She Ruined My Life, and I Let Her

[oldshirt]

Good point.

 

I have a conference call set up with my lawyer back in my home state on Thirsday. I will ask his advice.

 

 

 

That's a good place to start but have him/her give you a referral to an attorney that practices in your current location. Laws and temperments of judges/juries vary state by state and even county by county. You need an attorney that is familiar with the laws and practices in your current location.

[oldshirt]

You are a jaundiced, dissolutioned bunch...I'll give you that.

 

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt is probably a better way to word it.

[happyman64]

LifeWasted

 

 

I was going to ask you how well you got along with her daughter.

 

 

What a shame you put your GF on such a high pedestal....

 

 

Because you had to learn the hard way on who she really is.

 

 

And may I point out that if you stay on this forum long enough that you will see a number of Ex Battered Spouse's that become Wayward Spouse just like their Ex's from their previous relationships.

 

 

It happens.

 

 

Get back on your horse. Keep moving forward and self supporting.

 

 

Your GF is broken my friend. She turned into a selfish, cheater just like her Ex H.

 

 

The best revenge is to move on and be happy. I feel bad for you but even worse for her Daughter. It sounds like you two could have had a beautiful relationship. Her Mother should have been grateful for that.

 

 

But selfish people rarely are.

 

 

When you do have that face to face meeting please be cool, calm & confident.

 

 

HM

[HereNorThere]

Thanks for the input everyone. You are a jaundiced, dissolutioned bunch...I'll give you that.

 

 

As yellow as Homer Simpson, lol.

 

I've never heard jaundiced used in that fashion, but it made me laugh.

 

Good observation though.

[lgspot]

Not that it matters, or is an excuse----do you think she has a drinking problem?

 

Did her daughter venture an opinion or support?

[LifeWasted]

Not that it matters, or is an excuse----do you think she has a drinking problem?

 

Did her daughter venture an opinion or support?

 

She has problems when she drinks. She gets carried away. But she doesn't drink at home, only socially. I barely drink at all. I'm usually the DD who goes and picks her up from her hen parties. Now someone else can do that.

 

Her daughter is pissed at her. She is on my side definitely, but it's not something she should be having to deal with at her age.

[DatingDirection]

Go talk to a lawyer and see if can get paid for your labor and materials. Then once you get paid you'll have money to move far away and restart your business.

 

 

 

If she has any decency left in her, she will show some respect, and just give you the money you put into the house, without going through lawyers, and leave on at least 1 oz of amicable terms. That would just show just a slight drop of class in her.

[DatingDirection]

She has problems when she drinks. She gets carried away. But she doesn't drink at home, only socially. I barely drink at all. I'm usually the DD who goes and picks her up from her hen parties. Now someone else can do that.

 

Her daughter is pissed at her. She is on my side definitely, but it's not something she should be having to deal with at her age.

 

You don't need to think about this right now, but if you are any kind of father figure to the daughter, and you two have a good relationship, you might just want to still be there for the daughter. It's just a thought. Honestly, I really feel so bad for that kid, that mother is such a jerk, to put her kid through this, you being a parental figure in her life, and gone the next minute b/c her mother wasn't thinking.

[HereNorThere]

If she has any decency left in her, she will show some respect, and just give you the money you put into the house, without going through lawyers, and leave on at least 1 oz of amicable terms. That would just show just a slight drop of class in her.

 

Well, she doesn't so the chances of this happening seem pretty slim.

 

I'm assuming it will start off with something like "I never asked you for _____ or for you to do _____."

 

She'll stick to script, I'm sure.

[jnel921]

You don't need to think about this right now, but if you are any kind of father figure to the daughter, and you two have a good relationship, you might just want to still be there for the daughter. It's just a thought. Honestly, I really feel so bad for that kid, that mother is such a jerk, to put her kid through this, you being a parental figure in her life, and gone the next minute b/c her mother wasn't thinking.

 

That is a bad idea.

 

He should walk away from all of it. He doesn't need the reminder and his ex in his face every time he has an interaction with the daughter. She is not his and he shouldn't accept any responsibility.

 

LW, let this be a lesson learned. Someone who truly loves you wouldn't ask you to give everything up, and if they did what is the compromise?

