oldshirt Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Nothing was written likely so there's no contract. That's up for courts and judges to decide. Their relationship started online so somewhere there is written dialog. If the court determines that she said "move in with me and fix my house, I will love you and be faithful to you forever and we will share in the benifit of the sale of my house together..." - then there may be a contract that was not upheld. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Nothing was written likely so there's no contract. Oral contracts are enforceable. Also, he has witnesses to the work he did. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Mal78 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 I am so sorry you are going through this. This is definitely not what you expected given all you gave up to be with this women especially to take on the responsibilities her life imposed on you. I do agree with the others, you did xx amount of repairs/work on the home to improve the sale value of the home. I am sure there was discussion you would receive a return with the sale of the home to replenish your savings for cost of materials. Of course Labour is lost but if you have proof of purchase (take pictures of the work you did TODAY, before you leave!!). Take her to small claims. I bet you will get some, if not all of your return. I would also look into fraud charges against her. It sounds like she may fit that category. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 Thank you all for your kind words and advice. You have given me much to think about. I'm in my truck at a city park resting for a moment. with the help of a friend from work I cleared out of her house pretty quickly. Now I am heading over to a storage unit to offload. To my surprise, I've been getting texts and calls from mutual friends here who found out about what she did, lending me their sympathy and support. The gal who told me of her affair called me just a while ago and laid some more information on me that was devastating to hear. Looks like there was more than this one guy and that her sneaking around has been going on longer than I thought! I'm supposed top call this lady back tonight and get the full scoop. I'll give you all the details afterwards. Thank you all again for your support. I'm feeling better. Feel like I've got my legs back under me a bit. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Wow! So she's been fooling around with other guys while living with you?? Good thing you moved out of her house today, LifeWasted. Just think of how much worse things could be if her friend never told you, and you eventually found out after you were together for a few years. I agree with the others who advise you to seek legal help to get some of your investment back that you put into your repair work on her house. She owes you that much. Don't give her a second chance. Yikes. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 No marriage, no kids, no house. No Problem. Really sorry to hear this story. You sound like a good guy. She, on the other hand, sounds like a grown up Sorority girl. Glad you packed your stuff. I'm sure she will be sad to see you go, but you already know how she is going to console herself. Chapter III begins today. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Thank you all for your kind words and advice. You have given me much to think about. I'm in my truck at a city park resting for a moment. with the help of a friend from work I cleared out of her house pretty quickly. Now I am heading over to a storage unit to offload. To my surprise, I've been getting texts and calls from mutual friends here who found out about what she did, lending me their sympathy and support. The gal who told me of her affair called me just a while ago and laid some more information on me that was devastating to hear. Looks like there was more than this one guy and that her sneaking around has been going on longer than I thought! I'm supposed top call this lady back tonight and get the full scoop. I'll give you all the details afterwards. Thank you all again for your support. I'm feeling better. Feel like I've got my legs back under me a bit. Yes consult an attorney. That sounds like more than just having a rival for your affections. That sounds like she may have intentionally misled you to do thousands of dollars of work on her house with no intentions of a legitimate relationship. She may be a conwoman and you may be able to take legal action against her. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 .....do NOT! give any indication of legal action to her or any of her friends/social circle. That will just give her a chance to cover her tracks. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Thank you all for your kind words and advice. You have given me much to think about. I'm in my truck at a city park resting for a moment. with the help of a friend from work I cleared out of her house pretty quickly. Now I am heading over to a storage unit to offload. To my surprise, I've been getting texts and calls from mutual friends here who found out about what she did, lending me their sympathy and support. The gal who told me of her affair called me just a while ago and laid some more information on me that was devastating to hear. Looks like there was more than this one guy and that her sneaking around has been going on longer than I thought! I'm supposed top call this lady back tonight and get the full scoop. I'll give you all the details afterwards. Thank you all again for your support. I'm feeling better. Feel like I've got my legs back under me a bit. Ha, no wonder why she's crying around now. Even her friends are abandoning her. Well, even though I usually hate the prejudice regarding single mothers - this one is obviously alone for a reason. It's also not surprising why she had to get a "real partner" via internet, she's probably just too widely known in her area. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 I wouldn't get my hopes up on recouping money. If there's nothing written then the court has no way to tell if this is a gift and a relationship gone sour. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Thank you all for your kind words and advice. You have given me much to think about. I'm in my truck at a city park resting for a moment. with the help of a friend from work I cleared out of her house pretty quickly. Now I am heading over to a storage unit to offload. *To my surprise, I've been getting texts and calls from mutual friends here who found out about what she did, lending me their sympathy and support. The gal who told me of her affair called me just a while ago and laid some more information on me that was devastating to hear. Looks like there was more than this one guy and that her sneaking around has been going on longer than I thought! I'm supposed top call this lady back tonight and get the full scoop. I'll give you all the details afterwards. Thank you all again for your support. I'm feeling better. Feel like I've got my legs back under me a bit. *There you can see that people respect and value you. She has lost a good man. