She Ruined My Life, and I Let Her

[autumnnight]

Women complain that men today couldn't recognize a good woman if she kicked him in the groin;

obviously the same goes for women not recognizing good men too.

 

I think her behavior should have been a red flag to you, what you describe in those parties sounds like what 16 year olds with too much alcohol do. Nonetheless it's behind you now and your ex seems to get it double; you building yourself up there AND a scorned woman ready to crush her name to the point she'll never be invited anywhere again.

 

I'm wondering if I would find this comforting or a kick when I was down as hurting BS.

 

Protracted legal arguments and critiques of your behavior aside, OP, I am so so sorry that you are having to go through the same pain of betrayal that many others here have gone through. I know it is devastating no matter what preceded it, and I hope that you get the support you need.

[karnak]

I think she is going through midlife and wants to sow her oats. I should have seen it long ago. She tries to look like she's in her twenties. She's still a beautiful woman, but her looks are fading fast.

 

What really irks me is that, prior to meeting her, she had just gotten out of a twenty year marriage where her ex-husband cheated on her constantly. All she did while we were getting to know each other was whine about how badly he treated her.

 

You would think she would have some empathy for how I would feel?

 

I don't get it. I told her the other night when I confronted her that I would have never done that to her. She didn't have anything to say of course.

 

"I'm sorry". "I'm sorry." "I'm sorry."

 

Yeah she is sorry.

 

You've just seen her true colours.

I know a woman who was once a work colleague of mine. She was still on her mid-thirties when i first knew her.

By then she was married with a little girl. She was the kind of woman who acted very prude. Didn't drink. Never sweared. Would never allow another man to touch her. And by "touching" I mean something as harmless as a hand-shake.

 

Somehow when I observed I had a suspicion that something was wrong. It seemed fake somehow.

 

10 years later and she's a divorced mom of 2 kids in her early 40s.

 

She dresses like a teen, drinks beer like a construction worker and wants to enjoy life. From what I've been told she's turned into a very aggressive woman, witk little respect for other people.

 

To be honest I'm not surprised. She's only showing her true colours now. 10 years ago I had the feeling she was a very repressed woman trying to play the role of the "model housewife".

That's why so many early marriages are subjected to disgrace later down the road. Some people marry certain men and women, thinking they're marrying a person "X", when instead they're marrying individuals who're in severe denials concerning their real urges and life goals.

 

Suffice it to say that, as we grow older, our real character gradually emerges.

Some people are not made for long, monogamous relationships.

[fellini]

To be honest your story, and the moral you draw from it, is a little far fetched.

 

You have only described so e one you "knew" and in both scenarios have reduced her profile to a one dimensional joke.

 

You really are not in a position to say what another's true colours are, what is and isn't fake and how whole people are unless you are, frankly, telling your own story. As the phrase goes: the indignant of speaking for others.

 

You think she sees herself in your light? How have you grown, in character over time. This is perhaps the truth that would make more sense and be more believable and fair.

 

Moral: woman play the frigid bitch and then the slut. And they do this to men who down the road realise they were faking it. They plan this.

 

Come on.

 

 

 

You've just seen her true colours.

I know a woman who was once a work colleague of mine. She was still on her mid-thirties when i first knew her.

By then she was married with a little girl. She was the kind of woman who acted very prude. Didn't drink. Never sweared. Would never allow another man to touch her. And by "touching" I mean something as harmless as a hand-shake.

 

Somehow when I observed I had a suspicion that something was wrong. It seemed fake somehow.

 

10 years later and she's a divorced mom of 2 kids in her early 40s.

 

She dresses like a teen, drinks beer like a construction worker and wants to enjoy life. From what I've been told she's turned into a very aggressive woman, witk little respect for other people.

 

To be honest I'm not surprised. She's only showing her true colours now. 10 years ago I had the feeling she was a very repressed woman trying to play the role of the "model housewife".

That's why so many early marriages are subjected to disgrace later down the road. Some people marry certain men and women, thinking they're marrying a person "X", when instead they're marrying individuals who're in severe denials concerning their real urges and life goals.

 

Suffice it to say that, as we grow older, our real character gradually emerges.

