Lion Heart Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Why would a woman who was cheated on throughout her marriage, then turn around and inflict that pain on someone she professes to love? All the people who know her, that I have talked to, have told me she is not lying about her ex-husband's mistreatment of her. So what the hell? Does somebody have knowledge of a psychological reason she would do this? This ^^^^^ or issues like hers are none of your concern anymore. You don't need to spend another moment of your life concerned about her at all. Focus on you. Only you. Your life. Moving forward. Lion Heart. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIFE, Hoping the karma bus runs into you soon because it's got good things in store. LH 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 Well what I worry about is that, since we have friends in common, now she will want to be just friends with me. They always want to be friends. Ugh. Maybe you guys are right. Maybe I should just look for a new group to hang out with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Well what I worry about is that, since we have friends in common, now she will want to be just friends with me. They always want to be friends. Ugh. Maybe you guys are right. Maybe I should just look for a new group to hang out with. Don't give your ex-WGF that kind of power over your social life. You do not have to be friends with her because you share mutual friends. She doesn't get to dictate who you are friends with. And your mutual friends need to respect your boundaries where she is concerned, and not force you to try to be friends with her. Basically, they need to stay out of this break-up, socially-speaking. They need to respect you both in the sense and not invite you both to their social events, but separately at least for a while, to be sensitive at least your feelings. And it's always good to have more friends, LW, especially ones outside of your current social circle who don't know her or the situation. Just take things one day at a time. Try not to rearrange your entire life in one day. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day, now was it? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 (edited) Well what I worry about is that, since we have friends in common, now she will want to be just friends with me. They always want to be friends. Just because they want to be friends doesn't mean you have to be. Give her the cold shoulder should she ever try. Also, do never respond to her letter or whatever future attempts to contact you she might try - never ever. Or if you do, don't complain about the stalking. Edited April 2, 2015 by No Limit 4 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Well what I worry about is that, since we have friends in common, now she will want to be just friends with me. They always want to be friends. Ugh. Maybe you guys are right. Maybe I should just look for a new group to hang out with. Tell her to pound sand on that friendship nonsense! If friendship is what she is angling for, it is only to assuage her guilt and save face. By all means, yes find your own friends. I would feel like a "turd in a punch bowl" hanging out in that group myself. It will only keep your wounds fresh trying to remain in her circle. You even wondered about when the time would come and you would see her in the company of a new man. Don't torture yourself like this. The evil me says don't give her the satisfaction of closure. Leave her hanging knowing you were the best of them all and that she ****ed it all up! 9 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I found this passage about friendship for you LW. I hope that it helps put everything into perspective. People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person. When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on. When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. ~Author Unknown 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 Thank you Writergal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Thank you Writergal. You're welcome LW. You are stronger than you think you are. You will overcome this. You will. Look at what you've accomplished so far. It just takes time. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
AprilTears Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Why would a woman who was cheated on throughout her marriage, then turn around and inflict that pain on someone she professes to love? All the people who know her, that I have talked to, have told me she is not lying about her ex-husband's mistreatment of her. So what the hell? Does somebody have knowledge of a psychological reason she would do this? From what you've shared with us about your relationship this had absolutely nothing to do with anything you did or didn't do. This girl has serious self esteem and/or depression issues in my opinion. She needs validation from many sources apparently. Hel* she just may be one of those women who aren't wired for monogamy. She may have a hard time saying no. Maybe she's a commitmentphobe. Maybe she enjoys the thrill and risk of cheating. Maybe she was unhappy in the relationship for whatever reason. Maybe she was using you. It could be a number of things. The reason does not matter though. It's a waste of time to seek excuses for bad behavior. The reason is not as important as the fact that she is capable of cheating! She always will be capable of cheating and it will never be your fault. You know that you could never be with her again so you must focus on you and nothing else. Not her reasons, not her regret, none of that. JUST YOU!! 7 Link to post Share on other sites
irishguy Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I dont think you have to give up this group of friends , i think you can just avoid things that she will definitely be at ,maybe make plans with just the guys . 5 Link to post Share on other sites