 

You went over there and was her personal carpenter and child care provider.

 

Please do not gage all relationships based on your first relationship and even this one. You may need to go to IC to recognize and understand yourself better.Why it is you pick these kind of women. A pattern that you may recognize.

 

You sound like you are determined. You have the right attitude. Success is the best revenge! Just make sure you find true happiness some day.

[DatingDirection]

Yes on the other hand, it may just be the best idea not to maintain ties with her daughter.

[lgspot]

Hang in there LW.

One day at a time.

More information will come your way....

Keep us up on your thoughts and events. This particular story is so sad to me.

She could have had it all....

[Friskyone4u]

Life

I have read the thread and not commented because you have been getting good advice and support from others.

However, I think someone just recommended you stay with this woman to be a parental figure for her daughter, not your daughter. In other words you stay to be the good parent while her mother bangs other men .

I hope that is not what was meant and I hope you disregard that advice.

[fellini]

Agreed. In fact, I'd give up the father figure idea altogether.

She will live. And you can't save her from her mother, in spite of your being a good guy.

 

Surely you might consider the possibility of moving on, and being open to another relationship. You might find many interested women, but when they find out you are being "daddy" to an ex you never married and who is playing the field, well, that would be "red flag - thanks for the coffee it's been real but don't call me again".

 

Eventually, down the road, you might bump into this girl and talk, see how she is, be her fairweather friend. But to stay connected to her is not a great idea.

 

 

Life

I have read the thread and not commented because you have been getting good advice and support from others.

However, I think someone just recommended you stay with this woman to be a parental figure for her daughter, not your daughter. In other words you stay to be the good parent while her mother bangs other men .

I hope that is not what was meant and I hope you disregard that advice.

[Lion Heart]

Funny thing is, I only got about half the wood base done in her house. There is probably about 250 lineal feet left to do. I tore out all the old stuff when I sanded and refinished the floors, so she's in for a world of hurt if she tries to get new base made and installed. I custom milled all that base myself, with my own template. It is 1" thick and 8" wide, made from eastern pine. If she wants to finish it, she will have to take one of the pieces off, take it to a mill and have the millers custom mill the base using that piece as a template. Thousands of dollars...and that is before installation cost.

 

Tee hee.

 

Gotta love that! She's a silly cow. You are certainly one in a million.

 

I'd like to rename you LifeCrafted.

 

Lion Heart.

[LifeWasted]

Yes on the other hand, it may just be the best idea not to maintain ties with her daughter.

 

That's what I'm thinking. I feel like I'm breaking up with two women. It really hurts.

[LifeWasted]

Was talking to a mutual friend last night and he says that she is really pouring on the "woe is me" act, acting all distraught and getting her friends to circle the wagons around her.

 

He indicated that he doesn't think she is seeing her boytoy anymore. He heard from his wife that she was out all night the night before last, driving around town looking for me.

 

She was still calling and texting me into the evening yesterday, so late last night I blocked her number. Then she started texting me with her daughter's phone...so I had to block that number too.

 

I may or may not sue her. Haven't decided whether or not I want to tilt that windmill. What I need to know is how to keep my brain calm, how to keep these evil visions out of my head and how to make this pain go away. I was literally at a low point last night, sitting in that little room by myself. How the hell did I get myself in this mess? Stupidity.

[oldshirt]

you weren't stupid. If someone sets their mind to intentionally pulling one over on you, they will accomplish it. At least for a while.

[oldshirt]

I don't know if anyone has mentioned 'The 180' yet, but look that up and follow it to the letter. You are already doing a lot of it on your own and that is good, but look it up and follow it as described.

 

 

A lot of people think the 180 is a program to get their WS back but it is not. It is the method of how to get back on your own two feet and move on with your life without letting the other person manipulate you, pull one over on you or keep you hanging on. It is the most effective and efficient way to get over someone and get your life back on track.

 

 

you've already got a good start on it.

[LifeWasted]

I don't know if anyone has mentioned 'The 180' yet, but look that up and follow it to the letter. You are already doing a lot of it on your own and that is good, but look it up and follow it as described.