Some people are not made for long, monogamous relationships.

Edited March 10, 2015 by fellini

[irishguy]

I have to say fair play to you for staying ,shows the strength you have ,im sure you will be a success , sounds like the other women will use this cheating to out your ex to everyone , show people what shes really like .Id take time for yourself but after a few days id talk to someone to see if you can get some of your money back , you deserve to bring away from the relationship what your brought into it .You should answer your phone just once , just say to her "what can you possibly want to say that will make what you did any better , just leave me alone , you have done enough ".

[EverLastluv]

I read all of your post, You are a very strong and brave man. Im hoping to hear from you soon. Hope all is going well for you.

[autumnnight]

I read all of your post, You are a very strong and brave man. Im hoping to hear from you soon. Hope all is going well for you.

 

I second this.

[karnak]

To be honest your story, and the moral you draw from it, is a little far fetched.

 

You have only described so e one you "knew" and in both scenarios have reduced her profile to a one dimensional joke.

 

You really are not in a position to say what another's true colours are, what is and isn't fake and how whole people are unless you are, frankly, telling your own story. As the phrase goes: the indignant of speaking for others.

 

You think she sees herself in your light? How have you grown, in character over time. This is perhaps the truth that would make more sense and be more believable and fair.

 

Moral: woman play the frigid bitch and then the slut. And they do this to men who down the road realise they were faking it. They plan this.

 

Come on.

 

Considering all your arguments I will answer with mine: People don't change.

At least, in their essence. We can change in our tastes concerning food, films, books. Our emotional core essentially remains the same. Since we're born up till we're dead, rotten and turned to dust.

 

You can argue with this, of course. You can say that people change because of social pressure and their upbringing. Life transforms us. We're born good but time and events may corrupt us.

I say no. I say that our "moral compass" is already aligned since we're born and that people most of the times hide their true nature because of social pressure and their upbringing.

A bad person pretends to be good in order to perform their deeds and go unpunished. They know that society "officially" condemns bad actions, so they have to wear a disguise.

A good person sometimes has to fake they're bad in order to survive. A good kid growing up in a bad neighbourhood may have to pretend that he's a thug in order to avoid being bullied or abused. Once he manages to grow up and get out he can become his true self.

 

You scold me for presenting the example of the woman I mentioned. I could show hundreds of examples that would prove my point. All taken from my life.

Yet you've never met the woman I'm talking about. I worked closely with her for 2 years. And I judge her, yes. Not because she drinks a lot or wears unnapropriate clothes for her age or ****s around, or whatever.

No! I judge her because when I knew her she was a very judgemental woman. She would sometimes make fun of other women who would sleep around (I suppose she was probably envious of them) and indulge in "unfeminine" activities. I was a heavy-drinker then. And she would often scold me for drinking so much. I guess she's dicovered the wonders of booze now.

 

I don't label her a slut for saying or doing anything that a woman shoudn't do. I call her a slut for being an hypocrite - doing now what she would once accuse others of doing. Which is also one of the main trait of cheaters. They almost always see themselves as the non-cheating types and often claim loudly that they will never be unfaithful in their lives.

 

All this long and boring essay of mine is just to declare that OP's wife would cheat on him beacuse it's on her genes. It would just take the opportunity for it. When she was married to an unfaithful guy who wouldn't care about her feelings she'd feel frustrated and furious and hurt. As soon as she found a trusting, caring, decent guy she got an ego boost that gave her the strength to let herself break free.

 

That's the sad truth. Cheaters will cheat. They can find any justification for their actions (bad marriage, not getting enough attention, depression, bla bla bla). In the end it's all about themselves. I know that some people won't accept this. Even modern psychiatry still debates these issues. Are we born this way or are we transformed this way?

 

I say we're born, some say we're transformed.

Until science can give a definite answer It's almost a matter of faith. Some see Christ as our Lord and Saviour. I see him only as a wise and kind jew who lived in Galilee under the reign of Tiberius. In the end he too was betrayed. And sold. And by one of his closest friends, nonetheless. I suppose that even living with a man as nice as Jesus wasn't enough to prevent Judas from doing stupid and evil things.

