Starting to wonder what it would be like without him

[confuzed25]

My husband and I have been married almost 2 years. We are both around the age of 30. We did not live together before we got married.

 

While dating and during our engagement our relationship was amazing....we only saw each other 2-3 times a week and we couldn't keep our hands off each other. He was always telling me how he felt about me in person and via text message. He was always very affectionate and loving. He amazed me with what an amazing man he was, I felt extremely lucky.

 

Then we got married and moved in together and he pretty much instantly changed. The affection and telling me how he felt about me stopped. It was almost more like we became roommates. We still say "I love you" a lot, have sex a couple times a week, laugh together, go out to dinner. We very rarely fight. But we lay at opposite ends of the couch, he no longer wants to cuddle, rarely holds my hand. I've told him that I need more affection and it has increased just very slightly but not enough for me to be happy. I feel like the man I wanted to marry just disappeared.

 

But lately I have been kind of depressed wondering if I would be happier with someone else. He never wants to do anything...I want to go out and do fun things....go on vacations, go to a casino, the zoo, hiking, stay overnight in a big city and explore, go to sporting events. Everytime I mention something he doesn't want to do it....he wants to stay home and watch TV.

 

I've been kind of fantasizing about living on my own or moving somewhere warmer and starting over....I know I wasn't exactly happy being alone before I met him but the lack of affection and the laziness are really making me wonder if he is the right fit for me. He was before we got married and moved in together but then he changed....I just don't get it. I really love him and I know he loves me but I don't know if thats going to be enough...maybe I'm being selfish thinking the grass is greener or whatever. I really do not want a divorce, I'm not a quitter...but I think I deserve to be happy and feel wanted and loved. I just don't know where to go from here...

[Thegameoflife]

It was better before because you had your own separate lives. It's the old "Time apart makes the heart grow fonder."

 

When your husband sits away from you on the couch, doesn't hold hands, and has a little less interest in sex; it's him making space for himself. He's doing this because it sounds like you spend pretty much all of your free time together. You need to do separate things too; like hang out with friends, activities, or hobbies. It just becomes way too much for most people to be attached at the hip.

[Satu]

My husband and I have been married almost 2 years. We are both around the age of 30. We did not live together before we got married.

 

While dating and during our engagement our relationship was amazing....we only saw each other 2-3 times a week and we couldn't keep our hands off each other. He was always telling me how he felt about me in person and via text message. He was always very affectionate and loving. He amazed me with what an amazing man he was, I felt extremely lucky.

 

Then we got married and moved in together and he pretty much instantly changed. The affection and telling me how he felt about me stopped. It was almost more like we became roommates. We still say "I love you" a lot, have sex a couple times a week, laugh together, go out to dinner. We very rarely fight. But we lay at opposite ends of the couch, he no longer wants to cuddle, rarely holds my hand. I've told him that I need more affection and it has increased just very slightly but not enough for me to be happy. I feel like the man I wanted to marry just disappeared.

 

But lately I have been kind of depressed wondering if I would be happier with someone else. He never wants to do anything...*I want to go out and do fun things....go on vacations, go to a casino, the zoo, hiking, stay overnight in a big city and explore, go to sporting events. Everytime I mention something he doesn't want to do it....he wants to stay home and watch TV.

 

I've been kind of fantasizing about living on my own or moving somewhere warmer and starting over....I know I wasn't exactly happy being alone before I met him but the lack of affection and the laziness are really making me wonder if he is the right fit for me. He was before we got married and moved in together but then he changed....I just don't get it. I really love him and I know he loves me but I don't know if thats going to be enough...maybe I'm being selfish thinking the grass is greener or whatever. I really do not want a divorce, I'm not a quitter...but I think I deserve to be happy and feel wanted and loved. I just don't know where to go from here...

 

*If there are things you want to do you can do them.

 

"Hey babe, I just got us two tickets for Madame Butterfly - it's gonna be great."

 

If you do it that way, he'll do it and he'll love it.

[Emerald_11]

My husband and I have been married almost 2 years. We are both around the age of 30. We did not live together before we got married.

 

While dating and during our engagement our relationship was amazing....we only saw each other 2-3 times a week and we couldn't keep our hands off each other. He was always telling me how he felt about me in person and via text message. He was always very affectionate and loving. He amazed me with what an amazing man he was, I felt extremely lucky.

 

Then we got married and moved in together and he pretty much instantly changed. The affection and telling me how he felt about me stopped. It was almost more like we became roommates. We still say "I love you" a lot, have sex a couple times a week, laugh together, go out to dinner. We very rarely fight. But we lay at opposite ends of the couch, he no longer wants to cuddle, rarely holds my hand. I've told him that I need more affection and it has increased just very slightly but not enough for me to be happy. I feel like the man I wanted to marry just disappeared.

 

But lately I have been kind of depressed wondering if I would be happier with someone else. He never wants to do anything...I want to go out and do fun things....go on vacations, go to a casino, the zoo, hiking, stay overnight in a big city and explore, go to sporting events. Everytime I mention something he doesn't want to do it....he wants to stay home and watch TV.

 

I've been kind of fantasizing about living on my own or moving somewhere warmer and starting over....I know I wasn't exactly happy being alone before I met him but the lack of affection and the laziness are really making me wonder if he is the right fit for me. He was before we got married and moved in together but then he changed....I just don't get it. I really love him and I know he loves me but I don't know if thats going to be enough...maybe I'm being selfish thinking the grass is greener or whatever. I really do not want a divorce, I'm not a quitter...but I think I deserve to be happy and feel wanted and loved. I just don't know where to go from here...

 

 

 

I identify with your post a lot! You are not the first wife to wonder if she could be happier if things were different or you were with someone else.

 

 

I know how it is to have a husband who never wants to do anything fun.. But recently I had a few good talks with my husband about never really doing much & then I still arrange the fun stuff I want to do & drag him along with me or make sure I invite him before I go with other friends. Every once in a while we will hang out with some of his friends... It would be cool if he thought of more fun or romantic things to do with me also but I guess that is my job...? Sometimes you just have to take control.

 

 

A few months ago my husband told me we would go on a trip to some hot springs in the spring- spring is here & now he keeps putting it off * we still have not gone. I think it is important that we do that!! We need us time. & will not let him believe that I forgot about it.~ We are going!

 

It does get frustrating having to force him to go places & drag him along all of the time.

 

 

Just talk to your husband about it tell him you really need to spend quality time with him outside of the house. & have some ideas/choices of things you think are fun ready for him to consider. Try to see what he might think is fun too...

It is more worth it to work on something you already have (provided it is not too far gone) than to try to find someone new to start all over with. Anyone you could meet will also have flaws you will discover eventually.

 

 

When he is laying on his side of the couch- go over to him & touch him if you want to!

When you are walking near him just grab his hand! if you want to hold his hand!!