes I wish I was single again so I could follow advice like this, and go through the whole process of finding/meeting a guy again. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted March 7, 2001 Share Posted March 7, 2001 i think your therapist is spot on, paulie. i've always held the belief that love will come to you when you least expect it and when you aren't looking. look too hard and you will subconsciously set your standards too high and you will always find a 'fault' with someone. i'm not saying this is what you do at all, but it's one of the reasons i have never gone "on the lookout" for a guy. don't stress too much about not having a date paulie. i haven't had one for aaaaaages because i'm quite happy to just bum around and 'be'. by bumming around with friends and family and being my natural self, i know mr right will come my way when i least expect it. but in the meantime, a good harmless perve never hurts anyone Link to post Share on other sites
Rachel Posted March 7, 2001 Share Posted March 7, 2001 You said you left a couple of messages back and forth and you had REALLY liked her. Give us an update. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 8, 2001 Share Posted March 8, 2001 If it was more than a couple of days ago, my bet is Paulie doesn't even remember. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Paulie Posted March 8, 2001 Author Share Posted March 8, 2001 Au contraire, Tony...I e-mailed her today, and she e-mailed me back (very nice e-mail, very receptive)...and I sent her another one. It's going NICE AND SLOW...just the way I want it. Good shot though, Tony. Problem is, though, I did like this girl. Later, and thanks for the interest in my life, guys. Paulie Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts