JS84 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 OP: I'm going to stop riding you about your wavering on this whole thing because I do understand how you feel and I don't think what I'm saying is helping. So, let me say it another way. She is like a drug for you and your craving for that drug is going to drive you back into that same sick relationship. Or, worse, pining away for that relationship while she gets with someone else. You have to quit this drug cold-turkey. Stop all contact with her. No text, no phone, no messaging, no talking, no accidently running in to her. Harden your heart and stay away from her. Your resolve will be tested the first few days but after one full week you will be surprised at the difference in your outlook. At the end of a month you are free and clear from craving her and you are ready to move on. Of course, you could ruin it all by breaking down and resuming contact but, if you can hold out for a few weeks, I don't think you will want to start the hell up all over again. A hard heart and no contact will end this misery. Wrong thread? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 He summarized it in post #388. He hit the high points, but he didn't want to transcribe because it was a pain in the arse. Ahh thanks! Post 388 is on page 26, I didn't read back that much (only to page 27), sorry. As for the letter - L-M-A-O! "Your fault, you didn't propose to me!" Some people think real high of themselves don't they. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AprilTears Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 It infuriates me to think this may be true, and I plan to talk to some of my buddies about their wives, about this little culture of theirs, maybe sometime soon. I don't think any of them have ever cheated on their wives and GFs, but you never know. I must be sheltered (though I definitely don't think I am) because I've never heard of such a thing. Wow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I must be sheltered (though I definitely don't think I am) because I've never heard of such a thing. Wow. It went on in the teeny place I lived. Resulted in a lot of divorces too. I only know that because of my job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 OP: I'm going to stop riding you about your wavering on this whole thing because I do understand how you feel and I don't think what I'm saying is helping. So, let me say it another way. She is like a drug for you and your craving for that drug is going to drive you back into that same sick relationship. Or, worse, pining away for that relationship while she gets with someone else. You have to quit this drug cold-turkey. Stop all contact with her. No text, no phone, no messaging, no talking, no accidently running in to her. Harden your heart and stay away from her. Your resolve will be tested the first few days but after one full week you will be surprised at the difference in your outlook. At the end of a month you are free and clear from craving her and you are ready to move on. Of course, you could ruin it all by breaking down and resuming contact but, if you can hold out for a few weeks, I don't think you will want to start the hell up all over again. A hard heart and no contact will end this misery. Good points. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Wrong thread? No. Why would you think that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 It went on in the teeny place I lived. Resulted in a lot of divorces too. I only know that because of my job. I once dated a gal a few years ago who surprised the hell out of me, on the third or fourth date, by telling me she was an active member of a local swingers club. She was also a proud born again Christian, who would take a couple weeks off each year to be a counselor at a kids' Christian summer camp and who sang in her church praise group. She invited me to go to the club with her. No, I'm not making this up. That boiled my brain. I never had sex with her thank goodness. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 I'm a loser magnet. Link to post Share on other sites
Mazerati Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I'm a loser magnet. I disagree, just a tad unlucky. She is out there, have faith!!! Chin up my friend!!! Maz 4 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I'm a loser magnet. You are NOT a loser magnet. I would bet you are cut from the southern hardworking gentleman cloth. You probably hold the door open for pretty much everyone. I bet you've used your jumper cables to jump off many a stranded motorist. If you forget yourself around your buddies and use swear words with women around, I bet you say "'scuse me." All of these things are GOOD things. But you get an entitled, boundary-less woman around them, and she's a sucker for the prize without really deserving him. If two bad choices make us doomed, then pretty much all of us are doomed. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
AprilTears Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I once dated a gal a few years ago who surprised the hell out of me, on the third or fourth date, by telling me she was an active member of a local swingers club. She was also a proud born again Christian, who would take a couple weeks off each year to be a counselor at a kids' Christian summer camp and who sang in her church praise group. She invited me to go to the club with her. No, I'm not making this up. That boiled my brain. I never had sex with her thank goodness. What in the world?? At least she told you early on, I guess. : / 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AprilTears Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I'm a loser magnet. I'm a loser magnet followed by an emotionally unavailable man magnet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I'm a loser magnet. No brother, just a couple of very flawed women is all. Your soul mate is still looking for you out there. Don't give up! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 No brother, just a couple of very flawed women is all. Your soul mate is still looking for you out there. Don't give up! I shouldn't have said that. I have gone out with some really cool women. It just seems that my ability to pick a good LTR is flawed. I need to probably get into some kind of therapy to figure out why I pick women like this. I need to see if I can get counseling under my insurance. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I shouldn't have said that. I have gone out with some really cool women. It just seems that my ability to pick a good LTR is flawed. I need to probably get into some kind of therapy to figure out why I pick women like this. I need to see if I can get counseling under my insurance. The problem is not you; it's the women. You can't control the behavior of other people and you can't read minds. But, I think your biggest mistake in this situation was that you didn't spend enough time with her before making the big move to her city and living together. That is an action you can change next time around. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I shouldn't have said that. I have gone out with some really cool women. It just seems that my ability to pick a good LTR is flawed. I need to probably get into some kind of therapy to figure out why I pick women like this. I need to see if I can get counseling under my insurance. You are not alone on this ability, I also seem to possess a natural attraction to the most flawed women also. In my case I went strictly by physical attraction to find my mates. Their character and personalities were never considered by me up front. I finally realized through several bad relationship that I was my own worse enemy when it came to ending up in bad relationships. In fact my screen name I_Give_Up, is to reflect what I've done until I can get myself "fixed". It has not been easy, but I have made a ton of progress getting my self confidence and physical well being back after years of neglect. Use whatever means at your disposal for self help. If you feel getting some IC will help, don't feel ashamed to take advantage of that route. Just remember this, you did not make your ExWW or ExWGF have those As'. They are the type of women that will end up comparing any man they meet in the future to you and regretting that they let you get away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 The problem is not you; it's the women. You can't control the behavior of other people and you can't read minds. But, I think your biggest mistake in this situation was that you didn't spend enough time with her before making the big move to her city and living together. That is an action you can change next time around. No doubt. I thought I had her pretty well pegged, but I guess an online/ cell phone relationship with five visits wasn't enough to suss her out. I do accept my own culpability for this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AprilTears Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 No doubt. I thought I had her pretty well pegged, but I guess an online/ cell phone relationship with five visits wasn't enough to suss her out. I do accept my own culpability for this. I did the same thing (even down to the five visits) and was seriously considering moving there. I came very close so I know how easy it is to want to do that and to think its what is right or best for the relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 The book Getting The Love You Want describes why we pick the flawed people; it's really helpful. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 do not leave your job, just her, your boss sounds nice, it is not like you have another job lined up 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 do not leave your job, just her, your boss sounds nice, it is not like you have another job lined up No I won't do that. I like my job. Actually I have it pretty easy right now. I hired on as a master carpenter/installer but for the past two weeks I've been doing all the detailing for the cabinet shop (using a CAD program to draw up the plans that the shop workers use to measure and cut the pieces). Anyway, the company owner and I had lunch again yesterday and discussed more plans for me to buy into the company, turning it from a corporation to a LP. He's talking to his lawyer right now about the deal. So I'm hoping by the middle or end of the year I will be a 50/50 partner. Only problem with this desk work is I have gained a couple pounds. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I'm a loser magnet followed by an emotionally unavailable man magnet. OMG....it couldn't be as bad as my dream last night. I dreamed my new boyfriend was very cute and lots younger than me (not sure if I was younger, too) but also an alcoholic, drug addict and HIV + and when my friend told me he was not good for me, I said "but I like him"!!!! I had to laugh out loud when I remembered it this morning. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 OMG....it couldn't be as bad as my dream last night. I dreamed my new boyfriend was very cute and lots younger than me (not sure if I was younger, too) but also an alcoholic, drug addict and HIV + and when my friend told me he was not good for me, I said "but I like him"!!!! I had to laugh out loud when I remembered it this morning. You know its weird. I do have mind movies of my XWGF screwing these other guys. They happen several times a day. Sucks. Anyway, for some strange reason I do not dream about her. I haven't had one bad dream...that is, when I actually get some sleep. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 LW do you read poetry at all? The poetry nerd in me likes to read poetry in situations like a breakup... Sonnets 04: Only Until This Cigarette Is Ended by Edna St. Vincent Millay Only until this cigarette is ended, A little moment at the end of all, While on the floor the quiet ashes fall, And in the firelight to a lance extended, Bizarrely with the jazzing music blended, The broken shadow dances on the wall, I will permit my memory to recall The vision of you, by all my dreams attended. And then adieu,—farewell!—the dream is done. Yours is a face of which I can forget The color and the features, every one, The words not ever, and the smiles not yet; But in your day this moment is the sun Upon a hill, after the sun has set. 344 likes like “and you invented me and I invented you and that's why we don't get along on this bed any longer. you were the world's greatest invention until you flushed me away. now it's your turn to wait for the touch of the handle. somebody will do it to you, bitch, and if they don't you will - mixed with your own green or yellow or white or blue or lavender goodbye.” ― Charles Bukowski, Love is a Dog from Hell Link to post Share on other sites
happyman64 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 The mind movies will fade over time. Keep your mind busy with positive projects that get you closer to your goals. Is the ExGf keeping her distance now and leaving you alone? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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