 

 

A lot of people think the 180 is a program to get their WS back but it is not. It is the method of how to get back on your own two feet and move on with your life without letting the other person manipulate you, pull one over on you or keep you hanging on. It is the most effective and efficient way to get over someone and get your life back on track.

 

 

you've already got a good start on it.

 

Where do I find this?

[elaine567]

https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

[Realist3]

Was talking to a mutual friend last night and he says that she is really pouring on the "woe is me" act, acting all distraught and getting her friends to circle the wagons around her.

 

He indicated that he doesn't think she is seeing her boytoy anymore. He heard from his wife that she was out all night the night before last, driving around town looking for me.

 

She was still calling and texting me into the evening yesterday, so late last night I blocked her number. Then she started texting me with her daughter's phone...so I had to block that number too.

 

I may or may not sue her. Haven't decided whether or not I want to tilt that windmill. What I need to know is how to keep my brain calm, how to keep these evil visions out of my head and how to make this pain go away. I was literally at a low point last night, sitting in that little room by myself. How the hell did I get myself in this mess? Stupidity.

 

 

 

Start acting like an adult. You are going to have to talk to her at some point. Blocking numbers is childish. If you want this to work out in your favor you are going to have to start being smart. Talk to her.

[Lion Heart]

Was talking to a mutual friend last night and he says that she is really pouring on the "woe is me" act, acting all distraught and getting her friends to circle the wagons around her.

 

He indicated that he doesn't think she is seeing her boytoy anymore. He heard from his wife that she was out all night the night before last, driving around town looking for me.

 

She was still calling and texting me into the evening yesterday, so late last night I blocked her number. Then she started texting me with her daughter's phone...so I had to block that number too.

 

I may or may not sue her. Haven't decided whether or not I want to tilt that windmill. What I need to know is how to keep my brain calm, how to keep these evil visions out of my head and how to make this pain go away. I was literally at a low point last night, sitting in that little room by myself. How the hell did I get myself in this mess? Stupidity.

 

You were conned full stop.

 

Correction: you got yourself OUT of a mess.

She's the mess. You're the fine person who trusted a "mess" of a person. You're the person with good character who was lead down the garden path because you believed and trusted a liar and a cheat. Seems incredulous I know. It is because these people have major motivations to use people very badly indeed.

 

Don't beat yourself up about ANY of this. Even though you're suffering somewhat (because your moods will swing alot till you get a true grip)

this crap has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. You're gonna feel sad and even weak with disbelief and grief at times.

 

This is where the 180 comes in. It's an invaluable guide.

 

Man, you're a champion. We are all cheering real hard for you.

 

Lion Heart.

[Satu]

Was talking to a mutual friend last night and he says that she is really pouring on the "woe is me" act, acting all distraught and getting her friends to circle the wagons around her.

 

He indicated that he doesn't think she is seeing her boytoy anymore. He heard from his wife that she was out all night the night before last, driving around town looking for me.

 

She was still calling and texting me into the evening yesterday, so late last night I blocked her number. Then she started texting me with her daughter's phone...so I had to block that number too.

 

I may or may not sue her. Haven't decided whether or not I want to tilt that windmill. What I need to know is how to keep my brain calm, how to keep these evil visions out of my head and how to make this pain go away. I was literally at a low point last night, sitting in that little room by myself. How the hell did I get myself in this mess? *Stupidity.

 

*You are very far from stupid.

 

None of what happened is the result of stupidity on your part.

 

She was stupid, in thinking that she could get away with her disgraceful behaviour.

[CarrieT]

What I need to know is how to keep my brain calm, how to keep these evil visions out of my head and how to make this pain go away. I was literally at a low point last night, sitting in that little room by myself. How the hell did I get myself in this mess? Stupidity.

 

You were not stupid. You were conned.

 

The visions are going to last for a while but they WILL PASS.

 

Take each day for what it is and know that before you know it, things will start looking a lot better. But that could take a few weeks or even months. This is all still new and raw for you so it is okay to just sit alone in a room by yourself. You might also want to consider some counseling. And start networking to establish a new set of friends in this new locale.

 

I think you are doing the right thing by blocking her. You don't need the triggers at this point and there is no reason to have to listen to her explanations; you KNOW all you need to know to not continue in the relationship so anything she has to say to you is beside the point.