Abused during childhood by a babysitter

[sprit3z]

This story IS real, I am not a troll or another moron like that. I never really wanted to talk about this, but after a while I guessed it might be a good choice. At least I can start somewhere, I choosed this place. It is really sensitive for me so please try to go easy on me.

 

When I was a kid, I believe about 4-5 years old I am now 100% certain I was abused by a babysitter. Suprisingly, when I told my mother about that, she said that that babysitter was recommended by other person. But the story isnt about this. What I remember is series of shocking and absolutely sadistic images from my childhood. They were always taking place in the bathroom.

 

First one I remember was that when I did something bad, misbehaved, the old lady took me to the bathroom and watched me talking a **** saying "do it, groan and do it!!" . After this was done, she grabbed my neck and forced me to look at this saying stuff like "eat this you little f*cker!". She always did this when nobody was at home so she could abuse me without any consequences. I was very scared of that, I remember her voice as full of hate and anger.

 

And honestly this is the first and the last thing I remember. Perhaps it was one day. I told my mother about that, not exactly this way, and asked her where this woman lives and what should I do.

 

The nice part comes here.

 

I do not believe in god or anything, but I think simply a luck saved me. The story is simple- she died because of some very quick acting cancer, approximately couple weeks after she "babysitted" me for the last time. Yes- I am happy that it happend.

 

In my life I have a story of nervous breakdown when I was a teenager, I was on medication (antidepressants) for a couple of years. Now I feel way better, but I think I should tell some doctor about that. What kind of therapy would be the best for me?

[badpenny]

Bereavement counselling.

Mourning the child you were, and letting your feelings be expressed as the enraged, bitter tears that deserve to be expressed.

 

You know, people process things in different ways.

 

I am in no way excusing or condoning the actions of this woman, but perhaps she knew he was dying. and her rage and despair manifested itself in the cruellest way imaginable.

 

She took out her imminent demise on you.

 

Maybe she knew she was dying.

maybe she had no comfort or solace, or means of being able to express her feelings of isolation and helplessness.

 

These are no excuse for her behaviour. What she did was reprehensible.

But pain makes you do whacky things, and maybe the pain even turned her mind.

 

I don't know enough about her, obviously, or even you, for that matter, to be able to even guess whether my response is accurate....

i is certainly not meant to offend, but different factors may play a part.

I wish you well, and hope that even that amount of expression has helped and has in some small way, been cathartic....

[Satu]

You should see a therapist who specialises in trauma and abuse.

 

Your doctor might well have some suggestions, so make your first step talking to your doc.

 

Good luck.

[sprit3z]

Honestly this is for me a big step, the most humilitating thing i remember in my entire life was that episode, and I really do feel better once somebody else knows that, not just me.

[Quiet Storm]

Yes, you were definitely abused. A similar situation happened with my 14 year old cousin and their 30 year old neighbor. Her parents found out, he actually went to jail (they were having sex). My cousin was heartbroken and hated her parents because in her mind, she was in love with him and their sex was consensual.

 

That's what abusers do- they groom their victims and want them to feel special. They sense your needs and insecurities and exploit them. The physical stuff is bad in and of itself, but it's very much a mind f#ck, as well. I'm sorry you went through that. I think your mom was just very naive. Although it was too late, as soon as she sensed trouble, she protected you.

[sprit3z]

She definitley did, but the thing it it was too late. I was through that and simply untill I told her she did not sense anything. I think its because for that period of time she was very religious and more focused on feelings than on reality, but still she did protect me in most of my life.

And I just want to make sure- my mother lives, the babysitting lady died.