happyman64 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Avoid=hide You deal with it. And the sooner you deal with it the quicker your recovery will be. I speak from experience. They are your friends now too. But there is nothing wrong with expanding your circle of friends and interests. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Well what I worry about is that, since we have friends in common, now she will want to be just friends with me. They always want to be friends. Ugh. Maybe you guys are right. Maybe I should just look for a new group to hang out with. Earlier on this thread wasn't there a smart man with smart advice how you need to move far away from the WW/GF? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Earlier on this thread wasn't there a smart man with smart advice how you need to move far away from the WW/GF? He has work, he has friends. He wants to stay. The good doctor isn't always right about this one. In fact, the good doctor is NOT the one who says it always has to happen. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 My heart goes out to you. Your strength though is an inspiration to me. If nothing else good came from it, at least know one guy respects you and has been inspired by your strength. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Personally I see a lot of revenge talk still in your posts. Revenge and karma about her seeing what she gave up. As long as this is strongly in the forefront of your motives, I would limit your time participating in activities you already know you are going to met her. You are forcing the 180, you do not yet seem to be "comfortable" with it. You are "fighting" it. When you come out of the other side of this, and stop caring about exacting your revenge on her cheating arse, then you should have very few problems fully integrating with this group. When she becomes wallpaper, not while she still seems a hornets nest to you. When you move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 When she becomes wallpaper I like this. You can always tell when people are still "het up" because they are still thinking about said person. Wallpaper is a good goal to have. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Personally I see a lot of revenge talk still in your posts. Revenge and karma about her seeing what she gave up. As long as this is strongly in the forefront of your motives, I would limit your time participating in activities you already know you are going to met her. You are forcing the 180, you do not yet seem to be "comfortable" with it. You are "fighting" it. When you come out of the other side of this, and stop caring about exacting your revenge on her cheating arse, then you should have very few problems fully integrating with this group. When she becomes wallpaper, not while she still seems a hornets nest to you. When you move on. Where have you seen that in LW's posts? That doesn't seem accurate at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 You cannot be serious. Where have you seen that in LW's posts? That doesn't seem accurate at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 You cannot be serious. I'm as serious as a heart attack. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I see that LW joined in March. I think we can all (if we are honest) agree that this soon after D-Day, most BS were having some pretty angry revenge thoughts. Those of us who are 1, 2, 5 years out need to remember what it was like those first couple of months and cut some slack. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I would agree that LW was angry after what happened to him, and he was/is still in shock. But to claim that all of his posts reveal someone who wants to seek revenge on his ex-WGF? That's far fetched of you fellini (strong alliteration with no lisp either). Get a grip my friend. Get...a...grip. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Personally I see a lot of revenge talk still in your posts. Revenge and karma about her seeing what she gave up. As long as this is strongly in the forefront of your motives, I would limit your time participating in activities you already know you are going to met her. You are forcing the 180, you do not yet seem to be "comfortable" with it. You are "fighting" it. When you come out of the other side of this, and stop caring about exacting your revenge on her cheating arse, then you should have very few problems fully integrating with this group. When she becomes wallpaper, not while she still seems a hornets nest to you. When you move on. This is right on point. He can't really do a 180 because he is still obsessed with this woman. He has a lot of feelings for her that include anger and hurt and a strong desire to prove that she made a mistake. This reaction is so typical as to be expected. It's hard cutting the emotional ties with your SO and is much more a process then a single event. I, and others, strongly believe the best way is NO CONTACT. None. When you are ready to do this then you are ready to heal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 (edited) Kindly direct me to the place where I said all his posts ... please spare me the hyperbole. do I need to give a lesson in the difference between: a lot of revenge talk in your posts revenge talk in a lot of your posts I would agree that LW was angry after what happened to him, and he was/is still in shock. But to claim that all of his posts reveal someone who wants to seek revenge on his ex-WGF? That's far fetched of you fellini (strong alliteration with no lisp either). Get a grip my friend. Get...a...grip. Edited April 2, 2015 by fellini Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 LW, tell us about your work. Do you have any acquaintances outside this circle that could be forged into friendships disconnected from her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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