 

You see Fellini, I think that LifeWasted's wife is a rotten character. I am one too. I'm not a good person. I was born that way. And the older I get the more I admit that.

I've performed bad deeds. Sometimes to survive, sometimes to get what I wanted (in fact I've been punished more times for doing good things than for doing bad ones - that's the sad state of the world we live in). And that's why I don't have a problem in judging certain types. I've already judged myself and proclaimed myself guilty.

I only set 2 rules for myself: don't attack those who are weaker than me and don't hurt innocent people.

 

Some may call me stupid, evil, rude and misguided. Whatever. I assume what I am. And I know this is a dangerous subject. If science ever proves that our essential character is embeded in our genes, then mental eugenics may one day be set in place. Thieves, murderers, cheaters, paedophiles may be prevented from being born, the same way that laws now assume that babies with physical and mental defects can be aborted.

A guy like me can be killed at birth in the name of social peace. And who know? Maybe it's for the best.

 

If you want to read a fascinating work on the subject of suffering/conditioning and human character I'd suggest this book. One of the most interesting and objective testimonials of the Shoah, written by a psychyatrist who suffered the horrors of the concentration camps. He too shares the same view as me: you can drag some men/women through the deepest circle of Hell and they'll never become a demon. Some people, on the other hand, will soul their soul to the devil for 100$.

 

I just want to finish my post with this statement. I don't assume myself as the sole owner of the truth. In fact time has proven me wrong on many subjects several times. And what we see as truth is very subjective. Everyone here should take this into account. We all see the world with our own eyes. And we interpret the world based on what we see and feel. Everyone else sees and feels different things. And that's why there's such confusion and pain. Most of us subconsciously want the others to see the world the way we see it. Because we assume it's "a good way to see the world". But the others assume their own views.

 

I personally think that most humans are selfish bastards (including me) and that most people do things in order to make a "better place for them" and not a "better place for all.

I wished it was different. But time keeps proving that it's otherwise. And I admit that I don't change the world into a better place. Maybe I'd like to. But I lack the strength or the character to do it. So do, though. And I applaud the people who fight to make a better world. The best I can do is trying not to make a bigger mess of things (which is difficult).

 

I apologise to the good people here who felt insulted, wronged or offended by my posts. I, like many people here, came to Loveshack some years ago almost by accident. I too wanted to learn more about human psychology, share my own stories and learn from others.

What I learned here has sometimes made me laugh and ofter made me terrified. It's amazing what some humans can do to others.

Again, I repeat: I often judged others because I too have been judged by others and even myself. And I assume myself guilty.

 

I thank all the people here who provided great insight on certain subjects. And I specially thank Fellini. While I was answering his remark I got to reflect on my past and all that I've learned here in LS.

I've seen plenty of people getting help in this forum. I sincerely hope that it may continue to be a place of healing and learning.

 

To anyone that took the trouble of reading all this self-reflective mumbo-jumbo: Peace be with you. Live long and prosper.

[LifeWasted]

I'm not feeling particularly strong or brave today. Last night I was in pain so I was upping the bravado to psyche myself up. It didn't last. I'm hurting. She was so convincing. She was loving and very affectionate, we so much in common: foodies, music lovers, outdoorsy...

 

Maybe she was too perfect and I was just not seeing it.

[LifeWasted]

Considering all your arguments I will answer with mine: People don't change.

At least, in their essence. We can change in our tastes concerning food, films, books. Our emotional core essentially remains the same. Since we're born up till we're dead, rotten and turned to dust.

 

You can argue with this, of course. You can say that people change because of social pressure and their upbringing. Life transforms us. We're born good but time and events may corrupt us.

I say no. I say that our "moral compass" is already aligned since we're born and that people most of the times hide their true nature because of social pressure and their upbringing.

A bad person pretends to be good in order to perform their deeds and go unpunished. They know that society "officially" condemns bad actions, so they have to wear a disguise.

A good person sometimes has to fake they're bad in order to survive. A good kid growing up in a bad neighbourhood may have to pretend that he's a thug in order to avoid being bullied or abused. Once he manages to grow up and get out he can become his true self.

 

You scold me for presenting the example of the woman I mentioned. I could show hundreds of examples that would prove my point. All taken from my life.

