She Ruined My Life, and I Let Her

[LifeWasted]

Some people are very successful in their fields, but are NG in their personnal life, intimate or with their relatives.

 

This could be me.

 

I never could understand men who could go to work and act all nice and polite and treat their clients and co-workers so great, and then come home and beat the wife and scream at the kids like they were dogs. That was my dad.

 

Maybe I overcompensate. I always treat my family members and partners well.

 

But I have my dad's temper and his brute strength. I could have easily knocked my xWGF through a wall with just a bat of my arm...no problem. I could have pummeled her sex-buddies to within inches of their lives. But its not worth it. I will most likely all this anger stew inside and die from a heart attack at 60.

 

I wonder if it behooves a man to keep his wife or girlfriend in a little fear of bodily harm? Not actually hit them or abuse them, but let them know in a very subtle way that he could seriously lay waste to them if they pull any crap. Ladies what do you think?

[LifeWasted]

Congratulations to you. You really are a clever successful man. It totally beats me why she didn't she what she had in you. A decent stand up guy.

 

Because I'm not young and pretty I guess.

[No Limit]

I wonder if it behooves a man to keep his wife or girlfriend in a little fear of bodily harm? Not actually hit them or abuse them, but let them know in a very subtle way that he could seriously lay waste to them if they pull any crap. Ladies what do you think?

 

Well, many threads have shown that wayward women love to be manipulated by abusive men who they believe they can change for the better and who only loves them. I wouldn't say that's a promising goal, not only because emotional abuse isn't fun but also because those women tend to have issues and your goal should be to keep your life as trouble-free as possible.

[10thengineerharrison]

This could be me.

 

I never could understand men who could go to work and act all nice and polite and treat their clients and co-workers so great, and then come home and beat the wife and scream at the kids like they were dogs. That was my dad.

 

Maybe I overcompensate. I always treat my family members and partners well.

 

But I have my dad's temper and his brute strength. I could have easily knocked my xWGF through a wall with just a bat of my arm...no problem. I could have pummeled her sex-buddies to within inches of their lives. But its not worth it. I will most likely all this anger stew inside and die from a heart attack at 60.

 

I wonder if it behooves a man to keep his wife or girlfriend in a little fear of bodily harm? Not actually hit them or abuse them, but let them know in a very subtle way that he could seriously lay waste to them if they pull any crap. Ladies what do you think?

 

Well, I'm no lady, but I don't think so, and I don't think you do either.

 

A friend from another forum was fond of posting this poem to BHs. Words to live by:

 

 

"The Man in the Glass," - Peter Dale Wimbrow Sr.

 

"When you get what you want in your struggle for self

And the world makes you king for a day

Just go to the mirror and look at yourself

And see what that man has to say.

 

For it isn’t your father, or mother, or wife

Whose judgment upon you must pass

The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the one staring back from the glass.

 

He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest

For he’s with you, clear to the end

And you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous test

If the man in the glass is your friend.

 

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years

And get pats on the back as you pass

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

If you’ve cheated the man in the glass."

[LifeWasted]

Well, I'm no lady, but I don't think so, and I don't think you do either.

 

A friend from another forum was fond of posting this poem to BHs. Words to live by:

 

 

"The Man in the Glass," - Peter Dale Wimbrow Sr.

 

"When you get what you want in your struggle for self

And the world makes you king for a day

Just go to the mirror and look at yourself

And see what that man has to say.

 

For it isn’t your father, or mother, or wife

Whose judgment upon you must pass

The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the one staring back from the glass.

 

He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest

For he’s with you, clear to the end

And you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous test

If the man in the glass is your friend.

 

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years

And get pats on the back as you pass

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

If you’ve cheated the man in the glass."

 

 

I printed this out and stuck it on my bathroom mirror.

[LifeWasted]

I saw her this morning. I stopped by the post office on the way to a job and she was getting in her car just as I was pulling up. She waved to me from her car as I was going into the PO. I didn't wave back.

 

Sorry thing is, I felt bad about not waving.

[Javelin]

After reading 12 pages of this thread, I realized something, something that could make you and I a lot of money. Basically, your story has the ingredients for a good book! However, and I mean no offense, but I we'd need to shave about 15 years off the top-end!

 

I felt bad about not waving.

 

Man up!

 

Your relationship is done! It's now time to rebuild in order to gloat! You're supposed to be redirecting the inflicted pain to become successful! That is why you've decided to stay right?

Edited March 26, 2015 by Javelin

[Imajerk17]

Nope, nope aaaaand nope. I will give you a like for this post even though you are wrong on almost all counts.

 

I'm not a "nice" guy. Ask any of my crewmen and even my boss. I'm a hardass foreman. I have no problem firing slackers or coming down hard workers who screw off. I tell panhandlers to **** off and get a job when they come up asking for handouts. I built a $10 million dollar company up from nothing, stayed in business for 15 years. You don't do that by being a pushover in the construction business.