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Bro, there are users in this world. It's just a fact of life. When they get treated good they take you for granted. I was cheated on twice. Both on concurring relationships. We think it's us, our fault. The reason? Our niceness. Maybe we do attract the broken ones, who knows? But it is not your fault. Now you know the whole truth, get as far away from her as possible. She'll try to hover you back in but knowing that she knew what happened with your first wife and how it affected you, what she did was unforgivable. Strength to you man! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 I wouldn't get my hopes up on recouping money. If there's nothing written then the court has no way to tell if this is a gift and a relationship gone sour. That's why he needs to consult an attorney. If there is a trail of emails, txts, Facebook etc of her enticing him to move in with her and fix her house in return for long term relationship as well as shared procceeds from the sale of her home, that can be used as evidence of a contract. If she has promises of marriage/exclusive relationship etc and can be shown she has been screwing half the town all along, that can be evidence of fraud. This is why we have courts and judges and juries etc. it is their job to determine if there was impropriaty taking place or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 you got played by a professional! I am sure in hindsight you see that now, how she manipulated you. the sad thing is you had a successful business you gave up, probably wasted away the money you got selling the business on your new lifestyle, AND she got a free carpenter out of the deal too. I certainly HOPE the sex was stellar, because that is all you will take with you...some memories. I guess the only chance of a reconciliation is full disclosure and her complete begging of forgiveness. since you did not now of the other men...I guess the full disclosure part is not working out. THAT is why everyone is suggesting you leave her. whatever happens, you still have your trade....set up shop where you want, get some replacement gear at auction, and fall back on that. Not all women are players, but you really have to figure out HOW TO TELL the good ones from the bad ones. meeting 5 times some online contact is NOT sufficient, but u know that now 1 Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Deary me OP, Ive read some tales on here but for me this has to be right up there with the worst of them because you made such a commitment to be with this women and she takes your money, your labour and most precious of all, your time and in return gives you nothing but disrespect and leaves you high and dry in a community that is not your own, far from home. You must look at the positives, because there are some. Some guy once said something like "you can't turn a ho into a housewife" and the good thing is that you have learnt this early on, enough so you can extricate yourself fairly easily physically. Okay emotionally that may take a lot longer but just imagine how invested you could be a few years down the line when this all inevitably comes out. Her sleeping with just about everyone is a good thing- it puts the nail firmly in the coffin, she cant claim any sort of mitigating circumstance to try and lure you back to her web. Its over and there is no lingering doubt whatsoever about what kind of woman she is. In fact, look at it this way- you are done with this woman, her poor daughter is stuck with this harpy as a role model and a guiding hand in life, on current form she is probably going to have a revolving door of baby daddies, none of whom are guaranteed to have a heart as good as yours. I just hope she has the sense not to turn out like her mother. Once the dust is settled and have got your dues sorted from your effort into the house just keep on walking and don't look back. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 I don't know about all this legal crap - it will likely just drag things out and you'll get no satisfaction in the end. Like I said before - move and restart your life without this anchor around your neck. Quicker the better - for you. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 I'm supposed top call this lady back tonight and get the full scoop. I'll give you all the details afterwards. Why wallow in it? You already know everything you need to, were it me my goal would be to have already had the last conversation with OR about her. No marriage, no kids, no house. No Problem. Bingo. I'd be gone, rest of your life starts today... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 That's up for courts and judges to decide. Their relationship started online so somewhere there is written dialog. If the court determines that she said "move in with me and fix my house, I will love you and be faithful to you forever and we will share in the benifit of the sale of my house together..." - then there may be a contract that was not upheld. This woman is like a bad smell that you just need to get away from. I personally don't think it's worth the legal fees and emotional pain to waste any more of your time with anything that relates to her. I think the OP did the remodelling of his own volition and kindness, to do something while he was not working. You are a clever man who will build up your finances again. Good riddance to bad rubbish. She ain't worth a second thought after what SHE has done to you. You're worth a million of her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) Yes this is not a slam-dunk case of breach of contract/fraud as would be found in the business world. However the fact that there was a romantic/sexual component to their relationship does not give her immunity from a civil suit to recoup his costs to the remodeling of her house. If any promises were made or implied by her that he would have direct benifit from the sale of her house, he may entitled to compensation for his labor and materials. Remember, the standard for a criminal proscecution is beyond a reasonable doubt, but the standard for civil liability is preponderance of the evidence (which basically means 51%) His burden of proof will be that he provided "X" number of hours of skilled labor