Yet you've never met the woman I'm talking about. I worked closely with her for 2 years. And I judge her, yes. Not because she drinks a lot or wears unnapropriate clothes for her age or ****s around, or whatever.

No! I judge her because when I knew her she was a very judgemental woman. She would sometimes make fun of other women who would sleep around (I suppose she was probably envious of them) and indulge in "unfeminine" activities. I was a heavy-drinker then. And she would often scold me for drinking so much. I guess she's dicovered the wonders of booze now.

 

I don't label her a slut for saying or doing anything that a woman shoudn't do. I call her a slut for being an hypocrite - doing now what she would once accuse others of doing. Which is also one of the main trait of cheaters. They almost always see themselves as the non-cheating types and often claim loudly that they will never be unfaithful in their lives.

 

All this long and boring essay of mine is just to declare that OP's wife would cheat on him beacuse it's on her genes. It would just take the opportunity for it. When she was married to an unfaithful guy who wouldn't care about her feelings she'd feel frustrated and furious and hurt. As soon as she found a trusting, caring, decent guy she got an ego boost that gave her the strength to let herself break free.

 

That's the sad truth. Cheaters will cheat. They can find any justification for their actions (bad marriage, not getting enough attention, depression, bla bla bla). In the end it's all about themselves. I know that some people won't accept this. Even modern psychiatry still debates these issues. Are we born this way or are we transformed this way?

 

I say we're born, some say we're transformed.

Until science can give a definite answer It's almost a matter of faith. Some see Christ as our Lord and Saviour. I see him only as a wise and kind jew who lived in Galilee under the reign of Tiberius. In the end he too was betrayed. And sold. And by one of his closest friends, nonetheless. I suppose that even living with a man as nice as Jesus wasn't enough to prevent Judas from doing stupid and evil things.

 

You see Fellini, I think that LifeWasted's wife is a rotten character. I am one too. I'm not a good person. I was born that way. And the older I get the more I admit that.

I've performed bad deeds. Sometimes to survive, sometimes to get what I wanted (in fact I've been punished more times for doing good things than for doing bad ones - that's the sad state of the world we live in). And that's why I don't have a problem in judging certain types. I've already judged myself and proclaimed myself guilty.

I only set 2 rules for myself: don't attack those who are weaker than me and don't hurt innocent people.

 

Some may call me stupid, evil, rude and misguided. Whatever. I assume what I am. And I know this is a dangerous subject. If science ever proves that our essential character is embeded in our genes, then mental eugenics may one day be set in place. Thieves, murderers, cheaters, paedophiles may be prevented from being born, the same way that laws now assume that babies with physical and mental defects can be aborted.

A guy like me can be killed at birth in the name of social peace. And who know? Maybe it's for the best.

 

If you want to read a fascinating work on the subject of suffering/conditioning and human character I'd suggest this book. One of the most interesting and objective testimonials of the Shoah, written by a psychyatrist who suffered the horrors of the concentration camps. He too shares the same view as me: you can drag some men/women through the deepest circle of Hell and they'll never become a demon. Some people, on the other hand, will soul their soul to the devil for 100$.

 

I just want to finish my post with this statement. I don't assume myself as the sole owner of the truth. In fact time has proven me wrong on many subjects several times. And what we see as truth is very subjective. Everyone here should take this into account. We all see the world with our own eyes. And we interpret the world based on what we see and feel. Everyone else sees and feels different things. And that's why there's such confusion and pain. Most of us subconsciously want the others to see the world the way we see it. Because we assume it's "a good way to see the world". But the others assume their own views.

 

I personally think that most humans are selfish bastards (including me) and that most people do things in order to make a "better place for them" and not a "better place for all.

I wished it was different. But time keeps proving that it's otherwise. And I admit that I don't change the world into a better place. Maybe I'd like to. But I lack the strength or the character to do it. So do, though. And I applaud the people who fight to make a better world. The best I can do is trying not to make a bigger mess of things (which is difficult).

 

I apologise to the good people here who felt insulted, wronged or offended by my posts. I, like many people here, came to Loveshack some years ago almost by accident. I too wanted to learn more about human psychology, share my own stories and learn from others.