 

Originally when I moved here, I was going to rent an apartment. My xWGF begged me to move in with her, saying that if I got my own apartment she would just be over there all the time anyway so what was the point?

 

During the time we lived together I worked on her house while looking for a job here...mainly because as far as I was concerned I was earning my keep and providing her a value in work instead of a share of the rent. With the new kitchen I built her, her house value probably went up 150% of the amount of my own money that I put into it... probaly about $15k.

 

No, she didn't ask me to do that...I did it because I believe that you do your share and pull your weight. And I did it because I loved her. You do things like that for people you love.

 

I helped cook and clean and run her daughter to school events because that's what you do when you live with someone and share their life. I cleaned up my own messes, worked with her in the yard, helped make the beds, and did other chores around the house that must be done in order to live a civilized life with someone. I don't call any of that being a "nice guy". What was I supposed to do? Sit on my duff and chug beer all evening while she cooked and cleaned?

 

As far as the relationship went, I was gentleman and I was kind, but not a pushover. I wouldn't let her verbally abuse me and I never abused her. I always tried to speak to her lovingly. I never once sacrificed my own honor and self respect for her---not once. I saw her imperfections for what they were. I never had her on a pedestal.

 

So I don't know where you come off saying I was a "nice guy". I'm just a guy.

 

Where I failed was not being as vigilant as I should have been.

 

What I bolded is the only thing I disagree with in this post. You expected and believed in the best for your xWGF because you yourself are an honest person who deals w people straight. But as soon as you realized what was really happening, you got out no wavering no going back.

 

I think you handled yourself admirably tbh.

[No Limit]

I saw her this morning. I stopped by the post office on the way to a job and she was getting in her car just as I was pulling up. She waved to me from her car as I was going into the PO. I didn't wave back.

 

Sorry thing is, I felt bad about not waving.

 

No need to feel bad. Had you waved she would have taken it as "he still likes me" and you'd have encouraged her to continue to pursue you. Treat her like any other stranger; unless of course you typically walk around downtown waving at everyone who passes you.

 

I'd also like to add that those guys out there reading through this forum for advice who are about to lose literally everything to a divorce and serial-cheating wife etc might feel pretty angry about your username.

[sandylee1]

It does make me think that something could be wrong with me.

 

I'm in good health, not really fat and I'm extremely strong, but I am also uglier than a rusted bolt. Maybe I'm just not good looking enough. I don't know.

 

I know its not how I treat these women...

 

Could I be boring?

 

If they weren't attracted to you or found you boring, they should have ended the relationship.

[sandylee1]

Your ex wife wouldn't have married you if she found you boring or unattractive and the wgf, wouldn't have had you move to her home state for the same reasons.

 

The immoral cheating trait lies with them.

[LifeWasted]

No need to feel bad. Had you waved she would have taken it as "he still likes me" and you'd have encouraged her to continue to pursue you. Treat her like any other stranger; unless of course you typically walk around downtown waving at everyone who passes you.

 

I'd also like to add that those guys out there reading through this forum for advice who are about to lose literally everything to a divorce and serial-cheating wife etc might feel pretty angry about your username.

 

Too late to change it I guess.

[LifeWasted]

If they weren't attracted to you or found you boring, they should have ended the relationship.

 

Well, she did. She cheated on me.

[LifeWasted]

Your ex wife wouldn't have married you if she found you boring or unattractive and the wgf, wouldn't have had you move to her home state for the same reasons.

 

The immoral cheating trait lies with them.

 

Amazing. Almost two decades apart between women and I still pick a lemon.

 

I have a bad picker.

 

Funny thing is, I had one long term GF between my xWW and my xWGF. We dated for two years and lived together for about a year, but she never cheated on me. The relationship just fizzled out due to mutual apathy. We are still friends. So its not like I don't have the ability to pick non-cheaters.

 

I don't know.

 

Sucky thing is, I've been invited to a barbecue this weekend and I'm pretty sure xWGF will be there. I'd like to go because I've been hiding out and unsocial the last couple of weekends.

[No Limit]

Sucky thing is, I've been invited to a barbecue this weekend and I'm pretty sure xWGF will be there. I'd like to go because I've been hiding out and unsocial the last couple of weekends.

 

You've said that in those partys the women are doing, uh, "woman stuff" and the guys are among guys. As long as you stay away from her you should be fine; don't let her engage in "private talk" and stay clear of the alcohol to prevent stupid actions. Also don't lose it should she show up with another guy to attempt the "make him jealous" stuff they do in highschools.

[afoolto no end]

I wouldn't go, to go back to that bunch, why, your just the next gossip fun….why give them something to laugh about then and later…….

find some new friends that you can trust………..

[LifeWasted]

You've said that in those partys the women are doing, uh, "woman stuff" and the guys are among guys. As long as you stay away from her you should be fine; don't let her engage in "private talk" and stay clear of the alcohol to prevent stupid actions. Also don't lose it should she show up with another guy to attempt the "make him jealous" stuff they do in highschools.