and provided "Y" dollars of materials out of his own money and that he expected some form of fair and reasonable compensation. Her bourdon of proof will be that he provided all of that as a free will gift with no expectations of compensation. Which preponderance of the evidence do you think a jury will believe? Do you think a judge and jury will believe that he sold his business, moved across the country, put in hundreds of hours of skilled labor and spent $10,000 of his own money for a gal that banged him a few times while she was screwing the rest of the neighborhood for free? Edited March 9, 2015 by oldshirt 6 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Now I will say thi to cover my own @$$ and credibility. I am taking the assumption he is a normal guy of average intelligence and has some semblance of business sense, financial sence and some common sense. I am assuming that somewhere in their communications that she has stated that she would have some kind of supporting and ongoing exclusive relationship with him and has indicated that the proceeds of the sale of her house would be distributed to him in some from of fair and reasonable fashion. I'm giving her and him the benifit of the doubt here. If it turns out that she is just some gal with a woe-is-me story on the internet and he did all of this of his own volition without any encouragement from her at all and she gave absolutely no indication of compensation and he promised all of this for free so she would like him then all bets are off and he is one stupid SOB that should've seen it coming. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Yes this is not a slam-dunk case of breach of contract/fraud as would be found in the business world. However the fact that there was a romantic/sexual component to their relationship does not give her immunity from a civil suit to recoup his costs to the remodeling of her house. If any promises were made or implied by her that he would have direct benifit from the sale of her house, he may entitled to compensation for his labor and materials. Remember, the standard for a criminal proscecution is beyond a reasonable doubt, but the standard for civil liability is preponderance of the evidence (which basically means 51%) His burden of proof will be that he provided "X" number of hours of skilled labor and provided "Y" dollars of materials out of his own money and that he expected some form of fair and reasonable compensation. Her bourdon of proof will be that he provided all of that as a free will gift with no expectations of compensation. Which preponderance of the evidence do you think a jury will believe? Do you think a judge and jury will believe that he sold his business, moved across the country, put in hundreds of hours of skilled labor and spent $10,000 of his own money for a gal that banged him a few times while she was screwing the rest of the neighborhood for free? He has a very compelling case to these eyes, and what you just described would be how it would go down. More than likely though she will settle out of court. She is not going to want to have all of the nitty gritty out their for public consumption by beloved social circle. I would certainly advise with an attorney with his case, but after that, I would try and see if there is some amicable agreement they can reach on their own. Do not threaten legal action; that would only allow her to cover tracks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 I am assuming that somewhere in their communications that she has stated that she would have some kind of supporting and ongoing exclusive relationship with him and has indicated that the proceeds of the sale of her house would be distributed to him in some from of fair and reasonable fashion. This was predicated on them getting married and finding a smaller house to live in together as husband and wife. Giving the benefit of the doubt to both here it sounds to me like they both took a risk and had compatibility issues at the socializing level. He cannot force her to marry him out of debt or say to her, "Nevermind, give me all my money back, we don't get along." I heard a story once of an older gentleman who took his younger lady colleague out to lunch regularly for months. He paid each time. When she got engaged--to someone else--he sent her a bill for all of her meals. This is why we have marriage and other written contracts. These are consensual, documented financial agreements. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 The legal recourse is wasted energy IMO. It also won't help the OP move on and try to put this behind him. They had a plan to downscale, but he didn't know she was up to no good. Sometimes in life we get burnt by nasty people with no morals or ethics. You put it down to experience and move on with your life. Just thank heavens you weren't married and had a lucky escape. I'm just glad you never hung around and fell for her fake remorse. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 This was predicated on them getting married and finding a smaller house to live in together as husband and wife. Giving the benefit of the doubt to both here it sounds to me like they both took a risk and had compatibility issues at the socializing level. He cannot force her to marry him out of debt or say to her, "Nevermind, give me all my money back, we don't get along." I heard a story once of an older gentleman who took his younger lady colleague out to lunch regularly for months. He paid each time. When she got engaged--to someone else--he sent her a bill for all of her meals. This is why we have marriage and other written contracts. These are consensual, documented financial agreements. There have also been numerous other cases where there have been promises of marriage and support and shared profits of business ventures of couples an when they split the courts have been used to fairly distribute labor and capital investments. We can argue this all day whether he is entitled to compensation for his labor and materials while involved in a romantic/cohabitation relationship but this is why we have attorneys, courts, judges and juries. It's the judge and jury's job to decide whether their pillow talk constituted a contract and whether he is entitled to compensation for his labor and materials. Some of us are just emploring him to consult an attorney to review all the evidence and dialogue to determine if he has a case or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Please stay away from her. Do not let her tears take you back to her place, ever. Time to get out of town and lose all contact with her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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