What I learned here has sometimes made me laugh and ofter made me terrified. It's amazing what some humans can do to others.

Again, I repeat: I often judged others because I too have been judged by others and even myself. And I assume myself guilty.

 

I thank all the people here who provided great insight on certain subjects. And I specially thank Fellini. While I was answering his remark I got to reflect on my past and all that I've learned here in LS.

I've seen plenty of people getting help in this forum. I sincerely hope that it may continue to be a place of healing and learning.

 

To anyone that took the trouble of reading all this self-reflective mumbo-jumbo: Peace be with you. Live long and prosper.

 

This was enlightening and informative. I will remember this.

 

I don't agree you are a bad guy or evil. Evil does not recognize that it is evil.

 

I think you may have hit the nail on the head as far as my WGF. While my WGF was married she was in self-protection mode. When she divorced and met me, I gave her a sense of freedom. Unfortunately she pointed that newfound freedom in the wrong direction.

[Satu]

At this point you should only focus on your own wellbeing.

 

Do whatever you have to do to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.

 

Eat something healthy.

 

Drink enough water.

 

Rest. Lie down if you can't sleep.

 

Go for a walk.

 

There are people here sending you lots of good wishes and support.

[Chi townD]

I'm not feeling particularly strong or brave today. Last night I was in pain so I was upping the bravado to psyche myself up. It didn't last. I'm hurting. She was so convincing. She was loving and very affectionate, we so much in common: foodies, music lovers, outdoorsy...

 

Maybe she was too perfect and I was just not seeing it.

 

 

Dude, you just found out that you just got betrayed and not just once, but several times. I'm surprised you're not in as much shock as you should be. But, you are on a ride right now and it's called the rollercoaster of emotions. It's an actual thing. One minute you're happy, the next your sad. One minute you're determined, then next minute your depressed and don't want to do anything. One minute your laughing an the next minute your crying your eyes out. One minute you could care less about her, the next minute you find that you hate her guts.

 

 

No one knows how long your rollercoaster ride is going to be. It's different for everyone but one thing is certain. You have to ride it out.

[LifeWasted]

Dude, you just found out that you just got betrayed and not just once, but several times. I'm surprised you're not in as much shock as you should be. But, you are on a ride right now and it's called the rollercoaster of emotions. It's an actual thing. One minute you're happy, the next your sad. One minute you're determined, then next minute your depressed and don't want to do anything. One minute your laughing an the next minute your crying your eyes out. One minute you could care less about her, the next minute you find that you hate her guts.

 

 

No one knows how long your rollercoaster ride is going to be. It's different for everyone but one thing is certain. You have to ride it out.

 

It took me two or three years to totally get past my ex-wife cheating on me. I'm not even married to my WGF, I have a shot at a clear clean break, but I think this feels worse. Because with my WGF I walked into the relationship as a mature man who had past experience. Well, I guess I wasn't as astute as I thought I was or I would have recognized the signs for what they were.

[writergal]

LifeWasted - yet you are astute. The problem lies with people. People are unpredictable. It's impossible to predict another person's behavior, no matter how savvy you are at recognizing the signs of cheating and lying in a significant other.

 

It's simply wrong to blame yourself for your girlfriend's cheating on you. That was her choice. Not yours.

 

Do not give into her groveling or begging or bargaining.

[LifeWasted]

LifeWasted - yet you are astute. The problem lies with people. People are unpredictable. It's impossible to predict another person's behavior, no matter how savvy you are at recognizing the signs of cheating and lying in a significant other.

 

It's simply wrong to blame yourself for your girlfriend's cheating on you. That was her choice. Not yours.

 

Do not give into her groveling or begging or bargaining.

 

Oh I do not blame myself. No. I was a very good boyfriend...no, I was a great boyfriend. The female friends who have called me over the past couple of days have all been unanimous telling me that they cannot believe she would act this way and that they envied her for having me. Of all the guys in that crowd I was probably the most gentlemanly and treated her better than most of those women were treated by their husbands.