 

I fully expect that is what she would do if she comes. That's why I'm thinking about not going. I can take that particular friend out to lunch instead.

[LifeWasted]

I wouldn't go, to go back to that bunch, why, your just the next gossip fun….why give them something to laugh about then and later…….

find some new friends that you can trust………..

 

This guy is a really good guy. His wife is one of the better ones and is not particularly close to my xWGF. But all these husbands do business with each other, and all their kids are friends and schoolmates.

 

The guy who invited me is an assistant principal of a junior high school. I want to stay on his good side, not only because we have become friends, but because I need his business. Schools are always needing new millwork and cabinetry.

[beach]

Then go. Maybe show up early and socialize a bit - if asked about her don't respond at all.

 

If she approaches you quietly and calmly say "move FAR away from me please, unless you want me to embarrass you".

 

 

Keep your distance if needed - but go with the intent to get new business.

[writergal]

This guy is a really good guy. His wife is one of the better ones and is not particularly close to my xWGF. But all these husbands do business with each other, and all their kids are friends and schoolmates.

 

The guy who invited me is an assistant principal of a junior high school. I want to stay on his good side, not only because we have become friends, but because I need his business. Schools are always needing new millwork and cabinetry.

 

So make a compromise. Make a brief appearance at the barbeque this weekend (just enough to stay on the host's good side) then leave because you have a good excuse: you're meeting an old friend. You wouldn't need to elaborate either. Kill two birds with one stone sorta thing. Maybe?

[LifeWasted]

Then go. Maybe show up early and socialize a bit - if asked about her don't respond at all.

 

If she approaches you quietly and calmly say "move FAR away from me please, unless you want me to embarrass you".

 

 

Keep your distance if needed - but go with the intent to get new business.

 

Good idea.

 

And I don't want you all here thinking I only make friends in order to make money. This guy and I are really good friends. We play golf, poker and watch sports together. He has been a big help to me since all this crap went down, and he has totally sided against my xWGF. But his daughter and my XWGF's daughter are close friends, so...

[LifeWasted]

So make a compromise. Make a brief appearance at the barbeque this weekend (just enough to stay on the host's good side) then leave because you have a good excuse: you're meeting an old friend. You wouldn't need to elaborate either. Kill two birds with one stone sorta thing. Maybe?

 

That is a very good idea. Thanks. Gee whiz you're smart.

[writergal]

That is a very good idea. Thanks. Gee whiz you're smart.

 

Finally someone noticed! haha!

[Lion Heart]

Congratulation.

 

When I advised you to read "no more mr nice guy" I didn't think to advice you that because you are a "nice guy", just because you been cheated on two times.

So maybe you have some traits of a "nice guy", or you just been unlucky two times.

The only thing which would stick with the description of Glover about nice guy, is you give a lot to those you love.

 

But you didn't reacted like one as you found out what she was doing in your back, you respected yourself, and stand for yourself.

 

Some people are very successful in their fields, but are NG in their personal life, intimate or with their relatives.

 

Life you're doing SO well. Congrats on your license. You're a genius (like writergal) in being able to move so fast post A.

 

I'm gonna chime in about Mr Nice Guy. This sh** happens to Ms Nice's too. I'm getting the book and substituting guy for gal.

 

The next partner you have needs to "match" you somewhat.

You're looking for a person with integrity, a GOOD character and good work ethics. Someone who can manage their money as you can will complement you. I think these things ^^^^ are your base liners.

 

A woman like this (ok in IMHO only! ) will see past any looks (pls don't put yourself down like that - change your ATTITUDE about your looks please!). Looks fade. Character strengthens.

 

There is a margin between being "too nice" and an Ahole. Be in that margin. Maintain behaviours IN THAT margin.

 

I've been cheated on in 2 marriages now. I realise NOW that yes! I was too nice. I wasn't the "how high do you want me to jump" person but it felt like it sometimes with what I gave.

 

One thing I'm not now is the "gravy train".

 

Lion Heart.

[writergal]

Life you're doing SO well. Congrats on your license. You're a genius (like writergal) in being able to move so fast post A.

 

I'm gonna chime in about Mr Nice Guy. This sh** happens to Ms Nice's too. I'm getting the book and substituting guy for gal.

 

The next partner you have needs to "match" you somewhat.

You're looking for a person with integrity, a GOOD character and good work ethics. Someone who can manage their money as you can will complement you. I think these things ^^^^ are your base liners.

 

A woman like this (ok in IMHO only! ) will see past any looks (pls don't put yourself down like that - change your ATTITUDE about your looks please!). Looks fade. Character strengthens.

 

There is a margin between being "too nice" and an Ahole. Be in that margin. Maintain behaviours IN THAT margin.

 

I've been cheated on in 2 marriages now. I realise NOW that yes! I was too nice. I wasn't the "how high do you want me to jump" person but it felt like it sometimes with what I gave.

 

One thing I'm not now is the "gravy train".

 

Lion Heart.

 

Lion Heart, you're wiser than Aslan! No, seriously, you offer LW very sound advice.