Should I tell her how I feel? Should I keep these feelings locked away inside?

[Jase]

First of all, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Jase. I'm 23. I'm single. And thats about it for now. I know what you're all going to say - not another "I've fallen in love with my best friend" thread. Well I don't care, I need advice and I don't have the balls to ask anyone I know in fear of it getting back to involved parties!

 

I've been friends with Jane for quite a while now. We're two very similar people with a lot in common. In the past I'd never really considered us as anything more than friends but lately I've realised that I actually feel quite close to her. She can in a single moment put a smile on my face when I am having the worst of days and all she has to do is smile at me in a passing glance.

 

But there are a handful of problems.

 

She has a partner.

 

We work together.

 

She's a few years older.

 

We work in a large group of people. We spend most lunch breaks chatting with one another and most days we share smiles and winks throughout the course of the day. We just click. I can't speak on her behalf but I know that I don't have the same type of relationship with anyone else that I have with Jane. I guess you would call it a platonic relationship. And I guess as with most platonic relationships, one person always wants more.

 

If she were single I would not hesitate in trying to take our friendship further - and that in itself is a great step for me; I have always struggled to take that next step and have probably missed out on a few relationships along the way because of it. But she isn't single, and my last relationship ended after someone relentlessy persued my now ex-girlfriend until he literally swept her off her feet. I hated that guy and I don't want to be him. However, that I was somewhat increasingly unhappy in that previous relationship made the pain a little less difficult to deal with.

 

I'm inclined to think that I shouldn't do anything further with Jane at this point in time. There are no hints to suggest that she's unhappy with her partner and I don't want to hurt her in any way, but in the back of my mind I can't help but think "what if". What if she likes me as much as I like her, but is hesitant to do anything for thinking I have no interest? What if we could be great together? What if all she is waiting for is for me to make the first move?

 

And then there are the dreams I've had recently which aren't helping things at all. I've dreamt of hugging, I've dreamt of love being declared. I've dreamt of holding hands. My most recent dream was the two of us walking down a corridor at work, holding hands and having Jane turn to me and say "I love you". No other words were spoken. But of course, I woke up as she said "you". Bloody alarm clock! Then I'm faced with the stark reality that I have no idea of what to do next.

 

I've read the dream dictionaries which have told me that hugging "symbolizes your loving and caring nature. You are holding someone or something close to your heart." The same dictionaries have said that "To dream that your friend is in love with you, may be one of wish fulfillment. Perhaps you have developed feelings for your best friend and are wondering how he or she feels. You are so preoccupied with these thoughts that it is evitable that it find its way into your dreaming mind." And finally they say that "To dream that you are holding hands with someone, represents your connection with that person. Your dream may also reflect anxieties about losing touch with him/her or that you are drifting apart."

 

So I've established that my dreams are telling me a lot about how I feel about Jane.

 

Should I tell her how I feel? Should I keep these feelings locked away inside and hope that one day an opportunity presents itself where I can express them? Anyone got some advice of what to do next? I'm guessing I won't like it.

[laRubiaBonita]

I quote you for My answer:

 

"If she were single I would not hesitate in trying to take our friendship further-

I'm inclined to think that I shouldn't do anything further with Jane at this point in time. There are no hints to suggest that she's unhappy with her partner and I don't want to hurt her in any way"

 

 

So say nothing..... this is not the right time, and you may endamger your friendship withher if you express how you feel.

[tegteg]

Ill have to concur with LRB...

 

Yeah it may sux to have to keep them locked in but, its not worth the chance in riskin the relationship you all rdy have now... Ya know?

 

JMO....

[Jase]

Yeah, thats pretty much what I didn't want to hear

 

Which means I probably knew the answer all along. I guess my only chance is that she one day has similar feelings.

[Jase]

Oh and I forgot to mention. She's most likely leaving the State in a few months.

 

Bah!

[ChonChon]

I recently revealed my feelings to my best female friend. I was pleasantly surprised by the reaction. It wasn't a negative one. She didn't say take me I'm yours either. It was just good. We were close before and know I feel even closer. If nothing ever really develops... oh well. But I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel more open to her now. For the longest time I felt like I had a "horrible" secret that I was keeping from her. It feels so much better now that she knows. I think I would feel the same if she had a totally negative reaction. I would spend almost every waking minute wondering whether or not I should tell her how I felt. Well now she knows. So in my humble opinion, and from my own personal experience, I say TELL HER... you will feel better.