 

I guess I just felt so loved and admired by her. She made me feel great. She made me feel masculine and strong, and the way she gave herself to me was intoxicating. Well, up until November that is. That is when it all changed. I should have recognized the signs that all was not right, but I just figured we were settling into a life together and that's why the passion was fading a bit and why she wasn't as attentive. I should have known it was because there was another rooster in the henhouse.

[Chi townD]

Writergal is right. This wasn't your fault. You did nothing wrong. She made a choice and that choice was to cheat. You didn't do anything to deserve that. So, don't lose hope in women.

 

 

I promise you that there is a girl out there for you. That knows how to stay true to one man. That when she commits to a relationship, she's all in and wants to be with you because there's no other place on the planet that she would rather be.

 

 

Okay, you got your heart broken. But, maybe you can turn this around and view it as one more heartbreak away from the girl you're truly meant to be with. So, don't hide yourself away from the opposite sex for decades like you did before.

[LifeWasted]

She's persistent. I am estimating 10 calls and 20 texts, just this morning. She's going to get in trouble at work if she doesn't cool it.

[LifeWasted]

Writergal is right. This wasn't your fault. You did nothing wrong. She made a choice and that choice was to cheat. You didn't do anything to deserve that. So, don't lose hope in women.

 

 

I promise you that there is a girl out there for you. That knows how to stay true to one man. That when she commits to a relationship, she's all in and wants to be with you because there's no other place on the planet that she would rather be.

 

 

Okay, you got your heart broken. But, maybe you can turn this around and view it as one more heartbreak away from the girl you're truly meant to be with. So, don't hide yourself away from the opposite sex for decades like you did before.

 

Well, I know this wasn't my fault. I'm not blaming myself for what she did. I'm just feeling foolish because I should have seen the signs.

 

And I think I misrepresented myself. I was dating, alot, from about a year after my divorce up until I met my WGF. Over the years I've dated and slept with a slew of women and I did have one steady girlfriend back in the late 1990s who I dated for about three years...but no lasting love ever developed so we parted ways.

 

My WGF was the first woman since my ex wife who I fell head over heels for.

[Chi townD]

Not your problem anymore. You've already move out of her place. Nothing tying you to her anymore, PLUS I don't know if she knows that you have this new information about the other things she did in your relationship.

 

 

Perhaps another motivator for you not to respond to the (I speculate) "I'm sorry", "we need to talk", "where are you" texts, is the fact that her friend told you all of this additional stuff that happened. Meaning that others knew what she was doing and didn't bother cluing you in. They sat back at parties and BBQ and knew that she was cuckolding you and all the while, you were standing there clueless. That's a bit humiliating. Stay strong, dude. You might even need to consider changing your number.

[No Limit]

She's persistent. I am estimating 10 calls and 20 texts, just this morning. She's going to get in trouble at work if she doesn't cool it.

 

Can you block her?

 

Well, I know this wasn't my fault. I'm not blaming myself for what she did. I'm just feeling foolish because I should have seen the signs.

 

Rose-colored glasses sadly make people miss a lot. At least you went out of this crap relatively unharmed (except for heartbreak of course, but that one fades over time).

 

Besides, maybe there are some single ladies in your friend circle that were only waiting for you to finally become available. Just don't give 100% from the start. Most relationships today consist of the two partners living in their own places and meeting up regularly anyway.

Although maybe some more bachelor time and focusing on work will do you good.

[writergal]

Oh I do not blame myself. No. I was a very good boyfriend...no, I was a great boyfriend. The female friends who have called me over the past couple of days have all been unanimous telling me that they cannot believe she would act this way and that they envied her for having me. Of all the guys in that crowd I was probably the most gentlemanly and treated her better than most of those women were treated by their husbands.

 

I guess I just felt so loved and admired by her. She made me feel great. She made me feel masculine and strong, and the way she gave herself to me was intoxicating. Well, up until November that is. That is when it all changed. I should have recognized the signs that all was not right, but I just figured we were settling into a life together and that's why the passion was fading a bit and why she wasn't as attentive. I should have known it was because there was another rooster in the henhouse.

 

It's unfortunate that she hid her sexual affairs from you the way that she did. The love and admiration you felt by her was not real. If it had been real, she wouldn't have had those affairs while she was with you.

 

 

And that's what's so difficult about relationships. When you are with someone who claims they love you, what choice do you have but to believe them until they prove themselves wrong? Of course you want to believe that they truly love you, the way that you truly love them. But how can you ever know that the love they claim they have for you is real, until it becomes real?

 

 

Don't fall into the "I should have known..." trap of self-doubt. You will never know until it happens. That's the downside of cheaters and liars. They are GREAT actors.

 

 

Narcissists at their core, they ooze charm and wit and say the right words and use the right actions. She sounds like a narcissist the way she blatantly kissed her ex-husband in public at that party in front of everyone. Even though you were in the other room, that didn't stop her from publicly humiliating you both by her actions.

 

 

She doesn't care about you. She really doesn't.

[sandylee1]

I second blocking her number. What could she say that would be of interest to you. She had her chance and all she could say was 'sorry '. That doesn't cut the mustard.

 

Another thing, one can have all the experience in the world, but when others set out to deceive you, they are already a few steps ahead of you. She's already regretting it, but that's tough for her. I don't fancy her chances finding anything close to a decent man in the area, after her friend tells all what happened.

 

You on the other hand have so much going for you.

 

I wonder if she didn't have a great reputation to begin with and did very well to hide that, as you were from out of state.

 

Onwards and upwards OP. I know it hurts like hell, but you'll be just fine.

[No Limit]

I don't fancy her chances finding anything close to a decent man in the area, after her friend tells all what happened.

 

A man? Boy, she'd be lucky to find a girl to hang out with! She's now on everybody's potential-homewrecker-radar so she's the pariah of the neighbourhood.

 

Her fooling her BF is alright but when she kissed her friends husband she crossed the line for everybody. Thankfully she did, else OP would be none the wiser.

[writergal]

 

Another thing, one can have all the experience in the world, but when others set out to deceive you, they are already a few steps ahead of you. She's already regretting it, but that's tough for her. I don't fancy her chances finding anything close to a decent man in the area, after her friend tells all what happened.

 

 

+1 sandylee1! This is exactly what I've been trying to say. It doesn't matter how experienced you are, how good of a person that you are...when someone sets out to deceive you, they are 3 steps ahead of you and they know exactly what they are doing.

 

From my own experience of being cheated on, lied to and bullied...the kind of people who do that don't feel guilty about it, feign innocence when you catch them and call them out on their behavior, and will try to project the blame back on to you, or they will gaslight you hoping that you will give up and accept responsibility for their actions.

 

They will do whatever they can to shut you down, take away your power, undermine your self-confidence and self-worth, and undermine your relationships with others so that they can come out ahead.

 

These type of personalities are narcissistic, vicious, guilt-free, self-centered, shallow, have no conscience, and are just plain stupid when you think about it. They have no consideration for others in their lives. People are just pawns to them, to play with and manipulate.

[Chi townD]

Well Life, You have a lot going for you right now. I would just start worrying about the only thing you can be concerned about, the only thing you have control over and that's YOU.

 

 

Dude, just worry about getting licensed and bonded. Once you do that, you're golden! Hand crafted ornate woodwork is definitely HOT right now and people want it. They're literally wooden pieces of art that are built to last. And people want to get rid if their crappy and cheap cabinets or bookshelves they got from IKEA.

[HereNorThere]

I hate to see you say your life was ruined over one stupid chick because it wasn't. You were hurt, but you'll move on and have better, richer experiences.

 

It does seem like there is some histrionic, attention seeking behavior in her past that might not have seemed like a red flag at the time, but now you know to look out for that. Some lessons in life are expensive and hard to swallow.

 

You're definitely one of the strongest posters I've seen here in a long time. You didn't sit and make a bunch of excuses for her, try to rationalize, nothing. You knew what your boundaries were and when sh*t hit the fan, you stood firm in your beliefs. I think that's something to be proud of.

 

Now is the time to "get your weight up." Obviously your life is going in a different direction and taking a different focus. Get to the gym, bro-night at the bar, etc and work on yourself. It'll take some adjustment, but there's a whole world out there waiting on you. Your life isn't wasted, just a little different. Get out there and get yours!

 

Godspeed.